This Goes Beyond Getting Ma'amed

[Guest ashleynikole]

So my therapist challenged me to find more social outlets in which I could make friends (considering I'm being ignored by people I thought were my friends), so I decided to get on a meetup site where I could find groups with common interests. I joined a few groups, including one that was a group of women programmers. They stated on their site that they follow the Lambda Jam Diversity Policy and all people are welcome in the group.

So I went to a meeting last night and it was a blast totally interacting with other women and even programmers. Being a programmer for 15 years, a lot of them looked up to me and wanted to know if I would ever be available to help if they needed it.

So all that aside, if any of them clocked me, they were nice enough to not let it bother them nor change the way they interacted with me, but I did find extreme satisfaction in the fact that the facilitator of the group was a former co-worker of mine from 4 years ago and she totally didn't even recognize me. If she did, she never acknowledged it and never even came up to me before or after.

I've had many friends who, when seeing me dressed the first time, said they wouldn't have known it was me had they not been aware of me. This is such a cool feeling and having experience this and being ma'amed, this one was way cooler. Now the question becomes if I ever tell her or not.

God bless

Ashley

[VickySGV]

It will depend on what your former relation was, and if it will affect your honesty and openness with the other women!! Sounds like this will be fun.

[Charlize]

First let me say i'm glad your getting out with other folks. Being alone isn't good for any of us.

I experienced some of those same wonderful moments of not being recognized by anyone who knew me. When i spoke to my AA group of 5 years no one knew that it was me sitting at the front of the room until they heard my voice. The same thing happened at the post office and the bank. I think in all cases the look on the faces of the others as i told them who i was made the fear i had always had seem to melt. In those cases i had to give my name but my voice was also a giveaway.

I love going to women's groups now. I feel at home.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Jamie61]

That's great Ashleynikole! It's one thing to pass by people in public ( this is where I am) , but another to interact and quite another to spend time participating in a group like that. This will be a goal for me someday!

Happy for you!

Jamie

[Cyndee]

You could have fun with the situation by bringing up solutions or approches to coding that were used in the old work environment without mentioning it specifically, and then see how that plays

Congrats on getting out Ashley with the group, that's growth.

Cyndi -

[StephanieVikingGirl]

Hi Ashley,

That is so groovy! I am so happy for you. I think that I am only three months behind you on HRT, but I think your face is much more feminine than mine. It is wonderful that you can now socialize as a woman in a group of women. I am envious. I will settle for occasionally getting ma'amed at this point. I don't yet have the wardrobe to go full time though anyway. Having seen your photo recently I can see why you pass so easily, you are feminine looking and pretty.

Hugs,

Stephanie

[Guest ashleynikole]

Hi Ashley,

That is so groovy! I am so happy for you. I think that I am only three months behind you on HRT, but I think your face is much more feminine than mine. It is wonderful that you can now socialize as a woman in a group of women. I am envious. I will settle for occasionally getting ma'amed at this point. I don't yet have the wardrobe to go full time though anyway. Having seen your photo recently I can see why you pass so easily, you are feminine looking and pretty.

Hugs,

Stephanie

Awe. Thank you so much. I'm pretty sure that for the most part, when people look at me, they see a woman, but when I look at me, I don't. That makes it hard for me not to put my preconceptions of myself on them as if that is what they are thinking.

You could have fun with the situation by bringing up solutions or approches to coding that were used in the old work environment without mentioning it specifically, and then see how that plays

Congrats on getting out Ashley with the group, that's growth.

Cyndi -

<evil grin> YEEEEESSSSSS <wringing hands>

Actually been thinking about letting it fly as far as I can and start dropping hints somehow. Eventually I do want to tell her just to see the look of amazement on her face.

It will depend on what your former relation was, and if it will affect your honesty and openness with the other women!! Sounds like this will be fun.

Our relationship was pretty close for the 4 months we worked together before she left. Since then I have seen her a handful of times at other developer meetups and we're both part of a very small community of Ruby developers but I haven't been active in it for about 2 years so even when I went to a Ruby dev meetup a couple weeks back, no one recognized me there.

I have since emailed with one of the ladies and 2 of them offered to meet for coffee within the next few weeks to pick my brain. I like humorous situations so I'll keep you posted on all the shenanigans.

God bless

Ashley