It was bound to happen...

[Jani]

No, no, the world didn't end. It just stopped for a moment. Here's what happened.

I went grocery shopping today but first stopped at Lowe’s to pick up a junction box and a few light fixtures for the laundry room. An associate came up to me while I was looking at the fixtures and I had to ask about (now obvious) differences in two similar items with differing prices. One had a built in receptacle, Duh! It was definitely a blonde moment but a good personal interaction.

I then went food shopping and generally had a nice time. At checkout I had a young guy (mid-late 20’s?) who sir’ed me when he handed me the receipt. I was taken aback but it happened so fast I didn’t say anything. There were no indications he questioned my gender. I have wavy hair down to my shoulders and a new pair of feminine eye glasses and wore light makeup. I had on a short winter jacket with a fur trimmed hood over a stripped turtle neck top, with a nice scarf.

It’s been bugging me all day. What was he seeing? Argh! This is the first time this has happened to me. I know I've been lucky in this regard. I’m tall (6' 0"), have a square shaped jaw and my skin isn't porcelain like, which are all masculine attributes as I see them, but I am real slender and my voice is good. Maybe I need a lighter foundation. When I'm out I typically go out feeling real confident in myself. I'm not afraid to speak or look anyone in the eye. I'm just focused on being me. This was a real blow to my confidence. The drive home was long.

I know a lot has been written about this, and some girls and guys get this all the time and it makes me feel sad. I've been empathetic when reading posts and responding when I could offer words of support. For me I understand its part of the journey and it was bound to happen, and it will happen again. I understand cis-gender women get mis-gendered too. But it’s a bummer. I just need to work on getting over it.

OK I'm leaving the pity party now and will try to move forward with a positive attitude. Thanks in advance for reading my tale and just being here. It's so comforting to know I have sisters and brothers that can relate to me, the way I relate to all of you.

Thanks,

Jani

[Cyndee]

Mindless sheeple, going through the motions of a routine business transaction, the person may have only glanced at you. Being yourself you did nothing wrong, yet we fret over these words. It's nice when they are correct, but when they go the wrong way, it seems to stir something primal. We tend to want to learn from such events, so as to make adjustments, and it's this process that starts putting more into an event than most people can ever imagine.

What's your peace of mind worth ?

Hugs

Cynthia -

[Charlize]

I don't know if we ever fully get over being misgendered. I'm fortunate in that it seems quite rare but it happens! This is especially true in my community where i've known folks all my life. In that case gender pronouns can stick like dog manure. When it does happen it hurts. I'm learning to let that go. I even correct folks at times which i would never have done a few years ago. Maybe just accepting myself as myself, knowing that my body will never be perfect makes it easier. Like you, it is still a painful reminder. It's getting a bit less painful with time and experience. Maybe i'm growing a mind callous. As Cynthia suggests letting go helps as well.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest]

It depends on my mood. Sometimes I say nothing.

Sometimes I look down my top and say "Do you girls have a man in there again? You will be in such trouble!" the women around me laugh and the boys turn beat red.

I've asked more than one if it is time to make their optometry appointment.

I reply calling them ma'am.

Oh and I don't recommend this but, one long tiring day working in grubby girl clothes at the thrift store next door, I took a break shopping at a small dollar store. I was browsing and selecting all female items. I took my sundries, make up, ear rings and such to the counter as the apparent owner, an Asian American man about my age watched me throughout the whole day.

I tried to be genuinely pleasent to him until he rudely exclaimed "Did you find everything sir?" His wife watched the whole scene from the back isles of the store. I was hugely wizzed off. I abruptly yanked open my shirt showing my bare ladies and exclaimed even more loudly "Do these look like sirs to you, you idiot!" My eyes shot daggers as I was broiling!

"Excuse me Ma'am, please pardon me..." I paid, calmed down and strutted out. I thought to myself that was not too cool as I could get arrested for indecent exposure.

I think his wife reamed him too. Now every time I return she is so nice to me, waiting on me, girl talking and giggling as he stands back still red faced.

Unfortunately I am not always the lady I portray. Hug. JodyAnn

[Jani]

Thanks for the words of support. I know, letting go is the best thing to do.

Jody, even in a fit of rage I would have a hard time doing what you did.

Jani

[Guest]

Thanks for the words of support. I know, letting go is the best thing to do.

Jody, even in a fit of rage I would have a hard time doing what you did.

Jani

It only took me once to see the error in that way. Giggle.

[Guest audrey michelle]

May have been nothing, when you ring out hundreds of people a day especially in a place mostly visited by males you tend to just almost just automatically say have a good day sir. I've admittedly done this to cis women who were obviously women on accident a few times on accident.

[VickySGV]

I think Cyndi nailed it really. The guy was on Otto Pilot and had recently washed his mouth out and couldn't do a thing with it.

[Jani]

Yes, I agree. I'm moving on now although my Friday and Saturday were ruined by my wallowing in self doubt. I feel better. Thank you all so much!

Jani

[tracy_j]

There are really a lot of things to upset if you let them. Just leaving the till in a shop today I had a representative for a dog charity say 'contribute to the dog charity miss?' (not exact words but used miss and that was the content). I declined and felt really bad. I prefer to work for charities rather than give money which may be diluted by administration. That does not stop me feeling bad as I love dogs - just as bad as if it were 'sir'.

Tracy

[Jani]

OK I have closure! Today after my groceries were rung up and bagged the cashier handed me my receipt and commented " oh, you smell so nice". I'm sure it was my hair as I don't use perfumes. I smiled back and said thanks! I feel better now.

Jani

[Guest KerryUK]

I'll bet you are on cloud nine Jani, good for you and I'm pleased for you.

Kerry