coming out at work (ftm)

[b.]

i work as a server, or as my official job title calls it a waitress

i work in my small, postage stamp sized town where everyone knows everyone.

no one knows im trans but my family and neighbours.

when i applied for this job the specific title was "waitress" but i applied anyway,  so maybe i brought this on myself 

i want to come out because im sick of being misgendered 24 hrs a week by coworkers, my bosses who call me "sweetheart" and "dear" , and the slew of people i wait on 

our dress code is a white blouse and black pants. and because of my feminine body shape i only fit female-tailored clothing

my hair is short but i have to pull it back with a headband for sanitary reasons.

i look very feminine. i want to come out as male to my coworkers and bosses but living in a small town presents its challenges, including small minded people. im not sure how theyd react and theres a possibility i could be ostracized. i work with a bunch of older women, some religious, some not, and my bosses are all middle aged christian women and men.

i need this job and because its only a short bike ride away, the location is optimal, but the way i feel at work is not.

i feel like im stuck

any advice on how to come out/deal with this?

 

[Timber Wolf]

Hi b,

This can be pretty tough. I don't know what the law in Canada and your Province says, I know in USA many States allow someone to be fired just for being transgender. My State is one of those. My boss has already pretty much made it known that if a worker is transgender they'de better keep it hidden. If you find yourself in a simular situation, it could sadly come down to a choice between your job and being able to work as your true self. Unfortunately a service job where you are working with the public increases the risk of having to make that choice. Due to health reasons, I chose my job because it's one that I can physically do. I hope your luck is better than mine.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[SugarMagnolia]

Hi b,

I'm not a lawyer and not Canadian, but it looks like bill C-16 was signed into law last year and that it prohibits employer discrimination on the basis of gender identity/expression. So, you may be legally OK (although you'd want to check with someone that knows much more about it than I do).

That doesn't mean that you couldn't suffer from being out at work though. There are many creative ways for people to be jerks, unfortunately.

Perhaps you could start with small things? Changing hairstyles, eyeglasses, shoes, etc? Those are all things that might not call attention, but could help you feel more like yourself. And of course, finding a gender therapist to talk to about all of these things, assuming you don't already have one, could be very beneficial.

Hugs,
Julie

[Jani]

Hello b.  I see from your prior post you are young and still living at home.  As noted above you are in a bit of a tough spot and I do sympathize.   The good news is you are young with a lot of time in front of you.  I realize you want to jump right in and start living a genuine life but where you are might be difficult.  As Julie says even though the law may be on your side people can be jerks sometimes and people in power (like a boss) can seek to inflict their version of gender, morality, and religion upon others. 

 

What are your plans for the future?   Do you plan to stay where you are or would you move to a bigger city or different province?  Vancouver is an accepting area and there are others.  Do you have plans for college or other post secondary schooling?  If so, transitioning at college is a wonderful opportunity to be yourself and try different perspectives.  

 

In the meantime, bide your time as hard as it is.  Your time will come when you'll be able to be the dude you really are. 

 

Jani