Would coming out help?

[Guest rexxmarksley]

Hi everyone, sorry I've been posting on here so much but it's great to finally have a platform to post questions where I don't feel judged and I have so many questions to ask it's ridiculous!

I'll give you a little bit of background to my situation:

I've been suffering from emetephobia for a while now. It flared up this time last year to the point I had to do my GCSE exams in a separate room. I stopped eating (because I thought it would make me sick) and I dropped out of sixth form/college when it was time to go there.

I've spent a lot of my time at home, sitting in bed, wasting away. Over the past year I've taken time out of school to get better.We had a lot of issues with getting my last therapist to help me out. I saw about 5 different people in one clinic because they kept leaving and switching me over! It was all, listen to my story, say they'll try cbt, move me on to a new therapist cos the one I was seeing was leaving.

I finally went to a new clinic in February and started seeing them weekly last month (on my 6th week now) and they're so much better. I'm on my way to recovery, with only a few months left before college starts.

I'm still struggling to do simple things. I find it hard to enjoy life because I'm constantly worrying about being sick (especially in public). I volunteer at a charity shop but I've been known to leave early, have panic attacks and not go at all. I'm getting there most of the time now but it's still a struggle.

I also feel it links to my gender a lot. I /love/ talking to people but I don't like the talking part. I don't like people hearing my voice because it's pretty high. As soon as I speak, I don't pass. My confidence is quite low because I always think people are judging me and seeing me as female.

I spoke to my therapist about how underconfident I was feeling. I said to her that I don't feel like I belong in female groups (because I can't associate with females, never really have) and even though I associate so much better with male friends, they make me feel like a girl, not one of them.

She then said that perhaps it links to my feelings of isolation, because I'm stuck in limbo (also I only have one good irl friend, who I don't see very often).

Over the past few weeks she's delved deeper into my situation to see how it makes me feel and the summary of that is: weak, childish, immature, stupid, annoying, try-hard etc.

She then asked if my parents or any of my family knew and the answer to that is no. My friends know and they all call me male pronouns/Aaron etc.

I told her that I have been thinking about coming out for a while but I haven't found the right time. I've had hospital appointments (private treatment that I no way in hell deserved), therapy appointments, hypnotherapy and all these others sometimes free, sometimes paid for treatments. It's been a very stressful year for us all. It's brought us closer and I don't want to tear it down but I also want to try and go stealth at college (or as much as I can be)

She thinks that it might be useful for me to come out to my parents and family. That even if the reaction isn't positive, I can take steps to becoming who I want to be. That it'd be a huge weight off of my shoulders and I can start to build my confidence as I don't have to restrict myself, hold back or hide anything from them.

And I believe that's true. I'd like to have the nerve to come out to them and I have a feeling that some day soon I'm going to end up doing it on a whim. I really want to get it off of my chest. I hope they're accepting. If not, I suppose only time will tell.

I don't know if anyone else has had experiences with mental health mixed in or bettered by coming out but I felt I just needed to talk about my feelings.

Thanks for reading, sorry it was so long!

Aaron

[Charlize]

Dear Aaron,

It sounds like your therapist and you agree that hiding isn't helping at all. I know in my life putting my gender issues 'away' helped to fuel a life of dishonesty and alcoholism. We are usually better off with honesty as a goal unless it will hurt or damage someone. With our family that hurt may occur but they also may prove more understanding than we think and will find joy if we do. I know this happened with my wife and son. They originally were hurt and i felt even worse because of that but we healed together and are closer as a result. I don't have to lie anymore.

Talk to your therapist and try to work out a plan that will do best for you. My GT was so happy to see me reach out to my family. It may take some of the pressure off of you as well.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Cyndee]

Hi Aaron,

Coming out is pretty much a way one trip, you can't take it back, once the genie is out of the bottle, please consider carefully who you come out to and under what circumstances, as it will alter their perceptions of you. But having said that, holding in secrets from close family members can eat you up inside, your therapist is right. Coming out to close family members in my case was a huge relief, I created the circumstances to allow myself to grow and be geniune, my well being increased dramatically. The path to healing sometimes comes with a lot of pain at first, there is much work to do after the initial disclosures. Keep your eyes on the big prize attending college as yourself, you can do it.

Hugs

Cindy -

[Guest chngnwnd]

Coming out can do a lot to reduce stress levels as well as improve self esteem and confidence. That being said, it is not always easy or pleasant because we have no control on how others will respond to the truth of who we are. Cynthia Rae is right, too. Once you let that genie out of the bottle, there is no going back.

best

Bobbi