Fun With Pronouns

[Guest Kenna Dixon]

Where I volunteer, there's a nurse supervisor who's always gone out of her way to be friendly to me.

Kathy, the woman I normally work with, lent me to her yesterday for a couple of projects. The three of us were standing in her office going over the details, and Denise was using "he" and "him" without giving it any thought. Each time it happened, Kathy instantly inserted "she" and "her". There was no awkwardness and no pause in the conversation.

I realized that's the first time I've been mis-gendered. Because of the very nice people involved, it was no big deal. In retrospect, I find it funny.

[Charlize]

I also think it is lovely that Kathy did the pronoun corrections. Hopefully Denise heard her. There is certainly no harm done in that situation (because of your own comfort within yourself) but it could be awkward in a crowded elevator. My son finally understands and is making a great effort to use pronouns correctly. I agree it is mostly a matter of the people and situation involved.

Hugs,

Charlize

[VickySGV]

I have reached a nice point, where people who use the wrong pronoun are the ones that are the magnets for funny looks and most times the victims of some mis-cued responses. The most notorious are my eldest daughter who gets taken for my older sister, and my brother who is twelve years younger also getting taken as my much older relative. If I make a big deal, its a big deal, otherwise it's a "sniff" and move on at worst.

[Guest LizMarie]

One woman I know is in her late 40s and transitioned over the last few years. There is no way at this point that anyone could mistake her for a guy. Every time she tries to go anywhere in "guy mode" (because of her aging father) she gets identified as a girl. Once, in a restaurant, a waiter addressed her with female pronouns and her father (obviously very old) blew up and very loudly said "That's my son!" Christen, when the waiter looked at her, just shrugged noncommittally and the waiter simply nodded, and continued to address her with female pronouns. Obviously, other people now see her dad as suffering from dementia.

My wife accidentally addressed me as "him" in a conversation with a server several months ago and the server just looked at her like she was crazy. I politely told the server I was transgender and that she (my wife) was getting used to the change in pronouns. That generated one of those "Well, I'd a never known, honey!" very southern comments. My wife turned three shades of red, apologized to me but I just grinned and shrugged it off and the server continued to address me as "she".

My wife and I are still headed towards divorce but the situation between us has become more amicable as time has passed. She simply does not wish to be married to a woman. I do not expect to be a close friend of hers over the long haul simply because I think seeing me still gives her too much pain, but we should be able to get along well enough to see our kids and grandkids (at least the ones I am allowed to see) together. I've witnessed her making good faith efforts at using my new legal name and proper pronouns and it's a process. Since I know she's trying and she used male pronouns and my old make name for 35+ years, I'm certainly going to be forgiving where I can.

Among my co-workers there has been exactly one slip addressing me in the first four months since I went full time and presenting at work. Again, someone earnestly trying so I am more than inclined to forgive them. I've not had anyone deliberately misgender me in public in what seemed to be a malicious way so I count that as a blessing. All of my malicious misgenderings have occurred in non-public spaces by family members who are trying to be deliberately cruel. Fortunately, I no longer interact with those specific family members much at all anyway.