i told my dad.

[Guest ChefErik93]

So, i am in the process of coming out. i have told many of my friends and some of my family. a couple days ago i told my general manager, owner of the restaurant i work at, and sous chef. they all were overly supportive! telling me they'll work with me through all of this and take care of any negative comments made by coworkers. They were amazing about it! i just got back from dinner where i told my father and step mom. They were not surprised by it. they were ignorant of a lot of the facts but i think overall it went well. i say i think it well because i honestly do not know. they were not super positive or negative. they " know that i have a problem" and "can see how hard this is for me" but they do not "agree with the treatment that i have chosen. i tried to explain to them the disconnect between my brain and my body. and that this body isn't mine. but all i heard myself saying was...it is in your head. at least that is what i feel like they heard.

also, i was planning on telling my head chef tomorrow and then publicly come out on facebook. but i only told them i was thinking about changing my nae to friends. and that i am planning on transitioning but that i would try to get a second opinion before i do this. i do have therapy on wednesday but idk.

so, i have a couple questions for you all.

1. is HRT and SRS the only treatments for GD?

2. what is the regret rate?

3. do i need to get a second opinion?

4. how do i explain GD and TG to them without sounding crazy?

5. when should i do the facebook coming out? after i talk to chef? after i talk to my therapist? or after a couple weeks for them to absorb?

thank you for your help,

Erik

[VickySGV]

That is a tall order sir. For your parents, the book, True Selves by Mildred Brown PhD and Chloe Rounsley is probably the classic and easiest to read book that has helped many of my family members.

HRT and SRS are at the FAR END of a list of possible ways to deal with GD. They should be and are done after a period of intense counseling by qualified professionals with experience in the Gender Dysphoria arena. You have a general male persona in mind, and are creating a social setting for yourself where that persona can exist and take part in society. This may be enough, but that is why counseling and for want of a better term, a period of discernment is going to be needed for your safety to avoid regret. My crystal ball needs to be re-booted at this point. With proper counseling for GD, people with realistic evaluations of themselves and what is needed in their lives have a low incidence of regret, but people who dive helter skelter into it have a high chance of regret.

I was a CD for over 10 years, and was "OUT" in safe environments during that time. It was a period where I did not obtain counseling and I ended up regretting the lack of it. Long story short, without the counseling I entered a period where I was passively suicidal and heavily depressed. Counseling took me on MY OWN journey and no one else's.

SRS at the minute does require an evaluation by two separate therapists, one of whom is at the doctoral level of Medicine or Psychology. HRT has less restrictive rules for prescription of the hormones, and in some places, the taking of hormones is considered part of the diagnostic phase of GD.

Assure your folks that you are taking mature and thorough steps into your future, but that they will be YOUR steps, and you may still get reservations and hold out over time, but you can go forward,.

[Guest ChefErik93]

thank you for your words of advise Vicky. I will have them check out that book and continue to try to be patient with them. What are some of the treatments for GD on the lower end?

Erik

[Guest LizMarie]

Well, it is in our heads, just not the way that phrase is usually used.

There are specific brain differences in transsexuals that have begun to show up consistently in post mortem brain scans. As a professor at Stanford noted, these brain differences exist in transsexuals who did not transition for one reason or another so cannot be attributed to HRT and were present before transitioning. And from what we know now about embryology, most of these structures appear to form in the early stages of pregnancy.

So yes, literally, it is in our heads.

Congratulations on coming out to your parents as well! Vicky's book suggestion is excellent as a starting point for non-TG persons to begin understanding us but there are others out there as well.

I wish you luck moving forward, Erik!

[Guest KimberlyF]

1. is HRT and SRS the only treatments for GD?

Nope. There are numerous paths that people have found to deal with their symptoms

2. what is the regret rate?

Hard to know an accurate rate, when there is no accurate number of people who have done what. How many start out sure they need to transition and never do? That's another question I'd love to know the answer.

3. do i need to get a second opinion?

It never hurts.

4. how do i explain GD and TG to them without sounding crazy?

No clue. I'm born transsexual and known it for 30 years, and the idea still seems odd to me at times. It's not important that people understand or think everything we say makes sense, but that they try to treat you with a certain level of respect.

True Selves is a decent book. But just like the SOC, the community likes to cherry pick the parts that work for them. There are numerous conditions listed in the book that caused people to think they needed to transition up to and including surgery, and the therapist diagnosed them as not being transsexual. Often on this site and others, it would be recommended that one see another therapist because no gatekeeper should be allowed to tell you what you are.

[VickySGV]

What are some of the treatments for GD on the lower end?

Erik

What you are doing with your social transition is actually a little bit above the lowest end so, what you are doing is one of them!! I have natal women friends who have some feelings of GD, and who are able to cover them with more masculine jobs or by doing a gender neutral job with a more masculine edge to them as a matter of art. The agreement and acceptance by your girlfriend that you are the masculine partner in relationship, is also a possible "lower end" solution that will make both of you to be happy and meaningful adults. If you GF accepts you without GCS as the male and you are given pleasure and fulfillment by your intimate life, it MAY be as far up the ladder as you need to go.

My phrase "the lower end" is meant to describe events at which the person can enjoy life and project the image they feel best represents them to the world, without going to the extreme end GCS and the construction of neo-genetalia. Breast reduction surgery has helped a person I know, but she did not find a radical mastectomy to be her solution. and you can read about the MtF's here who go only to orchiectomy and not vaginoplasty, or only to the less extreme ends of some facial surgery, or just electrolysis at their upper end. I do not mean that these steps are lower in quality or give less fulfillment of our lives, but only that they are less invasive and seemingly drastic to our loved ones and society.

I do not have regrets for what I did a year ago, but even so I do have moments when I wonder if I could have avoided some of the pain and disability by stopping before I went in the OR suite door, and others in my life still question my decision in totality.

[Guest LizMarie]

I know one transgender person who continues to live and present male. He addresses his female tendencies via a bit of cross dressing but mainly by writing fiction about female characters. But then again, he confided that he's never had the degree of body dysphoria that some others appear to have either.

We are each unique and we each need a unique solution to our problems. However, for those of us with more extremes of GID, some aspects of how we deal with things do end up overlapping. That's just inevitable in human experience.

[Guest ChefErik93]

so i am already taking actions towards dealing with this. i didn't realize that i was. but i'm still not happy...

Erik

[VickySGV]

so i am already taking actions towards dealing with this. i didn't realize that i was. but i'm still not happy...

Erik

Day by day a step at a time!! It is important to know that you are not yet happy or ready to stay put. Very Good! Very Hard! But it tells you that more steps are needed. Nothing wrong with that at all. Do not allow yourself or others to try and tell you you are happy when you are not. Let your parents and others, especially your GT know this, that you are taking steps one at a time, and one more may be all you need, but until it happens, you cannot know. The book I suggested goes into that progression and it is what comes with being TG with GD. Safe journeying!!