The day has been picked

[Guest Ladyinker]

"The time has come.You know it in your soul, for I am your soul.You can not escape me, you are puny, you are small. You are nothing, a hollow shell, a rusty trap that can not hold me. Smoldering I burn you, burning you I flare hot and bright and fierce and beautiful. You can not stop me, not with wine or vows or the weight of age. You can not stop me, but still you try, still you run. You try to drown me out, but your voice is weak."

Frank Miller The Dark Knight Returns

This passage from the Dark Knight Returns graphic novel I feel best describes what it can be like dealing with our true selves. My time has come. This Friday evening I will be revealing my true self to my significant other. If all goes well I will begin living as a woman full time and starting HRT. I just hope she is with me on this, and not against me.

Erin

[Sally]

Good luck Erin,

I hope that all goes well, do let us know either way.

We all know it and say it here often but there is no way to know how anyone will react.

Just present it as a positive move for your well being rather than starting with, "This is the end of the world..."

Positive energy can make a powerful difference.

Love ya,

Sally

[~Nova~]

For me that day was either the end of my life, or a new beginning. Thankfully it was a new beginning.

Best of luck

Nova.

[Jani]

Best of luck. My spouse is with me but there was much crying by both of us.

Jani

[StephanieVikingGirl]

Good luck Erin,

I hope all goes well. Nice touch with the graphic novel, pretty groovy, and yep it resonates.

hugs,

Stephanie

[Charlize]

Good luck. Hopefully you can be as kind and loving as possible. Time can heal but only if we let it. Throwing away a relationship isn't always necessary. More and more families have been able to stay together. I hope that is your path as well.

Hugs,

Charlize

[MarcieMarie12]

Good luck. I am still waiting on my answer. The first response was I can't stay married to a woman. The second was let's wait until your depression gets better (some of it was GD related, and how the relationship is). But what I've heard from those that have succeeded was that communication, and keeping the communication going was key.

[Guest Ladyinker]

Thank you to all of you for your words of encouragement. Tomorrow evening is the big talk, I feel an odd mix of calmness, followed by feelings of anxiety.

Erin

[Guest KerryUK]

Yes Erin,

Scary times indeed. Best of luck and remember, give her time and keep communicating.

Kerry x

[Guest Ladyinker]

Ok, there was a lot of talking, and some tears on both sides. In the end my faith in my lady love was proven right and we are moving forward with my transition.

Erin

[Guest ~Cadence~]

Oh happy day! Erin, here is to you two walking together!!!

[Guest KerryUK]

That's wonderful to hear Erin,

Just remember, take things slowly and give her time (she'll be transitioning with you which will be just as hard for her as it is for you).

Kerry x

[Guest Ladyinker]

Thank you both Kerry and Cadence. Yes it is a very happy time for me. I will be taking it as slow as I can. I will be getting things set up to start HRT soon, and soon my lady love and I will be going SHOPPING.

[Guest Markietoo]

Hi Erin,

Patience with each other is indeed essential. Just as Kerry said, you are BOTH transitioning, an important point that is often lost in our passion to move forward as quickly as possible. Sharing together each of your fears and hopes is vital and helping her feel loved, protected and still wanting to stay together will help ease her acceptance of your decision. She'll have to deal with her own feelings of loss of that 'man' she loved. Some refer to that as dealing with the death of a loved one, and for some that's how it feels. To use a rather trite metaphor, your transition is like the loss of the caterpillar into the beauty of the birth of the butterfly. The world awaits for you.

Best of luck,

Markie Anna

[Guest Ladyinker]

Thanks Markie,

I am trying my best to be patient and understanding of my lady's feelings. She is starting to embrace it more everyday. The other day she tried talking me into wearing a long blouse with a pair of black tights as an outfit. I am still a little prudish to wear and outfit like that. I figure we take it one day at a time, and when ever she has something to say on it I stop and listen. I tell her I love her everyday, and how pretty she looks. We have been together for 18 years, and I hope our love for one another will see us through this.

Erin

[Guest So-kool]

Sounds like things are going well.

... Suspiciously too well.

Things are in the early stages for your coming out and not to scare you but some people can give a "false positive" reading at first. She might be thinking she can handle it fine and you might get the impression everything is a going well then suddenly you encounter a set back.

I just want to remind you that patience comes in to play during times of set backs.

A frequently repeated pattern of transition is the classic "two steps forward and one step back."

Which is often compared to a roller coaster as well. Having similar ups and downs.

When times get tough i remind myself to appreciate the hard times because because good times come next. And also appreciate that the hard times make you stronger and help mold the next version of YOU.

Be sure to lean on the forums here and consider couples counseling if frustration sets in.

I have been told by my wife "there is no way in the world i will be with a woman... Ever, ever NEVER!" And not just to myself but to counselors and others! The writing was on the wall and divorce appeared to be the only option for us. But as we grew and learned we came upon one phrase that helped stop the gloom and doom we saw in our future. That phrase is "Lets take things ONE DAY AT A TIME "

Thus far, We have been together 3 years since my coming out and transitioning.

Wishing you all the best.

So-kool

[MarcieMarie12]

It might also helps if your wife gets her own therapist. She may need someone to talk to. My wife has been much better since she started seeing one.

[Guest Ladyinker]

Thank you for the great words of wisdom So-kool and Marcie. There has been some back and forth on this, as it is taking some time for her to adjust. Her big problem is the feeling that she is loosing me, despite how often I tell her that she isn't. I understand that the man she thought she knew is going away, but I feel that he will be replaced with a better version of that personality. She is going to see her own therapist, she starts that on Monday. I hope it will help her. I have directed her to this forum as it has a thread devoted to S.O. and wives. I figure all I can do is point her to people she can talk to when she feels she can't talk to me about this.

Erin

[Guest KerryUK]

Thus far, We have been together 3 years since my coming out and transitioning.

Wishing you all the best.

So-kool

What a great post So-kool - really well written.

My ' Partner' and me are in the same situation too So-kool. To be honest, we are more like best friends now and have so much fun together. There was a time when she said to me that she couldn't be with a woman yet here we are, three years after my decision to transition.

[Guest Ladyinker]

I really hope my lady and I have this level of success too Justme.

Erin

[Guest KerryUK]

Well Erin, everybody's circumstances are different and I'm the first to admit that it is 'a big ask' to our wives/partners. All we can do is communicate honestly with them and give them time AND hope that we come out the other side okay.

Kerry x.

[Guest Ladyinker]

This is the start of the third week of me living full time. My lady and I are still taking things one day at a time, which I think is good. We have been on one shopping trip which was fun, she was very helpful in picking out some new cloths with me. Posted a couple of pics in the gallery.

Erin

[Guest KerryUK]

That's really good to read Erin. She probably realises how much fun it is to go shopping together as best friends. My S/O likes going shopping with me as now, we look out for things for each other. It's a good step forward.

Kerry x

[MarcieMarie12]

Well my wife came to me with the separation papers and I am moving out before the end of the month.

[Guest Ladyinker]

I am sorry to hear that Marcie. I hope that I am one of the lucky ones and get to stay together with my S.O. However, I also know that the odds are stacked against me one this one. I wont sit here and say that it has been all smooth sailing, it hasn't. All she and I can do is take things one day at a time and keep on talking with one another. Good luck Marcie, I hope that everything works out for you.

Erin