As i sign holiday cards

[Charlize]

It has been over two years since i went full time. As i sign this years cards with my wife and my name i wonder how many of those who i rarely if ever see but who have known me for many years will see my name has changed? How many questions will come to mind? There is certainly no reason to hide and the cards i address will all be signed Charlize. I wonder how my wife will sign the cards she sends. Will she share this change in our life? That is something i will not press, one way or another it is her decision. Someday even the most conservative relatives will know regardless of how often we don't see them. Hopefully she will find the strength to handle whatever reactions might come. I'm sure she will and the guilt i have felt in the past has changed into a deeper understanding and love for her now. Perhaps peace and love are possible as we write our holiday cards.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest]

Hmmmmm.

I had similar thoughts today, as I signed condolence cards for my relatives.

There is no question that my identified name will be noted.

I guess I am "full-time". I vehemently refuse to go back in the closet, ever again.

Huggs,

Joann

[Guest LizMarie]

My wife still signs cards to her family with my old male name. She's not told her brothers, their spouses, or their children at all. She's told her parents (who still urge who to move out right now!!) even though she'd rather us stay together for financial reasons while she finishes school. She's told her sister and I don't know that her sister has even told her husband. So as far as her side of the family goes, I don't exist, just the myth that preceded me. And when we divorce, I'm sure she'll have some tale to tell them to avoid facing that I am trans.

I did discover for the first two years after I came out that she wasn't even signing my name (male name) to birthday or holiday cards to our own kids or grandkids. I finally confronted her over that and she acted very embarrassed but that's just one more reason I can't trust her and won't bother to mend fences with her.

I sometimes wonder what would happen, if a few years from now, I were to visit the Richmond, Virginia area and come face to face with her brothers or their spouses or their adult children. I wonder if they'd even recognize me. Given reactions I've had thus far, I sort of doubt they would even know who I am.

[StephanieVikingGirl]

Hi Charlize,

Great topic for making us think. I guess I am full time now, sort of, maybe. The holiday season is upon us, and I have two holiday parties coming up. The first is Sunday: Rutherford Ranch Winery is hosting a thank you party for us wine tour guides, and staff from Napa Valley Bike Tours. They do this every year, but I missed last years since my dad's health was fading at the time, and I was attending him. The second party is Friday the 12th, and it is our company holiday party. I went alone to it last year, but I am bringing my friend Jennifer with me this year. Now I have to think about what to wear to these parties, and it has taken a bit more importance with me now that I am transitioning. All the tours that I have led so far, I have led as "Gary", but I don't see me leaving my purse behind when going to Rutherford Ranch. I have gotten into the habit of taking it with me everywhere, if that makes sense. I guess that will "out" me possibly, but not as much as if I wear a skirt. I don't know about wearing one of my skirts though, on the fence about that. At the company party though, I am definitely thinking skirt. The owner of the company Brad may, or may not, have been informed by the operations manager Rob about me. So I am a bit nervious about it. I noticed that I do have an upcoming tour to lead on the 28th, and I am thinking that Rob might think it too soon to lead it as Stephanie, or maybe not. I don't really know at this point. I guess I will ask him for advice on these things at Rutherford Ranch on the 7th, and see what he says. Strange days have found us, Strange days have tracked us down.... ("the Doors" in '67). kind of how I feel now. Nervous, yet excited about what is to come. As far as cards go, I will now sign them all as Stephanie no problem.

hugs,

Stephanie