Is it normal to have regrets about coming out?

[Imaginary Spiders]

So I came out three days ago. It went very well. After I left my letter for my mother to find I sort of regretted doing so. Then I heard her flipping through it. I think it's perfectly normal to regret coming out within the first few hours, maybe the first day. Is it normal to regret coming out three days later? I have been unusually well accepted by my mother as trans and I think she sort of accepts as female, but if I could go back to the moment that I left my letter for her to find, I'm not sure I would do the same thing. I have looked forward to coming out as trans for months and being accepted. I got what I wanted, perhaps even more. I really didn't expect to feel this way about things. I have decided I am going to wait things out a few days before I talk to her again about being trans and after I have thought things out a bit I will be contacting a gender therapist. Has anyone felt this way before? Is it possible that I'm just scared?

[VickySGV]

Yes, I did feel this way, and it definitely began an adventure. For me an adventure that continues 6 years past the beginning of HRT, and 4 years beyond coming out full time, and then three past SRS. You have started the snowball rolling!! In time the "scared" becomes a satisfying ride to the next day ahead. There is no "getting a cat back into a bag" or a "Genie back into their bottle". We have gotten to the edge of the river, and have found we can run on it's water though!!

[Imaginary Spiders]

Thanks for your response. I thought it was really weird how I sort of regret coming out even though I got a lot luckier than a lot of people do. I guess it is fear, but I'm not sure of what.

[Charlize]

I don't know if i had regrets. I know i had difficulties and some hardship. I also had some doubts. It took time to become comfortable as myself. I do think that the old system of requiring folks to live in their gender before HRT or surgery had some merit. So far you have crossed no bridge that can't take a return trip. You know you have a strong famine side and can be open about that. Where you go with that knowledge will only develop with time.

Isn't that time thing a pain! I want the world and i want it....Now!!!!!

Hugs,

Charlize

[tracy_j]

I get the feeling with these things that it is always a bit of an anticlimax. There is always an expectation that the world will change. Whether it is for better or worse. I find that when nothing really seems to change I get somewhat worried as to whether things have gone wrong. Do not forget that for many people, things that we feel important are only side issues. I know that to you mother Laura it will be more than that but I am explaining in general terms. But yes, as Vicky said, once the genie is out of the bottle I for one have been a little scared as to whether it was the right thing to do

Tracy

[Imaginary Spiders]

You make a good point in saying that I have not done anything yet that I can't reverse except for the fact that I came out and my mother will never see me the same way again, but she mostly has a whatever attitude about it anyway. She has been very supportive about it and appears to accept what ever approach I will take. I guess part of the issue is that I didn't expect her to be so supportive. It still sort of feels a bit like a dream. Things don't quite seem real to me yet. Maybe that is why I am having regrets.

[MarcieMarie12]

Same here, I have been out for a couple of months to my family and friends. I worry that things might go bad, people might decide they don't want to deal with me. But so far my friends have been accepting, and I've made many new friends in the DC area. I've moved out of the house and that has been a mixed blessing. I miss the constant companionship, but I enjoy my new found freedom. While I do wonder if it is going to be worth it in the end, I usually end up asking myself--do I want to go back to that state of being in denial and in the closet? The answer to that is decidely and unwavingly no. I have enough of a hard time being him at work!!

I may have worries about others reactions, sometimes feeling overwhelmed by what I am doing, and worry about the next laser hair treatment (ouch!!). But I also know that what others think is their problem, not mine. Take everything a day at a time, and the laser may hurt temporarily but it is permanent progress towards my final destination.

[Imaginary Spiders]

Thank you all for helping me understand that having regrets is just a normal part of the process. From age four I felt that I was the wrong gender. When I began cross dressing at age thirteen I either did it in the dark or behind locked doors when no one was around. I obsessed everyday to keep the way I felt a deep deep secret. At age thirteen if you would have told me that I would eventually be openly transgender with a few friends and my mother, I would have thought you were insane and laughed at you and then go hide of course. I have come a long long way in just a few months. So I think it is perfectly natural to doubt things a little.

[Guest]

The growing process involves taking a step forward and sometimes a step back.

There are some steps that you cant really go back on but that is times when you digest the changes you have made and rationalize then decide if you want or need to take another step forward. Or stay where you are.

I regret that i need to take steps that will conceen or hurt others but I dont regret actually taking the steps because by the time i take another step I am sure in my heart that I need to do it.

Wish you all the best.

[Guest Leigh]

I often find that it is difficult to cope with acceptance more than rejection. We are so used to the idea of being rejected, that we have coping strategies ready for how to deal, but when we are accepted it can often be confusing.
And it's also not over- which is the main thing with coming out. It's never really over. Each step in your process, whatever you decide, it another step in coming out. Each moment it becomes more real, people will have to come to grips with it.
I have certainly felt regret about coming out, but not as much as I feel for having waited so long to finally do what I have know was right for a very long time.

Best wishes on your journey.

peace

[Jani]

I haven't had any regret but I have had several "what now" moments. As Leigh says it's not over, you've just taken the initial public step. You've lived with this in your head for a long time, now its out in the real world and this is where we all live. Are you scared? I'm certain you are. With a change like this you'd be crazy not to feel a little fear. But get over it and plan your next steps. Enjoy life. You only get one!

Hugs,
Jani

[Guest]

Throughout my journey there has been a bit of a rollercoaster of what have I done, what should have I done, why did I need to do it? I still don't know all the answers. I lay here writing this knowing that for me, I did all the right things, all be it some mistakes along the way.

In the beginning there was much more turbulence than peace. I'd say you are having normal feelings.

[Imaginary Spiders]

I'm starting to see that those are just normal feelings for this step. I just thought it was a bit weird how a couple of days after I came out it sort of hit of me that I really just did that and I began to question if I really needed to. The answer is of course yes. Things are starting to look up for me now. I'm coming closer to doing what I need to do and getting the help I need. I don't regret it right now. I sort of tipped my whole world upside down. I guess it sort of takes time getting use to things. As Leigh said prior to coming out we are use to rejection or at least the idea that we are being rejected. I'm sort of surprised that my mother has been so accepting. I thought maybe she would sort of accept, but perhaps not completely. Instead she appears to fully accept me.

[Charlize]

That is wonderful.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Kayla Grace]

I definitely have. I think it's perfectly normal to regret coming out because who is really ever ready to hear such things? Are you really ever ready to tell someone you're really a boy/girl respectively?

[Guest Raya]

My only regrets from coming out were the "overshares" with people who I didn't know that well- I was so excited, and people asked why I was so happy, and I just kinda dumped it all on them! They were actually very gracious, but it was awkward.

Aside from that I found it a relief to come out.

[Imaginary Spiders]

I think I'm done regretting it for the moment. I just very recently realized that I have made a huge steps towards something that I have always wanted which is to be a woman. How can I regret that?