Female to Male FTM Transsexual Transman Forums > I feel like I cant compete against cismen in some

[Guest Jay Smooth]

Yes God despises homosexuality, And If your not black how are you gonna tell me what it feels like to be black, And to the guy above jj dont disrespect my religion

[Guest Jay Smooth]

But if you are gay its fine with me

[Guest Ebany]

Yes God despises homosexuality, And If your not black how are you gonna tell me what it feels like to be black, And to the guy above jj dont disrespect my religion

Correction. You believe that God despises homosexuality. That is your interpretation of the bible based on what your community church and family has taught you. There are MANY different Christian churches that don't teach that hate.

Seriously, what does it feel like to be a color? I'd feel the same whether I was yellow or brown or even purple. I'm proud of my Native heritage; and I'm equally proud of my Irish heritage. But I'm not red or white, I'm me. Yes, hatred and discrimination is still alive and well in all it's forms. We're judged as less because our skin tone isn't the same as everyone else's, or our religion isn't the same as everyone else's, or our gender expression isn't the same as everyone else's. Sometimes we're denied access to what we want or need because of someone else's hate and fear. But it's our choice on whether we let them define who we are. And it's our choice on whether we parrot the hate and fear of those around us.

You seem to think that if you weren't black then your family would accept you; would love you more. You seem to think that if we're not black then our families will eventually accept us. I hate to break it to you, but no one color has a monopoly on mean, hateful families.

I was physically, emotionally, and sexually abused. I'm very damaged and most of it has absolutely nothing to do with my trans status. I have NO contact with my extended family. I have very little contact with my immediate family (parents, siblings). I feel worthless, unwanted and unloved; that I'm intruding and a burden to those around me. I don't make friends. I don't 'hangout' with anyone. I have panic attacks that have at time made it impossible to leave my apartment for weeks and months at a time. I have trouble using the phone and have such a fear of people in authority positions that I can't even visit the doctor unless I'm more physically miserable than I am afraid... which means, I can't sit down and have a conversation about being trans and what I'd like to do about it.

I know that it's unlikely that I'll ever have the funding to make the changes to my body that would allow me to obsess less about what I put on it. I hate the choices we're given as to what modifications can be made. I hate that the results are often in the category of 'hack job' and that the scarring is excessive even with the 'exceptional' results. The scarring is like a Flashing Neon Banner declaring our trans status to the world. And even if we get something that resembles what it's supposed to, it doesn't function as it should either from nerve damage during the procedure or from a lack in current medical technology.

I do understand what you're saying. I do understand how horrible family can make you feel. I do understand your frustration with what's available to us. I do understand how miserable high school can be. You don't seem to understand that most of us do know what you're going through. You don't seem to understand that we can understand what you're feeling even if we don't agree with your very sexist comments or with your "it's in the bible" excuses. If we didn't have the same feelings of inadequacy, we'd never have stumbled upon Laura's.

What we're trying to tell you is: Dwelling on what's wrong with life and with how unfair life is doesn't make it any better. It makes it worse. It keeps you from being happy. It prevents you from seeing the possibilities for future happiness. All teenagers deal with feelings of not being good enough, smart enough, attractive enough, athletic enough. Everyone male, female, and trans deal with aspects of their life that are beyond their capability to change. Even cis-men deal with infertility; rather often, I might add.

What I'm telling you is: It's up to you to cut out of your life everyone/everything that isn't beneficial. It's up to you to make your life what you want it to be. If you want to be able to afford a family, then it's up to you to get an education that will allow you to get a decent job to support that family. If you want to be prom king, then it's up to you to be the kind of person that gets elected to prom court. (and don't say it can't happen because you're trans because it has happened to other trans teens) I imagine right now even if you were a cis-guy, you'd be far from the running for prom court.

-Danny