Reality . . .

[Guest LoveBeingMe]

Well, I worried about coming out for so long. Finally, it got to a point, I was making myself physically sick worrying about it. I knew I had to act, or else. I couldn't afford a hospital bill, now.

All of my family and most long time friends live far away. I had hoped to tell some in person but I couldn't wait for the time when I could feel like I could take a long trip. I sat down and started typing, wrote a coming out letter. I had written one a couple months back but wanted something fresh, something now, from my heart. I made a few minor changes to it the next couple days, then decided to send emails Friday night so they would find them Saturday morning. I also wrote a short personal message to each recipient. Late Friday night I hit send buttons and hoped I'd done the right thing and said the right things.

Early Saturday morning responses started coming in. Saturday and Sunday I had emails from just about all of one side of the family, plus several calls. All were in complete support of me, so sorry I'd had to live with GD for all those years. It was like a waterfall, I couldn't shut it off. Tears of joy, and relief. Two, had even personally known someone who had transitioned. That's the good news.

It's been twelve days now, and I'm not giving up hope, but not one word from the other side of the family. Not a word from some long time friends, dear friends for 30 years.

I had two days of happy tears and joy. Then, the next two or three days I was down. Beating myself up for coming out. Telling myself I had lived with it for 58 years why couldn't I have just kept quiet and stayed in the closet. Of course I know I couldn't, when I sought a therapist I was in desperation, but I beat myself up anyway. Now, I'm just somewhere in the middle, just living my life. I'm not overjoyed, not down. Just trying to analyze it all.

I think when I first started transitioning it was so exciting. I was happily skipping down the yellow brick road. Mr. wizard gave me my prescriptions and I was high as a kite. Well, now reality has set in, and as B.B. says, "The thrill is gone". This is reality folks, not a tv reality show where everything is staged either. This is the real deal, we're living.

We transition not because we want to, but because we must. It's not a game, it's life. Where it will lead us, we have no way of knowing. All we can do is follow our hearts and treasure all we receive along the way.

I am thankful, I've made the decisions I have, and I have no regrets. I love how I feel, and I'm thankful for those who love me and support me. I have purged almost all of his clothes, just trying to decide what to do with some, maybe ebay. So I'm full time and moving toward the name and gender change now. This is life, and I accept it and treasure it! I am living life as a woman. I am me.

[Sally]

Dear Heather,

I can understand all of the feelings that you are dealing with right now - I also started my transition at the age of 58 and lost a few of my old friends but in looking back it seems that the best of my friends are still my friends and very supportive.

The best advice that I can give you is to stop analyzing everything - you will drive yourself into an incredible depression if you do, trust me on that one I stayed there for a bit over three and a half years - you cannot make anyone accept any more than you can make anyone fall in love with you, all you can do is be true to yourself and maybe one day they will listen to their hearts and realize that they would rather accept you as Heather than continue to life without you.

Congratulations on all of the ones who are supporting you and just keep on going girl, life can be amazing.

Love ya,

Sally

[Charlize]

Sally is correct dear, relax as you can. You are doing great. The one part of your family may well come around. It took my son months to even look at me. He was 38 and i was just 64. Somehow my marriage has even gotten better. We girls are even closer than we were. Perhaps my 42 year marriage was good practice at acceptance. Things are not nearly as exciting as they were as i came out but they are better. I seem to have achieved some peace with my GID for the time being and that is seemingly amazing. You have just made that hurdle of coming out. It was certainly the biggest one for me. Give the family some time they may well come around. My son did. Now he is just trying to remember to use the correct pronouns and getting better at it.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest DianeATL]

Congratulations Heather,

Your courage is amazing. I am also 58 too and just starting my journey. I know that I will lose friends and family like you, I have to be the authentic me. Don't second guess yourself, you are doing the right thing.

Keep on keeping on girl

Diane

[gennee]

Congratulations, Heather. It was big step indeed but you took it. Things turned out better than you

thought. Enjoy the good feelings and embrace the good that you experienced.

[Guest LoveBeingMe]

Sally - I don't know why I feel I have to analyze everything, but I've been that way for years. I just feel driven to figure everything out. And you're right, it drives me crazy at times! Something I need to bring up in therapy.

I'm not going to try and make anyone accept me, but I'm not giving up on them either. Thanks!

Charlie - 42 years, congratulations! That's an achievement. I never made a relationship last more than three years. Just wasn't meant to be I guess. I'm glad your son came around, and yes, maybe my family just needs time. The ones who have accepted me were worried about remembering my name. I told them I don't care what you call me, don't worry about it, you've accepted me, that's what counts. Thanks!

gennee - It was a big step. I've read where some say it takes courage to push through these steps, but for me I just couldn't stay where I was any longer. I've already talked things, personal things with family members that we never would have before. I feel I'll be closer than ever to some. Thanks!

[Guest LoveBeingMe]

Thanks Diane. I don't have courage, just couldn't keep going as I was. You may not lose family and friends. Some I knew would be with me weren't and some I doubted were with me. We just don't know how they will react. Some were shocked, some not at all.

You do have to be the authentic you. And don't worry about what others think. They are not walking in your shoes. Be you!

And remember, we are young at 58, right? We're just starting through puberty. How many can do that at 58?

I wish you the best on your journey!

Take care

[VickySGV]

58 is a couple of youngsters!!

[Guest Melissa~]

I'm pretty sure a mixed reaction is normal. I got a few supporters in my family, the majority were(and remain) silent, there were a few that openly preach and attempt to convert me to their particular belief, and then there were some silent unfriending and blockings too. Largely unsupportive is how I had guessed my family would be, and it has come to be so. While not an optimal result, my family is a little less cohesive than average. Various people believed I would get a better response than was reality for me, but they don't know the conditions that produced my family, where -none- of the kids will have kids.

[Guest LoveBeingMe]

Thanks Vicky, some days I feel like a youngster. Other days, well, I won't get into that.

Melissa, I'm sorry you've had such a negative response. I have wondered how many of those who remain silent are really against us or they just don't know what to say to us. Maybe they want to support us but don't know how to say it. No way of knowing I guess. It is a pretty big thing we hand them, the man they knew for decades tells them he's really a woman. I tried to picture myself in their shoes, not sure how I would've handled it, if I hadn't known.

Hey, I see you have an appointment next April. Wonderful!!!

[Guest LizMarie]

These other folks may just need time to digest what's happening. Give them time. I would start by assuming they just need time, or perhaps they only check email periodically. Before she died, my mother checked email roughly twice a month.

But if they come out opposed to you, what then? If that happens, you have to ask yourself whether having someone as a "friend" who will not support you when times are tough is worth it or not. Only you can make that choice. In my own case, I knew what I needed to do and those who have openly opposed me have cut themselves off. I did not close that door but I refuse to let them dictate to me my life because of their expectations. If they want to walk back through that door, it remains open.

In closing, let me invoke someone I admire even as he's gone from this world now. "You have no responsibility to live up to what other people think you ought to accomplish. I have no responsibility to be like they expect me to be. It's their mistake, not my failing." -Richard P. Feynman

[Guest LoveBeingMe]

Thanks LizMarie. I will give the family and friends all the time they need and they will still be family to me no matter what they think of me. If they want to close the door, that'll be up to them. I will still be here, they will always be welcome.

I like the words you quoted. I will not change who I am for anyone, I know I could not, even if I did want to, which I don't. I've walked, or crawled, through plenty of things in this life alone already, so it's not like I'll suddenly be alone. Having one whole side of the family completely supportive, though, I feel I'm batting maybe around .450 or so anyway. I feel pretty good about that!

Take care

[Guest LizMarie]

You're not batting .450! You're batting 1.000! Why? Because your true friends are there for you when things are hard as well as when things are good.

[Guest LoveBeingMe]

Thanks Liz, your right!