Connecting With Other Transguys

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

I think I've brought this up before, but I'm going to bring it up again.

Lately I have felt really isolated from the trans community in my town. I really would like to have more trans friends, but it has been difficult to integrate myself because a lot of guys were friends before and I'm a newbie. Also, we have 2 distinct groups of guys: college people who are activisty and older guys who are stealth (who are also local). I don't really fit in well with either group right now. The college peeps mostly grew up in the lesbian community and are often involved with activism. The stealth guys are...stealth. I mean, I know who they are, but they are stealth and have their own lives. Also, because I'm early transition, I'd like to talk to more early transition guys.

So, I've hung out with local transguys a couple of times, but it seems like I am not necessarily welcome in their friend group. I'm older, but not by that much. Mostly I feel like I get judged for several things about me that are a little different.

Here's are things I feel like I get judged for:

1. Because I never identified as a lesbian, and had a heterosexual male partner prior to transitioning, I feel like I get judged for that. Yes. I identify as heterosexual male. That's how I've always felt. However, I did TRY to conform and ended up dating men sometimes. In one case I actually loved the man. That doesn't mean that I'm not primarily attracted to woman. It also doesn't make me "less trans". This may not be true, but I think that MTF's catch less flak for having been in "heterosexual" relationships prior to transition. My therapist has even mentioned that there is a lot about my particular path that is more similar to MTF's than to FTM's. I don't know exactly what he means by that. It's so complicated.

2. I haven't tried to hide my past. The wallpaper on my cell phone is still a picture of me and my boyfriend. I had longish hair. I looked like a girl. No, I'm not taking the picture down. The picture was happy and I am not going to pretend it didn't happen. Someone actually made a snide comment about my cell phone once. I'm sorry... although I was kinda butch, I did look like a girl. It's a fact. I feel like people judge me because I don't hide my past. I don't wave it around, but I don't actively hide it. The road from there to here wasn't perfectly straight. I'm not going to pretend it was.

3. I hang out with straight people. Before I started transitioning, that was who I was friends with. Why drop them now? The college trans folks (which actually includes more 24 to 28 year olds who are grad students) really don't seem to like this one. My closest friends are straight. One of them is a "scary looking" bioguy. Other transguys appear to be literally afraid of my friend, who is a very nice, supportive person. Sometimes we have a "guy's night". I've offered to host so we can play Rock Band. I seriously think people are afraid to come to my house because of my roommate.

4. I'm not comfortable doing certain kinds of activism. For example, public marches and protests are not my thing. The main reason is that I don't like crowds. The other reason is that I'd like to be at least semi-stealth. I live in a smaller town and am kind of careful where I'm seen. This means I probably won't be at marches or protests. I'm in a position to be helpful in other ways. It isn't like all activism has to be public and showy.

5. I don't know the lingo. I haven't been out in the community for long. I don't know the party line on some issues. I say what I think. A couple of times people have rolled their eyes at me or jumped on my case for asking questions. Just because a particular thing is the "PC" thing to think, I am likely to question that. It's what I do. Why are people who are all about freedom of expression so touchy about open discussion?

6. This last one is my fault. I don't go to meetings. I want to, but I have social anxiety about walking into places where I'm the stranger. Most people at the meetings have been in the GLBT community for a while, at least they were in the GLB part. I'm coming in out of nowhere. It's scary. I know the people at the meeting, but they already have a kind of "group" going outside of meetings.

I just don't fit in. I'd really like to be friends with more transguys in RL. Maybe I'll meet more people over time. I'm generally pretty easy to get along with. People seem to like me...most of the time. I'm not sure why the local transguys aren't huge fans.

*sigh*

I'm mostly just venting here. Thank science for the internet.

[Guest Zabrak]

4, 5, 6 apply to me.

All my bros are straight - yup - and all my female friends are straight. The only "queer" person I hangout with is my boyfriend and hes bi.

I don't see you as strange because me and you are a like.

[Guest Eagledancer]

We all have reasons as to why we do the things we do. I still show my gender on my myspace account as female for the issue of my minor children. What others want to say or do to me needs to be directed at me not my kids. Does it make me less of the man I feel I am - NO. As I have stated in another post, I have been physically disfigured since birth, and I will always look at it that way. Just as society has used my physical sex against me as I have always found my nose in predominantly all male careers, I now can choose to use what I know to be true or what others think is true. I am a chameleon physically, but my mind and soul are solid and never waiver. I may have taken a respite from my mind's reality when I tried to conform to society's rules, but I in no way harmed myself in doing so. I feel that I was to learn something from the confusion, and so I strike it up to a hardcore education (I've always had to be hit with a 2X4 upside the head to change my mind once I have a decision made). At this point in my life, I feel that I have become at one with my mind. As society once controlled me, I now control them. I am duality. In duality, I choose when I display what features and to whom. Trust me, I am still true to myself because I know who I am. It is no different then any other decision I make except I am conscious of all factors and remain true to my mind and soul because my body rejected this world from the get go. I either have to dress this body up (male) or dress it down (female) - I know it is opposite for you women thinkers . I guess if someone doesn't believe in reincarnation as I do, it would be difficult to have a true disconnect from the vehicle of the soul - ie. the body. I'm not sure that it is something for others to strive towards, but it works for me. My spiritual path demands that I find no value in things that are truly valueless, and one of those things is my body. Before someone loses it over that statement, I will clarify that there is a huge difference between the value and respect of something. I don't value, per se, a wild lion, but I sure as hell respect it. I do respect my body, but I value my heart and soul.

So much for the rant, but I guess I would like you to find assurance that what you value, respect, or even treasure is YOUR decision only. Don't ever allow something someone else says or does influence how you view yourself. If you have good memories of times when you were outwardly appearing female then treasure those photos and memories. When you can look at those pictures and look at the Transman in the mirror that you have so beautifully become then you see the duality. When you become solidly comfortable with that aspect, it removes SSsssssooooooo much stress and demands that we all place on ourselves. You are beautiful no matter how you look because you have a caring and loving soul. You alone are the master of your plight. I pray that you find solace in the arms of yourself first. When you can embrace yourself, then you are loving your best friend and confidant. A solid foundation makes it impossible for others to destroy the structure. You might have to replace a window or shingle when others cast stones, but your heart and soul will remain true to you. I love you for being you. All of us are for more similar then we will ever be different. I say we should celebrate the similarities instead of slandering the differences. Godspeed to you. ~Chay~

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

4, 5, 6 apply to me.

All my bros are straight - yup - and all my female friends are straight. The only "queer" person I hangout with is my boyfriend and hes bi.

I don't see you as strange because me and you are a like.

So true! We do seem to have a lot in common.

I guess I was just in a bad mood this morning because I felt like, just like with everything else, there is a "mainstream" kind of transguy. Once again, I'm not part of the cool crowd. I should be used to it by now.

It isn't like I have purposely avoided knowing GLBT folks. In fact, I do have some friends who are bi, some who are lesbians, and some who are gay guys. That's just not most of my friends. I'm pan-friendly!

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

Know what else I don't do? I don't vlog. There's a bit of a vlog culture. I enjoy being a consumer, but I don't think I'll start one.

Thanks, Chay. I know that it's what's inside that counts.

What gets me is that I feel like transpeople should be less judgmental than others, but maybe that's not the case.

[Guest Jackson]

Nicely said, Chay.

I actually fit into all those categories that Ainsley mentioned in one form or another. Now I have attended a meeting. I did not feel like everyone knew everyone else; however, I did get the feeling that I kind of intimidated everyone else when I wasn't trying to do anything of the sort.

I've actually never felt like I've fit into the trans community whatsoever. For myself, it really doesn't matter very much if I fit in or not. That is why I do like Laura's. I get enough interaction with others here and my real life hasn't changed drastically. I really do tend to forget that I'm different from the general population.

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

Nicely said, Chay.

I actually fit into all those categories that Ainsley mentioned in one form or another. Now I have attended a meeting. I did not feel like everyone knew everyone else; however, I did get the feeling that I kind of intimidated everyone else when I wasn't trying to do anything of the sort.

I've actually never felt like I've fit into the trans community whatsoever. For myself, it really doesn't matter very much if I fit in or not. That is why I do like Laura's. I get enough interaction with others here and my real life hasn't changed drastically. I really do tend to forget that I'm different from the general population.

Why do you feel like you intimidated others? I have found myself having that same feeling...intuition...whatever. At first I thought it was my friends, but I actually think that I might intimidate others a little too.

A lot of the transguys I know ID as genderqueer, the college ones anyway. The stealth guys around here are generally more traditionally masculine/heterosexual.

I think I present as being fairly masculine in a traditional sense. There were no male kids in my family until I was pretty old. For the most part I was treated like a son (just not called that). My grandfather taught me how to do car maintenance and I have always hung out with the men at family gatherings. My dad built model rockets with me and took me to football games. I like guns and knives (not in a scary way). Among some of the transguys in my area, I think it is less acceptable to have primarily masculine interests and present as a "manly man". It isn't like I'm over the top with it or anything. There's nothing about me that should be scary.

[Guest bronx]

B4 and when I started transition I really didn't have very many friends from the GLB community, I don't really do the activist thing and I really only have straight friends. I'm stealth but I do know two other guys in town witch is whatever. I think I have been living my true self for soo long that I just don't think about it too much anymore. Sure i log on to this site because I want to remember some of the feelings I had when I first started and to try and help some of you younger guys out, plus it's just nice to know that I am not alone and that if an issues were to arrive that was trans related I could talk about it from those that can understand me, instead of isolating myself all together.

[Guest Jackson]

Why do you feel like you intimidated others? I have found myself having that same feeling...intuition...whatever. At first I thought it was my friends, but I actually think that I might intimidate others a little too.

A lot of the transguys I know ID as genderqueer, the college ones anyway. The stealth guys around here are generally more traditionally masculine/heterosexual.

I think I present as being fairly masculine in a traditional sense. There were no male kids in my family until I was pretty old. For the most part I was treated like a son (just not called that). My grandfather taught me how to do car maintenance and I have always hung out with the men at family gatherings. My dad built model rockets with me and took me to football games. I like guns and knives (not in a scary way). Among some of the transguys in my area, I think it is less acceptable to have primarily masculine interests and present as a "manly man". It isn't like I'm over the top with it or anything. There's nothing about me that should be scary.

I knew someone was going to call me out on that statement. Let me put this into perspective first. This meeting I went to was back at the beginning of last July. This was two months after starting therapy and one month before starting hormones. The meeting was in a city and the other guys there were all from the area. So the guys there took their cues not from my appearance, but more from my personality.

I actually got the feeling that I scared them a little. I talked about this with my therapist. I think it was all because they were not used to or comfortable with dealing with someone who did fit that traditional masculine role. My therapist believes that it is very important for transguys to have biomale role models and that these guys perhaps did not have the biomale role model experience. For me, that's all I've ever had. For the last six years almost all my friends are biomale. In fact most of my time (other than work) is actually spent in the company of biomen.

I do think it may have something to do with how we present in the traditional masculine role without really trying. But then again, even before starting the transition, I've had friends tell me that they were a little scared of me before they got to know me. I apparently have a strong personality that comes across that way without trying.

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

I totally get you, Jackson. I think I might be intimidating in the same way you describe. Most of my friends have always been bioguys too, and I act accordingly. I never thought of myself as scary in any way because among dudes, I'm not really.

Talking to people who came from the lesbian community has been interesting though. It's true, they don't always have male role models. In fact, it is striking how little exposure some have had to any kind of male culture or role models or whatever. Sometimes I feel like a curiosity, in many respects.

Oh, I'm also kind of a loud mouth sometimes. That might be a little scary, but when I don't know people I tend to be very, very quiet...which is how I've been around the local guys. It's funny. I think the first time they met me they thought I was "too femme" because I had longer hair. Meh... I won't be in this town forever. In fact, in just over a year I'll be headed somewhere else. Hopefully I'll get to relocate to somewhere near a major metropolitan area. I don't want to live in said area because I hate that, but near.

[Guest Nathaniel Darling]

Ahhh, I feel the same way sometimes. I can't say I fully understand everything, 3 and 4 definitely apply to me, and bits and pieces of some of the others. I feel like I don't fit in with the FTM community either because I'm really unusual in many ways. I do sometimes wish I could have more trans friends too, people to relate to, but I've noticed that the abundance of them in Hawaii is limited. Only other FTM trans I know IRL is my boyfriend. o.O;

I guess the one thing that seriously sets me apart is the fact that I'm happy being small, thin and generally "cute" in appearance, and I still like acting kinda feminine. I have no desire to be a masculine guy, and have zero interest in dating women. I'm a homosexual FTM, as is my boyfriend. (He's much more manly then me though. )

I don't see why people should bash you for these things though, I mean everyone is different. It's not like all FTMs have to be one way to be a "Real FTM." That goes for pretty much ever gender though. Saying "All girls are like this" or "All guys are like that" is just not true. It's about the individual's personal preferences and choices, and it doesn't mean you're any less of a man to feel differently or to act differently from fellow FTMs.

It's just about being yourself and who you want to be. If people exclude you for that, well then do you really want to be around such people? :3

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

Ahhh, I feel the same way sometimes. I can't say I fully understand everything, 3 and 4 definitely apply to me, and bits and pieces of some of the others. I feel like I don't fit in with the FTM community either because I'm really unusual in many ways. I do sometimes wish I could have more trans friends too, people to relate to, but I've noticed that the abundance of them in Hawaii is limited. Only other FTM trans I know IRL is my boyfriend. o.O;

I guess the one thing that seriously sets me apart is the fact that I'm happy being small, thin and generally "cute" in appearance, and I still like acting kinda feminine. I have no desire to be a masculine guy, and have zero interest in dating women. I'm a homosexual FTM, as is my boyfriend. (He's much more manly then me though. )

I don't see why people should bash you for these things though, I mean everyone is different. It's not like all FTMs have to be one way to be a "Real FTM." That goes for pretty much ever gender though. Saying "All girls are like this" or "All guys are like that" is just not true. It's about the individual's personal preferences and choices, and it doesn't mean you're any less of a man to feel differently or to act differently from fellow FTMs.

It's just about being yourself and who you want to be. If people exclude you for that, well then do you really want to be around such people? :3

I think it isn't so much "bashing" as people being obviously uncomfortable around me and being like "Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight". I just want to be friends! I'm just not willing to become all super-sensitive, artsy, and political. Well, I am those things, just not in the ways they are.

[Guest Nathaniel Darling]

I think it isn't so much "bashing" as people being obviously uncomfortable around me and being like "Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight". I just want to be friends! I'm just not willing to become all super-sensitive, artsy, and political. Well, I am those things, just not in the ways they are.

Eww, I hate that. That weird feeling where people obviously aren't too fond of you for whatever reasons, and act all weird and such and the air gets all thick and...yeah. <<;; I find it hard to make friends period let alone trans friends because of things like this. ^^;;

[Guest Myles]

Whats sort of interesting is I have some of the same issues as you and I have supposibly been in the lesbian community for 22 years, I pretty much always have dated Bisexual women so I was an outcast to the community. I have very few"gay friends" one set of Lesbians who are taking my transition the hardest, they keep throwing stereotypes at me, "You know you are no longer going to be a thoughtful person once you start T (tomorrow), you won't call us up and see if we are ok..." and one set of male gay friends who I have yet to tell . Other than that all my friends are straight or bisexual, leaning straight. I make friends with similar interests or people I meet and like, they aren't based on sexual orientation.

I also at 39 am having a hard time because of my age, they all seem to be much younger than I am. No I haven't been to a meeting yet, when I asked about one on a site all I got in response was someone trying to pick me up. But I promised myself I would go to next months meeting since I live in an area with a huge Trans population. I am just not sure I know I would like to meet more trans guys but I have never picked my friends based on anything related to sexual orientation or gender, if that makes sense.

Strange place to be in. Let me know what you come up with or how your meeting goes.

Myles

[Guest Jackson]

I make friends with similar interests or people I meet and like, they aren't based on sexual orientation.

I am just not sure I know I would like to meet more trans guys but I have never picked my friends based on anything related to sexual orientation or gender, if that makes sense.

Strange place to be in.

I'm in the same spot too on that. I have never cared about my friends' sexual orientation. Now it seems very difficult to find friends that way.

Now I went to a huge LGBT event last June. No offense to anyone (and remember I'm a conservative country type) it was one of the weirdest experiences of my life. Not that it was bad mind you. It just made it very clear to me that I really didn't fit into the community and culture very well. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It was a very different experience for me.

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

Whats sort of interesting is I have some of the same issues as you and I have supposibly been in the lesbian community for 22 years, I pretty much always have dated Bisexual women so I was an outcast to the community. I have very few"gay friends" one set of Lesbians who are taking my transition the hardest, they keep throwing stereotypes at me, "You know you are no longer going to be a thoughtful person once you start T (tomorrow), you won't call us up and see if we are ok..." and one set of male gay friends who I have yet to tell . Other than that all my friends are straight or bisexual, leaning straight. I make friends with similar interests or people I meet and like, they aren't based on sexual orientation.

I also at 39 am having a hard time because of my age, they all seem to be much younger than I am. No I haven't been to a meeting yet, when I asked about one on a site all I got in response was someone trying to pick me up. But I promised myself I would go to next months meeting since I live in an area with a huge Trans population. I am just not sure I know I would like to meet more trans guys but I have never picked my friends based on anything related to sexual orientation or gender, if that makes sense.

Strange place to be in. Let me know what you come up with or how your meeting goes.

Myles

I have heard people from the lesbian community complain that they get the "you are abandoning our team" guff. My ex-girlfriend, who isn't lesbian identified but is strongly feminist, probably took the news about my transition the hardest. Most of my straight friends didn't have opinions one way or the other.

No one has suggested that I would suddenly be insensitive on T or anything like that, but I have heard of people saying that also.

It does seem like early transition FTM's tend to be younger than us. Like I said, most of the FTM's I know around town are 25ish or slightly younger. The other guys that are my age have been on T for a while and have kinda moved on, so to speak.

I tend to pick friends based on common interests and not sexual orientation or whatever. I guess the reasons I want to know more transguys are both practical and personal. One reason is that only other transgendered people understand some issues you go through. Another is that I really think some of the guys around here are cool and I have things in common with them other than being trans. I think they'd like me if they weren't so skeeved out by my other friends. On the practical side, knowing other transguys helps in locating resources. The internet helps with this, but there are some things that are easier to find out via word of mouth.

I've noticed that there seem to be a couple of ways people interact with the community. In some cases, as it is with the 'college crowd' here, the GLBT community is their major social network. In other cases, it is more like people maintain ties with the community but keep it separate from the rest of their lives.

In reality I guess I do have some trans friends, just not a ton. This website is pretty much awesome.

[Guest Crossroads]

Ainsley, you might also want to consider that many people aren't as smart as you, too.

I find myself many times trying to start a conversation with someone, and they just can't understand me. Not that I'm SUPER smart, but I feel like the average intelligence is below me. I was talking to a high school friend the other day, haven't talked to her in 5 years, and she said she dated a girl, and had to define some "big" work that everyone really should know. She said the date ended there. I tend to have that problem with many people I meet. I start talking about my views on stuff, especially scientific stuff, and they just kind of back away.

Even transition stuff, whereas some (if not many) are super offended by things like pronouns and stuff (and we all have a right to be), it just doesn't really bother me. I think some people think that I'm faking because of that. I tend to fit in best with older (like 40+) bio-guys. It's weird really.

Blah, I feel like I'm not really getting my point across. Guess I'll stop there.

[Guest Seth]

I'M YOUR FRIEND!

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

I'M YOUR FRIEND!

Thanks, Seth.

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

Ainsley, you might also want to consider that many people aren't as smart as you, too.

I find myself many times trying to start a conversation with someone, and they just can't understand me. Not that I'm SUPER smart, but I feel like the average intelligence is below me. I was talking to a high school friend the other day, haven't talked to her in 5 years, and she said she dated a girl, and had to define some "big" work that everyone really should know. She said the date ended there. I tend to have that problem with many people I meet. I start talking about my views on stuff, especially scientific stuff, and they just kind of back away.

Even transition stuff, whereas some (if not many) are super offended by things like pronouns and stuff (and we all have a right to be), it just doesn't really bother me. I think some people think that I'm faking because of that. I tend to fit in best with older (like 40+) bio-guys. It's weird really.

Blah, I feel like I'm not really getting my point across. Guess I'll stop there.

Awww...I'm not that smart. You are spot on about people running away when you try to talk about views on stuff. People don't like to really talk. A lot of times I'll misread a person's intent during a conversation. They'll be talking about something and framing it as if it were a debate type deal...but if you say something contrary to what everyone else believes or question someone, they freak. Meh.

I tend to fit in better with people who are older than me too. It's getting better as I age because I'm more tolerant and my peers are less frustrating.

[Guest Jackson]

I tend to fit in better with people who are older than me too. It's getting better as I age because I'm more tolerant and my peers are less frustrating.

I've always been that way too. Even as a little kid at holidays, it really peeved me that I had to sit at the kids' table for meals. When you look at my friends, you'd think I would be ten years older. One of my best friends is in his mid-sixties.

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

I've always been that way too. Even as a little kid at holidays, it really peeved me that I had to sit at the kids' table for meals. When you look at my friends, you'd think I would be ten years older. One of my best friends is in his mid-sixties.

Yup. One of my closest friends is like 55. When I was a kid, I wouldn't go to children's church. Instead I'd go to class with my mom. Now I just steer WAAAAAY clear of church, but that's besides the point.

[Guest Pól_Eire]

For me (college age stealth ftm), I had male role models but I also was a male role model in a lot of ways, even before I transitioned. My male role models were mostly teachers. I kind of got into a fair amount of trouble at school, and I had a few teachers who in many ways were more like a father to me than my own father. I'm still in touch with some of them now. I have 3 little brothers who are all much more like me than like my older brother (who's not that much older than me), so for better or worse I was kind of like the cooler older brother. If any of them wanted to play gaelic football, hurling, rugby, or basically any sport, build anything, or had a problem with a kid in their grade, I was the brother they came to. My older brother is an awesome guy who loves turtles and plays the xylophone, but he doesn't have that much in common with the rest of us. When we were really little, my little brothers used to get really surprised and didn't understand when I had to go do 'girl-stuff' with my sister and my mom (I have horrific childhood memories of family baby showers, for example).

OK, this was kind of round about, but my point is that I think having the opportunity to be a male role model as well as the opportunity to have them was equally important to me. I know for sure that having grown up with my brothers helped me when I was first transitioning and was stealth because I wasn't starting from scratch in knowing how guys interact.

I have some GLBTQ friends on campus but not many. I suspect this is because I probably know more, but they may think I'm homophobic (oh, the irony) because I present as a pretty traditional kind of guy. I do really appreciate having a connection to the GLBTQ community, but like Stranded said, I don't really feel like I fit in with the culture. I'm not really a counter-culture person, and I dislike that a lot of the interactions I've had with people who are passionately part of the culture seem to be kind of conform-istly non-conformist, especially in terms of political correctness (I acknowledge that's a huge generalization, and probably not fair, but it is my impression from my experiences).

I think the online thing, especially a site like this one, is by far the best way I've found for connecting with other transguys. There may not be many guys like you in your neighborhood, but the internet makes it possible to get to know a lot more people, which gives you much better odds.

Marathon post over :-)

-Pól

[Guest confusedfemale]

I feel you on that one. I most definitely do. I want to meet some guys too. I have a few internet friends, but overall, none that I can really talk to. I believe that is why we're all here. To help each other out, and be friends with each other.

I'm still trying to figure out if I am in fact trans or not. Right now, I'm just doing a lot of self work to keep myself afloat.

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

I have some GLBTQ friends on campus but not many. I suspect this is because I probably know more, but they may think I'm homophobic (oh, the irony) because I present as a pretty traditional kind of guy. I do really appreciate having a connection to the GLBTQ community, but like Stranded said, I don't really feel like I fit in with the culture. I'm not really a counter-culture person, and I dislike that a lot of the interactions I've had with people who are passionately part of the culture seem to be kind of conform-istly non-conformist, especially in terms of political correctness (I acknowledge that's a huge generalization, and probably not fair, but it is my impression from my experiences).

I think the online thing, especially a site like this one, is by far the best way I've found for connecting with other transguys. There may not be many guys like you in your neighborhood, but the internet makes it possible to get to know a lot more people, which gives you much better odds.

Pól,

I totally cut and pasted your name because I don't know how to type that accent mark thingy.

Okay...I see that you have similar feelings to me about the GLBTQ community. I am kind of a counter-culture person, but I haven't liked the "us" and "them" mentality of some people I've met. I feel like saying "Yes. My friend is straight. No. That doesn't make him evil." I seriously think that people wouldn't come over to my house to play Rock Band because my roommate is a straight guy.

I appreciate the need and value of trans-only or GLBTQ-only spaces, but I also don't think it is productive to be total separatists. In a lot of cases, I think my straight friends would really like some of the transguys I know...whether they knew they were transguys or not (some dudes are stealth). The way I see it, every straight, non-trans person we meet and connect with on an individual level is one more person who won't be able to dismiss us so easily. I think it's important for mainstream culture to not see the GLBTQ community as some group of extremists. Then it makes it seem more reasonable to deny us marriage rights and to treat us as different....subversive. I could go on and on about this, but I will stop here.

The internet has been a godsend. It closes vast distances! I have met a lot more like-minded people online than in real life. The thing is that transguys that feel "on the outside" like me often end up not hanging out in places where they can be found. I have such mixed feelings about stealth. Maybe I'll start a thread about it sometime when I don't have 50,000,000,000 things to do.