Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Willow]

@Davie @Mmindy I know where you are coming from.  Stuck in the middle.  Some know the real you, but most don’t.  It’s hardest when you feel you have to live in that zone.  You aren’t being true to yourself, or either group of friends or acquaintances.

 

I had to get past that and just go with being true to myself.  I feel it ultimately reduces the stress and depression associated with being transgender.

 

Willow

[KymmieL]

Good Morning everyone. I too haven't had much to say. Things are still getting unpacked and sorted and pitched. We should have started a month ago. Hope to be able to get the wagon in the garage today. Opening up a parking spot. our youngest got a note on his truck yesterday. One of the neighbors complaining about him parking in front of their house, and about the amount of cars we have.

 

Had an appointment yesterday. I am looking to increase my VA disability. Of course, Kymmie went. hope it went good. 

 

 

@Willow I know also were you are all coming from. Very few if any know the real me. I don't think anyone wants to be that good a friend to learn that. That was even true before I came out trans. The story of my life.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

 

[Jackie C.]

OK, @Davie, @Hannah Renee, @Willow and @KymmieL... I'm confused. The very, very real me is on display in all her glory since I've transitioned. I've made a TON of friends. As I have no filter, they know me very well and I've had them comment on my energy and the way I light up a room.

 

Is it being unwilling to be yourself? I mean I hang in some very queer spaces, but I am always, always true to myself. I'm honestly asking if you could elaborate a bit because I'm apparently a bit slow and absolutely do not get it unless it's coming from an inability to express at home or express around certain people?

 

Hugs!

[JJ Orange]

Good morning, everyone! 
Ice coffee is a-go and started to look at the info one of my professors posted for the class. Any suggestions to keep my study area organized? By noon it's a complete mess and it distracts me. 

I start most of my classes Monday so I am trying to organize my schedule for the semester throughout this weekend. 

Feeling very tired and sometimes my brain wants me to drink coffee 24/7. 

Anyways, I hope everyone has a nice weekend and stays safe! ❤️ 

[stveee]

So another girl asked me to trade phone numbers at my women's meeting. This is very strange for me because now I have several women friends and a trans woman, who I feel I can trust and hang out with....but I also am learning each relation is different and after all, they are just people too.

It might be good for me to hang out with other women and explore a little because I was getting pretty hung up on my BFF in the beginning. I am uncertain if a little of that was "validation" and acceptance from an attractive cis woman I had respect for...like a trans first crush type deal. So by now, I have took her off the pedestal a little because I realize she has some hangups herself. I just try not to assume anything about anyone anymore because most, if not all of my women friends have gone through therapy or treatment programs or have some kind of trauma and it reminds me to be softer and more patient and compassionate with myself and others.

 

[Willow]

@Jackie C.  I guess the point I was trying to make got lost.  Like @Davie and @Hannah Renee talking about not having friends or friends that fully knew or understood their being transgender.  I know I went through a period of being conflicted.  Some people and my family knew, but I hide being transgender from others.  I had two groups.  Those that knew and those that didn’t.  I was trying to let everyone know but that wasn’t working.  Now I am fully out.  If someone asks I’ll tell them honestly but everyone sees me as a woman now. Only a few know, but everyone sees me as I am.

 

until you come out to yourself and everyone full time, you won’t feel good about yourself.

 

Right or wrong, that’s what I was trying to say.

 

Willow

[Ivy]

10 hours ago, Willow said:

until you come out to yourself and everyone full time, you won’t feel good about yourself.

Yup.

The two tiered thing doesn't work very well for me.  Just gotta rip off that bandaid.  Serious ouch.

[Willow]

We made it to another Saturday.  That means this week is over and tomorrow starts a new one.

 

Funny thing about that, I suppose we follow the Jewish week instead of the Christian.  Since we always start on Sunday instead of ending on Sunday.

 

Thank you for  the appreciation of my comments.  Like I said, the first time it may not have expressed exactly what I was thinking.

 

We need to go to the boat today.  I want to get pictures of it to put it up for sale (although, I’d like to put its sails up) lol.  Still have some pickup to do to make that happen.

 

really nice night and day, turned off the AC and opened some windows last night.  It was in the 60s which is pretty unusual for August here.

 

8 go5 to get my shower and get going. High tide is noon and I want to flip my boat around, stern in.

 

I needed depth to do that.

 

hugs

 

Willow

[JJ Orange]

Morning, friends!🌞 
I hope everyone is having a great weekend. 
School is upon me and I am excited to start again! I am also in the middle of making coffee and starting my weekend morning routine. Still waiting for my local LGBT+ center to open 

[Ivy]

3 hours ago, Willow said:

That means this week is over and tomorrow starts a new one.

Not till sundown.  But this is a discussion for another thread.

 

Made my usual appearance uptown today.  Got some okra at the Farmers Market, had some beer at my usual place.  A couple of ladies introduced themselves, and I saw an old friend.  He made a remark about my purse.  I'm not sure he really gets it.  But we're both a bit hard of hearing, so these conversations can get interesting.  

When I first started going fem in public he said "So you're wearing dresses now?"  I just shrugged.  Shrugging is my usual response in these situations.  

Back when I was first trying to figure things out, I ran into a woman I knew in the check-out line at the Kmart.  I was buying some camies.  She looked at me - I just shrugged.  Yeah, caught red handed.  Whatcha gonna do?  This is not that big of a town.

[Heather Nicole]

I'm going to one of those "murder mystery" dinner things in a few hours. It's a fundraiser for my local lgbt+ organization, the theme is a "gay wedding". It sounded really cool, and I'd been wanting to go to one of those murder mystery things for awhile, so I signed up. Since I know this is a safe accepting group, and a safe private venue (and because even people I'm not out to know full fell that there's nothing in heaven or hell that will ever get me to wear a suit), so I'll be going as Heather.

 

It'll only be my second time out in girl-mode. And there's still a lot of firsts involved that I've been nervous about, not the least of which being that this was my first time getting struck by the panic of "OMG, I have no idea what I'm going to wear! I don't have anything to wear!!!" lol. I think I have it pretty much figured out now though. I ended up getting a new dress for the occasion. I like it a lot, but there's a couple things I'm a little apprehensive about. It has a nice side-slit, but on me, the side-slit ends up opening wider than I would prefer. It should at least work well enough, though. It does have a built-in, what I thought was a skirt, underneath for modesty, turns out it's really built-in shorts like a jumpsuit...which is going to be problematic for going to the restroom...Unless I can quickly figure out a way to convert it to skirt without making too big a mess of things, but I tend to not be very handy, so I dunno about attempting that...Speaking of restrooms, I don't know whether there will be a unisex one, so even with an lgbt+ crowd, I'm hoping I just won't need to go. But knowing me that seems unlikely.

 

Tried to do my nails last night for this, but they turned out an absolute horror mess. I'll have to undo that, I give up on them for now. I hope I still have some nail polish remover... If not, I'll have to make do with rubbing alcohol. (Didn't think that one through.) Been worried about just how much I have to do to get ready for this, and make the timing all work, and how in the world my ADHD is going to actually allow me to get everything done. And in a perfect case of bad timing, "ye olde impostor syndrome" has been back hitting me again lately. And I'm even worrying about how to carry my purse without it looking weirdly awkward or manly! And "is this purse too big?" But I guess it needs to be because I wanted to bring a change of shoes, just in case. I wonder how much of this might be the E hitting me? Umm, maybe it's obvious by now, but I've been maybe just a teensy bit "frazzled nervous wreck panic mode".  😬

 

No way I'll let myself back out of it though! I'd hate myself too much if I did that. I'm just looking forward to being DONE with all this "getting ready" stuff and just be there already.

 

Lemme see if I can find that one favorite image of mine that I think sums things up very well...(I have no idea where it's from, I found it in some trans subreddit)...Ah yes, here it is...

 

 

😆

[Heather Nicole]

It went well. Felt better once it got started. Cute little play 😀

[CD Rachel]

@Heather Nicole I am glad you went and enjoyed it. The more you venture forth as Heather the more confident you will get.

 

~Rachel

[Mmindy]

On 8/12/2022 at 9:07 AM, Davie said:

 

Even bumpy roads show promise.

Good evening Davie, 

 

I feel this same thing when I go back to my hometown. Everyone there thinks of me as the hyper male, I use the project as a mechanic, firefighter, and biker. Even my siblings think of me as the patriarch of the family. I’ve never tolerated hate or disrespectful comments referencing the LGBTQA or special needs community. That being said very few from my hometown would understand my transgender feelings. I will be back there this weekend for a retirement party, and again for the Labor Day Weekend with family. Like you said, It will be fun, we’ll tell stories about the good old days, but my wife and I will feel as though we’re wearing masks. Since I’m not out to anyone but her & her sister. I’ll be wearing nice colorful clothes, my hair will be down in curly locks, held back with a multi colored cloth headband or sun glasses. My nails will be manicured, slightly longer than the end of my fingers with a mat finish. I won’t wear makeup, however my eyebrows will be neatly trimmed. I will also be wearing my favorite silver and turquoise jewelry. I’m not sure how I’ll handle or answer questions about my androgynous presentation. I do expect some will notice, and talk will take place once I leave. Maybe these questions will lead to some making the connection to my pro LGBTQA Facebook postings. If I’m questioned directly, I won’t deny my changing feelings. To say I don’t have anxiety building up in anticipation would be a lie. 
 

Hugs, 

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋💖

[helena]

Good <timeOfDay>

 

So the vacation is over and time for work. Back to ye ole closet 8hrs a day. Starts feeling like being inside of an iron maiden. But it's also a payday so maybe some shopping therapy is also in order...

[Davie]

7 minutes ago, Mmindy said:

Good evening Davie, 

 

I feel this same thing when I go back to my hometown. Everyone there thinks of me as the hyper male, I use the project as a mechanic, firefighter, and biker. Even my siblings think of me as the patriarch of the family. I’ve never tolerated hate or disrespectful comments referencing the LGBTQA or special needs community. That being said very few from my hometown would understand my transgender feelings. I will be back there this weekend for a retirement party, and again for the Labor Day Weekend with family. Like you said, It will be fun, we’ll tell stories about the good old days, but my wife and I will feel as though we’re wearing masks. Since I’m not out to anyone but her & her sister. I’ll be wearing nice colorful clothes, my hair will be down in curly locks, held back with a multi colored cloth headband or sun glasses. My nails will be manicured, slightly longer than the end of my fingers with a mat finish. I won’t wear makeup, however my eyebrows will be neatly trimmed. I will also be wearing my favorite silver and turquoise jewelry. I’m not sure how I’ll handle or answer questions about my androgynous presentation. I do expect some will notice, and talk will take place once I leave. Maybe these questions will lead to some making the connection to my pro LGBTQA Facebook postings. If I’m questioned directly, I won’t deny my changing feelings. To say I don’t have anxiety building up in anticipation would be a lie. 
 

Hugs, 

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋💖

Ah, @MmindyI admire your courage. No matter how it goes, we'll always have your back, as will your goddess—she's a tough M-F-er!

— Davie

[Elizabeth Star]

Wow, so I finally got in, the recent page wouldn't load for me. Anyways, I noticed that I had been trying to post but kept forgetting to hit the submit button.

 

Top surgery soon. Fifteen days but who's counting? I have 4 different people who really, really want to be there for me. Like be the one to take me. Thinking maybe I should have them fight to the death over it. It would please me🙃

 

I think my blue hair has some secret magical powers. Made so many new friends in the last couple weeks and so many of them want to date me. It's also like no one wants a full time relationship anymore either. I just go from house to house, haven't had to cook myself dinner in over a week and they're all making sure to have vegetarian meals on hand for me.

 

I'm sure the train ride will eventually come to a end but for now I'm enjoying the ride.

 

 

 

 

[JJ Orange]

Morning, everyone! 

Happy that the site is now available! 
Today is the first day of Fall Semester, so wish me luck! Online classes are a go and I will go make my coffee soon! ❤️ 

[Mmindy]

3 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

I'm enjoying the ride.

Good morning Lizzy,

 

I had trouble logging into the site as well, and figured it was do to the upcoming server maintenance.

 

You deserve to have people from all avenues of your family/friends circle vying to take you to the hospital, doctors appointments, as well as fix you dinner every night. Having them battle to the death is a little strong these days. Your champion will rise and meet your needs.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋 

[Mmindy]

11 hours ago, Davie said:

we'll always have your back, as will your goddess

🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋💖🏳️‍🌈

[Mmindy]

20 minutes ago, JJ Orange said:

Today is the first day of Fall Semester, so wish me luck! Online classes are a go and I will go make my coffee soon! ❤️ 

Good luck JJ,

 

I'm guessing that you're a motivated person, and will attack each class with enthusiasm.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and motivated,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[KymmieL]

I80 Good afternoon all. Things have been a little crazy. Of course my wife had to go nuts late last week as our grandkids visited. Everything needed to be right.

 

Last few days I have had genital disphoria. Last few times I looked into the bathroom mirror. I noticed that bulge below the belt. I hated seeing it. 

 

Kymmie 

[Willow]

Good afternoon 

 

I tried logging on and got Petra Janes message.  I knew all would be good eventually so I gave it time and sure enough all is well.

 

JJ good luck with your studies.  I’m not sure how I would handle online classes.  I tend to get distracted and suddenly realized my eyes have been scanning words on the page without actually reading them.  I’m better off with live classes.

 

@Mmindy I believe I could go back to my hometown without issues.  Most of the people I knew have either moved, passed on or know about me through Facebook.  I have no family left so …..

 

@KymmieL my wife goes all nuts when anyone is coming to visit too.  Doesn’t matter who it is or how organized and good the house looks, she just goes nuts.  I had a friend in the Air Force who was like that too.  Maybe I’m too easy going sometimes but I take tasks one at a time and do them in an orderly manner.  My wife goes all helter skelter and can spend a lot of time getting little done.  You mention genital dysphoria.  I get it.  No matter how hard I tried to hide those damn walnuts got in the way.  No more!  I cracked them and gave them to science.  Now if I could just get the melons to grow, I’d be a very happy lady.  But I’ve never had much of a green thumb, and it’s looking more and more like I’m going to have to go to the market and purchase some.  
 

ok I’m all out of funny? Lines.  So I’m going to sign off.

 

oh just one other thing, this will be a busy week, today, Charleston, tomorrow GP, Wednesday colonoscopy and endoscopy.  And that’s all for my wife.  My big day is Thursday.  That’s when I have to be in court.  My lawyer still expects it will end up dropped but until the fat lady sings her aria, it ain’t over.

 

Willow

[Ivy]

2 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

being embarrassed about my smallish package whenever I was in a locker room. The last couple of years I have realized the advantage as it is far easier to hide

I'm in a similar place.  I don't like tight clothing anyway so that aspect. of it is not a problem.  I do kinda wish I could swap it out though just because.

[Heather Nicole]

5 hours ago, Willow said:

my wife goes all nuts when anyone is coming to visit too.  Doesn’t matter who it is or how organized and good the house looks, she just goes nuts.

 

[Raises hand and nods] My mom was like that, too. Although for her, she was far better at getting things done than I am! (A fact she would readily agree with! 🤣)

 

5 hours ago, Willow said:

You mention genital dysphoria.  I get it.  No matter how hard I tried to hide those damn walnuts got in the way.  No more!  I cracked them and gave them to science.

 

Funny that the topic of genital dysphoria shows up now - it's been on my mind today.  My lower (genital) dysphoria turned out to be somewhat of a repressed one. Repressed dysphorias can be a strange thing to experience. I mean, granted, I always knew I had a fascination with what it would be like to have the other "configuration" down there, and there were also other clues (in retrospect) that it must have bothered me at least subconsciously. But I never had a conscious sense of being bothered by the lower parts I have until my egg cracked. Ever since I realized I was probably trans, I've just been hyper-aware of their existence, like I can always feel them all there down there, hanging like some kind of tumor. (Sorry...like I mentioned, it's been on my mind today...)

 

4 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

I spent my teen years and well beyond being embarrassed about my smallish package whenever I was in a locker room. The last couple of years I have realized the advantage as it is far easier to hide than what I thought I wanted all those years. Still painful to look at, though.

 

I had some characteristics that went the other way. As a teen, I got the big "manly" trio of deep voice, hairiness, and large overall stature. I figured "Oh! These are all considered good things for guys! Right? Enviable even! Better yet, they prove I'm finally, finally growing up!" I didn't have much to feel good about as a teen, so that all seemed like quite a pretty descent consolation prize for "the game of life", even encouraging. But then in my 20's, they proved to be useless in any practical or social sense (at least for me anyway). And now, over the last several years or so, well, I think it's safe to say my opinions on the matter have fully reversed since my teen years. There's plenty of people it all would have been much better off going to, and I'd gladly donate if I could! 😄

 

4 minutes ago, Hannah Renee said:

Obviously that's not something that can happen all that quickly, but still, the logistics of finding the necessary personal support during the process is rather daunting. As in I don't know anyone.

 

I'm quite far from any of the surgeries myself, but that's something I often worry about, too. The one and only person who's even a slight possibility has a couple very young kids, and it's going to be a long time before the combination of parenthood and work won't be dominating their time and energy. (Although, if I'm ever able to clear the financial hurdles, it probably won't be until the kids are grown and she's retired...)