Good morning All. Coffees on.

[MetaLicious]

@Bri2020 you're looking like you're doing well!  Congratulations!

 

@Elizabeth Star, that really is a bummer.  I agree with Bri2020, in that your wife is going to make her own fears comes true if she keeps pushing you away.

[Heather Nicole]

5 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

My family were the one's who accused me of lying about everything. Truth is I never did, I only leaked their deep, dark secrets and it was easier to accuse me of fabricating the truth than admit to the things they did

 

Ouch, that's rough. I was the designated scapegoat in my family, so I understand how that can be.

 

@Bri2020 Congrats!

 

Also, good luck to @Jackie C., isn't your revision today, iirc?

[Aggie1]

Starting to make my voice heard more publicly. I have updated my Facebook picture and started posting articles on gender identity, and I’m starting to get some pushback. 

 

 

 

 

What do Mother’s Day cards, platypuses, baseball strikes, British healthcare, and silver cars have in common? Abi Thorn discusses metaphysics. Her conclusion: we’re not just talking philosophy here; we’re tinkering with the engine of the world!

She is transgender and talks about how completely polarizing the discussion has become and explains social constructs in a way that non philosophy majors can understand without getting caught up in the vitriolic language that often encompasses the subject. 

Even people who are trying very hard to be even handed in the discussion can get swept off their feet by the emotion. It can be really hard sometimes to change the language we use to describe relationships. This language can be seen by some to put certain members of society in a box that creates a perception that there is a limit to their utility. Their usefulness is defined by their relationship to us. What am I talking about? I got unfriended yesterday by someone who said they welcomed a discussion about differences of viewpoints. They gave a speech about unity and offered some solutions including talking about those differences. Someone evaluated the speech and 99% of the evaluation was flattering. One remark however led them to vent their frustration on Facebook. What was so heinous about the remark? The speaker had talked about the difficulties of raising children and differences of opinion and how to deal with by sitting down and discussing them. At the end of the day he said she’s still daddy’s girl. Pretty innocuous you say. The evaluator suggested using language that was less pointed and more neutral. My friend vented about it on Facebook but left off the words daddy’s girl and said he had mentioned his daughter and wife and was told that mentioning daughter and wife was considered offensive. I called him out on it and brought up the full concept and suggested perhaps that simply saying at the end of the day she’s still my daughter and I love her dearly would work better. Why the big deal? Daddy’s girl carries som baggage with it. It could be viewed negatively by some women who have had less than stellar fathers. He had given a speech about unity and invited active discussion of differences, and his reaction was to be offended at the evaluation and he unfriended me for trying to clarify the comments. He started off his post quoting Galatians 4:16. Have I then become your enemy by telling you the truth. 

He was right about one thing . This is a polarized world where people have a hair trigger response to any perceived criticism.

Perhaps it’s time for the philosophy majors to enter the stage and tinker with the engine of the world!

 

[Mmindy]

9 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

I can deal with this anymore. I hold myself to a pretty high standard of honesty. It may take me a little while to spill the beans about something but I won't lie about the details.

Elizabeth, I'm sorry you had such a horrible exchange with your wife. Like you I know the truth should set you free, however our significant others are vicious, even down right mean when they perceive a threat to their hold on us. I don't have any advice on how to change that, but I do know your pain, and hope you can work it out with your wife.

 

My Suzie, was worried when I told her that I was going to take care of my best friend for a few of days (6) when he was discharged from the hospital, spending three weeks there, two of which were ICU on a ventilator. She held me when I cried about his hospitalization. She held me again when things took a turn for the worse in ICU, and I cried. I texted her several times a day and called every evening, but she still thought I was out for a good time caring for my man crush. She even asked if I fulfilled my wifely duties. She didn't hold me when that made me cry. She did apologize later, but the knife in my back was already twisted.

 

I hope someday you can introduce your new friend(s) to your wife, and she wont see them as a threat.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy??️‍⚧️?

[Mmindy]

5 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

I can't wait to go bra shopping and seeing these in a beautiful bra.

Congratulations Bri, I'm so happy for you.

 

Gentle Hugs,

 

Mindy??️‍⚧️?

[Heather Shay]

@Elizabeth Star I can relate totally on this one and I'm sorry you have to go through this. I am hugging you in my thoughts and wishing you the best. YOU deserve it.

Heather

[Susan R]

On 8/25/2021 at 8:00 AM, Bri2020 said:

Surgery went well I’m sitting in bed. Thank you all for your support over this last year. It’s about you all and as for him I’m not sure what did I would’ve had the courage to continue when I hit all the challenges that life through my way.

@Bri2020 Love the video. You look very good for just having surgery…very calm and peaceful. The tightness you’re likely feeling right now will be a thing of the past very soon. Every day gets a little better. I just hope your not a stomach sleeper like I was. Nowadays, I’m all over the place back, side, and stomach with my pillows trying to find a comfortable position during the nite.  It’s all worth it though. Keep on..keeping on girl!

 

Susan R?

[Jackie C.]

I'm sorry to hear about your spouses reaction to you having a new friend @Elizabeth Star. I hope she realizes how much you actually care for her. My wife has had similar reactions to me doing things with new friends, but we have different issues and we get past it. I just remind her that I love being with her and want that to continue for as long as possible. I'm not sure how much it helps, but I'm nothing if not persistent.

 

Hugs!

[Jamie68]

I found this image. Probably never put in this context before, but it seems to fit transgender people.

[Cyndee]

@Jamie68 a nice thought this morning, the power lies within...

 

Hugs

 

C

[Ivy]

On 8/26/2021 at 5:56 AM, Elizabeth Star said:

Before I could even get past the point of saying I met her, things went really bad. I was accused of everything from wanting to sleep with her to not caring about my partner's health to being a pathological liar.

This is hard.

 I had a similar situation with my ex.  I had never been unfaithful to her either, and she accused me a number of times.  If you deny it, you're just accused of lying.

I still have feelings for her, but just can't be with her anymore.

 

A couple of days ago we talked and I was appalled at some of her attitudes (not about me)  I see that we are moving farther and farther apart.  

 

I hate to admit it, but separating from her was a liberating thing for me, although it still hurts a lot.

[Ivy]

I'm visiting my daughter for a few days.  It's kinda nice to get out of town for a change.  This is a much more urban environment, nice to visit, but I'm sure I'll be ready to get back to my small town in a few days.

 

I'm more of a country mouse.

[Willow]

Hi everyone

 

its been a rough couple of days.  Wednesday we went to a birthday party for my daughter in laws grand niece.  No one was impolite but I got self conscious.  That hasn’t happened in quite a while.  But that got me questioning myself again.  Thursday my son was being himself but was being over the top ridiculing me and wouldn’t let up.  It didn’t have anything to do with being trans but it was pretty upsetting.  Anyway we leave tomorrow to go back to my daughter’s house.  I figure it will take 5 or 6 days to get there from here.  I don’t have any plans to stop along the way except to sleep.  I expect to work my way south east to I 70 in western Colorado then all the way back.

 

Willow

[Jamie68]

I love the tips I get from this site.https://feminizationsecrets.com/dos-donts-male-to-female-transformation/ 

Hopefully it's ok to post this here. Hugs

[Jamie68]

2 hours ago, Willow said:

Hi everyone

 

its been a rough couple of days.  Wednesday we went to a birthday party for my daughter in laws grand niece.  No one was impolite but I got self conscious.  That hasn’t happened in quite a while.  But that got me questioning myself again.  Thursday my son was being himself but was being over the top ridiculing me and wouldn’t let up.  It didn’t have anything to do with being trans but it was pretty upsetting.  Anyway we leave tomorrow to go back to my daughter’s house.  I figure it will take 5 or 6 days to get there from here.  I don’t have any plans to stop along the way except to sleep.  I expect to work my way south east to I 70 in western Colorado then all the way back.

 

Willow

Sorry you had a rough time. I get being self concious, Just look at my profile pic. Combine that with a deep voice. No need to question yourself though. You are who you are, and that's just the way it should be. We all have our challenges to overcome. Being trans isn't one of them. Dealing with others IS. Hang in there.

[KymmieL]

@Willow I am sad that the trip you were looking forward to ended up the way it did.

 

Kymmie

[KymmieL]

Well things have been cool here. And I don't mean the weather. my wife has been stand offish lately. not sure why. Probably that I am not jumping at her suggestions of what to do. Wednesday she suggested that we ride to Wheatland to go the A&W. Of course that is just after I get home from work. I make a counter suggestion on going today, our normal out for dinner night. As of now she still hasn't came home from work. She gets off at 3. Don't have a clue where she is. I just wonder if my youngest squealed about things I said during my therapist appointment today. Who knows, and I really don't care.

 

Kymmie

[Bri2020]

Well it's 4:30am and I've been up an hour! I was so wiped out yesterday I just went to bed around 6:30pm and crashed hard.  I can't even get coffee yet because the grinder will certainly wake up Susan.  I had the option of a subcutaneous lidocaine drip placed into my surgical sites to manage pain for a few days and while it was working, it was leaking bloody fluids so much it was making a mess of clothing and bed sheets to I just pulled it out 12 hours early. Hopefully pain doesn't become an issue today. I should know in a few hours.  My left breast is a full cup bigger right now from swelling.  I was able to sleep on my side for a little without discomfort so progress is definitely happening.  I'm going to try and get out and take an easy walk this morning.  

My mental health has improved substantially, hopefully my grief state is receding.  I think that the weight of my BA surgery coming up on top of the news Susan and I were splitting and I would need to find a new home soon all overwhelmed me.  Now that the surgery is over I felt a huge weight come off of me.  I'm sure I will still have some bad days but hopefully they will be less severe and farther apart.  

My wife was struggling more visibly yesterday and when I talked to her about it, as I suspected, my post op appearance has made her realise that the old Rick she knew and married has become harder to see and she is grieving the loss of her husband.  She is still so happy for my transition but it's hard to deny now that Rick is gone.  I kinda knew this would happen which pre-op worried me that I was driving the wedge between us further apart.  Not the love, but just the physical aspect of what we had.

Ugh- 45 more minutes before I can brew some coffee...........

[Aggie1]

So saddened to read all these stories of marriages breaking apart. My heart breaks for you.

My own marriage was on tenterhooks for a while a few years ago when my two youngest daughters were coming out of their teens and coming out as bisexual. My wife had left the church because of their reaction to it. We went to another church and she got panic attacks and stopped going but I continued to attend with my eldest daughter who is developmentally delayed and quite innocent and loves going to church. All the time there was a battle going on inside me about my identity which I worked hard to conceal. I fear my responses to my wife’s reaction was less sympathetic than it could have been, which further fueled her anger and bitterness. She complained bitterly about me to her brother and sister, the former unfriended me on Facebook after I disagreed with him on a political point snd the latter advised my wife to divorce me. For a while my two youngest daughters would barely speak to me which my wife didn’t discourage even advising one of them to unfriend me on Facebook. Whenever we disagreed on something she would get extremely wound up over it and then turn it against herself and insisted it was all her fault and kept repeating that she was so stupid and if I disagreed with her assessment she would start hitting herself.

In the middle of all this turmoil which had been going on for several years and showing no sign of abatement and fearing the worst I decided to surrender to the Agnes who has been in me my whole life, to allow her to emerge and to trust her judgment. I had lived with what appeared to my old self as irrational women for 20 years. If I became a woman would I be ostracized or ridiculed or end up in divorce court? One thing was certain. I couldn’t continue keeping up a battle on two fronts, one inside my head and another with my family. Something had to give. I was getting tired and the idea of surrender to the internal battle appealed to me. 
 

I was surprised at the reaction. My daughters were immediately accepting and my wife reluctantly at first. But everyone has been making a point to call me Agnes. My appearance has been gradually changing but the spirit within me is unaltered. My emotions have softened but my thinking and analytical processes are as sharp as ever, even though my filters and biases have been adjusted. 

 

it turns out that my wife has been struggling with adhd all her life, which translates into a problem with the executive function in the brain that second guesses every decision she makes. She has started to take adderol and I have to say that the tempest has calmed down considerably. Our conversations lately have been much more rational. For my part I’m able to see things more clearly from her point of view.

 

I still don’t have any relationship with her brother and sister and I don’t think anyone has told them about my new identity yet. I have no idea what their reaction will be. I have no feelings of animosity toward them either way. My wife is much closer to them now which I think is a very good thing for her.
 

As for my next steps in life (“what are you going to be when you grow up?”) I sent in an application to the local school district to be substitute bus driver and substitute teacher and got some strong letters of recommendation from a couple of folks I’ve known for the past 5 years who have witnessed the changes over the past year and showed no hesitation in their endorsement.

 

I have no idea how this is going to play out. All I know is I have to take one more step every day. And continue to trust Agnes, who is the real me anyway! I can’t imagine pretending to be who I was now.

[Heather Shay]

@AgnesBardsie thank you for your openness and wish you 5he best and I'm proud of your strength.

I am also going through some painful marriage issues and working my way through them but I realize I must continue my path to full womanhood no matter what happens and keep working on my ACT work with my therapist to give my confidence to keep driving through the rough road ahead.

Heather

[Jamie68]

5 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

Well it's 4:30am and I've been up an hour! I was so wiped out yesterday I just went to bed around 6:30pm and crashed hard.  I can't even get coffee yet because the grinder will certainly wake up Susan.  I had the option of a subcutaneous lidocaine drip placed into my surgical sites to manage pain for a few days and while it was working, it was leaking bloody fluids so much it was making a mess of clothing and bed sheets to I just pulled it out 12 hours early. Hopefully pain doesn't become an issue today. I should know in a few hours.  My left breast is a full cup bigger right now from swelling.  I was able to sleep on my side for a little without discomfort so progress is definitely happening.  I'm going to try and get out and take an easy walk this morning.  

My mental health has improved substantially, hopefully my grief state is receding.  I think that the weight of my BA surgery coming up on top of the news Susan and I were splitting and I would need to find a new home soon all overwhelmed me.  Now that the surgery is over I felt a huge weight come off of me.  I'm sure I will still have some bad days but hopefully they will be less severe and farther apart.  

My wife was struggling more visibly yesterday and when I talked to her about it, as I suspected, my post op appearance has made her realise that the old Rick she knew and married has become harder to see and she is grieving the loss of her husband.  She is still so happy for my transition but it's hard to deny now that Rick is gone.  I kinda knew this would happen which pre-op worried me that I was driving the wedge between us further apart.  Not the love, but just the physical aspect of what we had.

Ugh- 45 more minutes before I can brew some coffee...........

Wow, I feel for you on this. If I don't get to at least a real 42B i'll be looking towards a BA. Can't even talk to my wife about it yet. With the small breasts that I have now, she says she can't barely look at me. She kgows i'm planning to get bottom surgery asap. I hope we can make it through all this. Glad to hear that mentaly you're better. Hope the rest gets better also.

[Jamie68]

2 hours ago, AgnesBardsie said:

So saddened to read all these stories of marriages breaking apart. My heart breaks for you.

My own marriage was on tenterhooks for a while a few years ago when my two youngest daughters were coming out of their teens and coming out as bisexual. My wife had left the church because of their reaction to it. We went to another church and she got panic attacks and stopped going but I continued to attend with my eldest daughter who is developmentally delayed and quite innocent and loves going to church. All the time there was a battle going on inside me about my identity which I worked hard to conceal. I fear my responses to my wife’s reaction was less sympathetic than it could have been, which further fueled her anger and bitterness. She complained bitterly about me to her brother and sister, the former unfriended me on Facebook after I disagreed with him on a political point snd the latter advised my wife to divorce me. For a while my two youngest daughters would barely speak to me which my wife didn’t discourage even advising one of them to unfriend me on Facebook. Whenever we disagreed on something she would get extremely wound up over it and then turn it against herself and insisted it was all her fault and kept repeating that she was so stupid and if I disagreed with her assessment she would start hitting herself.

In the middle of all this turmoil which had been going on for several years and showing no sign of abatement and fearing the worst I decided to surrender to the Agnes who has been in me my whole life, to allow her to emerge and to trust her judgment. I had lived with what appeared to my old self as irrational women for 20 years. If I became a woman would I be ostracized or ridiculed or end up in divorce court? One thing was certain. I couldn’t continue keeping up a battle on two fronts, one inside my head and another with my family. Something had to give. I was getting tired and the idea of surrender to the internal battle appealed to me. 
 

I was surprised at the reaction. My daughters were immediately accepting and my wife reluctantly at first. But everyone has been making a point to call me Agnes. My appearance has been gradually changing but the spirit within me is unaltered. My emotions have softened but my thinking and analytical processes are as sharp as ever, even though my filters and biases have been adjusted. 

 

it turns out that my wife has been struggling with adhd all her life, which translates into a problem with the executive function in the brain that second guesses every decision she makes. She has started to take adderol and I have to say that the tempest has calmed down considerably. Our conversations lately have been much more rational. For my part I’m able to see things more clearly from her point of view.

 

I still don’t have any relationship with her brother and sister and I don’t think anyone has told them about my new identity yet. I have no idea what their reaction will be. I have no feelings of animosity toward them either way. My wife is much closer to them now which I think is a very good thing for her.
 

As for my next steps in life (“what are you going to be when you grow up?”) I sent in an application to the local school district to be substitute bus driver and substitute teacher and got some strong letters of recommendation from a couple of folks I’ve known for the past 5 years who have witnessed the changes over the past year and showed no hesitation in their endorsement.

 

I have no idea how this is going to play out. All I know is I have to take one more step every day. And continue to trust Agnes, who is the real me anyway! I can’t imagine pretending to be who I was now.

It seems that almost all of us have very similar issues. I'm sorry you are also. The "Agnes" deserves to be out. You deserve to be happy. Hope things get better.

[Heather Nicole]

5 hours ago, AgnesBardsie said:

it turns out that my wife has been struggling with adhd all her life, which translates into a problem with the executive function in the brain that second guesses every decision she makes. She has started to take adderol and I have to say that the tempest has calmed down considerably

 

Ouch, sorry to hear, but I'm glad the med is working for her. ADHD as an adult can be a rough thing to deal with, and very frustrating. For me, the way it interacts with my executive function doesn't make me second guess my decisions, but it does make it extremely difficult to get important things done and stay on top of anything (search youtube for "wall of awful"). It also messes with my sense of time.

[Aggie1]

2 hours ago, Heather Nicole said:

 

Ouch, sorry to hear, but I'm glad the med is working for her. ADHD as an adult can be a rough thing to deal with, and very frustrating. For me, the way it interacts with my executive function doesn't make me second guess my decisions, but it does make it extremely difficult to get important things done and stay on top of anything (search youtube for "wall of awful"). It also messes with my sense of time.

Those were also symptoms she has/had, putting things off till the last minute to get a jolt of adrenaline to overcome inertia.

[Elizabeth Star]

Good morning everyone,

 

It's taken me a few days to process the events of this week. I believe part of why I'm looking to meet new people is because they don't know me as anyone other than who I say I am and will never be able to misgender and dead name me. Some of the people around me right now (even those who I've only seen once or twice) claim it's just to hard to adjust to the changes. It's bs and I know it. My co-workers have done quite well adjusting and I've known some of them for almost 20 years. I'm the one who can't talk about my past without having to edit the details and yet there is so much I still can't say. So many "guy" stories sound so creepy if I was to tell them while referring to myself as female. So they don't get told. While at the same time other members of the trans community get it and I don't have to explain myself.

 

I found some transphobia yesterday. I needed to get salt for our water softener so I headed to Menards. I've been going there for years without incident but this time was different. Not needing anything else, I went straight to the cashier, told her what I needed (6, 40lb. bags of salt) and help getting it off the shelf and loading. She immediately started calling me sir. Can I get you anything else sir? Here's you receipt sir? have a nice day sir? I sat in my jeep for a good 10 minutes afterwards debating if I should go in and complain. Eventually I decided not to but I think I'm getting close to making a scene next time it happens. To be honest I probably will. If I was a cis woman I would have without thinking twice. If it gets down to it, I have ID to prove I am woman and my name is Elizabeth.