A bit of a ramble of things I want to improve

[Guest Kayla Grace]

Just a few things have happened lately, and I just wanted to see what you all think.

Someone I've had my eyes on lately:

They're gender fluid which is certainly interesting to say the least. Everytime they text me I light up and quickly respond. I've known them since my coming out post on Facebook (about 1.5-2 months?) and we've gotten very close since then. Now I'll openly admit that I've never met them face-to-face, but since work has begun to stabilize my hours, I can work on that. I'm one of those Demisexual people - those who fall in love with others that they have a strong connection with - and I've begun to fall for them. I've told them, but I don't know the words to describe how I feel about them.

This all sounds great, but lately they've been telling me they've been questioning their gender. Whether they want to be a male, or female. I, of course, support them all the way however I said that long term I was looking for a man. I'm going to let them know that they can (and need to) be honest with me about how they are feeling. I'd rather have the truth bluntly thrown at me then figure it out after being dragged along on a wild goose chase.

Brazilian Laser Hair Removal and SRS:

Yes, I'm opting for both. I'm not sure if anyone here has had both, but I was wondering if it would be better to have a Brazilian before SRS, or after. I can think of a few points on both sides.

- Laser before SRS might be less painful because after SRS there would be scarring, and I'd be much more sensitive

- Laser after SRS could be more difficult. But then again, it could be easier because it would be a smoother area to cover and with less obstructions

- Laser before SRS would definitely be MUCH more uncomfortable for me as opposed to post op

What do you all think?

​I had a cry a few days ago:​

Title says it all. I was feeling lonely one day after hearing about some of my coworkers from another store got together for drinks, and had a good time. It wasn't the actual event that I was jealous of, it was the gathering in general. I just kind of ... let myself cry. I felt much better afterwards as well. I've also had my hrt upped as some of you might remember; so perhaps it was just my hormones out of whack, or maybe both.

​

Social Transition:​

Again, a self explanatory title. All of the social transition is obviously very new to me. Not only because I'm a different gender, but because I had a pretty non-existent social life beforehand, it's worse now. As for my family, I went as me, but with my coat on and had it undone ... It was pretty awkward. I'm not exactly sure how to phase it in.

I'm going to talk to my therapist about all of this next week when I see him, but I wanted to see if anyone here had any of these same experiences first.

[Jani]

Kayla, the good cry is something that you just let yourself have. No need to worry about it. The social transition is something we all face. I know I've been having concerns recently but as others have said, its part of growing.

Jani

[tracy_j]

I think Kayla most of my input would be on the social angles as I am not on hormones or currently contemplating SRS.

I do find I am drifting back and forth socially and from time to time expecting things to 'blow up' as someone may take exception to my dress or way of life. In many respects I have not come out as such and gear things somewhat to my expected social circle at any one point in time. With family I find it difficult as my mother is elderly and although I dress feminine when visiting I fall short of being girly. She does comment occasionally but I just play things 'matter of fact' and don't push it. The rest of the family don't mention things so I do wonder, but my family, even though I suspect they don't get it. They know me as a rebel and accept. My partner's family started by treating me as a joke but nowadays don't mention it. I think acceptance as such is far more difficult with those we know well than strangers or new friends. At least that is my experience. We can feel embarrassed and arkward even when things are going Ok.

Socially I find gender a nightmare as, even if someone is gender fluid, social conventions etc push them toward their birth gender. I find it a problem! I think there are many people out there who would make ideal partners but as soon as they deviate from their social gender norm peer pressure, either direct or implied, points them back.

Tracy

[Guest Raya]

Kayla, best of luck to you! I hope you soon get the social life you wish. That is one thing I can point to that is way better in my new life.

The relationship? Well, I don't know, but I think if it were the right person, their gender wouldnt be a game changer for me. I'm also demisexual, and have said I want a lifemate, gender optional. But I dont know for real. And I'd sure try to meet them IRL before I fell too far. This has given me a couple good crys, meeting nice people and dreaming about a life together.

And I've read that most surgeons want full electrolysis down there for SRS.

[SoSarah]

Kayla, good luck and I mean that in good way. I have a great social life as a Father, grandfather, son, brother and friend. Today my life revolves these facts even though I hear thank you mam ! most of the time unless I am wearing a cap. My hair is chin length colored brown-red, my brows are distinct and I wear mascara. I guess my hurdle that I haven't overcome ( even though everyone in my world knows I am trans ) I am still P**** to them. To socialize as a lady and be accepted a woman seems far off let alone a life mate. Life is good, but certain things live in the dream world. Now back to the Hallmark Channel and watch people fall in love--break up, then kiss in the end. Smile's...Sarah

[StephanieVikingGirl]

Hi Kayla,

I am a bit late to reading your thread, sorry about that. Going backwards through your ramblings: social transition is new to me too!, it is so wild, different, and yet I feel so normal. Since you are one of my Facebook friends, you know that I have lots of accepting friends. What you might not be aware of though is that many of my friends are folks that have known me for over thirty years. "Coming out" to them last year was the bravest thing that I have ever done. We live in a different world than I experienced when I was younger, and I think that we are in a wonderfully accepting time, especially amongst the more intelligent, educated folks. It just is going to take us some time to adjust, this is a journey, a long one that we both just started recently.

Crying is normal for us women, and it helps.

I just had a meeting with my doctor, and he mentioned laser for everything is now covered by my insurance. So getting rid of the hair downstairs is free, and a good idea to have done before surgery. So even though I kinda like my triangle of pubic hair, I think it is going to be gone before GCS (technically I think only the parts being operated on need to be lasered, but Alex likes the bare look methinks).

Speaking of relationships, well, I am very pleased with my love Alex. We met online here in the playground back on December 17th, 2014, and by the time we met in person, we were already in love. He is a trans guy, so he is also transitioning, and knows so much of what I am going through. This makes things so much easier. I hope things go well with your relationship as well, so keep us informed girl.

hugs,

Stephanie