Time line?

[~Nova~]

I thought this might be interesting to see where people are in their transitions. even if you have barely started, you still have at least thought about it. How far along are you?

Me.

Came out to my ex on January 19th of 2011.

Started therapy, in earnest, sometime in early February

Started hormones on March 20th.

Came out to my coworkers in May and my family at the same time.

November 31st I changed my name

I'm not sure when I stated full time, but it was shortly after my name change.

I had GRS in July of 2012. I don't remember the exact date, but I think it was the 11th or 12th.

Time has flown by and I cannot believe the changes that have taken place over that time. I'll save the changes for anther thread, but the timeline is fun to look at. A lot of trans people take a lot longer to transition and others take a lot less time. I know a girl that saw the therapist, started her hormones and had GRS all in under a month. (She had been living full time for her whole life, but had done none of the other things that go along with it)

What's your timeline?

[tracy_j]

In considering that I may fully transition one day my timescale is very slow. I am still really in the part of coming out which has really been going on for years. Only a few people I have discussed being androgyne and as that has not really been understood I just carry on these days and let people make their own assessment. The first place that Tracy existed to anyone else was my co-workers, followed by my partner / close family - perhaps a couple of years ago.

Therapy is a thought that crosses my mind regularly, closely followed by hormones, but surgery? - NO!

I love androgyne / non-binary. That is me and I feel happy with it - relaxed with life! Change of name? - I use both.

It is not a date to me - just being happy.

Tracy

[Guest LauraJen]

c. 1994 (age 3 or 4) - Started wearing my mum's shoes around the house, as well as showing appreciation for things like pumps and skirts.

c. 2000 (age 9 or 10) - Came out in school to another pupil by saying I was going to transition. Later passed it off as a joke.

November 5th 2005 - Came out to my dad by sending him an email containing nothing but a single link to a transgender-related website. He promised his support, but with the condition that I had to focus on getting the best grades possible in school, as he warned that mum's reaction would not be positive.

August 6th 2006 - Made first contact with the UK-based trans charity Mermaids.

February 2007 - Came out to mum by accident after dropping too many hints. As dad predicted, it ended badly.

August 2007 - Passed GCSEs, fulfilling one of dad's objectives.

September 2007 - Started A-levels.

July 14th 2008 - Joined Laura's Playground.

July 10th 2009 - Caught wearing a dress by mum, which was a terrible situation to be in. Caused a rift that lasted for weeks. Prompted going to the GP to begin transition process, but nothing happened.

August 2009 - Passed A-levels. Began "gap year" prior to university to attempt transition before starting, going against dad's plan, and experience uni life as Laura.

October 2009 - Saw the GP for a second time.

November 9th 2009 - Began seeing psychiatrists as part of the transition process in England. Got a referral to the nearest gender therapist, but they got my mum involved and ended up saying what she wanted to hear, how it's a "side issue" and how I was too young to know what I need.

November 2009 - Trouble with mum continued. Used previous illness of a family member to persuade me to stall transition further. Gave up my referral to the therapist as mum was too much of an issue. Dad, still adamant of his earlier idea, left me to wait out the rest of the time before university.

September 26th 2010 - Started university. Made contact with a local support group and attended every month. Got involved with the LGBT society. Still dependent on parents, however, making progress difficult (as well as the extremely high difficulty level of the degree course and the effort required putting a natural emphasis on study).

February 2012 - Massive purge of female clothes after mum threatened to have a clear out of where it was stored.

May 17th 2013 - Left university, forced to move back with my parents long term. Began my mission to get a job so that I could move out permanently and be independent.

July 2013 - Graduated from university with a first class degree, but struggle to get a job in an intense graduate job market continued. Suffered depression and was very low during this time.

December 2013 - Finally got a job. Dad springs into action, having fulfilled everything he wanted me to have, and helps with logistics with getting my own place.

May 2014 - Wait to move out was getting more unbearable as time dragged on, but officially moved out from my parents, enabling me to finally work towards beginning transition.

June 18th 2014 - Dad brings up stash of remaining female clothes to my home.

Between then and now - attending as many support groups as possible, making small steps to being out, building confidence. Buying clothes and shoes to rebuild wardrobe with outfits that I will ultimately use in the real world. Hoping to make serious progress by my 25th birthday in a year and a few days' time.

[Guest]

Hello Nova,

It's good to see you here again!

A timeline isn't so easy - the past is only a concept and fading into obscurity...

Spring of 2009 - in the final stages of male-fail - not the kind where people address you as female, but the kind where the male façade crumbles and leaves no option. I had to admit that I was a transgender. I didn't even have a word for it then.

July 2009 - Joined LP - totally confused. Came out to my wife shortly thereafter. Spent a year and a half exploring my options, and bringing my spouse along.

Jan 2011 - Saw a GT for the first time.

March 2011 - Started HRT.

June 2011 - went full time except for work

August 22, 2011, my name change - my third birthday was only two days ago! By the 1st of September I'd transitioned on the job and was out to everyone.

March 2013 - surgery.

And, she lived happily ever after! Really. It has been a near fairy-tale, starting a new life at an advanced age, I wish everyone else the same good fortune!

Love, Megan

[Charlize]

I'll try to throw some of my milestones out there.

Two times in grade school when i was so happy to dress as a female for Halloween. Once i was even able to change places with a girl in my class and fool the teacher.

All my life growing up i had a stash to dress up but would purge at times as well.

Late 1960's told my future(and now wife). Not a good reaction at all. I repeatedly tried to "man up".

aprox. 2003 to 2007 somehow found the courage to go to gay bars as myself. This didn't help my drinking problem at all! But i found i could actually be outside of my house as myself.

Feb.5 2007 stopped drinking and put my other issues to the side to work on them separately and with time as i found a way to live life without using. Rarely dressed or even thought of it.

Oct 2010 went to a women's AA meeting as myself and was honest to the best of my knowledge. I found acceptance without lying about my reality.

2010 to 2012 went to AA meetings outside of town as i could. Started shopping and doing as much of my life as i could as a woman. Started to attend a GLBT meeting weekly.

March 2012 came out to my straight AA home group after 5 years of being there. Acceptance there was so helpful! People who had known me for 5 years hugged and offered their support.

Later in March i found and joined Laura's and found other folks on all different but similar paTHS

May 28th 2012 my wife asked what i wanted for my 64th birthday. "i want to go to the mall and get my ears pierced with you as myself." Have been myself ever since i.e. full time.

I started seeing a GT and started HRT in October of 2012. Have had to stop twice due to heart problems the last of which also derailed an orchiectomy scheduled for several days later. 6 months have almost past now and that is still my goal so that i can modify my HRT. I will probably never be able to have SRS and while i could cry about that i choose to smile about the lovely way i feel simply having the freedom to live as myself. I feel as if i'm in a fairy-tale sometimes, light enough to fly.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest sydney]

Mine is somewhat long: For me being kinky in BDSM played a role is coming out as transgender so I had to mix the two!!!

1976 (6 years old) - Told my mom I wanted to be a girl. My parents had separated (for the 2nd time) and my mom gave me a pair of clip-on ear rings and let me try to walk in her high heel shoes, but of course they were too small.

1977 (7 years old) - My parents go back together and my father threw out anything feminine I had and spanked my and told me I was to be a boy, not a girl when he found the ear rings. (Later found out, my mom was upset about this.)

1982 - Parents separated again, but I spend 2 days a week with my father (same school district so I just took a different bus from school) and every other weekend. He kept pushing me to play sports and wanted me to go into the army like he did to make a man out of me (as he put it).

1983 - Parents finally divorced and grandmother came to live with us (Mom, brother and myself.) Moved to different part of Charlotte that required me to go to a different school, so school bus was not an option any longer, but visits stayed about the same with my father. I started dressing in my mom's clothes without her knowledge and we were the same size. She even gave me a pair of her jeans that fit be better than men's jeans. I would fantasize about being a girl and wish I didn't have that thing between my legs, but self gratification didn't bother me. My first orgasm was from taking two belts, one around the waist and the other looped through the crotch to make things flat. I orgasmed this way and didn't know what I did. I thought I broke something at first. After I few days I figured it out. (This is probably my first real sign of both being trans and kinky and the same time.)

1985 - Mother married my Step-Father who live in Northern NJ (NYC Area) and we moved up there shortly. Visits to my father were much less frequent, but I still wanted to satisfy him for some real reason. My grandmother went back to TN, but to take care of her father (my Great Grandparents were still alive)

1986 - (age 16 finally) - Moved to Hudson Valley area of NY (45 miles from NYC) and finally got my license and worked that summer. Still cross dressed with my mother's clothes. My step sisters clothes were too small as they were much younger and they didn't live with us full time. My (biological) father and I got into a fight because he had promised to help me with college and car, and he lied and told me now that ( he said he would help pick out my first car, not help buy it, and that I should go into the army and get the GI bill for college to make a man out of me. He also said I needed discipline despite never getting into trouble and having a 3.6 GPA)

1988 - Started college away from home, but didn't live in a dorm. I had an entire house to myself as I was housesitting for a family member who had two houses but didn't live in this one for almost 3 years. (Great deal at the time and I'm surprised I was trusted with being so young.) I ordered some women's clothes from JC Penny's catalogs and started a collection of BDSM toys, most were homemade. There wasn't an internet back then, but there were adult BBS that I was able to find out more information.

1991 - The owner of that house had to sell it, and I started working at the university. Found a cheap apartment I could afford. One day I got disgusted with myself and purges all my women's clothes and BDSM toys.

1993 - My parents moved into the area where I went to college (Knoxville, TN) where my mother was originally from as my grandmother (her mom) was diagnosed with lung cancer and wanted to live close by. They bought a huge house that had a separate apartment in the basement. I moved back in (later realized that was a mistake for non-transgender relation reasons.) I started getting back interesting in BDSM and started a collection again, but all homemade items.

1994 - Graduated with a Computer Science degree and about gave up on my father until for the first time in my life he told me he was proud of me. I think that if he had not done that, I would have given up earlier to try to get his approval and came out a lot sooner.

1995 - Started working full time as a software engineer, moved out to my own place and met my now wife, but we were friends when we first met and were dating other people. I dated, but never connected to anyone, although there was one that I did come out to as being kinky and she was accepting of it and even had interest. Unfortunately when I told her, she wanted to tell me she didn't want to date anymore due to her moving. We stayed friends and she asked me to come visit 8 hours away. She told me she thought she was bi-sexual, but now thinks she is a lesbian only, but I was the closest man to a lesbian she ever had been with. (Should have been another clue there.) Then my wife and I relationship went from friendship to courting to well a relationship. I didn't want to mess it up, and thought I would grow out of the interest of being a woman or BDSM when I married.

1997 - We married and quickly realized that these interest were not going to go away. I spend years debating when to tell her.

1999 - I finally got the nerve to tell her that I was interested in BDSM. She was shocked and even though she showed signs of interest, she quickly denied it.

2000 - Finally she starts to recognize her interest in it, but is afraid to act on it. She then states that she could not handle it if I ever wanted to be a women and she was straight. (Turns out she was in denial herself)

2006 - She starts to open up about being kinky and we start to play in the bedroom more

2007 - We start couple counseling with a BDSM/LGBT friendly therapist and that saved our marriage. My wife had a lot more issues that she had to deal with that had nothing to do with our relationship, but was hurting it. Turns out the my interest in BDSM were healthy in our counselors view.

2008 - We started to attend BDSM events and even played with a little cross dressing on my side, but my wife still was against me transitioning even though I never told her. I had looked online about it and realized that it could actuality be possible to do, but talked myself out of ever transition.

2009 - (Early) I became very close friends with someone I had met online because we had the same interest in BDSM (chastity belts specifically) and similar background. I later learned she was transgender and had transition 2 years prior. When we met in person the first time, she asked my wife if I was transgender on the side. (My wife later told me when I came out as transgender to her.) We've become very close friends over the years despite her living in the Boston area and us in the NYC area.

2009 (Fall) - My wife finally admits that she is attracted to women and has her first huge crush with a women that is an employee of a client of hers. Nothing ever happened, but she finally admitted it to me and was afraid I would leave despite her knowing that the girl I dated prior to her was bi-sexual.

2010 - I started to identify as gender fluid and so does my wife.

2011 - I now realized and came out as gender queer and we both started to play with others in the scene but our sex was always monogamous.

2013 (September) - My wife finally accepted who she is and even had a D/S relationship with another women. I finally realize that I'm transgender MtF. I was driving when I accepted it myself out loud with my wife in the car. Since that time I haven't looked back on who I am.

2013 (October) - Came out to immediate family and a few close friends. My transgender friend's response was "Well it's about time!!!!" Then started counseling with therapist. Then started transition with hair removal.

2013 (December) - Started HRT

2014 (January) - Told wife's parents I was transgender and she came out to them as being bi-sexual. Once that happened, things became so much easier. A week later I made my announcement on Facebook that I was transgender and basically told everyone I knew. (Didn't loose a single friend out of the 164 friends I had on FB.)

2014 (March) - Male fail was starting and went full time

2014 (April - June) - Filed paperwork on name change, got me gender letters and forms to change DL, SS, etc. In June 23rd, it all became official.

2014 (June) - Went to Transgender Health Conference in Philly and met with two surgeons as I was deciding between an Orchi or SRS. After talking to different people, I decided to go for the full SRS and developed a plan to get there. If all goes to plan it will be either late 2015 or early 2016 for surgery.

And that is where I am today.

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

Oh goodness...I think this is about right

2000 - came out to myself

(2004-2005 attempted transition and it didn't go very well so I had to move back home and go back in the closet for several years to regroup and have a better plan than the first time)

September 2009 - legally changed my name

October 2009 - came out to family

August 2012 - started laser

March 2012 - went full time

June 2013 - saw a therapist

July 2013 - finished laser, started electrolysis.

August 2013 - started HRT

..and that's where I am now. I did my transition all out of order but it worked for me!

[Guest PaulaP]

I think this is a great topic, because there are so many right ways to transition, and no rules.

When I finally, after years of agonizing over it, decided I had to transition NOW, I vowed not to stay in transition for years, and not to make transition a life style. In other words, get it over with, I'm not getting any younger! (I started HRT at 55). I was lucky, I had the finances, and I was self employed in an artistic field.

Here's my timeline to date.

May 4, 2013- My male life crashed down around me on my birthday. I realized that I could not go on as a male any longer. I hesitate to call it a nervous breakdown, but it was some kind of episode. By 7:00 that evening I had decided to begin a new life. I had been presenting female everywhere except work for about 14 month already. A lifetime of crossdressing had made me very comfortable out and about in the real world.

May 7- I didn't know where else to start, and I didn't have a GP, so I went to a walk-in clinic, fully expecting a psych referral. The Dr. recognized the symptoms of GD, and referred me to an Endo. This Endo had an opening the next morning. As luck would have it, he was the go-to guy for all the transgender folks in a large area.

We spoke about gender issues for a while, and he could see I was clearly in distress, offered me a psych referral, but I assured him I was not a danger to myself. He gave me a therapist referral instead, and asked that I spend one hour with her in order to get an HRT scrip. After lots of research, I had informed consent out the yin yang.

May 9- I met with a wonderful gender therapist, and explained that she was to be a means to an end. I didn't need an expert to tell me what sex I was, I needed an HRT readiness letter. We chatted for the hour I had paid for, and she said she would write my letter when she got back from vacation, and upon receipt of an email from me in one month, stating that I still wished to start HRT, and understood the effects, and side effects of it.

July 12- After some back and forth with the gender therapist, my Endo got my letter, and could see me right away. He explained that GD, and transgenderism was his main practice, and if there was enough of us, he would not even be treating other conditions. He welcomed me to his own little world of gender transition, what his theories were on it, and how he liked to proceed. We hit it off right away. I walked out of his office with a scrip for Cyproterone, and estrogen.

July 15th to ?- At this point things begin to move very fast...I started laser, and was a good candidate. Started my name and legal gender change, got on Canadian Addiction, and Mental Health waiting list for SRS. Decided I didn't need FFS, but chose some cosmetic procedures, including Juvederm, and botox. During this time I came out to about 300 people, including my parents, all my business contacts, clients, and friends. It was an exciting time, as I met nothing but good wishes, and acceptance. Whew!

As the hormones kicked I was becoming more and more myself. I had fully socially integrated, and just spent my time finding my new normal. I was spending more time on the legal aspects, while working on just being the best woman I could be. It didn't take too many moments of panic, or questioning to realize I was on my true path. I thank God for my sister, who was with me every step of the way.

May 20, 2014- My name change to Paula Maria came thru. The next morning I changed all my ID to my new name and gender. Thank you Canada, for making this SOOO easy! I then spent about a month changing all my other stuff- bank, utilities, etc. who all needed to see originals of my paperwork, so it couldn't be done by email.

July 12- One year anniversary on HRT!! My past is just a memory, and I have stopped explaining myself to people. Let then form their own opinions, darn it, at least I know who I am. I have decided to stay on CAMH's waiting list for government funded SRS for two years, I will then pay out of pocket. My hair is shoulder length, laser did a wonderful job, but I need a bit of electro follow up. I consider my transition done. I still have two surgeries, but that is just a physical thing. To me, and everyone around me, I am female. I won, I won!

Today- Fifteen days till my breast augmentation. A mix of excitement, and fear. This is my first surgery ever. Tomorrow I have to stop estrogen till after surgery, and that scares me the most. I remember myself before estrogen, and it wasn't pretty. HRT gave me some cute little boobies, but for my frame size, and my self esteem, this is a big step toward completion that I need.

That's all folks. A lot of this stuff happened simultainiously, so a timeline is difficult, but that's it in a nutshell.

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

lol, I just realized in my very tired mental state yesterday I got a date wrong.

I started laser August 2011, not 2012. I remember this now because the TimeHop app pulled a facebook posting from 3 years ago where I said I had my first session of laser. Duh, 2014-3 = 2011, not 12, Liz.

[~Nova~]

Lizzie, I'm pretty sure the dates don't have to be exact. I can't even remember most of them. Like when my surgery was. I think that would be important, but it just registers as another day.

Great stories everyone.

[Guest Cyd]

Here's a timeline from a newbie on the other end of the gender spectrum from all you lovely ladies.

1973-ish: The first time I was aware of wishing I was a boy (I was about 8), although I couldn't have articulated it at the time. My sister and I were playing some kind of make-believe game in which I was a man, and I got really excited. I felt almost immediately ashamed, presumably thanks to whatever messages about gender roles I had absorbed from my parents (particularly my controlling jerk of a father).

1974: Parents divorced. Trauma ensued.

1977: Had a "boyfriend" in junior high, a very sweet boy who was one of my close friends. Nothing but innocent and unexciting kisses. Interestingly, he turned out to be gay, though I didn't know that until just a few years ago.

1981: Boyfriend #2. Ugh. He was an octopus. I had NO interest in sex, and he had no interest in anything else. When I broke up with him, he called me frigid. Ha!

1979-1985: Long series of falling in love with, having crushes on, and feeling attracted to a lot of straight cis-women. Boy was I slow. It took me until I was nearly 18 (1983) to accept myself as a lesbian, and that still wasn't exactly right. I think I was vaguely aware that transgender people existed, but not aware enough or self-actualized enough to realize that's what I was.

1983: Came out as lesbian to my family. Disastrous results with my father--future PTSD material.

1985-1988: In therapy with a therapist who apparently never noticed my obvious bipolar disorder & PTSD. She kept me alive, but I needed a great deal more help than she was equipped to provide. Lived through a lot of self-harm and one suicide attempt.

1988: Got sucked into a near-cult right-wing evangelical church, quit therapy because the church declared it a tool of Satan, and spent seven years learning to despise my "unnatural desires." It's truly miraculous that I survived, and even more miraculous that I still have a relationship with God.

1995: Age 30. Finally realized that staying in that church was going to kill me. I came out, found a therapist, got my first (nightmare!) girlfriend, got disowned by the church.

1996: Fell in love with my wife. We began our life together.

1997-2000: Finally finished my bachelor's degree at our local university. Majored in English, double minor in Statistics and Latin.

2001-2009: Returned to long-distance running to shed my college weight gain and ended up completing 16 marathons. Running was my primary self-medication for the crushing depression which had gotten worse and worse over the years, despite my life being pretty good. Started working at my current job in October 2001.

2006: Intensely suicidal. FINALLY got diagnosed with bipolar spectrum disorder & PTSD and began the long ordeal of finding the right meds.

2007: Began therapy with my current therapist.

2012: My fourth psychiatrist enters the scene. He is a good guy.

March 2014: Two random coincidences ("God things," as I don't really believe in coincidences) open a vast prairie inside me around my gender identity, which I quickly discover is a lot closer to male than it is to female. I start doing a ton of reading and Googling and talking in therapy, trying to figure out what's going on.

May 2014: I found Laura's! And I started asking people to call me Cyd instead of my given female name and nickname. Most folks are totally awesome about it. Many are totally unsurprised.

June 2014: I come out to my wife, who is 79 (I am 49). She declares herself too old to change, but she wants to keep me no matter who/what I am. She starts adjusting to the idea of maybe having a husband instead of a wife.

July 2014: My bike commute of 11 miles round-trip doesn't feel like enough exercise for this former marathon runner, so I join the YMCA. This enables me to get back into yoga and to add some weights and additional cardio to my routine. This is me now: biding my time, taking the measures I can in the present to change my outside to match my inside. My wife asks me to remain [female nickname] to her family, which feels hard but doable (for now).

Now: I haven't come out to my family yet, except for one aunt, nor have I come out at work (I work in a very small law firm--just two lawyers and me, their all-purpose office manager and assistant). But I've shifted to all male clothing, including compression shirts instead of bras, and I think it's just a matter of time--how much time is the only question. I feel almost certain that T is in my future, and probably top surgery, but am trying to give myself plenty of time to live into my newly-discovered self. I feel enormously grateful to my therapist and the three psychiatrists (I don't count the first--he was a nightmare) who have helped me reach this place of real wellness with my mental illness, so that I finally have the clarity and strength to discover myself at this depth.

What's next? Stay tuned.