Strange encounter

[Guest]

It's all that orientation thing. I'm really mixed up in that department.

So today I went to a cantina for some diner. I'm behind that kind of hipster guy, the cultivated bum kind of hipster. I was a little nervous, I liked how he looked (ok, a lot). So i'm going back home and I was thinking : "he's kind of cute".

Then my mind went "hey stop right there girl. 2 minutes ago you didn't even knew if you where hetero, asexual or gay and now you're starting to find what kind of guy you're attracted in... at 34?"

I know it's kind of weird. I'm really trying to stay honest with myself here. I remember a younger me having weak knees at the sight of a pretty girl I was into and now this? There's a part of me that still say : it's not anywhere in the list of HRT/transition side effect. I swear it's not a "trying to fit in" thing.

I would still consider myself asexual but I feel it's just because i'm confused.

the fact of being honestly attracted to guys after being honestly attracted to girls is weird to me.

[VickySGV]

You are not alone Marie. I am "Ace" for the most part myself, but after a recent night at a TG "Club" where there were gay pole dancers in the lounge upstairs, and a totally unexpected blow torch temperature turn-on from one of the gay guys up on stage and a half hour ride home during which all I could do was giggle, even my confidence in my sexual orientation niche has been shaken. Add to that the number of my Face Book Trans* friends who are in some of the cutest pair relations with each other that I wish I could have with another Trans* and the every so often attraction I have to natal women has my head spinning.

I have made my mind up to ONE thing though, I am too old to let it worry me, so why not just enjoy it as it comes. It's not sex so much as it is the daydream of having a cuddle partner and fun buddy to share life with.

[Guest]

...... I have made my mind up to ONE thing though, I am too old to let it worry me, so why not just enjoy it as it comes. It's not sex so much as it is the daydream of having a cuddle partner and fun buddy to share life with.

2nd that Vicky.

@Marie.

Welcome to the "club". I have resolved myself to being pan at the moment.

I may reclassify myself tomorrow though.

Huggs,

Joann

[Charlize]

I've found that i'm asexual between years heath issues and perhaps HRT. I love my wife and enjoy being with her. The closeness alone is so comforting and simply feels so right. i've also felt some attraction to other members of my 12 step groups. Being hugged by either gender is a true pleasure. For now i guess i'm attracted to women more than men but i can certainly find people of either gender attractive and perhaps as close friends with benefits?

I'm rather glad i'm not in the market at this point.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest LesleyAnne]

Okay,

Good to know why I'm feeling twinges I've never had before, but I too am in a committed long term relationship with the girl I married 45 years ago. But I do have these feelings starting to emerge. Have now been on HRT for 10 months, with no encumbrances from the vagrants who left the lamp post last July.

I don't really have much in the way of desires, but I have been experiencing some fleeting goose bumps. Who knows where it will all end.

butterfly kisses,

LesleAnne

[Guest Jamie61]

Hi Marie,

Perhaps I'm wrong here but I feel that I have read that HRT can affect one's sexuality. I had to 'sign off' on consent forms to obtain hormones and in meeting with the physiologist we discussed this exact scenario.

Last weekend, I had this very conversation with my daughter ( thank you Bruce Jenner!) and she asked me what I thought would happen to my sexuality. Since lately I've not been feeling a strong drive while I have been preparing to start HRT.... I strongly hope that I don't lose it and I don't really care what "it" is. I want to experience a loving, physically meaningful relationship as my true self. So if I should emerge on the other side and I feel that i am attracted to men, so be it.

I know what pan means now! Thanks Laci Green!

I think the most important person to love, is yourself.

Great topic, would love to hear from all side on this.

Jamie

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

the fact of being honestly attracted to guys after being honestly attracted to girls is weird to me.

I know this feeling, as I've experienced it myself. It's kind of weird at first but I've learned to just go with it and not really worry about labels or how things used to be. It's kind of like discovering yourself all over again.

I know what pan means now! Thanks Laci Green!

She has a lot of great videos on her site, some even transgender-related! But yeah, that lady is awesome.

[Ravin]

I think orientation is more fluid for a lot of people than the dominant cultural narrative dictates, and it makes sense that significant hormone shifts influence it for some people. Like everything else about the human brain, it's complex.

[Guest]

At first I didn't want to ring in on this one. I preface to say at the moment my hormones are jacked to the moon! Keeping tabs on my labs and we are getting me back after health issue springing up. My labs were showing first trimester of pregnancy and testosterone levels one third of female.I was getting weak and sick. Yes Virginia, there is such a thing as too much HRT.

I attributed my hugely adolescent mood swings and jackrabbit hornyness too that. Wait a minute, my puberty was over a year ago??? Well not quite I guess and I should have told my doctor much sooner I was having problems.

Somewhere in the mix I awoke to boys? Well I should say men. Maybe I let my "Don't touch me" guard down and men tuned into that. There are a lot of nice gentlemen I see quite frequently in my AA meetings and we like to hug each other, that's OK.

Lately it feels differently, I wondered if it was related to hormones or just my trust and comfort level coming up? I let the questions pass from my mind.

I also have to say after hormones I am getting a little smaller and my feet, legs, arms and hands much softer and slender. When I was in the hospital from a weak calapse they measured my height, I am no longer six foot but now five eleven. My doctor verified this. I was so happy to have all my records and drivers license changed to reflect I'm in the normal female range. All the time I could not shake the boy itch. I like big men that make me seem smaller and I feel more feminine.

About two weeks ago at the end of a meeting one of the fellows I barely ever noticed made a beeline to me to hold hands in the prayer circle at the end of the meeting. So?

In the peripheral vision, I was about eye level with his shoulder. I glanced up, hmm... Boy bonus points! As he took my hand it felt like a catcher's mitt. Wow big. I looked down so no one would see the flush look on my face. It looked like he was standing on two brown Subaru stationwagons! Jody self talk: "Geez, this guy must be blessed like a water buffalo. I want him! Catch me Lord I'm going weak!"

Prayer over he silently let go of my hand. I left with my burner fully lit, but no steam in my teakettle yet. I fought with my feelings "But Jody your wired for girls!" for a few days toying with certain ideas.

I can't wait to be post op and truthfully my conception of dialating day dreams are pleasurable. "What if he would help? STOP THAT JODY GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS!!!" This too did pass and I came back to earth.

So yesterday guess who trotted up to hold my hand for the prayer? Same result. I got out to the patio quick for a needed smoke. Guess who was then talking to him? It was like magic. I just wanted to be with him and I have never had feelings like that before. Cripe!

If he wants to hold my hand, or hug me, or talk to me I'm his. Double Cripe!!

Girls, we have got to figure this hormonal sexual orientation thing out before I wake up trapped in a marriage! EEE GADS!!!

As I talk about this reality sets in, probably will never happen. I've already committed to my Higher Power who he picks for me is the way I will faithfully swing.

WHEN THE HECK IS THIS HORMONAL PUBERTY OVER??? I'm too old for this stuff.

Delta Dawn JodyAnn

[Charlize]

Jody i'm not quite at that point although when you mention big guys as you do i have to remember how nice it is to stand on tippy toes to hug one of the big guys at a meeting i attend. I just wish he would shave a bit more ( a bit rough). I also got an amazing hug and some sweet words from a woman i find very attractive at the meeting. I just don't know but i do know i've put my wedding ring on to protect me. To many in the rooms romances. 13 stepping is something i want to avoid. Life is complicated enough and i'm a married girl.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Razilee]

This sexual reorientation isn't one of the factors that made me drop the HRT, since I wasn't on that long, but it sounds like something that certainly is a possiblity for some. I've been so focused on GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS too all my life, so it would feel very weird to be attracted to guys. I did hold hands with both a man and a woman at the Al-Anon meeting last night. I agree with you, Charlize: " Being hugged by either gender is a true pleasure. For now i guess I'm attracted to women more than men but i can certainly find people of either gender attractive and perhaps as close friends with benefits? I'm rather glad I'm not in the market at this point."

{{Hugs for everyone}}

Raz

[Guest Raya]

Well, Jody, thanks for a thrilling read.

Like Vicky referred to in her reply above, I'm attracted to the idea of a life partner. For me biological/gender details are becoming optional! I'm picking up on some interest from transwomen, and when a transman told me I had a beautiful face I nearly cried. Seems like this could be a wild ride, and I haven't even started hormones yet...