Came out..again

[Guest Deandra]

Hi all,

Here I am once again going on and off for months but I think from this point I'll probably have more stuff to talk about than usual. As the post says I came out to my folks again about my crossdressing. Back in 2011, I came out to my mom about it after she found my secret stash of panties and I wrote a coming out letter to her. As I said then in my older post she did not take it well though but this time she wasn't so rash but still unaccepting. I came out to my brother in January and he told me he was half way ok with it while at the same time disgusted by it. Anyway, about my mom she is a christian and firmly stands by the bible very much. How I came out to her today was kinda indirect. The way I dry my panties is by putting them beside my bed after handwashing them at night and letting them dry. The next day I found them gone and I figured she took them (this was like a month ago btw). I asked her about it today and she says she doesn't remember finding anything beside my bed then I showed her a panty I already have. Of course her reaction wasn't very positive. I told her I wasn't gay or anything meaning that I'm attracted to men and I also told her that I'm not a transexual and that I don't plan on having a sex change. I'm not exactly sure what to label myself as all I know is that I like seeing myself as a girl. She warned me on how people would make fun of me if I ever want to go out and I told her I will try to look good enough to pass. Then she started talking about the bible and all. I ask if it was ok for me to at least crossdress around the house and she said she didn't wanna see that. I also showed her my wig, a thermal shirt I bought, and some leggings. And again she had a negative reaction to that. Little after all that I just quit talking to her about it and sat in my living room thinking. I really don't think I can get her to accept me though I can probably crossdress around the house enough times until she accepts it. She might just start yelling at me and all. My brother is kinda cool with it and I dressed in front of him. He has said before that I don't look too good. However, when I look in the mirror I see a cute girl though some features like dark circles around my eyes and my mustache shadow gets in the way of that. I have some covergirl invisible concealer that helps a little but its too light for my skin. I've only been able to dress at night and nothing else and I always start to feel tired. I wanna be able to dress up in the daytime and even go out in public but not if my mom is around.

Aside from me coming out, I have found an online gender therapist who provides $40 for sessions through a TG friend I made on another site. She's going to get her HRT letter pretty soon. I'm pretty sure I can pay for sessions and hopefully I can get somewhere with my gender issues and other mental stuff.

Deandra

[Guest Zayden]

Hello Deandra,

I am glad that you have made a little bit of progress but I would caution pressing the issue since I am assuming you still depend on your parent(s).

Good luck with the therapist you hope to see. They can be very useful for helping to sort things out.

Matt

[Guest LizMarie]

Deandra, often parents or close family can be the last to accept us.

You seem to describe yourself as a crossdresser primarily, with no plans to transition, and that is fine. But you may want to wait until you can support yourself as an adult before pushing any further with your mother. She simply seems unwilling to accept your crossdressing at the moment. It sounds to me as though you've made what efforts you can and you may be better served by now waiting until you can support yourself to raise that issue again.

[Guest Deandra]

Deandra, often parents or close family can be the last to accept us.

You seem to describe yourself as a crossdresser primarily, with no plans to transition, and that is fine. But you may want to wait until you can support yourself as an adult before pushing any further with your mother. She simply seems unwilling to accept your crossdressing at the moment. It sounds to me as though you've made what efforts you can and you may be better served by now waiting until you can support yourself to raise that issue again.

But I already came out to her before two years ago. I don't wanna have to keep waiting and waiting. I want to move forward with this and I also want to get hormones if that is possible before I get on up into age.

[Guest LizMarie]

Whoa! Ok, let's stop. First you state you do not plan to transition so why are you looking to begin hormone therapy? Depending on how you look now and how young you are, hormone therapy could easily leave you appearing to be much more of a woman than a man. I'm not saying don't pursue HRT either. It just sounds like you are unsure of yourself at this point and what you really want.

That is exactly why working with a therapist first is so valuable - to discover who you are and what you need.

Finally, believe me, many transwomen successfully and beautifully transition in their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, even 70s. If you wait until you are in your late teens or early twenties you will still turn out fine if you invest the effort. Don't fret so much about when you start HRT. First figure yourself out, preferably with the help of a therapist because they will know where many of the pitfalls are and help you plan to address those.

[Guest Carla_Davis]

Hi Deandra,

I agree with LizMarie. As long as your parents are supporting you I would move slow.

Everything will work out with time. If it is meant to be it will happen.

I didn't Come-Out and Transition until my 50's and I am very happy.

Yes, I would have preferred Coming-Out earlier but the time and situations were not right.

HRT is important, but being Mentally prepared for Transition is more important.

My favorite saying is "Gender is determined by what is between your ears, not what is between your legs".

Spend time with your therapist and you may also want to seek out a Local Transgender Support Group.

I am sure your Gender Therapist should have lists of Local TG resources that may be helpful to you.

These groups will have other individuals with the same feelings as you and you will realize that your are not Different or alone.

These groups have events where you can dress as you feel comfortable.

The LGBT Center that I belonged to also had lockers available so that people that could not dress at home or be seen in public could change at the Center and attend the groups dressed in their True Gender.

I wish you all the Happiness that I have found since Coming-Out and Transitioning.

Carla

[Guest LizMarie]

Carla makes an excellent point. While you may not be able to pursue a therapist at this particular time due to your parental situation, you need no one's permission to seek out a TG support group. My local TG support group has had young trans folk who were unable to actually begin addressing their needs due to parents but found support and dispelled some of the loneliness that can come with being trans just by attending those meetings.

[Guest Deandra]

Carla makes an excellent point. While you may not be able to pursue a therapist at this particular time due to your parental situation, you need no one's permission to seek out a TG support group. My local TG support group has had young trans folk who were unable to actually begin addressing their needs due to parents but found support and dispelled some of the loneliness that can come with being trans just by attending those meetings.

You are right, LizMarie. I constantly think about being a woman and that's why I say that I want hrt. I'm 21 by the way and if I can still look pretty feminine on up into my 20s and 30s and so then that's fine with me. There are a plenty of things I need to talk to a therapist about and who knows what the outcome of that might be. The therapist is an online one so I can probably do that secretly. I tried finding some local TG support groups in the past and the one I found seemed to be obsolete. Maybe I can give it another go. Thanks for the support!

Deandra