Family and The "Guy Voice"...

[Guest Jenn348]

Here's a weird one...I'm 28, still have a couple of brothers who live at home. One of them started cutting himself. It's no family secret that he already had depression issues and having me transition apparently was the straw that broke the camel's back. It's not so much me as much as other people treating him poorly because they know his big brother is now a big sister.

So anyway, my mom and dad decided they wanted to welcome me to come around the house again as Jenn, but they insist that I use a female voice because my brother's therapist thinks that might help him adjust until he can deal with it. They also like to use my male name and a mix of pronouns.

Honestly, it isn't that big of a deal to me, so I went over and did the guy voice for them for a while. Also, I'm trying to be patient on the pronoun issue and my guy name has been used by a few female celebs...so also not a huge deal. They are cool with me coming over in female clothes, makeup and hair, so I'm trying to meet them half way and let them have some time to adjust.

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But funny stuff--my wife can't look at me now when I use the male voice, so she looks away whenever I speak.

Honestly, I've heard of people doing all sorts of things to accomodate family after they go FT, but I wasn't expecting this. I would have thought it would be more jarring to see a female using a male voice than seeing a female with a female voice.

Anybody else dealt with something like this?

Like I said, not a big deal, just a little weird.

[VickySGV]

As one of those whose "girl voice" is not really an issue of pitch, and is more a matter of inflection and word choice and mannerism as I speak, I guess I am too lucky. I would not be in as good a shape for your familly issue though since it is now just my life and voice.

As far as your brother goes, I have a different suspicion about his behavior based on similar behavior of a family member of mine. (An adult daughter in her early 30's) At the minute your transition has taken focus off of him, and the cutting relapse is an attempt to bring focus back on him. Tug of war situation. You have to give in since he had brought the therapist and your parents into the equation. Its your parents making atonement for having spent time on you that he is after even if they were knocking you over the hill negatively. I am not saying it is any fun for your parents or brother, but it is a complex game. If you can take it, go ahead and play it for a bit, but be careful how far it takes away from you.

[Guest Alissia.C]

I do think what Vicky says could very well be true but there can be another side on it that I am thinking of. The transition can be hard for some people as we probably all know so there can be some sense in why they want you to do that. In effect, it is like taking baby steps with having you start out with one thing, like getting him used to your new look, and then slowly gradually moving into the next step which is full female both looks and voice. It is weird that they are starting off with looks and not voice but that could be an accommodation for you so you feel good in the situation.