Female to Male FTM Transsexual Transman Forums > I feel like I cant compete against cismen in some

[Guest Jay Smooth]

Well for an example i remember when i was still in school I stayed after school for talent show rehearsals and and me and this guy were in the auditorium and for no reason he walks up and was like you wanna be a a <African American male> then fight me like a <African American male> and he pushed me down and i felt like i couldnt do anything because im weak compared to him and their were no teachers around,Not just in that situation but if i were to get with a really beautiful girl and someone tried to hit on her but in a disrespectful way knowing I was with her I wouldnt be able to do anything or if he put his hands on me then what i feel like i wouldnt be able to protect her, And thats also comman with stud lesbiand which means a black masculine lesbian, I feel like its more comman amongst African Americans though, But dont just say kick him in the testicles because thats what women do when they have no choice and no guys do that, I just feel like im the weaker vessle

Edited July 4, 2013 by VickySGV
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[Guest Sarah Faith]

Well I got into plenty of fights when I was in middle school and such, I can't really say that fighting is the best option you can get hurt or you can get in trouble. Knowing when to stand your ground and when to run are important, sometimes guys will do that as just a gesture of intimidation and may back down if you're not acting like you are intimidated.. but that can change in an instant. You need to follow your instincts if they are telling you to run, then run. You don't need to be the strongest guy in the world to impress a girl, just the act alone of telling a guy the junk hes saying isn't cool goes a long way.

Just be your self don't let people walk all over you, but don't let them bait you into a situation where you'll get hurt.

Hugs,

Sarah

[Cyndee]

This was a memory best left in the past, true men would rise above violence. Why even go there ? Why compete ? Think about it, forget about that culture thing, violence is violence. You don't have to defend against anything, be yourself, not what others expect, like Sarah says know when to walk away if it does come up.

Wishing you peace and peace of mind, strength comes from within.

Cynthia -

[VickySGV]

Cis males can't get along with cis males either, and far too many are in the situation you felt yourself to be in. Find the cis males who treat each other with respect, and who treat their female friends with honor, and hang with them. I was often bullied and sometimes hurt by others, but I found ways to get away from the ones who did it, and to use talents they envied, but could not hurt me over without hurting themselves even worse. Girls and other males respect someone who can play musical instruments, or who can lead the school debate team to success, or even run the stage lights for the class play. Find a team you can be part of, and don't limit it to a sports team either.

[Guest LuceKeagan]

I agree with Sarah. Instincts are what keep us alive...and hey Jay guess what? In that situation you were the bigger man. He saw a chance when there were no adults or anyone else around and took it like a coward.

As for the testicle thing...I have done it in self defense and will do it again if needed. Throat, eyes, below the belt. It doesn't make you a "sissy" or a girl to defend yourself intelligently. Since I was taught the defensive moves by a man who sees and treats me as a man I'd say there men that do indeed do the hit the to testicles when necessary. Self-defense knows no gender, do what you have to do to survive and get away...even if it seems like fighting "dirty". After all you did NOT ask him to pick a fight with you.

Now on to the future girlfriend. I may be able to help you there (though I do not have a girlfriend and am gay). Many people think my sister and I are lovers when we go places because we look so different. Back when I wasn't passing so well, and she's bi, people always thought she was my girlfriend. In fact one girl at the pet store about burned up from embarrassment when she said I had a gorgeous girlfriend and I kind of laughed and said she is my baby sister...but that's a story for another time. Now we're close enough in age we can go to bars and clubs together. Once a lesbian tried to lure her away rather rudely "Wouldn't you rather be with a real woman and not a drag king." I think was the snide comment. And more recently a man tried as well. Some comments were made about my height and so on. What I did in both situations is took a breath, calmed down (stomped the emotional reaction and T down), thought a moment and then laughed and threw my arm around her and smiled at the offenders and asked "Babe would you like to go somewhere else?" Then valiantly led her off. Now my sister is a timid and antisocial girl so I really was defending her....just not for the reasons they thought. Ignore them. Nothing hurts anyone who'd try to steal a gf/bf from someone right in front of them more than the nice cold firm slap of being ignored. After both instances people who knew we were siblings came up to us, and some who didn't know, to tell me what a great person I was for NOT fighting them. And in the last case regulars knew I could indeed handle myself in a fight if need be, but only for self defense...after all that's what bouncers are for.

For the African American side of things I'm not sure I can relate since I am not African American, nor am I completely white, but I do have African American friends who are cis and trans and know that in some areas African American violence is higher and there are cultural differences BUT as my close friend told me "That does not mean that I, as an African American man, need be part of that statistic."

And besides...many people don't like unfair fights. I'm a short, small and slender guy and most men (and a few women) who feel like they can bully me are bigger/taller than I am. In most cases it never escalated to a fight because someone else stepped in, or in one case tripped the offender, and then their friends and so on were there also.

Of course none of this may happen to you Jay. =) So don't go borrowing trouble yet. If you're really worried about fights ask your mom to let you take self defense classes or some form of martial arts. While you're young is a great time to learn and it can come in handy for a lot more than just defense.

[Guest Jay Smooth]

Some of you guys are missing what im saying, Its not about cis males and cis males its about cismen and ftm, Because cisguys testostrone level is higher than mine, And yea i understand kicking a guy in his testicles work but i have not seen a dude hit another dude inthe testicles and where im from as far as gfs go they will sexually harras you and say things like all you need is the right penis or why you with her/him

[Guest LuceKeagan]

Any girl or guy worth dating and having a relationship will not and should not do that Jay. Boot them to the curb and move on. You don't have to put up with their nonsense. Right now it seems like you have no options but you will one day. You'll move out away from your mom and then you get to decide what you do. And once you get on T, if that is your plans for the future, your T levels will be the same as natal men, if not slightly higher and more stable than the average male.

Besides that testosterone makes a man....NOT. <----We're living proof.

If you live in a smaller town move to a bigger city, a trans friendly one if you can. You'll see a lot of differences in the way people treat you.

Make plans for your future.

Right now you're in high school right? Honestly I'd be hard pressed to address -any- of your peers as "men" Jay. Teenagers are ruthless, both genders.

And you may find this surprising but some straight ciswomen find penises icky hah. The things you don't hear as the token gay friend in girl chatter...

[Guest Jay Smooth]

Yea But I dont think a real straight woman would find it discusting not the women i have been around, They say their strictly dickly my.mom even said it

[Guest LuceKeagan]

What exactly makes a real straight woman Jay? I'm curious of your thoughts about it. Please ask yourself this question with our sisters in mind and your own experiences in mind, granted on the other end of the spectrum.

That's the wonderful thing about humans, we're all different in what we do and do not like. Generalizing is damaging as all of us can attest to.

Frankly I detest that strictly dickly term (in my mind I hear strictly sickly hah or phobic in bright flashing letters), and many gay men use it....far more than any straight woman around here. Have to love how much slang differs from state to state.

[Guest Jay Smooth]

Someone who is physically,sexually and emotionally attracted to a man, I have never heard a straight woman say that they dont like penis because if they dont like that than they must like women out of all the woman ive been around i never heard that

[Guest Ebany]

Jay, just because a woman is emotionally, physically, romantically attracted to men doesn't necessarily mean she 'must' love penises. You also seem to be throwing anyone that's bi completely out of the running for potential mates. You go to school with petty, self-centered, immature girls. You focus on what other people think, what they expect. You don't have to turn yourself into a stereotype to be a man. Be yourself. Don't worry about dating until you're ready to settle down. When you've finished school and join the workforce, you'll find that the women in your life are a lot better candidates for a life partner than anyone you know right now.

Hugs, Jay. I promise it does get better once you're an adult.

-Dani

[Guest Jay Smooth]

No im not trowing bi people out of the running i feel that its,kinda discusting to like both sexes thet need to choose one you cant lile both or have sex with both to me its one or he other thats how stuff gets spread no offence to anyone,And I really dobt care to wait to dare thats what I mean by missing out on my childhood,And again its not just highschool girls who say that my mom has even said it, I jist said i havent heard of a straight woman not liking not being attracted to a male body

[Guest LuceKeagan]

No actually Jay if you look at factual studies how "things" get spread are usually by straight couples. The whole bisexuals sleeping around with both sexes at the same time thing is very narrow minded also. If a person who bi wants to do this its certainly not my place to judge but from what I've seen of the bi friends and family members in my life is that they have one less limit on who they find attractive. Please don't confuse being bi with being poly. Some bi people are poly sure but it is not the same thing.

Your parents can be great role models in some cases and very set in their personal beliefs and habits in others. Sometimes it is up to all of us to remember we have our own minds to make up and try not to fall victim to being phobic, hateful, afraid, damaging, and narrow-mindedness like some of the adult figures in our lives.

A handful of girls and one mom can't possibly speak for the whole population of women all over the world, there are too many individuals. And no one has said they don't find the male body attractive, just penis. A penis doesn't make up the whole male body you know. =) But man didn't that thought give me a funny mental image.

[Guest Dragonseeker]

Jay,

I think that once you're older and out of the high school environment and maybe even your home environment you'll discover that not all women are like the ones you've described. I'm in a wonderful relationship with a woman who loves me for me and doesn't care about what's under my clothes. There's someone like that out there for you and you'll find her in the right time. For now, keep in mind high school doesn't last forever and use this time to focus on school, do things you enjoy like sports and work on your family accepting you. Good luck, man

-Jake

[Guest Jay Smooth]

As far as bisexuals go to me its kinda nasty, And im not saying im not gone find anyone i just made a new friend she accepts me for who i am, All im sayin is that it takes a special kinda women and where im from its not just highschool girls its grown women also

[Guest Ebany]

It's not just where you're from, Jay. It's the type of people you're around. and actually, saying that being bi is nasty... yeah, that's throwing a very large chunk out of the running. Hopefully, you can find someone less judgmental than you are to date. We don't choose who we're attracted to just like we don't chose our gender. I am (mostly) straight... there are a handful of men I find attractive, but not many. However, my very best friend is bi and there is NOTHING wrong with it.

-Dani

[Guest Dragonseeker]

I think it takes a special kind of woman for anyone, not just trans people. Everyone has personality or physical traits that while others might dislike, someone else might either like or look past. Yeah it takes a special person to date a trans person but it also takes a special person to date someone who's obsessed with abandoned buildings and ghosts (my obsessions haha). Does that make sense?

[Guest Jay Smooth]

Yea it makes since, No offence to busexuals i just feel like you need to choose one because if your a bi woman than woman are gonna win because women no what women want same thing vice versa, But I told my friend and she accepts me for who I am and shes really nice and in the same grade, Not everyone woman or girl is judgemental so i dont feel ike i should have to wait to date

[Guest LuceKeagan]

Jay to put it in perspective for you : You saying that you feel a bisexual needs to choose one is just like someone telling you that you should just choose to be a lesbian since you like girls and were born into a female body because they -feel- you should. You of course can't do this because you are not a lesbian. You are a straight man. A bisexual person is just that, a bisexual person. We also have omnisexual and pansexual people. What about them? Or asexual people?

Waiting is wise advice since high school should be for learning, for building your future. One thing growing up has taught me is boys (In my case since I am gay.) come and go, but education? That is something that you will always need.

We were semi-banned from dating in school (religion mostly) by my parents who wanted us to suceed and my oldest brother hated it but guess what? It was worth it. I have a good foundation for my life, mostly because I wasn't worrying about dating and all those fun puberty driven hormones. I now understand what my dad meant by us needing to grow up before getting mixed up in adult things like dating and possibly babies.

I finished school two years early and got to take college classes through a program thanks to listening to my parents' advice.

Maybe try being just friends with her first Jay? Then if all aligns in the universe and its just perfect go for it. Sometimes we meet our life partners early in life but this is not usually the case. Take my/our advice or not, that is your choice and sometimes when we are growing up we do need to make our own choices and deal with the outcomes.

And remember acceptance works both ways. Painting bisexual or any other orientation with the same brush the world paints us with as transgendered/gender nonconforming people is most unkind.

[Guest Jay Smooth]

Well I of course never rush things me and her are just friends, Well if i offended bisexual people im sorry thats just how i was brought up and it makes im sorry its just nasty to me, And if you actually explain what transgenderism is then its easire for them to get like my friend

[Guest LuceKeagan]

Not always Jay. Many are brought up and raised with the notion that we are all dirty and disgusting and no matter how much we try to explain it to them they cling to their beliefs. Just like we have tried to explain what being bisexual is to you.

The "this is how I was brought up" is a cop out phrase in my opinion and is often used as an excuse for a person who lacks the desire or want to understand something they don't currently and maybe change some of their views.

You are our future generation Jay and I really hope you take some time to look for opinions other than those of your family and hometown. To give yourself a chance at forming your own opinions and not just repeating what you were taught by people who may not be open to accepting people different than them with different opinions, likes, dislikes and thoughts.

[Guest Ebany]

To expand on what LuceKeagan said: you were also brought up to believe that it's wrong to be transgendered.

With as downright hateful as your family members can get towards you for daring to be born different and thus challenge their perception of the world. I really would have hoped that you'd show more respect and understanding towards others that your family and community lumps into the "that's nasty/wrong" category.

-Danny

[Guest Dragonseeker]

The first friend I came out to didn't get it at all. She was very sheltered and was brought up to believe transsexuality was the same thing as being gay. She "accepted" me but keeps me at arms length. She told me she asked around her school which is a very conservative Christian school their thoughts on transsexuals to form an opinion (cause apparently all the explaining I did and scientific evidence I showed her didnt matter) and they all said it was wrong because they were taught it was. So, with some people no matter what you say or how many times you explain it, it won't sink in.

You gotta be careful who you come out to, especially in high school cause kids can be mean.

-Jake

[Guest MrAwesome]

I actually started carrying around a 5 million volt stun gun and pepper spray for that very reason: I'm not a fighter. Always wanted to be, but I'm just not. And that's okay. A lot of guys aren't. So it's nice to know I can protect myself. However you might want to look into some other options, such as weight training or martial arts lessons. MMA for example, or wrestling. There are other pressure points in the body that you can strike such as eyes, neck, etc. strike them in the nose with your palm and push up if someone has a grip on you, hurts badly.

[Guest Jay Smooth]

Yes my mom has taught me that, Well read the bible is all I can say Im a christian, The only reason I said its kinda nasty is because some they sleep with men and woman, I know what being bisexual is, Why would I wanna sleep with a female who has slept with a man and a woman, i just feel that should choose one I have no problem with lgb people, And the only reason i came out to my friend was because she said people dont understand her also, And she said she will try her best to understand me,And she knows that the brains that are of male and female are different and if one knows that they will get it and shes the only other person I told and she doesnt go to my school