I finally went shopping!

[Guest ArianaD]

I am nearly 5 months into my HRT, so you might think that this event would be a thing of the past for me. I have purchased items for myself and shopped women's departments before, but it was always in drab and a situation that people would have assumed it was me shopping for my wife. Even though I am in transition, my wife and I are still working out what the future holds for us (with joint therapy), so I have been taking the public aspect of my transition very slowly. There are just a handful of people in my life that know. I am anxious for that number to grow and for public outings to be more frequent, but I am trying to give my wife time to adjust.

Anyway..

The reason for this post is that I had the opportunity to get out there and shop as my authentic self.. FINALLY!

I went to a local Goodwill store so I would not get too overly excited and break the bank ;-)

The pictures are on a drop box folder so I am linking them here: https://www.dropbox.com/l/bVhaaDVEtsOBxndX4220ir

I had decided to get ready to go out and decide based on how I felt about my appearance whether it really was the day for it or not. My hair did not turn out as polished as I would have liked, but I decided it was time to go for it anyway. As you might pickup in the photos, at first I was going to go out with my TG symbol necklace on, but I reconsidered that for my first time out. I kind of wanted to scream it out that I AM TRANS and HERE I AM, but instead I went for subtlety.

The walk to the car in my driveway was probably the most risky part, because I do have neighbors that always seem to be out and about (even for a small cul-de-sac). I passed that test, then was on my way. Once I was out the door, I really did not have any second thoughts about it. I paused in the parking lot just to check my appearance, but what woman wouldn't, right? I walked in the store as casually as I could in shoes that I was already comfortable with (I was wearing black flats with a sparkly black bow on them). I was conscious of a few people glancing at me as I entered, but did not pick up on any weird vibes. I continued to the ladies section and began to shop.

I was focused like a laser on the items I was looking at, trying hard not to make too many side glances to see what people were noticing or not noticing. I do think there was a double-take or two, but there was nothing negative that happened. Also, at one point a little girl of about 9 or 10 years of age ended up looking at clothes standing right next to me. She did not seem to pick up on anything being off about me - even after I realized I had accidentally drifted into looking at clothes her size!! Haha!!

I paid cash at the checkout and I think at that point, the cashier had me figured out. However, she gave me a very warm smile and spoke extremely pleasantly to me. I think she could tell not only that I was trans, but that I was nervous. My voice, even though practiced to point did fail me a bit because my mouth was dry despite my best efforts to prevent that. Oh well! I ended up buying 3 tops and a new black handbag since most of my shoes are black (and only spent $22). I think you can tell from the last pic that my eyes were getting a little misty because I was feeling a mix of emotions, but they were overwhelmingly good ones.

I think my upper lip may have given me away with the cashier, since she had the best view of anyone there for a sustained period of time. You see, I had to put a pause on electrolysis for a short time due to scheduling/work, but I can't wait to get that finished on my face to boost my confidence more. I worry about my face with the changing light from when I do my makeup to being under harsh florescent lights, etc. I don't think I totally have the knack of hiding the "shadow" yet. Can you tell in the pics?

Overall, it was a very positive experience. I just had to share it here so the friends I have made on here could know about it

Please send any feedback or tips. I value every reply from you girls.

Take care all,

-Ari

[Guest]

Congratulations on your first splurging trip as your identified self, Ari.

It sounds like you did have a very successful shopping spree.

They do indeed get easier with experience.

Huggs,

Joann

[tracy_j]

Congratulations Ari

As Joann implies - Just keep going out. With increasing confidence you will not be worried about whether you are passing too much, just being yourself whatever you do!

Tracy x

[Guest Jamie61]

Awe Ariana! You look fabulously female! I think your lip line is so silky. If anyone one was looking at it they where getting lost in cuspid's bow. I agree with Tracy and Joanna, confidence will follow experience. So nice to feel your excitement and accomplishment, takes me back to my first time going out as me. I kept looking at the vanity mirror on the visor that I nicknamed it "Jamie T.V." I just could'nt get over how I looked and felt.
Very proud of you!
Jamie

Edited March 24, 2015 by Jamie61
fixed a typo per OP

[StephanieVikingGirl]

Congrats on the successful shopping Ariana!,

Isn't shopping exciting?! I have done some wardrobe shopping again lately, and I love it. Your pictures look great by the way. I don't see any shadow in the photos, it is something I always worry about as well. As for passing, well lets just say you don't have anything to worry about looks wise, you pass easily. We are frequently our own worst critics, you look very female to me. No problem there. As you go out in the public more, you will get more comfortable with your voice as well. I know that my confidence has gotten much better since I went full time. I think voice, body language, and mannerisms are the most important things to look at now that you certainly pass in appearance. Just my $ 0.02. Congratulations again, well done.

hugs,

Stephanie

[Guest ArianaD]

Thank you all for the messages here. I am hoping to get out again soon

[Guest Markietoo]

Hi Ariana,

I have to say that after looking at your pictures, I totally agree with Stephanie, you pass just fine and look great. Taking that step of going out in public is a big one and just the beginning of many, many more to come. Smile, be confident and just go about your business like all the other women out there. Be careful of "scanning", that is spending too much attention looking others in the eyes to see if they are staring at you. Women do look at other women all the time to see what they're wearing, what their makeup looks like and, always, SHOES! Just a quick glance is about it but if they see you staring at them, they'll LOOK at you too. Be conscious of not doing that and you'll feel better and not worry so much about those around you. If someone, in your opinion, does stare at you just ignore it or smile at them and move on. So what? You have as much right to be out there shopping as anyone so let them look if they want to. But most won't. The more you go out the easier it will be. We come in all shapes and sizes and few of us are beauty queens like what you see in magazines, TV and the movies. My teenage fantasy of being a gorgeous woman was not in my genes to begin with and I sure don't look like that now. I'm learning to be content being the grandmother I am now. So much happier than the grumpy grandfather and husband I used to be. Smile dear, keep your head up and feel confident about who you are. All the best on your journey.

Markie Anna

[Guest LesleyAnne]

You look awesome!!

[Guest ArianaD]

I love it when a thread you start seems to have died off, but then you discover some more amazing people took the time to send you some additional encouragement. Thank you both for taking the time to do so. I appreciate the advice and support

-Ari

[Guest Raya]

I love your look in the photos, best thing is you look happy in every one! I don't even try to pass yet, but went shopping at a salvation army store as a reward for stopping smoking, got 2 big bags of femme clothes for $53, and was so glad most fit cause I'm still too scared to try it on at store