Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Real Life


Guest Jeannine Bean

Recommended Posts

Guest Jeannine Bean

So I've been doing what I feel is appropos for me now, in a country where gender norms are different than my home country. My boss is cool with what I wear, and how I talk (honestly no one seems to notice even if I abruptly switch from deep male Johnny Cash to absolutely no resonance and exaggerated very high and thin, and everything in between. I don't even get a slight change of people's eyebrows or anything. No reaction at all. I think it's because of a language barrier or something. I'm thankful for this because it's helping me find the voice I feel most comfortable with. I used to talk pretty femme at my old job, but it was at a university in the U.S. and they pretty much couldn't fire me no matter what I did.).

I have been turned out of a couple of shops for trying to buy pants (walking in wearing women's clothes that looked damned good on me, also). So I'm finding the stores that will treat me well and I'm patronizing the heck out of them. I'm finding new shops on days when I feel good enough to take a few lashes if they don't want to do business with me (gotta have some extra good reserves before I go out and potentially take a beating).

Bathrooms are a little weird. I generally go to women's rooms except in huge places like rest stops where there's a million people. Sometimes someone raises an eyebrow, sometimes they don't. Usually there are stalls though, so in the end, why does it matter? I'm willing to risk embarrassment and ridicule.

Now my motivation in all my actions is twofold. One, I notice that gender is a whole institution by which others interpret my actions based on the frame they see me through. Therefore, for social reasons I choose to have many markers that I'm a woman. Even though everyone knows I have a Y chromosome, calling myself Jeannine, talking and acting a certain way and wearing cute outfits DOES change how people interact with me, and helps other women treat me better and often more as a fellow, at least in some way. I feel more comfortable then with the social feedback I get, and I feel not so locked inside myself all the time. Like I breathe a big sigh "ahhhhhh, now people are getting to know 'me'." Even if I have to put some extra things out there as methods of communicating and helping them know what "me" is, LOL.

Secondly, I'm doing a lot of what I like. I never felt much of what society calls masculine. Aesthetically I like "masculine" on other people a lot and it can be totally hot (as can feminine), but it's not what I like for me. As for clothes, I am proud of my body and like to wrap my hot donkey up in some cute threads any chance I get :-). I'm getting lots of depilation, so I'll be sporting even cuter stuff soon. God I've wanted this body hair and facial hair gone for years but I never had the money before, putting myself through college and all. It's just more congruent with what I've always wanted for myself.

Still, I'm toeing a few lines because I don't want to marginalize myself too much. I am not willing to lose my job. I'm working on some entrepreneurship right now so maybe one day I'll run my own business and I won't have to worry about hiring or firing myself or giving myself raises or withholding them because I descriminate against women with broad shoulders and a deep voice. I'm certain that hair removal won't change my employment. I'm also pretty sure FFS won't affect things there except maybe helping me not worry about age descrimination (which can be a big deal in my profession). I could have SRS too and it wouldn't matter so far as they're concerned. The one and ONLY thing that might confuse my employer and get me fired would be breasts... I'd like to have some big breasts to balance out my frame, but that's one compromise I'll have to make until I'm self employed (so with hormones I keep feeling happy my boobs are pretty small -- and someday I may be the only MtF in the world wearing a binder, LOL).

As for SRS. Awhile back I contacted a couple of clinics and they were willing to perform SRS if I had a psychiatrists letter saying I was sane and knew what I was doing and that SRS was reversible. I was considering getting SRS and presenting myself completely as a man to everyone. Since SRS is a lot more than "icing on the cake" to me. Personally I never felt too restricted about "gender roles." But my genitals are a cause of near hellish pain for me most of the time I try to have sex. That's far more important to me in the end than whether or not I get to wear my makeup and a blouse to work.

Still, I do want to have social feedback that's congruent with my true gender, and I want to dress and act and live as I like, so the other more obvious stuff if important in its own way. I feel resource rich now and am having my wardrobe custom made instead of relying on the eight shirts I've ever been able to find that I like and are cut for me (yea, my broad shoulders--someone with a Y chromosome can buy off a runway what someone with two X's can get at target, LOL). I'm almost doing the same as I always would have done if I'd had this money, except the name change. And I changed my name because I finally understood the need for social feedback to help me not feel so "locked inside" with my identity all the time.

--Jeannine

Link to comment
Guest Elizabeth K

A powerful posting - I hope you kept a copy. I descibes what you are.

I love these insightfiul voyages we transgender take! I feel the that gender gifted aspect of what we are flame high as we roar in the furnace of life.

GOOD job!

Lizzy

Link to comment
Guest angie

I personally do not claim (RLT) Real Life Test, as an apt discription

of this part of our journey we must make.As the title of this posting say's...

This is not a test.A test comes to an end.(RLE)Real Life Experience,is a

much better discription of how we must learn to live comfortably in this

new role,for the rest of our lives.There is no end,only life.

Hugs,

Angie

Link to comment
I personally do not claim (RLT) Real Life Test, as an apt discription

of this part of our journey we must make.As the title of this posting say's...

This is not a test.A test comes to an end.(RLE)Real Life Experience,is a

much better discription of how we must learn to live comfortably in this

new role,for the rest of our lives.There is no end,only life.

Hugs,

Angie

Yes, yes, yes!

You got here first and said everything that I was thinking.

Well said, all I can add is my endorsement!

Beautiful and now the pressure is off, there is no grade (Oh, no even Sally wouldn't stoop to that pun!) it is just Pass/Fail! :D

Sorry about that! :blush:

Great topic and good responces!

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment
Oh my dear Angie - where did you come from? You write like I think.

Lizzy

Not too surprising, didn't you used to live in San Antonio?

Seriously, if we look at it as our getting accustomed to our new lives it is mudh easier than if we are trying to rebel against a 'bunch of rules'.

It really is in our 'best interests'.

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment
Guest Jeannine Bean
Not too surprising, didn't you used to live in San Antonio?

Seriously, if we look at it as our getting accustomed to our new lives it is mudh easier than if we are trying to rebel against a 'bunch of rules'.

It really is in our 'best interests'.

Love ya,

Sally

I still disagree in principle with a lot of the way the RLE is set up. Basically I think we fall pretty far outside the "expected norm" and I don't think it's a good idea to tell us to "become normal" even if it's closer to the normal we might have wanted to be closer too. LOL, thats a convoluted sentence.

What I mean is, the ciswomen I feel most similar too, in many instances probably would not pass the RLE standards if "dressing and acting in the acquired gender" is taken in a way that could require most cisgendered MEN in the U.S. to do anything different than they already do. Yet, are they, or were they during those times, women? I'm sure that all but one of them (a transman who wants to be a ciswoman) that I've known would vehemently ague with anyone who says otherwise.

So I think the standards are a little weird in that regard. I mean, I see social and personal usefulness for dressing and acting a certain way, and am modifying my behaviors to gain those benefits. But is prescribing that "in our best interests?" I don't believe it always is. I would say that outside of being more femme for social utility and self hypnosis, my sense of womanhood is something more fundamental. I would also say that I've never felt overly constrained by gender roles. I've pretty much worn what I liked and I've spoken what I wanted to speak and I've said it how I wanted too. As much as I'd like for people to react to me knowing that I'm a woman they're interacting with, I don't think I'd react too different if they did all know that.

Yet I am absolutely, deeply, transsexual (meaning transbodied), and have known I should be a girl since my earliest memories. Now, in some respects, I'm acting more femme then I would if a magical fairy came and made my body right. In some respects I'm acting a little less. I don't think anyone really has the right to tell me what steps I should take, or even what "transition" should mean to me. If, for instance, in five years I want to "pass" as a man for utility regarding employment, even if I've had SRS and FFS by then, and it makes me more functional and stable in doing so, then why not? If I find myself getting older and lonely and want to cruise the gay men's bars "passing" as a man looking for some cool young biqueercurious hottie to seduce, then keep warm with, then why not? If I want to work as a teacher in mainland China, pretending to be a man, using my by then post FFS face to save me from agism and saving for my retirement, then why not? If I also wanted to cruise the nightclubs and spa-brothels, even after SRS, passing as a man, woman, or androgyne, assuming I practice safe play, then why not?

I don't think any of these things should have anything to do with which treatments the gatekeepers allow me or anyone else. I think the only requirements to choose any treatment should be verification that one is of sound mind and making the decision aware of potential consequences, and risks.

Jeannine

PS: I don't actually intend to do all of those things, but they're all things I could see myself trying under the right circumstances... why not?

PPS: And yes, I actually know a beautiful swinger ciswoman who will hire hookers for fun sometimes.

Link to comment

How stricktly you have to adhere to the stadars of Care outline for this part is really up to your therapist, they are the ones to determine how you have done and will do in your true gender.

Mine is fine with me 'dressing and presenting male' for the purpose of photographing weddings that I have only had contact with them as male - I will very shortly begin to do consultations and sessions as my true self and the need for 'cross dressing male' will go away.

She is of the opinion that there is no normal female behavior so how can she hold anyone to something that doesn't even exist.

Some are very rigid and have a set pattern for how you should behave and I would not do well with them, either.

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment
Guest Jeannine Bean
She is of the opinion that there is no normal female behavior so how can she hold anyone to something that doesn't even exist.

I could not have possibly said it better myself. I took sociology classes for years and concentrated in gender studies hoping to gain a better understanding of myself. In the end I lost any clear sense of what constitutes "male" or "female" behavior. I think I'm a better woman for it (but it is a little odd, nonetheless)

I would like to find the perfect therapist, LOL. It sounds like you did very well. Unfortunately I live in a country where I don't speak the main language, so I'm looking for ANYONE who can help me get hormones through an endocrinologist so I can avoid risking it with self RX. I know how to be careful, but I want monitoring to make sure I'm okay, and I'd like a second professional opinion. I don't have much faith in doctors anyways, having had a prescription from one dr that a younger doctor who was better read told me I was allergic to and could have killed me! The doc that prescribed it knew less than me about that drug and signs of allergy, the doc that de-prescribed it knew more than I did. Still, I don't think I know everything, and I can't monitor my health in the way they can with their fancy equipment.

I have considered that functionality in life is so highly important to success in ANYTHING long term... For my long term happiness and stability I think it's more important that I remain gainfully employed than it is for me to wear skirts to work. I could have a really strict RLE and outside the bay area I might be killed, or at least lose my job (and I'd be amazed if many bay area therapists strictly interpret gender!). Of course, I did live in Atlanta previously and I had a government job and was able to wear and talk as I pleased. But with government jobs, it strikes me that it might be pretty hard to get fired.

Anyhoo, like I said at the beginning, this is why I think it's all just "real life."

--Jeannine

Link to comment
Guest Little Sara

Personally, I don't think any one born male or not could pass easily as male after FFS. It would cause problems in your employment if presenting as female would.

Even in boy jeans and a unisex t-shirt, I couldn't pass as a guy.

Link to comment
Guest angie
Not too surprising, didn't you used to live in San Antonio?

Love ya,

Sally

I live in SanAntonio,am a native Texan also.

This is not a transfriendly city in the least.SA is a very conservative,Southern Baptist,Catholic

strong hold.But being a large city,one of us can slide on by with the guts and determination to

truthfully live as who we truly are.The trans community is becoming more visble and much

more active,as the ladies and gentlemen of this generation refuse to live in the shadows like

our brothers and sisters that came before us had to.It aint easy,but someone has to do it. ;)

Peace,

Angie

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 55 Guests (See full list)

    • SamC
    • ClaireBloom
    • Ashley0616
    • Adrianna Danielle
    • Abigail Genevieve
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.8k
    • Total Posts
      770.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,103
    • Most Online
      8,356

    BUGFIEND
    Newest Member
    BUGFIEND
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bobbijean
      Bobbijean
    2. Bryan
      Bryan
      (61 years old)
    3. jlw5ju
      jlw5ju
      (27 years old)
    4. ladykirabellum
      ladykirabellum
      (47 years old)
    5. Lizzie17
      Lizzie17
  • Posts

    • Ashley0616
    • ClaireBloom
      My avatar is from a T-shirt that I am just dying to buy.  Maybe soon....
    • Lydia_R
      I had some guy grab my butt on the ship.  I don't know how "real" it was, but I did not enjoy that at all.  Also did not enjoy the hazing I saw other people going through.  One person can only do so much to stop that when there are 10 people doing it.
    • Lydia_R
      Here is a legible copy (hopefully):    
    • Lydia_R
      I pulled this out of a stack of old military mementos yesterday.  I guess I didn't realize how cool this one was because I did so much of this kind of thing back then.    
    • Lydia_R
      This internet video thing is pretty amazing.  I'd call it Zoom, but there are other platforms out there.  I prefer Zoom over Teams because Zoom puts me and everyone else in the same picture.  I like seeing the whole group in one shot.  Teams of course is about having so many people that you can't get them in the shot, or is it?   Just saying that I have never met any of my counselors in person.  Doctors, of course I have and I am lucky there.  They are 3.5 miles from my house as is the main transgender surgery place in town.  I've been doing virtual visits with the medical doctors lately though.  It feels like once I became steady state, they don't need to interact with me physically that much.  I have enjoyed going into their office in my nice clothing.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I guess a lot depends on where you start and where you wanna end up.  For me, doing the "boy form" thing has come with disadvantages.  Smaller skeleton, thinner bones, and skinny/tiny everything.  I'll never be taken seriously.  I guess the advantage is that my way of blending in is just kind of confusing.  "Mommy, is that a boy or a girl?"    One of the biggest arguments for starting transition early in life is I think it gives a person a greater ability to pass.  My two MtF friends started early, and pass really well.  They never got to the larger bone structure, beard, deep voice stuff.  Me being intersex (which is more complicated) and not getting around to "boy form" until my 30's, my body size and features were pretty much set in stone.      You're lucky.  Some folks pay all that and more, even AFTER insurance.  One of my friends faced the choice last year - pay for her final year of college or pay for her meds.  She's taken a year off from college to work and save up money to finish.    My medical expenses have been more injury-related than therapy or medication   The state covered some of it with a fund for crime victims, insurance covered a lot, but there's ended up being a few thousand dollars spent out-of-pocket since 2022 to put me back together again.  I've never found a decent therapist, but my husband has a psych degree among other things, so I figure talking with him is almost as good.  I do have a good doctor, although I have to drive a long way to a big city to see her.  Mostly she takes a basic look at me, and writes another year's prescription.  Since I'm non-op and only using testosterone cream for a localized effect, its pretty simple stuff. 
    • Lydia_R
      I'm a tracker and I've paid for 100% of my transition costs out of pocket.  Counseling was a huge, huge part of my transition and well worth my money.  Not to be uppity about all of this.  I'm just sharing information I have because I have it and it may be useful for others.  Here is my analysis of my spending on transition over the last 2.5 years:   Medical Doctors and Blood Draws: $2,397 Counseling: $3,800 Medications (brand name): $2,702.85 Medications (generic): $485.39 Total: $9,385.24   I picked up on the internet early in transition that transition is a consumer activity.  I tend to agree with that.   This year (Jan - May 18th, 2024), I've spent: Medical Doctors: $102 Medications: $241.52 Total: $343.52   So I'm on a much more sustainable path with it.  I'm pretty happy with where I am with it, although I do still desire surgery and am nervous about how that will all unfold.  But my doctors have me on this steady state thing.  I could seek out other medications, but what I'm doing is good enough.  Oh, I'm missing something....  I did a bunch of electrolysis that didn't appear to have any effect.  I've always enjoyed shaving and I use pink shaving cream now (I've got some lipstick blond in me).  It's good enough.  Not sure if I'll do electro or laser in the future.  The need to shave my body has become less and less.  Before HRT, I was shaving my body weekly or even every 5 days.  Now it is more like 2-3 weeks.  Everyone's body hair is different.  My beard is very coarse and stiff while my body hair has been somewhat minimal and light.  It's nice to have smooth legs and not have to shave as much.   Counseling was $200/session.  I tried one or two counselors before I found one who resonated with where I really was.  When I was prescribed HRT, I didn't fill the prescription until 4 months later.  I had to take some time to decide that I really wanted to take on that lifetime financial commitment.  And of course the possibly negative health consequences too, but I think I was actually thinking more about the finances of it all.  Maybe 51%.   I did a lot of work to revitalize my career before jumping into medical transition.  I started counseling 3 months before I got the best paying job of my life.  The pressure of wanting to transition was so great that I couldn't wait any longer.  She was coming out.  Even though I had very little money, I splurged on some nice dresses and a full length mirror and then started counseling.  Sometimes you just have to move forward and hope for the best.  Other times it is better to wait and do some hard work.  The grace of it all..
    • Ivy
      And when the pressure is released it sucks in heat.  I had a regulator leaking and it was covered with ice.  It's how a heat pump works as well.   Why do they always pick names like this?  It's like the exact opposite of what it really is. I hate politics so much.  But I still have to follow it.
    • Lydia_R
      Wonderful!  This reminds me of a discussion I had with my brother a decade ago.  I said that things expand when they get hotter.  He said, no, they expand when they get colder.  And I had to think about that for a while.  The weird thing is that H20 is special in that when it reaches freezing, it expands.   The pressure makes the cold and then we see the condensation.
    • KatieSC
      I used to have a really good therapist, however, she does not accept health insurance reimbursement fees as they are too low. I had to pay 130 per session. When she decided to jack the rates to 185 per hour, I cut bait. Without a doubt, counseling is very helpful. What concerns me greatly is that we are a vulnerable population. Unfortunately, we can easily be targeted for some pretty high fees. How many of us have been in the situation where our healthcare provider, surgeons, or counselors, have required cash payments? We get jammed as well by the health insurance companies as they often will not pay for items that could be essential to our well-being. It is my contention that our chances of being targeted for violence, death, or harassment, go up when we cannot easily blend in with the female population.    For those of us that are MTF, some of us are blessed with more feminine features, and many of us are not. We get the whammy of a larger skeleton, bigger hands, bigger feet, a beard, a deep voice, and masculine face. It takes a lot for some of us to be able to blend in. My belief is that the better we blend in, the better chance we have of not being targeted. In this, electrolysis, facial feminizing/gender affirming facial surgery, voice/speech therapy with voice feminization/gender affirming voice surgery, and body contouring are all potentially lifesaving. Unfortunately, many of the insurance companies deem the procedures as cosmetic, and yet there is no cosmetic that fixes all of these issues.    If you pay your money, you can get anything you want in this world. The sad reality is that for us, many of these procedures would enhance our lives tremendously, yet we face ongoing battles with our very existence. Yeah, an empathetic therapist helps, but is it just the concept of reasonable empathy at a reasonable cost? When my therapist jacked her rates to 185 per hour, I said enough is enough. Your mileage may vary.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I don't think the temperature matters as much.  Think about how gases like CO2 are stored in cylinders, and they are basically the same in summer or winter.  Any gas becomes liquid under enough pressure.  What does matter is the strength of the pressure vessel.  If exposed to excess external heat, pressure increases and can burst a tank or a pipe.  Household propane tanks are often painted white or silver and have safety release valves, because sunlight can heat a tank enough to cause a significant increase in internal pressure, even though the contents remain liquid. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      It has been a long week, and I think this weekend is going to be pretty busy.  The high school is having their graduation later today.  Although we don't have any grads in our family this year, my husband is going because he's involved with the school.  And tonight there's the torchlight ceremony for the county cadets who are finishing their program, and the reading of assignments for the new seniors.  One of my stepkids will be a senior this year.  She's talented, and will be assigned a squad leader position.  My husband is really proud of her, and she's well-liked by her peers even though she's very quiet and serious.    I might get to go on a trip to Texas this week.  The storms that hit Houston caused a lot of electrical damage, so no doubt the utilities in that area will be ordering stuff from my husband's company.  When the big hurricane hit Florida in 2022, we made several trips there with badly-needed equipment, and the entire transportation department was involved in the first convoy.  When he travels, I usually want to go along, since 1-on-1 time is kind of rare for us. 
    • Mmindy
    • Lydia_R
      Maybe surface tension?   I was in a political debate yesterday and it got way too focused on social stuff and I just had to steer the conversation back to how natural gas transitions to a liquid under pressure.  One of the people I was debating had a career working in that field and it was a good opportunity to expose stuff like that.  He mentioned that it isn't just pressure, it is temperature too.  So then I mentioned how the lines are running underground and asked how that played a role in it.  He came back saying that natural gas is a liquid under pressure.  I guess I didn't get a straight answer on that, but it did move my thinking one step down the road.  Perhaps I should have been more direct with him and asked him at what temperature and pressure.  Is there a chart?   I feel people would be better off if they paid more attention to the objects in their environment instead of focusing on some of the things that we hear so much of in the news.  People are pretty clueless as to how much trigonometry plays a role in so many things in our society.  Even land surveyors don't really use it anymore because programmers locked it away in a function.  Much like how cascading style sheets (CSS) is a wrapper for math.  I wonder what former president Trump thinks about all of that?  He must have some knowledge of how his buildings are constructed, right?  There certainly is a part of me that thinks he is just putting on a show about all of this.  Perhaps I'm wrong though.  All kinds of people in the world.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...