Planning on going part time, what are the pitfalls?

[Guest Jamie61]

GreetingS,

I know that I am not ready to go full time, but I want to increase my presentation so that I can have more and more real life experience ( and clothes). When I do transition, it will be on the job and I will need to be able to already handle daily living so as to then only have to deal with the "working woman" learning curve. Presently, I only present in anonymity, usually visiting other cities ( except with a few members of my family). I think that going part time, weekends, would really help move me into that mode with neighbors, family, friends, the grocery store...

I always talk about how nice it would be to be able to wade out in womanhood instead of having to jump into the deep end just to keep it more comfy for others. I am certain I've read how others have gone this route, I'm wondering what the results were. Was it a good path to full time for OJT?

I'm sure 'my situation' would get back to my work, which is a matter of time anyway. Perhaps I would have the HR talk before I start?

I appreciate your experience regarding this.

Thanks!

Jamie

[CiCi_73]

Hi Jamie,

For me it just happened. I went from no time to part time (basically everything except work) very quickly (maybe a week or two). I am finding it to be awesome. Yes, grocery store, clothes shopping at the mall, my therapist appointments, doctors, basically any activity that is not work. And next week I'm going to a training (second part of a three part training on LGBTIQ sensitivity in the workplace) as my femme self. Work is the final domain left to conquer for me, but I believe it needs to be done right, so I'm trying to get as much information as I can from others on how to do it.

Good luck, I hope you have as much success (and fun) as I have.

Hugs,

Courtney

[Guest]

my feeling is that you pass well enough not to worry. I'm all for giving information before doing anything. When people know what it's all about they often react better. If you want to go full time or go to work dressed like a woman I think it would be best to talk to HR. If you talk to them, you will see how they react and be able to ask just how much they want to help you. You will see, in their faces and in how they say what they have to say, hints of what to expect.

my feeling is that you have to plan that, not for others but for you. Follow a plan that you are confortable with.

your self esteem and strenght will be your best ally. If you take it step by step and stay confortable (as confortable as you can anyway) you will have an easier time.

My hope and feeling is that you will see it's not as bad as you think.

In my domain, although 90% male, there's not a lot of prejudice against woman so I had an easy time.

one thing I realized quickly is that for my family and friends seeing me one time as a woman, another time as a man was very hard.

I think it may be easier for them if you go full time just because it will ease the mourning, they will have no choice.

anyway, that's my 2 cents

[Drea]

Pitfall: Running into someone at work.

I always talk about how nice it would be to be able to wade out in womanhood instead of having to jump into the deep end just to keep it more comfy for others. I am certain I've read how others have gone this route, I'm wondering what the results were. Was it a good path to full time for OJT?

I am not sure what you mean by "wade out in womanhood". Do you mean slow transition from one side to the other? If so that involves a slow move thru androgyny so it isn't really like being out experiencing womanhood, at least not till one is coming out the other end and well, it is hard to tell like that just when it starts.

You are sounding to me more like you want to jump in.

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

Pitfall: Running into someone at work.

Very realistic possibility, and very awkward when it happens.

Pros: you get lots of practice with makeup and putting your look together; if you're out and it's just an utter disaster, you can avoid that place for the next month or so until they've forgotten about you; stock up on groceries and whatnot and just have a girl weekend at home, switch back to male mode sunday and have fond memories the entire week.

Cons: what Drea said

Part-time is kind of like dipping your toe into the full-time waters. It's a good way to start and build up confidence.

[Guest KerryUK]

If so that involves a slow move thru androgyny so it isn't really like being out experiencing womanhood, at least not till one is coming out the other end and well

Well, for me it was and it was how I chose to transition. Personally, I believe that this is the better way to go about transition. It gives you the chance to move into womanhood and lessons are learned as you go along. Also, it gives those around you a chance to adapt to the new 'YOU'.

Kerry x

[AnnazMom]

This is one of the fundamental dilemmas, isn't it?! I can tell you what my daughter did before she came out to me at age 8. She began to part-time transition in preschool. She would wear nail polish on her fingers and toes. She wore boy clothes but then slowly added a little more color and pattern to her shirt choices. She always wore dress-up fairy and princess costumes at home and started to wear them outside. We role-played responses for her to tell her friends. My favorite was, "You just have no imagination!". Mind you this was all before I knew the full truth. When she finally transitioned full-time most of our close friends and family had already seen her feminine side, so it was not such a surprise. I think this is effective and it certainly worked well for her.

Good luck and follow your heart!!

Love, AnnazMom

[Guest KerryUK]

Wow AnnazMom,

You are one remarkable lady, what I've read in just a few lines speaks volumes. Anna is indeed lucky to have such a caring, understanding and open minded Mum. I applaud you.

Kerry

[Guest Kayla Grace]

You are one remarkable lady, what I've read in just a few lines speaks volumes. Anna is indeed lucky to have such a caring, understanding and open minded Mum. I applaud you.

^^^^^^

The pitfalls of part-time I would say that sometimes it's just not enough. I consider anyone full-time that does everything and anything as their preferred gender, besides some of the obvious things such as work in Courtney's case, or family events (or when I don't feel like shaving my face) like I do. I speak from experience when I say that going part-time might sound great on paper, but it sometimes isn't practical in practice.

[AnnazMom]

Aloha Kayla,

I have to agree with you. My daughter had a really difficult time a few months after she came out trying to straddle that line between going full-time (which was her goal) and still presenting androgynous to appease others. It was too traumatic for her and she told me she felt like she was being pushed backward towards still being a boy. I told her to stop the hiding and really go full-time. No more whatever, for anybody else. Now she decides how to present. She even told me, "Mom, you told me it doesn't matter!" when she put on some boy shorts one day!

:ThanxSmiley:for the kind words Kerry

Love, AnnazMom

[Guest Jamie61]

Thanks everyone!

I read today that one of the "pros" to transitioning is that you have the possibility to drop gender stereo types. I've read more then once about trans-women finding the right balance of retaining some maleness or male interests. I believe that the more society encounters gender spectrum people and the more that gender expectations are evolving, the easier it should become to move around and find your happy place. The reality today, I feel, is that you have to 'pass' to avoid some issues, but if you don't pass or if your clocked, you have the possibility of desensitizing ( if not enraging) people to gender non-conformity. Since my body will never appear exactly as cis-gender, I feel pressure to be right on the money with other aspects of my presentation. Maybe not that much different from how many women feel about their appearance. And like cis-gender women, I need real life experience to develop.

My heart is so warmed by everyone's responses. Reading AnnazMom's, care and concern makes me wish I had given my parents more information about me. At this point I see going part time as a necessary, but temporary step. Going full time has to be the goal for ones own sanity and to prevent the inevitable, having this getting back to your workplace. I appreciate that warning.

Perhaps I should have the discussion with my company's HR department, before I go part time in my community?

Baby stepping,

Jamie

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

Perhaps I should have the discussion with my company's HR department, before I go part time in my community?

I personally wouldn't, because you're not transitioning at work (yet) so this doesn't directly affect them. Also since it's taking place off work hours and away from work, there's nothing they can really do or say. So if I were in your shoes, while I completely understand your concerns, I wouldn't bring it up to work unless a situation arises from outside of work that affects you at work. (does that make sense?)

I thought of a second Con: having a boy life and a girl life can sometimes feel like you're leading a double life, which in theory you're not but in practicality you kind of are. It can become taxing over time especially if you have separate groups of friends and trying to keep one life secret from the other life so the two don't accidentally collide in some awkward moment. It's definitely a juggling act at times.

[Guest Kayla Grace]

Jamie, I think you should ask hr about their lgbt policies Instead of throwing it at them that you're trans. That way, your butt is covered. I'm not an expert on the states but I'm told you can be fired for being trans (if not lgbt) some places. If their policy is friendly, have a chat with them; if not, say ok just wondered. Smile,and walk out.

Annaz, I really do commend your actions and attitude towards this. Has your daughter been in transition long? I wish my mother was half as supportive as you are

[Guest Jamie61]

Thanks Lizzie / Kayla, I like what you are both saying so find out the policies in advance and then proceeding with HR when I'm ready to transition at work, or if there is a discovery and I believe it's a necessity.

Jamie

[AnnazMom]

Kayla: my daughter just turned 9 and is socially transitioned at 6m now. I took her out of public school Immediately (we homeschool) so it went fast after that episode mentioned above. She is adamant about getting hormone blockers when the time comes. She says she will not go through boy puberty and will adopt if/when she wants kids! I am along for the ride

Jamie: the gender stereotype thing is interesting and how I wish it were not a thing at all. My kid has both genders in interests and mannerisms, however her age makes this a non-issue at this point. Really it is very personal what feels comfortable, I think.

[Guest KerryUK]

You are one remarkable lady, what I've read in just a few lines speaks volumes. Anna is indeed lucky to have such a caring, understanding and open minded Mum. I applaud you.

^^^^^^

The pitfalls of part-time I would say that sometimes it's just not enough. I consider anyone full-time that does everything and anything as their preferred gender, besides some of the obvious things such as work in Courtney's case, or family events (or when I don't feel like shaving my face) like I do. I speak from experience when I say that going part-time might sound great on paper, but it sometimes isn't practical in practice.

I've been away for a few days and so missed this.

Kayla, I too speak from experience. It doesn't only 'sound great on paper' - it DID work for me. The original poster asked for views and experiences - this is what I have done.

[Guest Kayla Grace]

Kerry, as said much on Laura's, YMMV.

I'm not saying part time can't work, I'm just saying a potential pitfall it can present. If you had good results and didn't get dysphoric on pt, then good on you and I'm happy for you hun

[StephanieVikingGirl]

Hi all,

I might as well throw in my two cents worth of experience on this. I went part time for a very brief three weeks or so, before going full time. In my case, I started having occasional male fails as soon as I shaved my facial hair (I always wore my hair long anyway, and that probably was a contributing factor). Once on hormones my male fails increased exponentially with time, and so I knew that I couldn't keep it a secret for too long. So the time frame went like this: July 4th started HRT, October 31st went out as myself for the first time, November 7th went clothes shopping at the Napa outlets as myself, mid-November got spotted grocery shopping while wearing a skirt by a co-worker, November 21st (semi-planned) coming out to co-workers, and boss, December 12th officially full time including work (both boss, and company owner were groovy about this, and we discussed it at the Holiday Party). I am a wine tour guide for a bicycle company based in wine country California, and there wasn't any work from November 21st to December 12th (the start of the slow season); so effectively I have been full time since November 21st of last year. During those few weeks it was rather uncomfortable for me, I had become way too feminine to play male by then. As usual YMMV, but I thought that maybe my experience might be useful to some.

hugs,

Stephanie

[Guest Jamie61]

Hey SVG!

I really appreciate the timeline info. I know it varies but it does help to understand your experience. I also started in July, so if all goes well I could be ready for FT by the end of the year. No pressure on me, I kinda want to take my time. I would rather a slow build up of experience and clothing so that when I go, I can be ready. But it is amazing to think about being my authentic self at Christmas. Not sure which year...

Thanks!

Jamie