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Guest Rekka

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Guest S. Chrissie

Ahh...tall and skinny, not exactly a good combination, especially if one was skin and bones before starting HRT (for mtf). I've seen some very skinny trans women, so I guess I can sort of guess how that would work on them. >.< I am 5'9 myself (having intercourse tall for an Asian), but luckily I am not skin and bones. I am guessing Ellie figured out that Tien is trans and that's why she felt uncomfortable and not interesting in talking about Tien?? Definitely something you need to sit down with Ellie to talk over her feelings.

About Tien being easily upset and maybe even being dependent , I would err on the side of caution and be well-prepared if things like that happened if I decided to stay with her? Let's just say I've been pretty dependent before I went full-time and I've caused lots of angst towards some "former friends", because I got so upset easily and I had very bad dysphoric feelings around them (both of them are girls). It didn't help that they were dead set that I was a guy and should remain a guy. But I still stuck around and was dependent on them because they were the only "friends" I knew (despite being horrible "friends"). Well, as you can guess, the relationship went sour and they dumped me because my problems were affecting them (i still think they are selfish and privileged brats).

Anyway, in short, just make sure that her problems won't end up affecting you if you plan to stay with her. Supporting her and stuff is awesome, but it's another thing if her problems start to affect your mood and your life, like what I did to my "former friends".

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Guest S. Chrissie

Ahh...tall and skinny, not exactly a good combination, especially if one was skin and bones before starting HRT (for mtf). I've seen some very skinny trans women, so I guess I can sort of guess how that would work on them. >.< I am 5'9 myself (having intercourse tall for an Asian), but luckily I am not skin and bones. I am guessing Ellie figured out that Tien is trans and that's why she felt uncomfortable and not interesting in talking about Tien?? Definitely something you need to sit down with Ellie to talk over her feelings.

About Tien being easily upset and maybe even being dependent , I would err on the side of caution and be well-prepared if things like that happened if I decided to stay with her? Let's just say I've been pretty dependent before I went full-time and I've caused lots of angst towards some "former friends", because I got so upset easily and I had very bad dysphoric feelings around them (both of them are girls). It didn't help that they were dead set that I was a guy and should remain a guy. But I still stuck around and was dependent on them because they were the only "friends" I knew (despite being horrible "friends"). Well, as you can guess, the relationship went sour and they dumped me because my problems were affecting them (i still think they are selfish and privileged brats).

Anyway, in short, just make sure that her problems won't end up affecting you if you plan to stay with her. Supporting her and stuff is awesome, but it's another thing if her problems start to affect your mood and your life, like what I did to my "former friends".

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  • Forum Moderator

Hi Jennifer,

Lot's of women are in IT, although this field is still dominated by men. There is great demand for these skills everywhere, and it appears as though it will not be going away anytime soon. I would encourage you to stay in this line of work, especially since you have 10 years experience already. Perhaps consider branching out into data base adminstration, or specialize in routing and switching, just to name a few. Updating one's skills in this line of work is an almost constant endeavour. Having current certifications is a good idea if you are planning on moving to another organization. Of course if you hit the jackpot lottery, or have a rich uncle that's another story.

Myself I have been in IT now for 36 years. I was a field engineer for many years and settled into networking as a specialty back in the early 90's. I am fortunate to be able to work from home (long time telcommuter), with occaisonal travel to sites or HQ. I manage a rather large WAN I helped to design over 10 years ago. I wear what ever I want everyday, do my nails, etc...

Good luck

Cindy -

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Guest Mittens_kittens

Hi Jesse,

As a parent of an 18 year old FTM, I can really relate to you and your mom.

I agree with Grace about finding things for your mom to read on the subject. When my son started to try and present more male, I thought it was just a phase or a whim he was trying out. Everything he did to appear more male; clothes, haircut, etc. seemed to me to be silly or even defiant, as I had asked him numerous times to please try to look more feminine. I didn't know it wasn't a choice for him. When I finally started reading and learning, it really helped me to learn that it was a birth defect of sorts that he had. Although he has a female body, he has a male brain. The newest research shows that in specialized MRI images they can actually see the physical differences.

I have to admit that this is, by far, the hardest thing that I have gone through. I've cried buckets of tears for the daughter I'm losing, but I'm really enjoying getting to know my new son. Happily for me, they're pretty much the same person. :)

Thank you for being so kind and patient with your mom, Jesse. She sounds like a wonderful lady, so she'll get there. It just takes time and education. I'm still working through it myself. Please invite her to come on this site and look around. And the parent chats on Thursday evenings, as Brad mentioned, are a great opportunity for her (and you) to share and learn with others going through the same things. I would be lost without the support I get here.

I'm looking forward to hearing about how things develop in your family. Hang in there. :friends:

Mittens

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Guest BeccaC

Mira, I'm so so sorry sweetie. Hopefully after your appt things will start looking up. Anytime you feel the need to vent go right ahead and vent away.. I can take it, my Mom raised a big girl (If she had only realized) lol. We're here for you hon. Just remember, your not alone in this okay.. I know it might feel like it, but you know you have me in your corner, I sincerely hope you know that..

Love

Becca

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The two saddest things are that as a society we need to have a law to prohibit bullying rather than people just not wanting to bully and that we have to list everyone who is not to be bullied, Lizzy, Dee Jay, all of the board members of LTA and Forum For Equality worked very hard to include everyone just the way that the politicians want it - I fear for any group that might have over looked because some people still believe that 'being bullied a little helps build character' - very sad.

Love ya,

Sally

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Brianna_Denise

Thank you Sally and Brenda> You've made me feel better bout myself. Is there a 1-800 number to call a transgendered therapist or CD support group?

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well what a day. A twelve hour trip to Kansas City has turned into a two day trip. This has been this been the trip from hell. Me and Suki are staying at a hotel tonight. I didn't even make it to Missouri.

Forgive my typo's I'm using my phone.

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Guest Shaun_33

Wow dude! Maybe you got a faulty one? I would definitely check into the possibility, because mine is not like that at all. Mine is very soft & pliable & I don't get the "boner effect". It's very comfortable. Sounds like something could be wrong with yours, bro.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Refusing to choose

Hey everyone, I'm new here. I'm 23 years old and don't identify as either male or female. I present as 'other' where possible, though I'm obviously female in body, I always wear mens clothing. I'm currently living with my partner who is FTM. They are currently going further towards the male appearance recently, and I found I was jealous of their options and the perception society has around straight forward FTM/MTF compared to how they view someone who is obviously neither. I'm still getting to grips with who I am really, and thought I'd look for a forum to share views and ideas with, and maybe find other people going through similar experiences.

Oh and I'm sure you know, but one thing I found out recently when I changed my name legally by deed poll, there is the option for a gender neutral official title of Mix (Mx) instead of Ms, Mr, etc. I opted for it, and though only a few places accept it, it means I have the choice of choosing either Mr or Ms depending on how I'm feeling that day. (Of course if I'm not feeling either masculine nor feminine I usually demand they use Mx or no title at all.)

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Forum Moderator

I guess I'm more worried about how hard it is to get a job and therefore live a financially stable life. My mom and I both started to fear that this would all be exponentially harder, but if it really doesn't ruin your life that much, then it would surely be worth whatever trouble does come with it. I have a classmate in college who's been transitioning for nearly a couple years now, and she says that being transgendered doesn't affect her to that great of a degree.

Jade gave you some wonderful advice already, I would add.

Getting a degree and obtaining work that supports yourself is challenging regardless of transition, however if you make good choices and work hard in life, there is no reason you can't be successful in any gender, opportunity is everywhere, just have to open the doors. I would add if you are at peace with yourself then your effectiveness would most definately increase. Be honest with yourself Megan. I can say in the decades I have dealt with this condition, you can put it aside for a while but it always has come back in my case. I have choosen to deal with my transsexulism now in this age, as conditions to transition have never been better in my view.

Best wishes

Cindy -

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  • Forum Moderator

Just moving my own mis-click a no-entry reply

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Guest AllisonJane

I had those same feelings of apprehension when I first went to my therapist. What if she tried to tell me I'm not a woman after I spent all these years tortured like this?!?

Luckily ,I believe I've found a gem of a therapist. She never gave me any tests, just asked me what brought me to her(which provoked a 60 min rant of an answer LOL). She has just been more of a guide & support person to me in sorting out the oceans of thoughts& emotions I'm wading through. We are working on my formal evaluation atm ,but to me this is just more like legal mumbo jumbo(following the SOC) so I can start my HRT next month& someday get GRS.

I have to think Sally is right and maybe your therapist is just trying to get a feel for how things are w/you. But if they start suggesting that you aren't a woman when YOU know you are, I'd suggest you find someone else.

P.s. that's wonderful you have the support you do, it will make all the difference. The ones I have supporting me do :)

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