Help! Scared of going full time

[Guest melanie maritz]

I'm going to university 10 february, but before that orientation starts to help us get used to the university life.

My therapist told me that I should go to university as female, because it will be even more difficult if I go as male and then later on as female.

I'm really scared because a lot of people I was in matric with are going to the same university and have said they hope we see each other a lot. My voice in my opinion is very male but my therapist says he thinks it's not that bad even when I don't try to sound female. I haven't really tried practicing my voice because I feel embarrassed that my family will hear me making all these weird sounds trying to feminize my voice, even though they know I'm transexual.

My therapist has told me to introduce myself as melanie and to prepare something smart to say to people who ask what's going on with me so as not to be awkward and give them a chance to laugh at me like "this is who I am and have always been and I hope you can accept that".

My hair is still quite short and my therapist said I should wear a wig, my mom says I shouldn't and that many women have short hair, the problem is I don't look like a woman with short hair and I would like to wear a wig or get extensions but it is expensive.

My mom has bought me female clothes but it isn't too girly, just laid back normal clothes. I guess I should wear nutral clothes till I feel more comfortable in public as female.

How can I femenize my voice without stressing over my family hearing me? That is my biggest concern right now : my voice that would be a dead give away to new people I meet.

My family still calls me by my male name, probably because I feel to embarrassed to ask them to call me melanie when I still look like a guy. How can I expect them to treat me a female when I don't yet fully look or sound like one? I mostly wear female clothes though but I still have quite a few male t-shirts.

I should start wearing makeup everyday to get used to it, I never put on too much lipstick or eyeshaddow but sometimes too much foundation to hide my freckles.

The more I think about it, the more nervous I get. People say students at university are more open minded than kids in high school but I don't know about that.

I have like four wigs but they were very cheap and would cost 7 dollars in america. I don't know if I should wear them to uni, plus it's summer and very very hot so my head will feel like I put it in an oven.

I'm hoping that a year from now I'll be lauging about how stressed I was about going full time and that everything will turn out okay

[VickySGV]

There is a simple issue for the hair that may be pretty much cheaper -- Back story -- My hair dresser and I have chosen a special color that she mixes per a color formula from professional grade hair color. We both agree that my color is NOT one a male would choose unless it were really way out entertainment. For you -- Find a new hair color that you and a beauty professional can agree on that I GIRL and not boy color. Its a visual cue that can help big time.

College clothing is casual for the first couple of years, so female casual would be fine. Slacks and a loose fitting top or blouse, with low heel pumps and GIRL hair color will work quite well.

Friends from secondary schools will see each other far less than you may believe. I had about 40 people from my High School class go to the Community College I did for my lower division college classes, and I only had classes with 3 of them. They had been people I had not been close to, and at class reunions, they do not remember me going to their CC or being in classes with them. One of my lab partners was the mother of a person my sister had been classmates with, and the two of us got the highest grades on taking apart a rat!! (What a memory).

No matter what your intentions are even now, High School / pre college friends and acquaintances are friends for the season and were pleasant to be with. The ones there with you will be wrapped up learning a whole new school style and social structure that will last ONLY through graduation or flunking out. I think you have less to worry about than you currently see, but it is your call, and you are no less yourself by waiting if you need to. I would bet on you though.!! Huggs.

[Paula ult]

From what you have written it sounds like you are not yet ready to live 24/7 as Melanie but are being pushed in that direction by your therapist, while your therapist may be correct with it being harder later, he should have told you sooner that's what he wanted if he knew you were coing to be going to university so you could have been working on growing your hair, voice and manerisms etc. and generally getting comfortable as Melanie, It should be your decision when you feel you are ready to live full time, If you are going to follow your therapists advise do you have the proper clothes so you will fit in.

Paula

[KathrynJulia]

Hi Melanie

Transitioning to full time is extremely stressful and has to be on your schedule. Don't let anybody pick the date for you. Eventually it will get easier. Practice going out female casual. Finding a female friend to help you is a good technic when starting out. For your voice, speak in a softer tone when starting out. If their is a speech therapy department at your school, sign up for therapy. I attended 24 seesions (a semester) and it cost $630.00 dollars. That's $26.25 per session. I paid it, but afterwords they wanted me back and they had scholarships. It never ocurred to me to asked if they offered a scholarship? The second semester was $12.00 a session.

Start out slow with makeup, adding new things as you get better putting it on. Use YouTube or ask another woman for help with putting on makeup. I had three woman offer help plus my sister and then they were surprised because I had been practicing on my own in private using YouTube tutorials.

Getting people to call you Melanie. Most states allow you to represent yourself in court Pro Se. The forms can be downloaded online. You pay the fee's and the judge will ask you the required questions instead of paying hundreds to a lawyer to ask you the same questions. If you can fill out forms to get into school, you can fill out name change paperwork. Theres no legal jargon to know. Just dress nice for court. Just a nice conservative outfit. A little makeup and that all their is to it. Then you can say when folks misname you, "Thats no longer my legal name anymore. Please call me Melanie.

School is made up of hundreds, if not thousands of people new to you. And if you run into somebody you know, take a deep breath and explain quietly with determination that this is the real you. That you have lived in fear and misery living a lie, and that it is your hope they will understand. If they don't, don't agonize over it. The idea is not to please everyone. Please yourself first, last, and always.

I've been full time for about seven months and it has become so normal to live my life as a woman, that my old days living as a man are becoming dimmer every day. That first day full time was hard, so was the second. By the end of one week, it started getting easier everyday. But I picked when it was right for me. Others on here will tell the same thing. When I reached the six month mark, it was hard to remember why I thought this was going to be so hard. It slowly becomes as natural to you as it was living as a male personna. Go for it when you're ready and let us know how your experiences were. Take Care Melanie.......Kathy

[Guest Sabrinaxx]

When I started university I actually did the same thing. Besides not needing to making a switch after a year or so I experienced that yes, people at university are more open-minded then at high school, and also that if they would notice I'm trans they didn't know me as anyone other then Sabrina. At this point however I really felt ready to start living full-time and owned the wardrobe to do so. I had the same problem with the hair and voice. Summer days were hard to get through because of the make-up and wig and at the beginning the girls I befriended with could hardly hear me speak. Summer passed eventually and by using my voice everyday I got to the point where I would give presentations using my female voice.

I do agree with Paula that this is a very short time to get comfortable with the idea of starting University as a girl, but if you end up doing so try to use your female voice as much as possible in the mean time. I understand that it can be embarrassing, but since your family knows you haven't got anything to lose, right? Also mannerisms are a thing to get used to. From walking to riding a bike and toilet culture. And try to get confidence from past times you went out as a girl. Good luck with whatever you end up doing

[Guest Stacie Cheyenne]

Hi Melanie: Your Therapists wants you to succeed & be Melanie, I say you should follow his advice: