Lately...

[Guest Seth]

I've been in and out of a very, very, VERY mild feeling of depression about being trans.

For one reason...I think I may've unintentionally gone stealth.

I'll give you some background on that;

I have a friend, who we'll call Jenny, who I met this year. She's in my Geometry class, she sits right next to me, and we talk about EVERYTHING. She talks to me about her boyfriend and her love life troubles and everything cuz she's comfortable with me like that. The thing is...she thinks I'm biologically male. And while I like that (because there's not the whole "Transgender thing" over my head, so there's no doubt in her mind that 'he' and 'his' are the correct pronouns), I also feel bad because I feel that, in a way, I'm lying to her. I'm a boy, this I know. I'm not a girl, and I never will be. But, I just kind of feel bad because she thinks I've got differet equipment down there. I guess it's just cuz it's a change from everyone knowing me as trans, and I don't like change (I hated when I went to Shabazz and everyone called me Seth cuz I felt I was lying, but now I throw myself down stairs if anyone calls me anything other than Seth), but I just can't figure it out. This is a huge thing, passing as a bioguy without physically transitioning yet. And what if she finds out I'm a transsexual? That's what I'm most terrified about.

Another thing is, I'll be sitting in class, just chillin', and I'll look over at a bioguy and automatically hate what I am. Why can't I have what he has? Why was I born wrong? What did I do to deserve this? I hate that I'll never be able to have what I should. I hate that I'll never be able to get a girl prenant, or be as tall as I wanna be, or as big. I hate that I need to be surgically fixed, rather than have just been born correctly. I guess this is just what I didn't go through a while back. The stage of self loathing that all of us have gone through, I never really had to endure it. Now it's catching up. And honestly, the only thing keeping me back from making a toilet cleaner cocktail is the belief that I'll be reincarnated as the correct gender...and I don't even believe in reincarnation. I don't understand why the bottom surgeries available to us suck sooooo much. Why hasn't anyone bettered it? Why aren't penises grown and attached to us? I don't want a tube of skin dangling there, and I don't a mini shwang. I want a PENIS.

I don't know. I'm only one person, and I wanna change the world. I can't do it alone, but there's hardly anything 5 million of us could do. Or maybe there is, and I don't know about it.

[Sally]

Seth,

I understand what your problem is about not telling the girl that you are trans - but neither of you is interested in each other sexually so I don't see any harm in that.

I will point out to you what I have to so many other young FTMs - ALL MEN ARE NOT CREATED EQUAL!

Some bio males can not father children.

Some bio males are born with ED.

Some bio males are not that well endowed.

Some bio males are not that big.

Some bio males are not that strong.

If all you look at is what you can not be - you will be depressed.

If you can learn to be proud of what you can be you will be happy.

The secret to happiness is not getting everything that you want, but in loving everything that you do get.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

Seth, I identify with what you are saying...A LOT. I wish I weren't so tired so I could say more. Tomorrow! Now I must rest. Dude, you are not alone. I know a lot of us feel this way. It's something we all have to work through. I'm dealing with it a bit now too.

[Guest Neuro]

honestly, the only thing keeping me back from making a toilet cleaner cocktail is the belief that I'll be reincarnated as the correct gender...and I don't even believe in reincarnation. I don't understand why the bottom surgeries available to us suck sooooo much. Why hasn't anyone bettered it? Why aren't penises grown and attached to us? I don't want a tube of skin dangling there, and I don't a mini shwang. I want a PENIS.

...Exactly how I feel I wonder what I did in my past life to deserve this.

I hope by the time I can afford it, bottom surgery can be bettered a little... It's depressing. So few people are even working on that kind of surgery that I am aware of.

I understand what Sally is saying, and it is all very true. There are a lot of blessings. But what can not be, is the thing guys like us want most... I wonder if anyone else feels this way.

Sorry to be such a downer I'm so full of failure, I failed out of bed this morning (ha)

I wish you best of luck with your girlfriend, Seth. A great thing about girls, is that they generally seem more accepting than guys about that sort of thing. Hope that IF she finds out, she can understand--

--There has got to be hope out there for us.

[Guest CharlieRose]

Seth,

I understand what your problem is about not telling the girl that you are trans - but neither of you is interested in each other sexually so I don't see any harm in that.

I will point out to you what I have to so many other young FTMs - ALL MEN ARE NOT CREATED EQUAL!

Some bio males can not father children.

Some bio males are born with ED.

Some bio males are not that well endowed.

Some bio males are not that big.

Some bio males are not that strong.

If all you look at is what you can not be - you will be depressed.

If you can learn to be proud of what you can be you will be happy.

The secret to happiness is not getting everything that you want, but in loving everything that you do get.

Love ya,

Sally

That is such a good point. We want to be perfectly normal... guess what, NO ONE is. Everyone has their cross to bear; this is ours.

I can empathize with you, though, definitely. My cousin's wedding a couple months ago. He was getting married to his longtime girlfriend in a big church ceremony, the reception they had baby pictures of the both of them. And I had to leave and run back to our hotel room and cry for like half an hour because I couldn't see anything like that ever happening to me... at least, not without feeling like I'm just a freak trying to be normal. I wanted to hurt myself, the strongest I'd felt in a long time. (I used to self-harm... I've quit, but when I'm really really emotional I feel like it can help me handle whatever I'm going through. It's quite a temptation.) I didn't, but goodness I wanted to.

It's tough being different. But it's who we are. It makes us special.

[Guest leo]

agrees with neuro and seth

i feel the same, and jealous is a big thing in my life

i feel why am i going to all this effect to change, when i should of been like that in the first place!!!

i also get the guilty feeling and in the end i just have to tell them, i think in time i will fully accept im male 100% but untill then i just feel guilty

[Guest Elizabeth K]

So here I am - reading a post I almost could have written myself, changing the gender. I know everyone here seems to feel this way sometimes.

And I see this new slant:

And honestly, the only thing keeping me back from making a toilet cleaner cocktail is the belief that I'll be reincarnated as the correct gender...and I don't even believe in reincarnation

Thats what I once thought, and I had a transwoman friend of mine say, what if you do push the reset button (her version of saying "making a toilet cleaner cocktail ") and ruin your karma - and have to redo it all over again? Another great friend of mine says she feels we are having a karma situation of some great importance. and MUST NOT fail the test.

But wouldn't it be GREAT being reincarnated as we really are?

In any case - it is HARD being us. We transsexual are such miserable creatures somtimes.

Lizzy

[Guest B.heard]

I used to feel this way also the idea of changing sex was great the real medical options id read about of seen clips of seemed totally useless to me, In my dreams and wishes I was a man I wasnt a walking talking Frankenstein of one.

Maybe its part age and part living a long time just wasting my life my view point changed, the main one was seeing and accepting Am I living a happy and worth while life as I was? no I wasnt I being anti social spending my time wishing I was something else being depressed my body is all wrong.

Then I asked my self in small increments a series of questions...

Is dressing very male but being seen as a super butch lesbian and sometimes a guy better or worse then trying to do girlie with dresses and make up.. it was better so I did that.

Is having 2 scars that will fade a lot but allow me to have a male chest better then having boobs and bra rest of my life? again the scars won and Im happy with it.

Is taking HRT and facing a second puberty and body changes better then not altering the body Im in? no brainer I took the HRT and the changes cant happen fast enough.

I wanted to change sex but looking at the entire war Id have to fight with my body to get there didnt seem worth it because I wont be a bio guy... but we wont ever be bio guys and Im not a quitter my life wasnt worth living a few years back because my body was totally messed up not with scars with female parts and hormones!

Im blessed my body isnt messed up with cancers or tumors I was born with a working mind and arms and legs and there are doctors out there helping me take 1 bite at a time to become a man it will not be simple I will not be perfect but I have no right or need to expect to be perfect... Im humble I want to be at peace and be happy im MY skin not male skin MY skin and live my life be productive to others.

Its not just the doctors fault our bottom surgerys are not great we were born with something missing so your asking a doctor to make your something from nothing.. its a hard task, unlike the girls who have some extra they can recycle. People are born without limbs and have to live with plastic prosthetics least we have a few options.

This path really isnt easy or simple and it only really works if you can think about the what if I dont act and dont transition option and that scares the pants off you far more then the things you will face along the way.

[Guest Evan_J]

Seth,

Big brother/uncle hug to you.

It is hard and there are a lot of emotional twists and turns in transitioning and just being trans.

Whether you were "physically" in transiton or not, really, transitioning is transitioning. And not in the end not so much about the body changing "puts you through something" as the social changes. And that happens with or without the hormones, the surgery , or any of that stuff. Actually, all those things are to -yes help the individual feel more at personal peace- but also facilitate being socialized/ accepted and interacted with in society as the correct gender. For all intents and purposes that is what you're experiencing. Transition doesn't start when they hand you the prescription. It starts when you decide you're going to live as that sex. And thats what you've done. Any body who's in or has transitioned I think will tell you that. And thats why you're having the emotional twists ands turns that a transitioning person has. You did the right thing Always look for other trans peeps or trans teens , -a rl support group would be great for you at this time too if you can swing it- to talk this stuff out with, cuz you're going through a lot of feelings that me and prolly a bunch of transitioning folks go or have gone through.

Its such a huge thing when you feel all the feelings....being recognized /acknowledged, relationships where you're "battling" to be acknowledge (that was the first part you experienced), and then actually being acknowledged and all the unknown insights, thoughts, feelings, that has..... I almost wanna run out of words talking about that because the topic at moments seems so "vast". But maybe its just that its "too much" for me to compress in a post. As always though, I'm available for pms, messages, even IM chat (<--though you may have to pull me online and away from video games for that one )

I love you nephew,

your uncle

[Sally]

Seth,

I'm going to give you the old it's not so bad, things will get better optimistic speech now - No, I'm not!

I am going to tell you the secret to dealing with all situations that deal in any fashion with how someone else feels about you.

Think about this Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

How does this apply here?

You are afraid that if she finds out about you she will hate you - you feel inferior - you are afraid if you don't tell her and she finds out on her own you will have been lying to her - you again feel inferior.

How does that phrase help?

Look at the woman who said it - Eleanor was not a very attractive woman, during his time in the White House her husband was accused of being a womanizer and his health was destroyed by polio leaving him in a wheelchair until his death.

It was probably the answer to a question about how do you deal with all of the negative comments about your husband and your appearance?

She didn't let what anyone else thought enter into her mind, she knew what needed to be done and she did her part in every way that she could - a very strong, courageous and determined woman - a true role model especially for those non super models in the playgrounds.

If you can do what you need to do for this friend without telling her - then don't, she doesn't need to add to her problems and you are doing just fine with it so relax and let yourself and her be happy - it is allowed.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Seth]

I guess alot of it also has to do with society's idea of boy and girl. I mean, I know society can have a pretty twisted view on things when it comes to to sexuality, gender, etc. and it's not always right, but it's just another thing that bothers me. I don't wanna move to a completely different city, but I feel that would be my only option when I grow up. Alot of people call me he cuz that's what I should be called. Alot of people call me he because they don't know the situation. And alot of people call me he cuz they think that's what I WANT to be called. Why is a matter of desire? Why can't it just be "you knew me as a girl, and now you know me as a boy" without them thinking "this is what this kid wants"? That's why I think the idea of having transsexuality brought up in classes...maybe even having a "Transgender 101" type deal going. A while back (don't know if I posted this; sorry if I already had) I was talking to my Health teacher about why transsexuality wasn't talked about in depth in that class. I mean, they spend a couple days on homosexuality and bisexuality. Why not talk about the ol' trannies? She told me that she'd absolutely love to be able to talk about that, but it's not in the curriculum cuz the school board doesn't find it as necessary as talking about all that other sexuality stuff. Why isn't that necessary? People need to not be so ignorant. That way, it'd be so much easier to socially transition.

Nuero, I actually have to disagree with you about girls accepting transmen more than boys accept it. Girls have actually gotten into verbal fights with my sister about who I am, whereas guys hear a little something like "well, he should've been born biolgically male, so he's, in reality, a dude" and they go 'alright, that's how it is. He's a guy, he shall be talked about, talked to and treated as any other homebro.' Understand what I'm saying?

I can just feel myself getting more and more frustrated about the bottom surgery, how I'll never really be complete in my mind unless it is perfected. The whole 'fathering biological children' thing, I got over that. I mean, when I said it upsets me that I can't get a chick pregnant, I was being as clean as possible, cuz I can't really say what I meant. But I'm sure everyone understands what I mean . Something needs to be done to perfect what's available to us transguys, and it needs to be done reeeeeeeeaaaaaaally quick.

[Guest Jeannine Bean]

Another thing is, I'll be sitting in class, just chillin', and I'll look over at a bioguy and automatically hate what I am. Why can't I have what he has? Why was I born wrong? What did I do to deserve this? I hate that I'll never be able to have what I should. I hate that I'll never be able to get a girl prenant, or be as tall as I wanna be, or as big. I hate that I need to be surgically fixed, rather than have just been born correctly. I guess this is just what I didn't go through a while back. The stage of self loathing that all of us have gone through, I never really had to endure it. Now it's catching up. And honestly, the only thing keeping me [...]

Seth,

My favorite story in the world is the Wizard of Oz.

The Tin Man is looking for a heart, and he's the one who holds Dorothy while she cries, and speaks with tenderness in his voice, and has a heart of gold all along.

The Cowardly lion is the first to jump out in front when there's a threat of danger.

The Scarecrow who wants a brain is the one who makes the plans and figures everything out and actually gets them where they need to go.

And Dorothy had her way home all along.

You and I, Seth, are so much more than whatever happens to occupy the inches between our butt cracks and our pubic bones.

I believe that if someone values a thing so deeply, and identifies with it so strongly, that they dedicate a lot of time and effort into cultivating that thing... then they probably contained an abundance of it to begin with. I don't think you have to wait for the next life. You're more of a man than most dorks running around the world. Because your manhood is so strong you can't even repress it or hold it down ... not even with the what appears to be the mandate of biology. It just IS who you ARE.

Frankly I admire every single transgendered person on the planet. You are right in that this path is very hard. I have often considered giving up. However, I think those that tread it are like those legless mountain climbers that make it up Everest. I like to climb, and my limbs all work fine, and I'm pretty good at it, but I'll never climb Everest. The people that do, even when they have a handicap, are climbers par excellence... climbers extraordinaire. I would venture to say that their soul for climbing is far stronger than the average mountain climbers. I would think most climbers look up to those people. If they don't then they certainly should.

Likewise it is with you.

If you could be viewed in a way that recognized all that you are, and were given the respect that you deserve... wow, other men would come to your seminars someday and try to learn what it is to be a "real man."

Much Love and Respect,

--Jeannine

[Guest joe0117]

Hey Seth,

I totally understand your frustration. It can be hard to feel like we were wronged at birth and this is someone's idea of a joke to have us born in the wrong body. It is true that our bottom surgery options are less than desireable. I'm going to try to explain how I have tried to change how I think of my situation and hope that it helps you in some small way. I have had a lot of terrible things happen in my life. There has been a lot of hate, violence, abandonment, illness, and injuries. I have always hated my body and my life. It has challenged my faith, created self loathing, depression, and I have had numerous suicide attempts. I was in a very abusive home and abusive family and I didn't see any other way out. On top of that, I hated my body and always felt that if I had been born in the right body I maybe wouldn't have suffered some of the abuse I had. It has taken me a very long time and a lot of it has to do with the love and support here that I have been able to alter a lot of my thinking. These changes in my thoughts have resulted in me being much happier. Instead of feeling like why did this happen to me, I am trying to take my circumstances and make them work for me. I have to say it is very empowering and gives me a great sense of taking back control of my life. I feel like the abuse I have suffered gives me the tremendous ability to empathize with others. I can understand and relate. I have an idea of what is perceived as helpful while responding. I have knowledge that only comes with having experienced such things. I know resources that I can suggest. I have learned how not to act or behave. I have mental toughness. It has made me more sensitive to other people's needs and I can sometimes anticipate what they might need. In terms of being trans, I am trying to look at it like this: Being born in the wrong body and having to experience life as a female in terms of how people responded to me, treated me, going through female puberty, experiencing female hormones and such have given me an upper hand on how to treat, relate, and understand females . This is a huge advantage that bio guys will never experience or be privy to. I have control now over how I can and will change my body. No it will never be equal to a bio man's body but it is my body and I am male so it is male. Yes, I will have scars when I can finally afford top surgery but it will then be what I want. It is a trade off. I am on hormones to change my appearance. I am older and more knowledgable about what is happening to my body during this second puberty. Yes, bottom surgery has a lot of limitations but I just have to accept that and make a decision that will make me happy with what is offered. I never thought that I would find anyone that would love and accept me. I was/am hated by my family so I never experienced those two things. I now have a wonderful girlfriend who is super loving and supportive. She identifies as straight and went through her own little process of being able to accept me romantically as a man. We were friends and she grew to accept me and see me as a man. She fell in love with me based on what type of person I was, how I treated her, and made her feel when she was around me. I always thought that when I could afford bottom surgery, I would opt for a phallo because it was more "realistic" and "normal". I thought my girlfriend would prefer that and help her feel like she was with a "real" man. She told me that she heard that a meta had more ability to have sensitivity and pleasure. She told me that she would rather me do what would feel best to me. There are people who are understanding and accepting. I also figure it is a ways off before I can afford bottom surgery and I don't kow what advances will be available then. If I look at all this as a benefit rather than a curse then I feel it adds meaning and acceptance for me for what I have experienced. If you try to find a positive in things it makes a huge difference in your experience and happiness. This is rediculously long but I hope it helped. Hang in there! Things will get better!

Joe

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

Seth,

I've been thinking about a lot of the same stuff you have. As I think about dating and going out to a "real job", I worry about feeling like a "fraud" or something. I plan to go out and date straight women, just like any other guy. What I keep wrestling with is this idea that maybe I don't have a right to do that. A lot of times I feel like I'm lying to people by not telling them the whole truth of my past. Know what? That's just baloney...BS, if you will. I have the same rights as someone born into manhood, and I'm taking them. End of story. I'll disclose to girlfriends, but I won't apologize in any way, shape, or form. I'm awesome. She'll be lucky to have me.

Just because we are different it doesn't mean that we are less somehow. It's great that we have at least some bottom surgery options, but the truth is that none of them will make us biologically equivalent. I said this on Facebook and I'll say it again here: sometimes you can't make lemonade out of lemons. Sometimes you have to convince yourself you like lemons instead. That doesn't mean it is fun or easy, but it's the most productive thing you can do. If you can't turn what you have into something you like, you need to learn to like what you have. As usual, there are scientific papers to back this up: Is happiness having what you want, wanting what you have, or both?

We really are more than what's between our legs. I'm a man. I'm not going to accept the idea that a few "differences" make me "not as good" as any other man. I'm just as good. Maybe I'm better. Other people can think what they want, and they'll be wrong. <-- Be a scientist for a while. It'll make you think like this too.

As for changing society's ideas about what makes a girl or a boy, all of that is slowly changing over time. Again, we've got to live in the present. Things today are the best they've ever been. We've got to remember that.

In my experience, men to accept my true gender much better than women do. Women are often all "nice" about things to your face, but then they keep treating us like women (that's how it has been in my experience). My guy friends have always treated me like a dude, and now do so even more. I don't know what's up with that, but I see it too, Seth.

[Guest Benzrathe]

I'm not gonna reiterate the "Buck up lil Soldier" posts, you know and will come to terms with it on your own. Just know you're not alone in any of your feelings! What B. said regarding incremental steps is true, and I bet you can acknowledge that. Good onya, B.

What Sally shared regarding Eleanor Roosevelt is also imperative for us in the trans population. Why do we feel like "frauds" if we don't fully disclose? We are men, albeit not without a few disabilities, but certainly not without naturally occurring disabilities in the real world, as Sally also astutely pointed out. In fact, that brought me to rememberance of one time, when I followed my son (then 9 yoa) into the bathroom and discovered I'd forgotten my penis in the sink. After concluding my business (to include properly storing said appendage), I explained to him that it was my prosthetic. Just like people who lose or are born without a leg, get a replacement - that was my penis. He shrugged, grinned and said "whatever". I gave him a playful "beat down", and it was all good. =]

So no worries. You are who you want to be; no more - no less. And to fulfill that role, you will do whatever you need to, in order to complete that journey for you - as far as you're willing to travel. But just like you can't buy an airline ticket and then decide where to transfer, you have to contend with the options available and chose what works best for you - invent better - or select "D - None of the above". All on you.

What I do wanna address, is your sense of injustice in your curriculum, and the world's view at large. I wanna encourage you to take that fire in your belly and rally the trans community in your area, and take said mantle to the "school board"! Convey to them the very real necessity of Transexuality being addressed within the educational forums. If their agenda is to expose sensitivity to Homo & Bisexuality, as a means of garnering tolerance, then most definitely the openly identified 5 million Transsexuals in our society deserve the same considerations.

Don't stop there either. This can be your calling, man! How do you think we even got to this point where Homo/Bisexuality can be so openly discussed, if not for the others like you who implored and demanded the world to not only LOOK, but to acknowledge them... Best o'luck to ya, and remember to not only be real, but be true to yourself - If no one else.

Peace,

Benz

[Guest Seth]

Thanks everyone. You guys really helped me feel better.

Benz, I will do exactly that. I'ma talk to someone about it, cuz people needa know about transsexuals.

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

Thanks everyone. You guys really helped me feel better.

Benz, I will do exactly that. I'ma talk to someone about it, cuz people needa know about transsexuals.

Go Seth!! Advocacy is good! People DO need to know.

If they are going to talk about sexual orientation, they should talk about gender identity and how those things are separate. Schools have way too much power to shape kids' thinking. If they don't talk about transsexuals, who will? The T is just as relevant as the GLB, yo.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Ains is right on target (again)!

PLEASE feel like everyone here would LOVE to be an Advocate if it was possible.

I always feel the 'T' in GLBT is ignored.

Lizzy

[Guest My_Genesis]

Another thing is, I'll be sitting in class, just chillin', and I'll look over at a bioguy and automatically hate what I am. Why can't I have what he has? Why was I born wrong? What did I do to deserve this? I hate that I'll never be able to have what I should. I hate that I'll never be able to get a girl prenant, or be as tall as I wanna be, or as big. I hate that I need to be surgically fixed, rather than have just been born correctly. I guess this is just what I didn't go through a while back. The stage of self loathing that all of us have gone through, I never really had to endure it. Now it's catching up. And honestly, the only thing keeping me back from making a toilet cleaner cocktail is the belief that I'll be reincarnated as the correct gender...and I don't even believe in reincarnation. I don't understand why the bottom surgeries available to us suck sooooo much. Why hasn't anyone bettered it? Why aren't penises grown and attached to us? I don't want a tube of skin dangling there, and I don't a mini shwang. I want a PENIS.

yeah ive been feeling EXACTLY that way for the past..about 5 years, give or take. once i acknowledged for sure that im ftm. in fact, now that i think about it, i may have held off on acknowledging it for so long because i felt like there would be no "solution" to the "problem", and i hate when there is no solution, or i can't take control over it myself and find my own solution. i.e. none of us can just up and grow our own penises (at least not right now )

I've grown relly impatient and now i just feel kinda stuck...like, whensitgonnahappenwhensitgonnahappenwhensitgonnahappen?!?!? looping through my mind constantly. sometimes it's overwhelming.

it's weird how much someone can think about penises and not be gay

at this point, i think the most proactive we can possibly be about it is to find someone who's involved in trans research already (this is probably the hardest part), contact them, try to get them involved in helping us all out. (If anyone knows how to find people who are into this type of research, please throw a name out there!!)

It comes down to connections and organization, i think. we should form our own alliance, like the mtf-ftm alliance for improved surgery advocacy

[Guest Seth]

GOD, someone needs to do something.

[Guest My_Genesis]

GOD, someone needs to do something.

true that. what do we do?!

[Guest Seth]

Petitions petitions petitions! Talk to doctors, genetic people, or whatever.

Anything to get this stuff perfected, yo!

[Guest Seth]

Alright, so yall know who I talked about my friend "Jenny" and how she thinks I'm biologically male?

Well, I went to a party last night, for my friend's birthday, and I met this girl there. Let's call her Kristen.

Now, I've seen Kristen around school quite a few times. And I was always afraid of her cuz everytime I saw her she'd be running out of her class, swearing and threatening violence and the like. But, when she got to the party last night, she was so chill. I was a bit under the influence, so I was open and quite the chatterbox when she and her two fine donkey female friends arrived. I walked right over to Kristen, plopped down on the floor and started talking to her. She was so nice. I told about me being afraid of her and she just laughed it off. We talked almost the whole night, including a bit of private time outside.

When I was walking home, I told her I had wanted to kiss her and she prtty much told me I should've. She thinks I'm biologically male too.

I have a problem though, that's just a tad different than the problem with Jenny. I think I might actually like Kristen. And I'm afraid of this turning into something bigger than a little crush. I'm Gosh darned sure if I had kissed her last night, it would've led to some other things and yeah. I don't know.

All in all though, last night was pretty amazing. I really liked my friend's dad (the friend who threw the party). He was so funny. I went into the bathroom to wash my face with some cold water and I come out with water dripping down my face and he's like 'Gosh darned Seth, that's the fastest whackoff ever!'

[Guest Pól_Eire]

Dude you remind me of me. I've been there in spades like. I'd probably just have kissed her though. I think you just have to find a method for when to tell 'em and when not to (I have to do this also, cause I have done some dumb stuff, seriously). If you come up with a good method, let me know.

Gosh darned Seth, that's the fastest whackoff ever!

ROFL

Pól

[Guest Seth]

I told my mom and she said that if I had become sexually involved with Kristen, then I should tell her. I'm like "...why? She's not gonna ask what's in my pants, so I don't have to bring it up."

Kind if like a don't ask/don't tell thing? Sure.

To me, though, I don't see myself as trans. I don't like labeling myself as such. I'm a boy, just biologically different. So, me telling what my genetic make up is on the same level as telling my, say, nationalities. I'm not gonna go up to someone random and say "GUESS WHAT I AM! I'M TURKISH, SWEDISH, NORWEGIAN AND IRISH!" If someone asks, I'll tell them my nationalities. If someone asks, I'll tell what gender I'm wrongly labeled as on my birth certificate.