What a day... what a day!

[Guest Kaylee]

Yesterday, I drove into Riverside (CA) too meet a woman I have been talking with online for a few months. It’s just over an hour drive from the dusty little desert town I now call home. I really didn’t want to get pulled over, being fully dressed for the first time in weeks after moving my family. My car registration is currently expired due to a mechanical issue, I chose to drive my old camper van. Many people don’t get the appeal… but I really love driving it. 80’s style… almost shag carpet… just like the camper I traveled the country in as a child. Besides… You have all the comforts of home

I’m driving down the hwy, and a Hwy Patrol pulls up behind me…. And he’s really close to my bumper. “Please don’t pull me over… please don’t pull me over”…. Blip! Blip!....DRAT!

As I pull off the hwy, I try to figure what he could possibly have pulled me over for. I know everything is current… and I wasn’t speeding, weaving or the like. I had just fixed my rear lighting problem 3 hours before I left…. Were they not working?

I finally get off on the shoulder, and then I wait. It felt like he took a really long time to get out of his car. When he finally does get out, I see in my mirror that he is a young… African American man…. And I’m just hoping not to have any problems. He walks up to the passenger door, and I say good morning, and ask what the problem was. He tells me that my tags are expired. Politely, I explain that the tags aren’t due to expire for a few more weeks (I know they are due June 9^th). “I paid them less than a year ago” I tell him. “Maybe for 2014, but you have to pay them every year” he says. This is where I feel like saying “no kidding! Every year? Do I have to change my oil and put gas in this thing too?”

I didn’t say anything, and probably gave him a strange look…. Then he only asked for my documents. So I pull out my Insurance card, and look for my current registration… which is nowhere to be found, only old ones. Lastly, he asks for my license. Yeah… this is the first time I have been asked for my ID since I started transitioning… and it’s a cop. I stumble a little as I take it out and hand it to him…. And politely say “ I assure you… it’s me”. He looks at the license, and looks at me, and says “just hang out, I will be right back”. He walks to his squad car, as I try and figure out what just happened, and continue looking for the current paperwork.

After what seems like an eternity, he returns with a fix it ticket, and explains that the registration is actually current, but the ticket is for missing the tag. We talk for a minute about how the tag might not have made it on, and why I remember just when and why I paid it last year. I sign for it, thank him… and off I go. He was very polite, didn’t bat an eye at the difference between “me” and my ID. I was freaking out over nothing!

Now… after all that… I am late for my lunch date. I finally arrive, and she sees me pull up. We meet, and she kisses me. (First kiss with her… first kiss as a woman… first “lesbian” kiss ever)… and it threw me off a bit. Usually, PDA’s don’t bother me. I’m not gonna be all slobbery and touge-ey and grope-y out in public… but otherwise… everyone can just bite my butt!

We walked around a little artist park, grabbed some lunch, and strolled down the street looking at architecture, and popping into an antique shop. Our hand brushed at one time, and I pondered the idea of two women walking down the street holding hands. (this isn’t quite Los Angeles you know). We walked out to our cars, and said good bye. We kissed a few more times, and I was more comfortable about it the second time. We parted ways, her living an hour in one direction, me an hour in the other… and there it was.

She messaged me a little later, and asked about my comfort level that day. She seems to really pick up on when I go “hyper aware” of everything… or I’m way more obvious about it as a woman than a man, and we talked a little about “why” I am like that at times.

It’s strange to me still. I know what I am attracted to, and know who I am as a person… but I am just not quite sure “how to be” as a woman in a relationship. 35 years of kissing girls as a guy! 20 some years playing the aggressive one, trying to read the signs, moving in for the kiss, putting myself out there…. even though it’s not my nature.

Nothing says I can’t still do those things… but I don’t know that I want to. I’ve played that role for so long, and now I just want to be treated like the delicate flower and all that junk ha ha!

I know the worries about everyone around will pass… as will the thoughts about PDA’s as a lesbian couple…. But obviously… it will take some time!

Just thought I’d share my interesting day of firsts

Happy Memorial Day everyone!

Kay

[Guest Ladyinker]

Wow Kaylee, what a day! My heart would have felt like it was gonna beat out of my chest when the cop pulled you over. Dating is something I think I will take some time off of once I start to transition. I feel that I need to spend some time being me for a change. I think you are very brave in dating though. I think the people in the U.S. are starting to get over their bigotry over seeing same sex couples. There have been same sex kissing on network tv now, and it has been happening on the cable shows for some time. Yeah fear of the old prejudices is still gonna be there, but it is getting better. A first kiss is always a scary and exciting thing. I don't see anything wrong with wanting to be treated like a delicate flower now. I would be with anyone who wouldn't treat me that way.

[Charlize]

Sounds like a magical day. The cop sounds like a nice guy. I almost am looking forward to being stopped now that my ID matches, but i still do my best to be a good girl on the road.

Loving women as a woman is at times a bit difficult. First i had to come out to the world as trans*. Now i'm out as a lesbian. Fortunately apart from kissing women can usually get away with holding hands. It would be nice to experience being the pursued. I've spent my life in the role of making the first moves. At my age and marital status it will most likely remain a dream.

Hope you have many more great days. With each the 'hyper awareness' will diminish.

Hugs,

Charlize

[tracy_j]

It sounds like you had a day to think back on! All that could go wrong but worked out well

Incidents in the car are something I think about as well when fully female, although the police here are usually professional and would likely not comment.

I am really aware of the hyper awareness. Mine has diminished quite a bit and even when my passing is failing big time I am far less concerned as I was. It feels to me that there is a big difference between 'a man in a dress' and someone who appears transexual but does attempt to fit as female.

Tracy

[Guest LesleyAnne]

To me it sounds like a day where everything fell into place, and worthy of saying "What a nice day this turned out to be "

Wonderful!

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

and now I just want to be treated like the delicate flower and all that junk ha ha!

Girl, I know this feeling. I'm the same way!

[Guest Raya]

Thanks for sharing that, Kaylee, it gave me a smile to think about what could be, seasoned with a decent reality