Trangender Questions

[MarEllX]

So… I have a few more questions regarding my transition.  Also, I’m sorry if anything I say offends anyone:

1.       So, I still believe I’m attracted to women. However, I don’t have much experience dating them or even hanging out with them. I’m wondering if my desire to transition might have something to do with my lack of dating experience. Like… if I dated more, would these thoughts of transition go away? ( I have dated before, but the thoughts didn’t go away. Maybe it could just be because it wasn’t exactly the right girl… idk.)

2.       I’ve talked about this before, but I still don’t feel very feminine, but I want to be. Is there a difference between “feeling like a girl” and “wanting to be a girl”?

3.       Does wanting a female body mean the same thing as being female?

4.       What are some of the first changes you noticed on HRT?

5.       If you considered yourself bigender, could you still transition?

6.       Is it ok to date even if you are questioning all these things right now?

7.       What does it mean when you get… hot… at the idea of having sex with a guy as a woman?

8.       Any other advice on how to present as more female/ be more feminine would be great too.

9.       Anything else you recommend that might help me would be awesome.

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! J J J J

[VickySGV]

OK, I will take a stab at your list here --

1) It does not matter the tiniest bit who you want to date or romance to be Trans*.  We cover the same spectrum anyone else does, and  maybe a couple more categories.  We are friendly and open people.  How others respond can be a bit of a gamble, but the number of my Trans* friends who are or who are getting married shows it can happen to whoever the match up with.

2) If you feel like a girl, remember that girls are all over the place on how they look and many can be all girl and even a little bit on the boyish side, but still be a lot of fun.  I wear no makeup, a little make-up, cocktail hour make-up, wedding party make-up, stage make up, and on rare occasion, Drag Queen make-up, and more.  I would hope you are feeling like a girl, because that is how you get to "want to be one!.

3)  Why would you want to have a female body if you are not a female in mind?  I know several reasons, and those are the ones where you need a Gender Therapist's help.  Gaining a post op female body does not cure any serious problem just by itself.  Your life does not become a Magick Unicorn and old problems follow you into and out of Transition. People with the wrong reasons are the regretters of legend. 

4) The very first thing was a new bottle of pills and missing money for my drug co-payment.  Another quick one was my night time Pee calls were more frequent.  Changes on HRT begin within 3 months per the WPATH Standards of Care and not all people will have the same ones.

5) Again this is for you and a GT to discuss, there is no rule making this mandatory, and no  rule making it impossible.  If you and the therapist decide you are bi-gender, and there does not appear to be harm coming your way from taking meds or social transitioning, then try it, you may like it.  You may also find that you are Non-binary and live happily for years with no one entirely certain which gender you are, and it may not matter.

6) By all means, if you can get a date, do it and enjoy it.  You actually have a wider field of potential dates.  You do not have to be just boy / girl, you have all the variations at your disposal.

7) It means that if they are consenting and over the age of majority there is Maryland, that you can think of them as a potential sex partner. Get the concept of mutual consent firmly in your mind and remember that a NO means NO to the sex issue, in which case you had better cool off the Hot's..

8) We have plenty of information on that down in the various forums already, there are clothes buying tips, make up tips and othere galore down in Transgender and the Cross Dresser Forums.

9) That is what our whole site here is about.  Helping people answer questions they did not know they had, but did know enough to ask about.

Have fun here and dig deep.

[Charlize]

What a list!  From my experience....some answers:

I am still attracted to women

I run a sawmill and a farm often in a skirt

My body simply felt better i will never be a cis woman

Lots of pee as Vicky noted and sore breasts

Yes, if you wished

Of course.  Life often helps our decisions

You find trans* women attractive

Lots of info here.  Look at the CD forum

Take your time in any decision you make.  Life is very much a process and not a destination.  A GT can certainly help you with gender issues.  It really helps to talk these things out.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

 

 

[MarcieMarie12]

 

Here is what my answers are, based on my experience:

1.    Being attracted to women has no bearing on if you are trans or not. Some of my trans friends like men, some like women, some like both. The sex(es) you are attracted to has noting to do with your gender identity.

 

2.      "Feeling like a girl” and “wanting to be a girl”: I struggled with this one. My gender therapist helped me through this. It's was hard to feel feminine when in boy mode doing the expected male things. For me when I started doing girl things, it just felt normal. 

 

3.       Wanting a female body: For me I always wanted to be a girl. I had varying levels of dysphoria over the years, sometimes it was bad, other times just a fond wish. As I tried breast forms and finally saw a girl in the mirror--I didn't want to go back.

 

4.       My first changes on HRT were mental. My head seemed alot clearer, my libido dropped like a rock (still there but works differently). I put that in the plus column.

 

5.       If bi-gender, you could still transition. Transition is different for each person, I have yet to meet some one who had the same experience transitioning.

 

6.      Yes you can date. But being open about it early in relationship seems to work better. I lucked out and I am dating another MTF.

 

7.      Like I said in 4, my libido works differently. I would say emotional attachment rather than looks has more of a bearing on things. Also lower libido means I don't think about it all the time. Some FTMs I've talked to have had the opposite happen--an increased libido. But it is one of those things where different people get different results on HRT.

 

8.       For learning how to be female I watched girls in how they act, walk, talk (word choice, not just voice). Found someone to help teach me make-up,  got a good pair of breast forms, and lots of practice, and quite a few mistakes.

 

Lastly for #9: 4 pieces of advice I got when I started to transition that were most helpful:

1. Be honest with yourself and how you feel. 

2. Don't let others reactions dictate how you feel about things.

3. Take everything at your own pace. Transitioning is not a race.

4. Only you can determine if you are transgender or not.