Tips for passing please?!

[Guest Jamie_cd]

I've been doing some looking around on how to act (walk, talk, sit) more like a girl. So far nothing has really made sense to me. People who know me better have made comments about how "I'm such a girl" but I definitely don't pass as one. Does anyone have some good suggestions or books or websites?

[Guest Jaques]

men own their space, they sit with their legs apart,feet forward, spreading themselves around as far as they can - its a very male thing to make their presence felt as they all want to be the Alpha male. On sitting, a woman tends to put her hands in her lap, her legs together, often slightly to one side, with her feet tucked in.

On walking, men stride and stomp, with their arms as though they had a ball under each armpit (a little like an ape, lol) - again, taking up space,whereas a woman tends to glide more as she walks along and take much smaller steps.....................no wonder with the shoes they wear, lol! A guy will shake hands firmly, esp with another man to make sure he has the harder grip - a womans handshake tends to be softer, esp with a man, ...................she lowers her head and eyes just a little when a man makes contact...................not to be submissive but its a womans way - he thinks hes in control but of course he isn't - but she makes him feel good! Women are clever like that. - theyre coming from a very different mindset and approach everything in ways men find hard to understand as men are much more straight forward.- the hard nosed woman who is more assertive of course, she looks him straight in the eye in a challenging way ....................its really about the kind of woman you are, your individual personality, what makes you comfortable. Not all women are the same and of course, some are soft and feminine and others extremely butch. You have to go with whats right for you. Without saying a word, body language tells you a lot about a woman.

These are just a couple of examples, there are no rules.............I think the best thing you could do is simply sit and watch women, im only generalising, and a little tongue in cheek, but like anything, practice makes perfect.

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

Try going to the mall and watching women your age and how they act, then do what they do.

[Guest Jamie_cd]

I thought about going to the mall but didn't wanna seem like creep haha. I'll try it tho. Jaques, thanks for dumbing it down for me. That's what I was looking for!

[Guest Jenny_W]

Jamie,

I have gone full-time now and I feel confident in all types of situations with other women and men. Some things I have found that I do (or was told I did before I realised them myself):

1. Sitting - taking up less space (legs together or crossed at the knee), arms crossed on lap, shoulders down, good posture

2. Walking - smaller steps (helps with women's shoes cos it's hard to take BIG steps!, arms swing out further rather than along your sides)

3. Running - I don't do this very often at all, mainly due to the bounce

4. Fragrance / body odour - wear women's deoderant and use a perfume - body smell is subtle but an important signal! (HRT has changed my body odour now and I don't smelly musky any more)

5. Confidence - maybe should be #1. A nervous person will always attract attention. It's hard to tell someone to be confident, so if you're nervous, take a friend. At least you'll have someone to talk to

6. Don't overdo the femininity - most women are fairly casual and don't walk around at the supermarket in dressy clothes, diamonds and a full face of make-up. Simple is better. Small signs will do the trick.

7. Eyebrows - if you are able to get your eyebrows shaped, it can do wonders for your face (it really helped me).

8. Pierced ears - same as #7 - if you can do it, it sends a massive signal to say 'I am female' esp if the studs are sparkly!

9. Name - I assume you want to be referred to as Jamie. Own your name. People will want to use it when you talk to them. You need to be comfortable introducing yourself as Jamie to other women and men.

10. Find an ally - a close girl friend who you can confide in will help you tremendously. I have been really lucky and quite a few of my friends have helped me (shopping, make-up)

I hope this helps I hope I don't sound preachy - it's just what I have found works for me. I've be on HRT for 5 months now and I pass in most situations including job interviews!

Jen

[Guest N. Jane]

Relax, have confidence in yourself, and KNOW who you are and everything else will come easily and naturally.

[Guest Jenn348]

5. Confidence - maybe should be #1. A nervous person will always attract attention. It's hard to tell someone to be confident, so if you're nervous, take a friend. At least you'll have someone to talk to

This.

When you're nervous, your body language and facial expressions will tell people around you that you are nervous. Even if you master looking mostly confident when you are not, facial microexpressions will give you away to people. People are natural mind readers.

Whether you believe God made us this way or we evolved (or both), this sort of social behavior makes sense from a survival perspective. If somebody's nervous about something, telegraphing it to the group alerts them to possible danger. But, if they see you nervous and don't see any valid reason to be nervous, they'll naturally scrutinize more to be sure that there's no danger. It's that extra scrutiny that would mess up your passability.

This all happens in less than 1.5 seconds, but once it's done, it's done.

For myself, I'm taking baby steps and trying to have allies. I think that will help.

[Guest Jaques]

I thought about going to the mall but didn't wanna seem like creep haha. I'll try it tho. Jaques, thanks for dumbing it down for me. That's what I was looking for!

..................JUST GO GIRL - people respond positively to confidence................strut your stuff!

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Jamie hon,

It takes practice dear. Be patient with yourself...OK? Everything will fall into place as you work on yourself.

You'll get the hang of it.

I promise.

Love

Brenda

[Guest LauraJen]

This simulation can help you visualise how men and women tend to walk: http://www.biomotionlab.ca/Demos/BMLgender.html . I believe this has appeared in another thread somewhere, but it is quite an old one and I am having trouble finding it. Drag the slider at the top to -6 for female, +6 for male or anything in between.

Also I started a thread on this topic when I had the same question last June. You can read that here: http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=46100&hl=%22sitting+and+walking%22 .

[Guest Jamie_cd]

Jamie hon,

It takes practice dear. Be patient with yourself...OK? Everything will fall into place as you work on yourself.

You'll get the hang of it.

I promise.

Love

Brenda

Thanks Brenda. I'm not a very patient person so it's like I've gotta think a lot before I do anything hehe!

And thank you to everyone else for the help. You girls definitely know how to make things more simple

[Guest Kontessa]

Hi Jamie!

As they say - "Attitude is everything." If you project a happy, confident woman then that is what people will see - and that is how you should be treated. Having a pleasant and friendly voice - that may not be perfect - with a ready laugh and an understanding towards others can go a long way! People come in all different shapes, sizes and ages - just be yourself because life is to short to force yourself into situations that do not fit. Most importantly - have FUN!!!

Looking forward to hearing about your successes!!!

Konnie D

[Guest Jamie_cd]

So I've been workin on what everyone has posted here. Today I went to Steak 'n Shake to grab lunch and may have passed. The girl at the drive thru window didn't call me sir or anything so that was good! But I did get a rather confused looked when I pulled up to pay and get my food. Overall tho, I'm pretty happy!!

[Guest Kontessa]

So I've been workin on what everyone has posted here. Today I went to Steak 'n Shake to grab lunch and may have passed. The girl at the drive thru window didn't call me sir or anything so that was good! But I did get a rather confused looked when I pulled up to pay and get my food. Overall tho, I'm pretty happy!!

Jamie!

GOOD FOR YOU! The first few times are always the hardest. You got past the front door and out which in it self is quiet an accomphishment. Next time should be easier, but make certain that you are in the right mindset - positive attitude goes along way.

CONGRATULATIONS!!! Many hugs and hoping to hear of many more successes from you!

Kontessa

[Guest Carla_Davis]

Hi Jamie,

Confidence is MOST important. If you look NERVOUS it will give you away.

Be Friendly, wherever I go I am extremely polite and friendly, (and not to seem Modest) my personality and smile is irresistible.

Even when I first started Transitioning and DID NOT pass well, I was NEVER discriminated.

As was mentioned earlier, watching other women in malls, on the street or even on Television is a good source of information.

Go Slow, talk to some of your girlfriends.

Hugs,

Carla

[Guest Strong]

Jamie I always take the none spoken gender as a positive . You go girl