Irritated

[Guest Jamie23]

Hey everyone,

I hate explaining myself to people (lol) unless it comes out of love.... but some family members are so nosey to the point where you can tell it is for gossip purposes.. As more and more people are finding out about my T and how i am transitioning, it is daunting me about the next time I see relatives who i havent seen in a while again (which is bound to happen) and how they are going to grill the crap out of me... I feel that my own biased view on being transgender (from being in denial for SO long) has me worried about that first convo with family members and i guess thinking the worst and them not understanding or not taking it seriously..

<3

Edited April 5, 2014 by VickySGV
Rule 20 language sub removed

[tracy_j]

I've been there (as I suspect most have). Word gets around the family so at some point there comes a family occasion where everyone (or so it seems) turns up just to see!!! It is not a good time. On the particular occasion I am thinking of people were finding it difficult not to laugh - I am not sure how much was embarrassment and how much just nasty. At least things happen quickly. I just try to keep cool and speak honestly. I don't explain too much as I think (even more so now with more experience) that few people will have any real understanding at all of what I am trying to say.

As long as people do not condemn outright then they will probably accept and understand more as time progresses. Just to take gently.

Tracy

[Charlize]

My extended family has been interesting in their reactions. Some no longer communicate and some seem to be much closer. Overall i'd have to say its a totally a mixed bag. The most interesting reaction is my big brother. He was always distant and seemed to resent his little brother and the 'competition' that seemed to exist. Now he is protective and so sweet to his younger sister.

Try not to worry about the reactions of others but instead enjoy the reactions. You may be pleasantly surprised.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest ashleynikole]

My experience in anything is that people are going to talk, whether you want them to or not and IMO, the best course of action is to control the narrative. If you feel the need to come out to them, tell them your story and give them more information to read. If they are going to read it, they will, and if they aren't, they won't. I have found those that want to know and want to learn, just don't know where to start and what to believe so it helps if you can point them to good resources to start reading.

I include links to some good information on sites when I send my letter to someone for the first time. Otherwise, as hard as it is to do, try not to care what others think.

[JJ]

Depending on the people involved I have two approaches that have worked. Sometimes I trot out all the technical scientific stuff till all the person wants is for me to shut up and go away and they never, ever bring the subject up again. People who are just curious really don't want to know the truths but to feed on their own curiosity about us. So they rapidly get information overload.

The other approach I have used more often by far is to simply explain I have taken control of my life and am making changes that have made me very happy. When pressed for details I won't be drawn but just smile in a warm friendly way and explain the details are very private to me. I am proud of who I am and what I have done and while I realize sometimes people don't understand and want to ask questions I maintain my dignity and privacy as well. Justifying who you are and what you have done can imply feeling ashamed or guilty to some people. Can actually mislead others whose per-conceived stereotypes I can't change. So I don't go there.

It is entirely up to you how much to discuss and how personal it gets. If you don't want to discuss it at all simply explain you'll answer another time but you are there to enjoy the occasion and not explain your life and decisions. All very politely and nicely. That part is important. Makes a big difference in whether people push or back off. Get defensive or seem rude and they will just push more. But it's hard to push people who are firm and nice about it. It can be nerve racking and take practice but they can't read your mind so just seem cool and they will be too almost all the time.

Johnny

[Guest Jamie23]

thank you everyone so much for the advice on how to handle this... i guess since easter is coming up which is usually a big family event for my family, I am getting nervous about how they are going to handle it.. But I definitely will prepare myself to explain but make sure they understand like johnny says that i am more in control of my life and doing this because it makes me happy..

I really appreciate the advice

xoxoxo