Not physically transition?

[Guest Elizabeth K]

CODY

WOW - perfect

Why not write a TOPIC on that?

Lizzy

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Dear Genesis,

I know a transman who continually has complications with his surgery. I don't blame you with your reluctance to actually have surgery. I am reluctanct myself, eventhough the success rate for mtf is much higher for ftm. I think, that you are actually being true to yourself and are true to your feelings. Personally, I don't see the real need to have the "surgery" to be the gender you know that you are (I am sure many others would dissagree with me). Simply stated, each person must persue what level and paths that make them feel comfortable with who they are.

Be yourself, and be happy!!!

xox

bernie

[Guest Eagledancer]

I don't know that I am the right person to be responding since my "physical" transition had to be aborted due to health reasons. Having said that, it did make me re-evaluate what any "normal" is. What I have concluded is that "normal" is purely up to me. Everything is viewed from a point of view or perspective, and I believe that my point of view is for me to decide for myself. Whether I "pass" in this world is no longer so important to me. I know who and what I am. Most people outside of my circle will never know much about me anyway, so I cannot bother myself with their perspective. Is my current body perfect, has it ever been perfect, or will it ever be perfect, are all questions that to me are valid for some, but they aren't valid for me. I am not at all a conformist, so perfect by any standards other than my own would be self-defeating. I guess my career as a doctor helped me realize that one's physical appearance can change drastically and permanently through an accident or any other life altering event, and those folks don't lose their identity if they are grounded in one's love of self not body. People who place high value on the physical body usually never recover from any disfigurement. I think I have been disfigured from birth, but I have dealt with the fact that I am who I am despite my appearance. I just hope that everyone takes time to appreciate the good inside of themselves at least as much as we worry about the outside appearance. Godspeed to all.

[Guest amie]

Its not about the clothes, its about being perceived as who you are by everyone that matters, so they can relate to you right. This *does* include the physical. But people won't go read your chromosomes (most people don't know about their own).

Excellent way to deliver that, actually.

[Guest Leigh]

Not so much I'm not able as I think I'm just way too dysphoric to ever feel comfortable even after transitioning...like just the fact that "it" isn't "perfect" will forever haunt me, so it just doesn't seem feasible for me to spend so much money on something that isn't going to make the body conformity problem any better. It's something I don't know if I'll ever be able to overcome...like I can't even picture myself in any kind of...physical relationship with bottom surgery

i know how you feel...sort of. are you seeing a therapist? i think this is something you should discuss a lot before you decide. like, would you rather be in a female body for the rest of your life, or in an imperfect male body? i know..sex.. can be a problem. i think about it all the time. i'm sure we all do... we all worry, and wonder if its worth it, what kind of lower surgery is better...we all weigh the risks and advantages. but that doesn't mean you have to live as a woman forever, because there's no ''perfect'' solution.

just talk about it, with us, with a professional. no pressure, but don't give up either.

love&peace

[Guest B.heard]

Mygen I wish lots of peace of mind to make your choice its very difficult and this has been a really interesting topic to read so I thought Id add my comment too.

I enjoy reading and I read a passage a while back that related to me a lot

'Though with great difficulty I am here, yet now I do not repent me of all the trouble I have been though to arrive where I am. My sword I give to him that shall succeed me in my pilgrimage . My marks and scars I carry with me, to be a witness for me that I have fought this battle'

When it comes to the reality that you have to choice to accept you wont be a bio man you will be lucky to be fully functioning trans man but having a scared chest, giving a year or so of my life to let HRT work and living with a micro penis -IS- for me better then living with an unwanted, unused unhappy normal female body.

You alone live in your skin so no one can answer this for you but I can tell you all of our views are fluid and change in time for me as I began to get read as a guy a few times it made me smile and want more of that, when my chest gave me away as female it made me dislike that and eger for it to be gone, now that it is gone yes I have scars that will fade but in a T shirt its fine and normal now Im eger for HRT to work over time, and I dare say if HRT goes well and I can be read as a guy most or all the time Im going to want to finish the deal in the end as lizzy said Ill be a plastic surgery mock up body of a male BUT it beats being the bio normal body of a female that spent 30 years being wasted on me, in a light hearted comment.. the girls here would sell both their kidneys on e-bay to have the body you live in mygen and if you cant feel that drive that comfort for your body too you do owe it to your self to have a big think and I only say this well my best wishes you dont waste the time Ive wasted and the better life I could have had.

Good Luck TerryP

[Guest Jackson]

'Though with great difficulty I am here, yet now I do not repent me of all the trouble I have been though to arrive where I am. My sword I give to him that shall succeed me in my pilgrimage . My marks and scars I carry with me, to be a witness for me that I have fought this battle'

Wow. That is a great quote. I'm going to have to remember that one.

[Guest My_Genesis]

i know how you feel...sort of. are you seeing a therapist? i think this is something you should discuss a lot before you decide. like, would you rather be in a female body for the rest of your life, or in an imperfect male body? i know..sex.. can be a problem. i think about it all the time. i'm sure we all do... we all worry, and wonder if its worth it, what kind of lower surgery is better...we all weigh the risks and advantages. but that doesn't mean you have to live as a woman forever, because there's no ''perfect'' solution.

just talk about it, with us, with a professional. no pressure, but don't give up either.

love&peace

I don't want to live as a woman forever! lol you gotta be kidding me. I just put the bulk of my faith in science.

I feel like we're right on the verge of something happening, it's a problem of awareness and the low frequency at which this stuff is focused on...for obvious reasons...

But also, idk I've said this many many times but I still feel like somehow it's more than just a body-brain conflict...really because i'm so focused on the physical aspect (or lack thereof...) and that's like a major priority for me - as opposed to, well everything else

[Guest Crossroads]

I think generally transguys need to assess what is the point of transition? Why are you doing it?

I feel this was important. I think every person thinking of transitioning in life should ask this question.

True to my nature, I made a list and counted pros and cons. There were more things that bothered me about being a woman, in a physical sense.

Like Stranded, I wrote out a list. However, my list was reasons to stay female vs. reasons to transition. After that I wrote out the opposite. Reasons I don't want to be female vs. reasons I wouldn't want to be male. It was obvious from my one sided results what I needed to do. I really didn't think this was the right thing for me. I was opposed to the idea completely at first. But after doing this list, Angie asked me, "Can you see yourself 20 years down the road as a female?" I said not really; I couldn't think of anything else to say. She then asked, "Can you see yourself 20 years down the road as a male?" To that I also answered no, but was then able to go on with a few ideas. "I guess I could such and such, and maybe I'd such and such"

MG, I am also waiting desperately for a perfect bottom surgery. I plan on holding off on a bottom surgery as long as I can allow myself to for at least something that actually looks like the real thing. I don't care about size; I moreso care about it looking real. And I haven't seen any results from metoidioplasty or phalloplasty that I could say "That isn't a cisgendered guy?"

It's scary to think that I might get a surgery and then they'll come out with something great, but if I waited around forever for things to be perfected, I'd be living in a gutter. In life, with any decision, you have to be proactive! You won't get that promotion at work if you don't apply for it. You can't get accepted into college without applying, taking the SAT (or ACT), and at least trying to do well in high school. You can't get your degree if you don't go to class. You have to do SOMETHING, make SOME choices (and this is from someone who absolutely hates making choices) in life!!! Sitting around worrying or waiting accomplishes nothing.

Instead of thinking of the PROBLEM, start trying to think of SOLUTIONS. Brainstorm, true brainstorming means you don't think about whether something is good/bad/impossible/etc, just write down anything you can think of that MIGHT be a solution. After that, you can just look at that list every day, and that'll get you started.

I know you're capable enough of this, after all, you've taken the first step by thinking about the problem in the first step. Stay optimistic!!!! We'll get there together!

[Guest Leigh]

I feel like we're right on the verge of something happening, it's a problem of awareness and the low frequency at which this stuff is focused on...for obvious reasons...

But also, idk I've said this many many times but I still feel like somehow it's more than just a body-brain conflict...really because i'm so focused on the physical aspect (or lack thereof...) and that's like a major priority for me - as opposed to, well everything else

i understand what you mean, it's like, any day now, they might come up with a better procedure.

and as to it being ''more than a body-brain conflict'' i definitely understand. for me, it's to a level that i might call spiritual. like i'm still the me i was in a past life, only i had to move on and was dropped into a body of the wrong gender. have you tried meditation? i know some people think it's dumb, but for me it's very helpful to get my mind off of the physical.

i know we can all feel like we missed something, or like we'll always be living inadequate lives, but just focus on what is and what can be instead of what should have been.

and really, you seem like you're at a point where talking to a therapist would help you a lot. so if you aren't, you might look into it.

love&peace

your brother

-A.

[Guest My_Genesis]

i understand what you mean, it's like, any day now, they might come up with a better procedure.

and as to it being ''more than a body-brain conflict'' i definitely understand. for me, it's to a level that i might call spiritual. like i'm still the me i was in a past life, only i had to move on and was dropped into a body of the wrong gender. have you tried meditation? i know some people think it's dumb, but for me it's very helpful to get my mind off of the physical.

i know we can all feel like we missed something, or like we'll always be living inadequate lives, but just focus on what is and what can be instead of what should have been.

and really, you seem like you're at a point where talking to a therapist would help you a lot. so if you aren't, you might look into it.

love&peace

your brother

-A.

Yeah I actually am seeing a therapist, this is pretty much what we talk about the majority of the time lol. As for "reasons" for wanting to be male...what i meant by "more than a brain-body conflict" was that since the physical desire is most of my problem, i feel like when it comes down to it it's more like "I want a penis" than "I want to be (/present as) male" which makes me wonder...why is this the priority, what I think about most of the time?

[Guest KageBoy171]

MG, I know it sucks, and I hate to say it but...I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels the same way about it. Neither a female body or a medically enhanced/changed body is one that I would feel comfortable in. I think the real thing would always be better.

[Guest DanM]

Hmmmm this is tough, still trying to figure out what normal and perfect actually is.