Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Some Advice for Anxiety Needed


Guest Amber90

Recommended Posts

Guest Amber90

Good day everyone,

I need a little bit advise from you kind and knowledgable people.

So I've been invited out by some of my trans friends this weekend. Seeing as it's my birthday on Friday, and my friends at back home have pretty much decided to make plans of their own away from me, I thought there's no point in staying in during my 23rd. So I've said yes to my friends' invite and plan to head up and see them.

It's quite far away from my home town, which means I'm going to have to travel quite far. I think I'll be able to get on with that, however, as I'll be travelling up as a guy (my anxiety problems are curbed quite considerably when I'm in guy mode), so the train bit is going to be a tad difficult, but that isn't the worst of my troubles.

The main concern that I have at the moment, however, is going out dressed for a long period of time and (most worryingly) in mainstream areas. Once I arrive at my destination, I will be getting dressed up and going out into mainstream environments. Plus whilst away for the weekend, I'm going to have to travel on a busy bus into a town centre; attend a few restaurants and head to numerous shops.

I've been to the shops dressed up once before, many months ago now (September 2012 to be exact), however that was a terrifying experience and I can barely remember any of that day. Also, seeing as it's been so long, participating in such public acts is pretty terrifying. My mind cannot remember how to deal with those angst ridden agonies, so I'm nervous and scared of all the possibilities that may occur during my weekend out dressed.

I usually spend my time in trans safe havens – events locked off from the outside world – so I never have to worry about people shouting stuff or be scared of getting attacked. So the transition from locked off events to mainstream ones is something which is really started to nibble at my brain.

So I was wondering if there's any advice which people could provide me with when it comes to going outdoors to mainstream areas? How do you silence that voice in your head that keeps convincing you that horrible things are going to happen? What do you do if someone does say something cruel to you? And how do you deal with the insults after they've been made?

I know I'm asking questions which have many answers that differ from person to person, but I really want to go out and have fun on my birthday. I've been trapped in the house for far too long and I need to get over this ridiculous bout of anxiety that is stopping me from enjoying my life.

Much love,

Amber

xxxx

Link to comment
Guest Sarah Faith

Well really the only way I found to get around the anxiety is just to do it, the more you go out presenting as a woman the more comfortable you'll get with it. I've never actually had anyone say anything rude or hurtful to me since I started going full time, people might give you the odd look now and then but for the most part most people are too absorbed in their own lives to care.

So really just focus on your friends, it's always easier going out with friends and it always feels safer too. Just focus on them and put the concerns of what others may be thinking out of your mind and have a great time. :)

Hugs,

Sarah

Link to comment
Guest Billie De

I'm with Sarah on this one.. Just do it. Over time it gets easier..

When I first started RLT it would feel like I was having a Heart attack when out.. heavy Chest, Shaking, ect.. I was so scared and worried what might happen,what people would think it was always so negative a million things going through my head... I finally taught myself to relax.. I would sit in my truck for a minute and just mentally talk to myself, close my eyes and meditate for a sec, thus slowing down my heart rate and just kept telling myself everything is OK, building my self confidence..Then Jump out of the truck and do what I needed to do.. The first few times the paranoia would come over me thinking that everyone was staring at me, so I would have to relax myself again.

After awhile it dawned on me,No one is staring, maybe the occasional odd look here and there but Nothing.. No one ever said anything except some of the clerks that were helping me, but that has always been positive comment. Most people are too busy with there own shopping and life to even notice me. I just went on with my business like anyone else.... Now I don't even give it a second thought. I have developed the self confidence that I am a Woman and I am no different then any other woman shopping for whatever I need... The Clerks that helped me in the beginning still come up to me and give me a hard time and to see how things are going. Usually telling me to leave the Leopard Print Miniskirts alone. :rolleyes:

I have to come to realize that I was my own worst enemy.. I was so paranoid thinking that the world was out to get me so I was always ended up over compensating everything... Too Much makeup, over dressing for the situation,, everything over the top.....Just trying way to hard to blend/pass thus making myself stand out even more...

Next time your out.. Step back and just watch the world for a bit.. much of this depends on where you live, but in my area, you will rarely see someone food shopping in a Formal with 4 inch heals and so on..

There are times to dress to the nines then there is the day to day dress, which in my case consists of Capri's or Jeans, Sports bra and simple shirt shirt or blouse... I have switched from a full make up routine to just a Powder Mineral makeup and Eyes with a very simple curled hairstyle (My hair is Board Straight so I have to add some body to it or I look like Tom Petty with Lipstick).. It use to take me an hour or more to get ready in the morning.. Now it's down to 20 minutes or so and I rarely get a second look when out. I am just accepted as a Tall woman and nothing more.

It all starts with the Self Confidence of accepting who you are,, after that it's just Mind over matter... You don't Mind.. So it just doesn't matter.

Link to comment
Guest Amber90

Thanks for the advice. It is all useful.

I've had a lot of thinking about my weekend plans however and I'm not sure if I can go through with it all again. I've been running over the whole weekend in my head for the past 24 hours now and it's just getting a tad too much for me.

I have been going out for almost one year now and things don't seem to be getting any easier at all. The whole process is just too nervous and distressing for me. I'm really not cut out for showing my face in public. Even in the trans friendly clubs, I still get nervous. When I'm right in the centre of some event, things are fine (except I find it incredibly hard to talk to people), but the moment I step out of that safety zone for a few things (popping to the 'regular' bar area or toilets), everything just becomes a living nightmare. Even getting from my friends' cars to the club entrance is an absolute nightmare (likewise, so is getting from my front door to the car, which is just absolute hell).

I can remember clearly how scared I was the last time I went into a mainstream event. It was the worst four hours of my life. I was shopping in the Birmingham bullring. I ended up spending quite a large period of time hiding in a corner. I even began to cry quietly at one point. Everything was too much. I know I'm my own worst enemy, but even telling myself that whilst in the moment just doesn't help me in the slightest.

I'm just too uncomfortable with my own existence amongst society. I feel embarrassed and out of place in the clothes that I'm wearing. I suffer from social anxiety in general as it is, but going out as a girl just feels like I'm leaving the house naked.

To be honest, as miffed as I am for deciding this, I think I'm going to give it a miss. I'm starting to feel incredibly ill just thinking about it. I've had very little sleep last night as a result too. I think that if I continue to plan on going then I'm simply going to ruin my entire week off work. Like I mentioned previously, it's my Birthday on Friday and I don't want it to be ruined due to my anxiety giving me endless bouts of hell. Attending this event will be too far away from home, slap bang in the middle of a city, and will result in me having to cross paths with all sorts of different people. I can just envision all the terrifying scenerios right now; having to walk down the street to the bus stop, having to wait for the bus, ordering a meal whilst dressed up, getting a taxi from the resturant to the shops, walking around the shops for several hours, get another bus right through the middle of the city and walking around a city center. Just when I get use to these scenerios which I am set to find myself in, I remember another one that will also take place, and it just freaks me out even more. It's a little too much for me. I've never liked being far away from home on my own, and to have to be in that position whilst presenting as a girl is just pushing my anxiety way beyond its limits. I can't put myself under that sort of pressure.

It has come back to that point where I have to choose between angst ridden hell or soul crushing depression for the weekend. I either stay in alone on my birthday and hate myself for not going out, or I go out and endure two days of constant shaking, terror and tears. Pretty ridiculous really. Most people would tell me to go out and just do it, but it's just too much. Even if people don't say anything to me whilst out, I will become way too nervous to enjoy myself. It's just how my anxiety works. Really does make everything very difficult to enjoy. I don't think I've ever really truly enjoyed myself on a night or day out as a result of these feelings. It totally sucks. Even the endless list of self-help books which I purchased don't seem to benefit my wellbeing either.

But thank you for your advice. Really, I don't mean to come across as an attention seeker, nor do I want to come across as some fool who's feeling sorry for myself. The fear has just buried itself deep inside my mind and has made the past day or so very unpleasant. I guess I just wanted to let out some steam somewhere.

Audacity toward dressing up and going out would be amazing. However the pains and discomfort that I get from leaving the house just makes the whole thing seem as though it's not worth it.

Much love,

Amber

xxx

Link to comment
Guest Sophie90

Hello Amber

I'm probably no great help, but here are some of my ideas:

I think the best thing would be not going out alone. A (trans) friend of yours, if she understands your situation, can walk with you, cheer your up and divert you from your fear.

If you are alone, than something that gives you strength and helps you to focus your mind may be helpful. For me it's music.

In very stressful situations I tried to surpress all emotions and thought of something technical. It may sound ridiculous, but when I was almost in panic, I derived the Tsiolkovsky equation in my mind. Or imagined all phases of the Apollo Mission. Or reviewed my favorite Star Trek film (the first one).

In public transportation, I always read a book and listened music. It was some kind of isolating myself from the rest of the world. Last thursday it was the first time didn't hide behind my book and I felt good. But it was after almost 1,5 years going out as a girl!

But I can tell you, the more people are around, the less the danger that someone will say anything. It's important to stay away from some areas. In my town I know two districts I would never ever enter. Perhaps items that can be used to defend yourself can give you confidence? I've always a little hair spray can in my handbag.

You could prepare yourself for your trip. Investigate the route you will take, and look how it will look in reality (G. street view).

But you really look great :) Even I have never heard any comment in public about me, the only exeptions being two children in the subway. Which is the proof that my passing is well below 100%, but people don't care.

I've talked now about the cases of going out during the day, for shopping or something like that. If you plan to go outside in the evening, than better not alone.

What have you planned for your weekend? Maybe going to the cinema or to a small restaurant would be better and more interesting for you than crowded bars or clubs.

Of course you can stay at home. But you will certainly regret it.

Another question, do your trans friends know about your difficulties? Extrovert people often have no idea about social anxiety, they simply don't understand.

I hope this was at least a bit helpful.

Sophie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I'm sorry to hear that you are obsessing about the trip. I used to do the same thing and feel the same way. I found that if i simply set my wardrobe to the side and then did my best to forget it until i was out it was easier. It is simply living in the moment. it is the future you are worried about. The present is just fine. if you can stay in the present all is so much easier. Fear seems to disappear if we just move on. Each time gets easier and in the end it just all seems ok. perhaps smaller steps on the spur of the moment would help you but hiding amongst trans friends alone won't get you into the world. A cis friend is great and the companionship and acceptance of another makes it easier for us. Hope that helps... Please know that your fears are shared by so many here. You are not alone and time and experience does help.

Hugs,

Charlie

Link to comment
Guest Carla_Davis

Good day everyone,

I need a little bit advise from you kind and knowledgable people.

So I've been invited out by some of my trans friends this weekend. Seeing as it's my birthday on Friday, and my friends at back home have pretty much decided to make plans of their own away from me, I thought there's no point in staying in during my 23rd. So I've said yes to my friends' invite and plan to head up and see them.

It's quite far away from my home town, which means I'm going to have to travel quite far. I think I'll be able to get on with that, however, as I'll be travelling up as a guy (my anxiety problems are curbed quite considerably when I'm in guy mode), so the train bit is going to be a tad difficult, but that isn't the worst of my troubles.

The main concern that I have at the moment, however, is going out dressed for a long period of time and (most worryingly) in mainstream areas. Once I arrive at my destination, I will be getting dressed up and going out into mainstream environments. Plus whilst away for the weekend, I'm going to have to travel on a busy bus into a town centre; attend a few restaurants and head to numerous shops.

I've been to the shops dressed up once before, many months ago now (September 2012 to be exact), however that was a terrifying experience and I can barely remember any of that day. Also, seeing as it's been so long, participating in such public acts is pretty terrifying. My mind cannot remember how to deal with those angst ridden agonies, so I'm nervous and scared of all the possibilities that may occur during my weekend out dressed.

I usually spend my time in trans safe havens – events locked off from the outside world – so I never have to worry about people shouting stuff or be scared of getting attacked. So the transition from locked off events to mainstream ones is something which is really started to nibble at my brain.

So I was wondering if there's any advice which people could provide me with when it comes to going outdoors to mainstream areas? How do you silence that voice in your head that keeps convincing you that horrible things are going to happen? What do you do if someone does say something cruel to you? And how do you deal with the insults after they've been made?

I know I'm asking questions which have many answers that differ from person to person, but I really want to go out and have fun on my birthday. I've been trapped in the house for far too long and I need to get over this ridiculous bout of anxiety that is stopping me from enjoying my life.

Much love,

Amber

xxxx

Hi Amber,

In my OPINION the ONLY way to get over ANXIETY is to face-it Head-On.

The MORE you go out, the MORE COMFORTABLE you will feel.

Please check-out the RED AREA at the bottom of my "Introduction"

http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=56381

I also feel that being with your Trans friends should make it easier for you out in Public.

Also, in MOST cases, our own mind tends to exaggerate things WAY OUT OF PROPORTION, when they are not that bad.

The general public is not as cruel as you think.

I also feel that you should join a LOCAL TG Support Group as they often have outdoor events where you can GRADUALLY build up your SELF-ESTEEM & SELF CONFIDENCE.

Even when I first "Came-Out" and didn't PASS WELL, I was NEVER discriminated or the subject of ANY violence in public.

Today, there is so much in the news about Transgender people that people will not even comment to you. :)

When I go shopping, I HAVE NEVER been refused access to female dressing rooms or female restrooms.

Go out and have fun on your birthday. :)

Hopefully, I have been of some help to you.

Hug,

Carla

Link to comment

Hello Amber:

There is no easy way of getting over the anxiety as anxiety is the fear of the unknown and it is the body's flight or fight defense mechanism kicks in. What others have alluded to Amber is true. To get over the anxiety, you have to turn living as a female into an everyday thing until it becomes as natural as breathing. You have to get out there until you begin to relax and realize it the really rare idiot that will ever bother you. Most people wpn't give you a second glance or even care. Good luck and keep living as you were meant to be inside and soon the woman hidden inside will be migrated outside. Kathryn

Link to comment
Guest Amber90

I went ahead with the weekend, and it was great. I was such a silly billy for worrying. The whole process was far easier than ever. Looking back on it all now, I can't even remember why I was so nervous. No one gave me any stick and I'm already feeling more comfortable when it comes to going out dressed. I'm fact, as crazy as it sounds, I was less anxious this weekend than I usually a, I'm general. So that was an interesting turn of events.

Well thanks for all your previous advice. You were all super right of course, whilst I was being a silly billy by over reacting.

Hopefully I can have more nights and days out in the near future. This whole going out as amber business is much easier than I made it out to be.

Much love,

Amber

xx

Link to comment
Guest Billie De

Good for You.... So glad you went... As time goes it gets easier and easier before you know it,, You know it.. It will just be second nature and you will not even think about it as That is who you are..

Link to comment
Guest kyliej

Congrats, Amber! I've been on the fence this afternoon about going out, but you've inspired me to get up and get going. Cheers to many more successful outings for you!

<3 Kylie

Link to comment
Guest Dillinger

Meditation each day. Even five minutes of it is honest to gods the best way to forever combat anxiety. It rewires your brain. But since you don't have time to rewire your brain you can try using some mindful exercises when you feel anxious. Or some imagery. One thing you can do is, before you go think up the most beautiful location you can. A place you feel safe and comfortable. Then imagine a trashcan, a barrel, or some sort of container with a lid on it in the center of your special place. (I have a mossy clearing in the woods outside the trailer park I grew up with a big stone well in the middle) Now when you are out and start feeling scared or if someone says something cruel to you, you imagine that place. Put yourself there and imagine yourself dropping that painful moment down the container. Push it down in there and seal it up. Then walk away. Later on if you want to evaluate that moment than do so. But wait until a healthy appropriate time. Another thing you can do while you are out and about and I do while I'm walking sometimes even in crowds is measured breathing. Count your breaths as you walk. Breath slow and steady. Inhale through your nose to a count of four. Exhale to the count of seven. Use your steps as a guide. Inhale. One step, two step, three step, four step. Exhale...

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 227 Guests (See full list)

    • Maddee
    • Carolyn Marie
    • Birdie
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.8k
    • Total Posts
      769.9k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,085
    • Most Online
      8,356

    blakethetiredracc00n
    Newest Member
    blakethetiredracc00n
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. FullyHart
      FullyHart
    2. MariPosa
      MariPosa
      (65 years old)
    3. pechenezhka
      pechenezhka
      (17 years old)
    4. Rubycd
      Rubycd
      (59 years old)
    5. Yana
      Yana
      (31 years old)
  • Posts

    • Carolyn Marie
      https://watermarkonline.com/2024/05/13/trump-vows-to-reverse-transgender-student-protections-on-day-one/     Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-politics-and-policy/mississippi-reeves-transgender-bathroom-ban-public-schools-rcna152036     As in every such case, who will check birth certificates at the restroom doors?  This law will not, and can not, stand.  We'll see you in court, governor.   Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      I've been looking forward to the legitimate medical groups coming out strongly against Cass' biased and one sided report, so I'm really glad to see the article you posted, @Davie.  Unfortunately, it won't get nearly the coverage that Cass has gotten.  She has done her dirty work.  Hopefully the pushback and investigative reports on her and her support network will result in her work being shown for what it is.  She is a fraud, and sooner or later all frauds are found out.   Carolyn Marie
    • KayC
      CONGRATULATIONS, Jessica!!  That's really BIG! I myself did not experience a huge emotional roller coaster.  It was more like a smooth slide into emotional comfort.  The biggest effect I felt is when my Dr put me on T-blockers first.  I felt a bit 'empty' for a couple of months, but then realized it was just because the 'T-monster' was no longer running around inside of me.  Then I felt it was my new 'normal'. I feel like the estradiol was the 'frosting' on my transition affirmation.  It's been only positives.  I do cry a lot more, but it's only because I finally feel free to allow my emotions to come out.  To me it's not 'hormonal' ... it's FREEDOM!   Everybody is different but it sounds like you are under great care.  I hope you have a beautiful first year in transition on HRT (keep us updated if you can).
    • Desert Fox
      Yeah, whatever happened to “good morning”?  I think “hey you” can also work to address people without offense…”you” can be single or plural so that works for any gender, non binary, or any group of people, and can be pleasantly offensive or neutral.   And I am very familiar with the experience of being “ma’amed” while in boy mode, particularly on the phone by customer support people located outside north America for some reason. 
    • KayC
      I'm hoping this election cycle might finally cause 'that' party to pay a price for such nonsense.
    • Desert Fox
      So nice to hear things are going well for you. Support is huge and that is especially great when it comes from your SO as well as your family and son. I think being happy with one’s own life’s direction can set the stage for not only other successes but attract others who are in alignment with one’s own ideals. it sounds like you are definitely on a positive trajectory!
    • Desert Fox
      There is some progress being made, some positive awakening from those who understand the difference between biology and the societal roles and rules that have been created by humans to separate, restrict and control other humans. Unfortunately so many people are still set in one way of thinking about gender, whether it benefits them directly to do so or they just fail to think about things for themselves for whatever reason, and they often cite religious or other historical sources to try to back up their argument, sources which typically could be open to various interpretations.   Pushing boundaries is what makes progress and it’s what we are meant to do…but most everyone that has pushed a boundary also gets pushback. Most everyone who has disagreed with conventional thought is called a fool or worse; those who invent something get ridiculed and laughed out, then their ideas are stolen for someone else’s profit. We suffer tremendously to push boundaries but ultimately it’s what society needs to evolve.
    • Ashley0616
      Goodness! You sure have been busy! That's really crappy of what your oldest pulled. That part about the talking about getting asked if it's an enhancement was funny. I guess your boss is going to miss you and just has a funny way of showing it? 
    • Desert Fox
      I read this thread with great interest…thank you, Sally for sharing your life in this detail. As I too identify as bigender, I suppose I am also looking for validation of my experience because I don’t know many transgender individuals that stay in a long-term part-time situation. For most, bigender seems to be a temporary step to fill-time transition or it is more of something someone puts on, as in cross dressing or drag. I have always struggled to explain how someone could legitimately have two identities sharing one body, yet that’s basically how it has been for me for my whole life, all the way back to early childhood.    You and I are roughly in the same era, and growing up with gender variance was different than it is nowadays. Some of our experiences were similar, but generally your life went quite differently than mine.   Back in the day, a part-time person was called a transvestite and a full-timer was called a transsexual (often committing to bottom surgery as well), but I’ve really come to dislike the cross dresser/transvestite label because it tends to be associated with those who are fine with being cis, but like to dress in drag for fun or fetish. And that doesn’t describe all part-timers. I would say that I’m actually a transsexual who chose never to transition, and presenting female part-time is how I have coped with lifelong gender dysphoria. I don’t like myself being male, and never did, I simply accept that I am and have lived most of my life that way and just don’t care to put in the effort and money to transition.  I’m naturally a pretty girly male but I have to add hair, makeup and clothing to present female and I also try to “tone down” my girliness in male form. True androgyny never worked for me; I always switched between male and female looks, but at least that allowed me to use public bathrooms without issue.     I’m very curious - did you have a set of people, ie friends, family, coworkers, who only knew you as “male” and another set who knew you as Sally, with only a few (like your wife) knowing both sides? Such was more or less the case with me. 
    • mattie22
      I feel like a fake sometimes I am not really transfeminine WELL UNDER THEAT UMBRALA but whatever i call it. Like i do not deserve it others know ealer than me and did not identify as their gender at birth well It is more like just enough of me did to get by growing up and there were not many other options on what else i could be and when i got older i just found out about the standard trans people feel like they're born in the wrong body and i saw my self as a male so this could not be me even though it did not comply fit me. even though there is a part of me that likes to be seen and treated like a woman and ideally would probably like to live at least 70 percent of my time as one and perhaps the rest as male but what does this make a freak. also, I am around people who do not like people like me and they are family and do not know. this makes me feel even worse. Sometimes I wonder if I m just some gnc male, who is just using this as an escape if I become a woman for real I do not have to deal with all the crap that comes with being a feminine bisexual male. There are so many layers.
    • MaeBe
      I bet you looked every pennies worth of that million! I'm sure, even beyond the courtier's interactions it was a very fun evening.
    • MaeBe
      I haven't been posting much, it's been a bit of a whirlwind: My wife took a job in WA State, meaning we're moving halfway across the country by the end of the Summer. I was told "it would be good if you had a new job by the end of the month", meaning I'm getting laid off at the same time. My eldest snuck booze while we were at our friends' house, had a bad interaction with his anti-depressants, and then had the huevos to lie that he wasn't drunk while accusing us of not trusting him. There's been a lot to process lately.   That said, I got called ma'am for the first time today while out. Twice! I can't stop thinking about it. Later, my dad showed up without plan to watch the Liverpool match and I was way more girled up (see ma'am) than he's ever seen me; hair, makeup, tight top, skinny jeans, and brand new sandals. At one point he pointed at my boob and asked, "is that 'enhancement'?". If you call a t-shirt bra enhancement, I guess? "Nope, that's just me!". Later, my boss came at me all passive-aggressive via chat after hours, too. I'm kind of tired with his -crap-. I won't have a job in two weeks, so it's cool to just assume I'm sabotaging things? K. /eyeroll   It's been an interesting day.
    • Sally Stone
      Post 12   “First Kiss”   It was October 29th, 2003.  My dear friend Willa had purchased tickets for the two of us to attend “Red Hot Halloween,” a public Halloween party held at the Sanctuary in downtown Pittsburgh.  The event was a fund raiser benefitting the Pittsburgh AIDS Task Force.  It was a great cause but it was also the perfect opportunity to let the adventurous side of my feminine persona have a little fun.    My first question to Willa was: “What should I wear?”    “Are you kidding?” She responded.  “This is your opportunity to be the Sally of your dreams.  I suggest you dress to impress.”   My first thought was to dress naughty.  It was Halloween, so it could be the perfect venue for something with an erotic edge to it.  I thought about going as a dominatrix or a naughty French maid.  After we talked about it, and weighed the pros and cons, Willa and I decided against naughty, and instead, chose to wear the fanciest evening gowns we could find.  Willa bought an expensive, silver sequined gown, and matching high-heels just for the event.  Me, on the other hand, I couldn’t justify spending big bucks on an evening gown for a single event, so I took a less expensive route.  It is amazing what you can find on the sale racks at big department stores when you look hard enough.  For a mere 30-dollars, I found a black, sleeveless column gown with matching bolero jacket.  The dress had a slit up the right leg, and it went all the way to my upper thigh, very sexy.  Being a column dress, it was form-fitting, and hugged my curves like a glove.  To complement my dress, I wore black patent high-heel pumps, a long blonde wig, and a set of long red fingernails.  As I recall, it took me three-hours just to do my makeup.  The end result, though, was worth the effort, because I felt like a million bucks.  It’s so obvious, why girls love dressing up – it’s an unbelievable high!   Inside the club it was a sea of bodies and the costumes were amazing.  At one point, I was standing on a balcony that overlooked the dance floor.  I was nursing a cocktail and watching the crowd.  Suddenly, there was a gentleman standing next to me; I didn’t notice his approach.  He told me I looked fabulous and he offered to buy me another drink.  I declined his drink offer, but we struck up a conversation.  Being a little slow, it took me a while to realize he was hitting on me. I never imagined anyone would ever actually be attracted to Sally, which I think contributed to my cluelessness.  So, I was shocked, and initially, a little creeped out as well.  After all, I wasn't into guys, and this was new to me.  As we continued talking, and he kept throwing accolades my way, I went from being uncomfortable to actually being flattered.    The event, being an AIDS fund raiser, had me assuming this guy was hitting on me because he was gay, and he thought I was, as well.  I wanted to set the record straight, so I casually mentioned that I wasn’t gay.  To my amazement, he responded by saying: “neither am I.”  Okay, now what was I supposed to do?  I didn’t want to be rude, but I didn’t want to send the wrong message either.  While I was trying to decide how to tell him I wasn’t interested, he asked if he could kiss me.  Not sure what I was thinking at that moment, I said “okay.”  He kissed me, and as strange as it was, I gave into it, not pulling away or disengaging.  It wasn’t a super passionate kiss, but it was more than a friendly peck on the lips, and I actually enjoyed it.  When we separated; however, I got the sense his passion had cooled.  I could only assume that my response to his kiss sent some kind of message that I wasn’t interested.    Whatever it was he picked up on, it let me off the hook, and I didn’t have to rebuff any further advances.  For this I was grateful, but at the same time, I was actually a little disappointed.  Clearly, I wasn’t going to lead him on, but it was so gratifying to know I had sparked his interest.  Despite his diminished passion, and his obvious realization I wasn’t going to be his girl, he remained the perfect gentleman.  We chatted for a few minutes more, then he gave me the nicest smile.  Again, he commented on how terrific I looked.  Then he added, “maybe I’ll see you later.”    It was hard for me to reconcile how I could have garnered the attention of a man.  In my mind’s eye, I knew my feminine presentation didn’t completely mask my birth sex, so why would a self-proclaimed straight guy actually be interested in me?  Had it been the only time something like this would happen, I would have chalked it up to random chance.  But it wouldn’t be the last time a man would hit on me.  It doesn’t happen often, but it still occurs more than I would have guessed, and I'm always surprised.    I have never asked, but I have always been curious to know my would-be suitor’s motivations.  Were they hitting on me simply because they happened to be fond of trans women, or was their attraction triggered by connecting with my inner woman?  And, however unlikely, did they mistake me for a cis woman?  I guess it really doesn’t matter much one way or the other, because ultimately, I’m not looking for any kind of a relationship.  However, I’d be fibbing if I said I wasn’t at least a little interested in another opportunity to get kissed.   Hugs,   Sally
    • Ivy
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...