Real life and disrespect

[Guest]

it's quite ironic to me that everybody in my life have respect for me, help me and is very sweet with me. The only kind of people who seem to disrespect me since my coming out is other transgender. Many of you are very kind to me. But it's beyond me that we are ranting on what each other live, dissing and lacking respect between us.

it's getting heavy for me both online and in real life. That's crazy...

I don't know what to do of this.

[Carolyn Marie]

I'm sorry that you've experienced that, hon. People are people, good and bad, prejudiced or not, happy or sad, mean or nice. Transfolk aren't any different. There are "good" and "bad" among our community. Try not to focus on what's bad. There are far too many good people, trans and not, to make me feel like the world, our community, or my neighborhood, is a bad place.

What to do about it? Nothing more than be the best person you can be. Live life with a smile, and other people will smile at you, and with you. Those who are unkind will reap what they sow, and it isn't for us to worry about them. If someone is mean to you, here or IRL, avoid them if you can, and defend yourself if you must. Show who you are by what you do and what you say. The bad folks can't fight that.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[JJ]

First I would have to say what you said made me realize that it is only here that I have had any problems with anyone either except two sisters who came around after 3 years-it takes time-but even so those who have been negative or disrespectful are a tiny minority compared to the acceptance and understanding and support I've gotten here.

As far as why trans people give other trans people so much grief-especially in a place like this where the people responding and giving advise are doing so to help and to share to experiences to help others through what they themselves have suffered in many ways-I've wondered that myself. If you asked someone for help IRL you wouldn't dream of then jumping someone who did their best to help even if it turned out not to be the way you wanted or what you wanted to hear.

I think maybe there are a couple of things at work but both revolve around validation. We feel so wrong so much of our lives that we seek validation desperately sometimes. In going through a decision -still fighting what we don't want to be true we don't want to hear some things. We want to be told it can or will go away or there is some easier way out than the one we fear. So we lash out on our fear and denial. And when we have or are transitioning I think sometimes we fear that it invalidates what we have done or decided if someone else follows a different path or comes to a different conclusion. Also some people use anger and bitterness as a security blanket and don't or can't let go to move forward. That leads to pain and misery. People in pain either reach out or strike out. The people who attack other trans people are often the latter in my observation. A very few just may not be nice people period. Being trans doesn't make someone nasty any better either.

Sometimes it's a combination of those things.

Just remember that those who are angry and strike out are not the majority - they are just the most vocal. For everyone like that I have found there are literally dozens if not hundreds who understand or accept if they can't relate t what we are feeling-and do their best to help.

The world is a complex place filled with both good and bad. Took me a long time to learn if you let go of the bad and concentrate on the good instead- force yourself to find something positive to counteract the negative-life will be much, much better. Because life is what you make it by what you focus your life on.

Johnny

[Guest]

one of the thing that seemed to have change recently is my capacity to endure confrontation. I cry at nothing. Another of those pesky placebo effect. Luckily, i'm also no longer on depression so it gives me the wonderfull ability to bounce back!

I keep my smile, see the picture?

thank you for your response

[StephanieVikingGirl]

Hi Marie,

You have a beautiful smile! I try to avoid confrontation as well, but being an extrovert, I am kinda outspoken. Gets me in trouble sometimes, but I find that I don't get angry too easily, and on HRT even when I do get angry it is kinda at a much lower heat level than before. I am appreciative of that. I am happy to say that everyone on the playground has played very nice with me, and I feel so much support. I really, really need support here. I can't afford to go to real life support (it takes too much gasoline to go that far), and so other than my friend Jennifer, Lauras Playground is my trans support. Let me know if my big mouth says something bad in what I post. I try not to, but I am sometimes clouded by my huge ego. I really appreciate learning from you, and others' through real life experiences as posted here. Thanks.

hugs,

Stephanie