Considering Coming Out

[Guest EmmaPark94]

Hi, everyone,

It's been a while since I've posted here. But sadly, that's not the only issue I'm posting about today. You see, my parents are religious. My dad, not as much. But he's a very big, strong, hairy guy, and, frankly, I'm scared of him. My mother isn't as scary, but she's more traditional. But this post isn't about profiles of my parents.

Last week, I went to Chicago, for the annual Taste of Chicago festival. It was only my dad, my brother, and I. Mom stayed home, because she doesn't really like big cities, and because she didn't feel like leaving the dog all alone for all that time.

I had a pretty good time, although we expected to come back the same day we left, and ended up coming back the next afternoon.

That night, I was texting my SO. We were just about to get ready to call it a night, when my dad solemnly invites me to the bedroom, where my mom was in her bed, waiting. "Shut the door behind you," my dad's voice thundered. I turn the knob, and slowly close the door. "While we were gone, your mother found women's clothes in your room. We're concerned you're dressing up in them." My dad said. I feel the heat rush to my face, so I lay down, to hide my facial expressions, in case they'd give me away. I make up an excuse, and, to me, they bought it. They let me go back to my room. My SO decided to stay awake to talk to me about it, bless her.

A few moments later, I realize I have a text from my mother: "I'm sorry if I misinterpreted, or jumped to conclusions. Fyi, nothing could ever change my love for you."

That really put me at a crossroads. The next morning, my dad was saying he's glad to have his sons, as he usually does, but I heard him stop himself at the word 'sons', and say 'kids' instead.

I have dreams, and I forget them. Until some point later in time, where I see the same things I see in my dream. During the trip, I saw the Chicago skyline in the same exact way I saw in my dream, with the same thoughts in my head, the same feelings. And I remember something bad happening afterward. I don't know what. So my dreams have a tendency to be short visions. Or, at least, parts of them. Other times, they're just dreams. But it's difficult for me to decipher between the two. I have dreams where my parents accept me, and take me shopping. But I have no idea if that's a vision or a dream. I don't know what to do, I'm not sure how to come out in a way like this. They could try to 'fix me'. My mother could try to assure I don't feel this way over and over again, or maybe my dad could try to scare it out of me. I'm worried they'll try to do things, but when they don't work, they'll get more and more frustrated.

I don't know what to do. Help a girl out? Thank you.

[Charlize]

Hi Emma, from your previous posts i know that you are still a teen at home. It is often best to do one's best to live in as much harmony with your parents as possible. It does sound like your mom might be willing to talk but simply coming out can cause major problems for you. It may be possible for you to talk to a councilor at school even if it is a christian school. I also hope you feel confident to share here. Please take your time and care for your long range interests. Transition is often safer when we are past our high school years. Many colleges are very supportive at this point in time. Many have GLBT centers and some even have medical assistance for transition in their insurance plans. A bit of time and effort in school may have great benefits in the future.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest EmmaPark94]

True, but this isn't the first time my parents have found my stuff. This marks the fourth time, and I'm thinking they're starting to put the pieces together, and perhaps just want me to admit it. If I tell them, that shows that I trust them, but leaves me vulnerable. I don't know.

[Guest EmmaPark94]

Bit of an update with my situation: The other day, my dad and I were riding in the car together, and we got on the subject of LGBT indicators, then transgender individuals. Out of all my family, my dad actually seems to be really cool with trans individuals, in stark contrast to my mother, who thinks transgender people are possessed by Satan. My dad is one of those people who, because he's the breadwinner, the provider, has the final say on what goes in the household. So if I tell him, maybe that could potentially hold reward for me.

[Charlize]

It sounds like your folks already have a good idea that you at least have issues with your gender. I know how difficult it is to be honest about these things. We all fear rejection. It does sound like your dad is at least trying to open a door for discussion. It may not be the door you want to transition but it would certainly seem you might at least be able to talk about how you feel.

Best of luck with it and let us know how things go.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Opal]

Hope things are going well. I would like to second what Charlize said to you, especially about seeing a counselor.

Huggs,

Opal