I propose a question!

[Guest Kaylee]

Hello Ladies,

I wanted to pose a question, mostly aimed at the ladies here over 35.

When I began my journey, I had read a post someplace (maybe here) basically stating that the younger trans folks tend to transition more gradually over time, while us older lades tend to start HRT, plan, and then double down our chips and jump in with both feet.

This always made sense to me, and that is the road I've taken.

Now.. I've said this about myself a few times in the last week (sorry for the repeat) but until a week ago, I didn't feel like a woman. I knew I was inside... But still felt that purgatory... trapped... in a male body. Even when dressed.

But then.. 6 days ago, I woke up, and that had all changed. As if by magic, I totally felt like a woman! Feminine and sexy and whole.

I was wondering when the rest of you ladies... felt compleatly whole in your new genders and lives? Was that feeling for you a sneek up on you realization.... Or did it hit you in the face like a ton of bricks?

Hugs,

Kay

[Guest Kayla Grace]

I don't fit the "over 35" parameter, but I may as well chime in.

I suppose it was both. In the beginning, you may have seen in my post "Is the mind really that powerful" thread, I noticed that my facial hair was growing slightly slower then it formerly was. I'm wasn't (and am still not) on HRT, so I was under the assumption that my hormones were beginning to change themselves. That was where it was gradual.

I woke up this morning, and when I got dressed and went into the bathroom, I caught a glimpse of myself. When I looked closer, I noticed that I was looking more feminine! Don't get me wrong: I'm no supermodel and there are things I have to modify, but I was looking - and as per that, feeling - more like a lady.

I also oggle at my own pictures and I think to myself "This is astounding". I abhorred my picture being taken before, and now I want to take more by choice! And even I admit that I actually look good in pictures now!

I'm going to be cliche, and take the cop out route by saying that I think repetition is key. Walk like a duck, talk like a duck, you'll feel like a duck.

God Bless

Kayla <3

[Drea]

I don't think different approaches have to do with age. I think there are several factors but I think the number one reason accounting for the difference would be found in the reasons one transitions.

As for myself I made a slow change so can't comment on that cause I don't think what you experience applies.

In any case congtrats about waking up feeling a woman, feminine, sexy and whole. Welcome to the sexy life.

[Charlize]

I am not really sure when it was that the mirror and i agreed. It was a slow process for me and i think i will always be peeling back the layers of who i am.

I will say that the face in the mirror now has a smile much more than a frown.

Perhaps it is feeling sexy but more likely it is because i feel whole and honest. I think we all grow to feel that over time. While some may be faster than others it is a beautiful journey that seems to continue. Glad you're enjoying each step.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Markietoo]

Hi Kaylee,

This is a tough one to talk about. I've been living FT for just over a year. Legally changed my name/gender last month. New Social Security card, new driver's license, new Kaiser medical ID, new banking account info and many other items as I get to them. Seeing my name and gender acknowledged by my doctors and medical plan with an ID card to prove it was really amazing. Felt really good holding that card in my hands when it came in the mail. Friends and family all know me as I am now and, with a couple of bumps in the road, accept me as Markie. No problems out in the community either, just another grandmother (I'm 65!) going about her business.

I'm the same person I always was and yet I'm not at all. Things feel the same to me as before but then again, my interactions with people are often so very different too. The small things strike me the most: compliments on what I'm wearing or on jewelry; little conversations at the store with other women shopping; new exhilarating interactions with men that are not what I'm used to; chatting with my manicurist about her daughter and new grandson in an intimate way that just wouldn't have happened as I was before. All of that and so much more IS VERY different but I'm still me. My HRT doctor saw me a few days ago and said that he'll be happy to make a referral for "bottom surgery', as he put it, in May if that's what I'd like. Something I've dreamed about for decades that is now within my reach by just asking for it. To say that all of this leaves me stunned at times is an understatement. My life this past year has changed beyond anything I had imagined it could be. I am the person I was before but without the pain, without the constant longing that never left me and with hopes for my future that I didn't have before.

Do I feel like a woman? I feel like me. I can still see that male me in the mirror despite all the physical changes that have taken place already. I also see a woman. A woman that others see and accept as who she appears to be, just like anyone else. Will I feel different after having surgery? Probably but I don't know at this point. Your question is cause for reflection and each of us along our journey will see it differently at different points in time. Thank you for posing the question and making me think about it while I write this. I'm interested in what others say also. Best of luck to you dear.

Markie Anna

[Guest KerryUK]

Hi Kaylee,

I'm pretty much the same as Markie Anna. I'm at 23 months in RLE and 20 months into HRT and to be honest I just feel like ME. I express myself as I should have done all along - female. It's just that society etc expected me to act differently because my body didn't match. Now I'm simply able to get up in the morning and be me and not have to do the things that just weren't right. My mind has taken a long time (and still is) to start catching up. I do look in the mirror and see a woman looking back now but it's only really in the past 6 - 8 months (with the help of HRT) that I've started seeing that - others saw me as female much earlier though. So yes, I'm just me now and I present myself to society as me - a woman.

Kerry x.

[StephanieVikingGirl]

Hi Kay,

I am an over 35 lady (okay, okay way over. lol), and yes, I did things all of a sudden last year. When I finally officially, and fully "came out of the trans closet" a year ago, I immediately thought of giving transition a try, I had not thought it was ever going to be possible before, but I found myself out of excuses when my father passed away. I was also in a very dark point in my life at the time, and yet amazingly I survived. Just in time, I started HRT so I could live. I kinda avoid thinking too much about last year, but in any case, for me joining the playground, and starting HRT shortly thereafter did cause me to start thinking differently about myself. I changed in the way I drive, my mannerisms, speech patterns, everything started changing quickly without much thought or conscious effort on my part. It came easily since all I was doing was dropping the pretenses, my facade of maleness.

I changed in my mind more completely when I reached about six months of HRT. Since then, "he" is no longer there. I see myself as a woman, and since I started full time real life test on December 12th, 2014, I am forgetting what it was like to have been "him". I have lost to a certain degree the memory of thoughts held in the past, and motivations for actions "he" made. I would not have chosen to do most of what "he" did, and I can't now understand why "he" chose to do what "he" did. I am not sure if I am making any sense, but I definitely have felt this way for the past two months. Weird feeling actually, and I am not used to it yet. I am very pleased about my life as a woman, I just don't feel like I understand my physical past. Oh well, I guess I really did start a new life when I went on hormones. Heck, I remember a few things that I did as "him" that I still like at least. I am still a show off, and I still love leading wine tours, and socializing with guests. I still like pretty things, only more so (I always loved pretty sports cars, now I can enjoy more clothes, shoes, and jewelry). So it isn't a complete disconnect between "him", and me. It is just that I have changed enough to live as my true self, as I was ultimately meant to be.

hugs,

Stephanie

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

For me, it snuck up on me. I was too preoccupied making sure I was doing everything correctly and I looked as perfect as my girl skills allowed. It wasn't until I took a step back and saw what everyone else was seeing already where I was able to say, "omg. I'm a woman".

But in my defense, I didn't like how I looked in pictures until, like, 2 years ago.