My Progress(?) ~Lady Ayu~

[Lady Ayu]

So this would be leaning on my sisters and  brothers for advice and guidance here. I've always known that im transgender but i just started realizing I could do something about it maybe a year ago. I took a few psychological tests, talked to some friends, looks at some research sites and decided that this is what I am and that I wanna feel better about myself. I began to dress myself feminine clothes and I was surprised how liberating it was; I was so happy and free it was all really shocking! Then i made purchases: wigs, shoes, clothes, makeup is and I would spend my limited free time as a woman; I still have my girl times today but work is kinda killing me right now

 

 

I heard of an herbal, which I wont disclose since I don't wanna get banned. After I read about it I decided to give it a try and I bought a bottle. Then I happened to join this forum and learn that I shouldn't take herbals!! Now I'm kinda crushed about making my purchase and what it may have done to my body; I have noticed changes to my body, wanted changes even, but if it's really bad for me I wanna stop and do it right. I'm just not sure what that next step is; who do I talk to?? Like, do i just go to a doctor and have them examine me or do i try to find a psycologist?? I thought i was on the right track but i just found out that I was being mislead and it kinda hurts... Any advice would be most welcome; I just wanna be closer to who I am inside

 

Also I'm sorry if I put this in the wrong subforum

 

~Mayumi ~

 

 

[Dev]

Howdy and welcome aboard!

 

Your first step should probably be meeting with a therapist who has experience with gender issues.  They'll be able to put you in touch with someone for the next steps.  You can find a database of therapists and other providers here.

[Lady Ayu]

1 hour ago, Dev said:

Howdy and welcome aboard!

 

Your first step should probably be meeting with a therapist who has experience with gender issues.  They'll be able to put you in touch with someone for the next steps.  You can find a database of therapists and other providers here.

Thank you Dev!! Sorry I should have been able to find this kinda stuff myself... but it's good to know people respond and help!! I hope I can do the same one day

 

~Mayumi ~

[Charlize]

Mayumi,

 You haven't done anything wrong but were certainly mislead.  Any form of self medication has huge risks.  I'm glad you've stopped. This site was started by a MTF who suffered a disability caused by self medication.

  As Dev noted therapy is recommended prior to a medically supported transition.  I loved the time i spent with a therapist. Time there helped me find acceptance of myself and the reactions others may have to my transition.  I went to a doctor she recommended.

  Even with a doctors assistance there are certain risks we take.  My doctor sat me down and explained not only results i  wanted but the undesirable ones that i might encounter.  She monitors my blood levels on a regular basis for safety.

  A safe physical transition takes time and patience.  I found that frustrating until i realized that i actually needed that time to find myself and adjust to the changes.

  Sharing here and reading of the journeys of others also helped me.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

 

[Kirsten]

Hey Mayumi,

I was in a very similar situation not long ago. When I joined this group, I was self medicating as well. I even knew what I was doing wasn’t safe. Everyone here helped me to see that just a little more clearly. And with a little help from a few ladies I now find myself under the care of a wonderful doctor and starting my REAL hrt!! 

There are too many scary stories out there about serious issues from self medicating. Some ending in death! 

I started on the right path by simply talking to my regular doctor. He got me information on a great clinic nearby that focuses on lgbtq. Which was also recommended by a member here as well. I think that’s a good place to start. That and finding a therapist. Therapy is a massive help at least for me so far. It can be hard to find a good therapist, but it’s worth the effort. 

Everything is better when you do it correctly. And it allows you to focus on what’s most important..... yourself. And that’s what life is all about. 

Kirsten 

[Lady Ayu]

Thanks for the responses ladies, I'm gonna do it right now; I found a place I can go to start my next steps right in Richmond; thanks again Dev!! Now I just have to work up the courage to go hahaha

 

~Mayumi~

[Jani]

Mayumi, I just noticed your avatar photo at another post.  You look beautiful!   The courage will come when the time is right.

 

Jani

[Lady Ayu]

11 hours ago, Jani said:

Mayumi, I just noticed your avatar photo at another post.  You look beautiful!   The courage will come when the time is right.

 

Jani

Aww!! Thanks Jani!! That little boost of confidence is what's gonna get me through this night :3

 

~Mayumi ~

[Lady Ayu]

I figured while I was at it I would add more about how I was doing here:

 

I have stopped taking my herbals; it made me sad to stop since I kinda felt like I was starting to blossom but I trust yall, and if it's dangerous count me out.

 

I'm still looking into getting to a therapist; having a hard time choosing one to go to. Either the price isn't right or they dont take insurance... starting to think I'm gonna have to just save up and pay out of pocket. Other issue I'm having is work is killing meeeeee T-T

But that's neither here or there

 

My hair is starting to get long and I'm at a loss for how to take care of it; anyone have any pointers or how to care for natural hair?? A shot in the dark but I figure I'd try

 

More or less im happy, and my girl times are full of joy; still trying to get my friends together for that trip on the town but we are all so busy.

 

That's all for now, just heard my alarm go off; it's back to work. Thanks for the advice you have given me so far and I hope yall will continue to let me pester you with more questions!! ❤️

 

~Mayumi~

 

[SugarMagnolia]

Hey Lady, 

Thanks for the update. I've been wondering how things were going for you!

I found a few links that might be useful with respect to caring for natural hair. As I've grown my hair out I've finally come to grips with the fact that it's curlier than I thought it was. This has led me to some searches on caring for curly hair and that's turned up a few things on caring for natural hair. I hope we're on the same page, but let me know if I've missed the mark. I didn't even know there were official categories of curly hair (ex. 3a - 4c) until recently, so I'm certainly no expert! ?

Hope this helps a bit,
Julie

https://blacknaps.org/what-you-should-know-about-natural-hair/
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/09/natural-hair-care_n_1499453.html

Interesting article: https://www.autostraddle.com/natural-hair-was-my-final-frontier-to-self-love-as-a-black-trans-woman-308117/

[Jani]

Hi Mayumi.  Great news about stopping the herbals.  I'm sure you'll find a therapist soon that will meet your needs. I don't have any advice on hair, sorry.  It appears as if you have it straight now and want to go natural.  After the relaxer is exhausted you might have a haircut to even it out for a new style.  

 

Jani 

[Lady Ayu]

Hai hai everyone!! Sorry I've been MIA for so lo g but alot had happened!! There hasn't been a day I havent thought about this site and it's lovely members do I wanted to get back to you all when I got a second.

 

So let me start with this craziness lolz!!

 

I quit my job!! I was working in retail and I was mistreated but management there. I was feeling hurt and unappreciated, and I was just about to go and tell them off that night; but that morning I got a callback from a job I applied too a while ago. I swear it was like God stepped in just in time!!(sorry if that offends anyone) So I have a new job now and I'm enjoying better benefits, a better environment, and better treatment :3

 

I started a blog!! Thanks to my friends, I realized I'm severely depressed... I hadn't even noticed I was because of years of making myself numb to the feeling. I'm now taking steps to conquer and overcome this; one of the things that was suggested was making a blog and so I have been making entries as much as I can! I invite anyone here to take a look and follow my journey if you'd like!!

 

Iamyuuseria.blogspot.com

 

I'll be trying to post at least once a month but the plan to do even more; but work and life keeps me going!

 

I have a man now!?! This part still blows my mind!! I met a great guy online while playing Final Fantasy XIV. We were in the same guild and through regular interactions we got along and both started to work up feelings for each other. Of course I told him about me as I was using a female character and he was so accepting and understanding! I did expect things to change and for a while, they did. Unbeknownst to me, he started down a path of accepting me as I am and readying himself to take me on as his woman. He brought all this to my attention just last week; I was blown away!! So we are an item now and I'm so happy!! He makes me feel like the Queen I know I am!! We both have alot to work on but we're gonna make it work and continue to move forward together :3

 

Other than that, I'm still waiting on a  therapist  atm; working on getting acclimated to my new job and then im gonna jump on that!! I'll check in on all you lovely people again soon Love you!! ❤️

 

~Mayumi~

 

 

[SugarMagnolia]

Wow, Mayumi, there's a lot of great stuff going on in your life. Congrats! It's hard to leave a job that's not working for you and takes a lot of strength. Good work being able to take that step. And the blogging and love life is amazing. So happy for you!

Hugs,
Julie

[Jani]

Hello Mayumi and thank you for the update. I've wondered where you've been!  It certainly sounds like life is treating you well. Awesome!  

 

Depression is terrible.  The thing you've now seen is that we have a hard time recognizing it.  I'm happy that your friends were there to talk to you about it.  Blogging will be good as you document the world around you.  

 

Congratulations on the new job, new boyfriend and new you! 

Jani

[Lady Ayu]

Hai hai lovelies!!

 

It's been a little while but i hope yall are doing fine!! I dont have much to report tonight, just enjoying my new job and trying to save up for a therapist so I can move on with my transition. I glammed myself up a little for date night with the bf and i was kinda liking the way it turned out so i thought i'd share!!

 

I'll post again another time, hopefully with more good news; take care til next time!!

 

~Mayumi ~

[Susan R]

Hello Lady Ayu, very nice photo and good job on the makeup. Thanks for sharing.

 

Have a nice evening,

Susan R?

[Michelle F]

OMG... You look wonderful.

 

Definitely happy face!!!

[Jani]

Looking good Mayumi!  I'm glad to hear you enjoy your new job.  

 

Cheers, Jani

[Lady Ayu]

Hello everyone!

 

It's been a while so I just thought I'd come on and add a bit more to this topic!

 

I have finally finally finally, got in contact with a Therapist and she is an ANGEL!! When I met her, she made me feel so comfortable! the first session when well and we spent most of the time learn more about each other and deciding if this was a good fit. With her help, I am finally finally finally taking those steps towards the real me!! I just cant tell you enough how good that feels!

 

Right now I am in the process of presenting as female in public, but I am having a hard time finding clothes and getting my sizes down. My friend suggests actually going to a store and trying stuff on and I am terrified to do that. Currently trying to build up my confidence to go out there and do that.

 

I guess I'll cover all the other points too hehe

 

Work is stressful but none more than manageable; I have been asked to try to find ways to present my true self at work though; gradual, small things. It had been a year working there and I'm already one of their star employees; many people come to rely on me, coworkers and management. It's like, people are constantly talking good about my work and while I'm appreciative I just comment that the job isn't hard... you just have to do it!

 

The BF is still with me, everyday he just encourages me to push on and be the best me; I am so grateful!! It'll be a year being with him next month!! <3<3<3

 

Family is...well lol Family; I still haven't told any of them about this out of fear for my safely and well being. Though I have to say: my mother has been dropping hints here and there that she may know what's going on... I am sure my therapist will have me go forth and pull the cat out of the bag eventually. I have played it in my head many times and I'm not as worried want my mother may say, it's my father that's the issue; not sure what my siblings will have to say either.

 

My friends are awesome as usual and my main support!! I have informed many of them that I would be presenting my true self and all of them are providing full support!

 

Wow. Scrolling up I really typed a lot hahaha!! Well I am currently doing my homework from my therapist: she wants me to find a endocrinologist and make an appointment with them. I am having a hard time finding one in my insurance network and another hard time contacting them due to it being the weekend.... but I won't give up!! for happiness and the hopes of one day actually being myself!!

 

I hope everyone is doing fine and I will try to be a bit more active!!

 

Love,

~Mayumi~

[Jani]

What a wonderful update!  I'm happy that you found a good therapist.  I also suggest going in and trying on clothes.  I think you'll find it to be a non-event for the most part.  Well.... your mother may have a clue.  Mother's can be like that.    True friends are a gem! 

Cheers, Jani

[Charlize]

Thank you for such a great update.  I'm glad your therapist is there for you.  Mine sure helped me.  If you have a girlfriend who will go to the store with you that helps.  I remember being terrified but a few laughs and the support of a friend got me  to the sales racks and the dressing room.

Best of luck finding an endo. There may well be a support group or LGBTQ center around who might have recommendations. 

Keep in touch.  Yourjourney sounds much like mine.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Lady Ayu]

Hello hello!!

 

Just a short update: I just went to go see my therapist today and I did it as my true self!! She was blown away!! she even got emotional which I really appreciate. This was a pretty big step since I had never presented in public before. I was terrified at first but it was really liberating!! it was like the first time I ever wore a skirt, I felt free...if that makes sense to anyone. I was supposed to go to the store after the session but I chickened out >_<  I will have to steel my resolve and try again next time. I DID however go to a restaurant I frequent as a male. Again I was terrified but I went in and to my surprise it wasn't so bad!! I did feel eyes on me and it looked like 2 of the ladies behind the counter were talking about me but I passed an elderly man to get some chips and I excused my self and he did say Ma'am; that made me feel really good  :3c

 

That's all for now, I wanted to share my small triumph with you all! I found an Endocrinologist too, so I;m really taking the steps towards the real me!! I'm so happy ^^

 

Hope to see you again soon, I will keep adding my journey here!!

 

~Mayumi~

[Charlize]

What fun!  You go girl.  Shopping and then simply being yourself will come.  That fear is something we all faced.  I felt as if everybody was looking at me.  What i found was that most folks don't look at anybody and if they do they can't see much.  It was my fear that was visible if anything.  Every time i went out it got easier.

It's a scary but liberating journey and you are well on your way!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Astrid]

Once you get past the initial "OMG, I'm shopping the in women's dept." experience, there'll be no stopping you <smile>.  That first time is the hardest, for sure, but you'll soon notice that other shoppers aren't really going to pay all that much attention to you, and the cashiers aren't either, as their job is to ring up the sale and get to the next customer.  

 

My first time (a Kohl's) 15 months ago was actually very reassuring.  There were several fitting rooms throughout the store, some of which had none or one customer trying things on.  There was no limit to how many items I could try on at a time, so I took note of that, filled my bag with several sizes of anything I found interesting, and had a nice, long session -- learning how the same size in different brands can vary, what I thought looked good, what I thought I wanted to wear in private vs. wear in public (although that is increasingly the same), etc.

 

Fast forward to today:  I happily browse the bargain racks and check out the latest women's styles at a variety of stores, without a second thought.  Shopping is one of the most fun things I do!  

 

Now....which leggings will I wear tonight??  <smile>

 

All the best!

 

Astrid

[Jani]

Hello Mayumi, 

 

Sounds like a good time at your therapist and the restaurant.  As far as people looking, don't worry.  They may not be seeing you as you think.  Sometimes its another feature that intrigues them (height, clothing, beauty!).  Don't give in to the threat and inadvertently out yourself.  Get out there and shop!   I like to wear skirts in the summer too.  I had lunch with a friend today and got all dressed up.  Have fun.  

 

I can tell you are happy.  That is great.  Keep us updated.

 

Cheers, Jani