Trouble with coming out

[AllisonSJ]

Hi everyone my story is a little confusing even to me. So I've always felt like I didn't fit in anywhere, but this past summer I had my epiphany. I had been leading up to it for a couple years but never could admit to myself that I'm a girl. Once I realized that I felt great; only problem I had no one to talk to i.e. therapist so I decided to come out to my parents. When I did I wasn't prepared my parents told me they'd never really saw me as that. That I need to talk to a therapist about it before coming to them; this part I know is right; but it caught me offuard. Finally the last thing hit me hard. I'm tall so they were worried it would be overly hard for me. After doing this I went home and was scared and hurt. The next day I saw my parents and basically went back on what I said, because I was scared of being myself. Come to me now been dealing for the last few months and want to start the process. I'm really worried about coming out again to them. Anyone have any thoughts or advice?

[tracy_j]

Hi Allison, Welcome to TransPulse.

 

You will find people here friendly and generally helpful. Please read around as you wish, and ask questions on things you are not sure of.

 

Parents are commonly fairly surprised and take time to come to terms with changes. They have at least mentioned one good course of action, whatever their motives. It is a good idea to talk things over with a gender therapist. They will have a clear understanding things in your area and also it's good to bounce your thoughs between you. It will help your understanding of yourself.

 

You don't say how tall you are, but these days women are generally taller than they used to be years ago. Being tall may attract some attention but it is everything being taken together which counts. I have known women who tower over me (talking 6' 6" or therabouts). Most cis women have at least one, what they would call bad, feature. It is having the confidence to carry it. That confidence will come in time.

 

I hope this helps.

 

Tracy

[AllisonSJ]

Tracy, 

Thank you so much. This made me feel a thousand times better. I am definitely going to talk to a gender therapist. The affirming words gave me more confidence as well and I appreciate that.

-Allison

[Kirsten]

Well it is hard. Tall short fat or skinny it’s hard. The therapist idea is a good one. I think everyone should see a therapist at least a couple times a year. And for something as big as this it’s a definite. Your parents response seems okay too. 

I would say find a therapist first. Talk to them. And figure out what you want. Once you get there think about telling your parents. This isn’t a race. It’s a tortoise marathon. So try to relax and take things as they come. And don’t worry about your height. One of my best friends is 6’3” and she passes just fine. And I’m 6-0 and do well myself even at 6 months hrt. Passing is 90% attitude. Be yourself and people respond. 

Good luck Allison! 

[Susan R]

Hi Allison,  welcome!  I just want to add that practically every person here could list off one or more attributes that they wish they could change about themselves.  Just don't let one of those attributes keep you from becoming the person you are inside.  Focus on what you can change.

As for your parents, give them some time.  They want what's best for you, I'm sure.  They may come around once you are able to convince them that this is the best choice for your life.

 

Good Luck,

Susan R?

[MarcieMarie12]

Part of what I deal with is my dysphoria in regards to how I see myself. I am my own worst critic, despite being hit on by guys and despite not being misgendered except more than couple times a month (and that is by long time friends or family out of habit) or people that are just not paying attention.  Cis women are tall, fat, skinny, broad sholdered, small breasted, and can have hte same attributes as us.  

[AllisonSJ]

I really appreciate all the words of wisdom and general support. Honestly just everything said has made my day. I feel so happy and my concerns have subsided a bit. Thank you, thank you, thank you all. 

-Allison

[Raven1981]

3 hours ago, AllisonSJ said:

Hi everyone my story is a little confusing even to me. So I've always felt like I didn't fit in anywhere, but this past summer I had my epiphany. I had been leading up to it for a couple years but never could admit to myself that I'm a girl. Once I realized that I felt great; only problem I had no one to talk to i.e. therapist so I decided to come out to my parents. When I did I wasn't prepared my parents told me they'd never really saw me as that. That I need to talk to a therapist about it before coming to them; this part I know is right; but it caught me offuard. Finally the last thing hit me hard. I'm tall so they were worried it would be overly hard for me. After doing this I went home and was scared and hurt. The next day I saw my parents and basically went back on what I said, because I was scared of being myself. Come to me now been dealing for the last few months and want to start the process. I'm really worried about coming out again to them. Anyone have any thoughts or advice?

Hello Allison:

 

Welcome to the forum.  I am with you on being tall.  I am 6ft myself and then I do not want to get into the trouble on trying to look for shoes.  I would have to agree with everyone on being in here is a good start and we will be glad to help assist with any questions.  I would suggest on looking for a gender therapist and you can google search and look around with saving up.  As for coming out again, I would say to do it at your own pace and if need be to come out 1 person at a time.  Then do some research.  You can also go on YouTube as well.  But I will have to say to be yourself and be comfortable and show who you are.  In the end, only you know who you are and just be comfortable and happy.

 

If you are interested, I have started making YouTube videos myself if you want to check me out.  

 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcCj9U8yd6MB0Rq3quqV0mw

 

Feel free to ask question and that were always here for help

 

Lots of Love 

 

Amy

[Jani]

Hello Allison!  There is lots of good advice here from my friends.  Don't be concerned with height.  I'm 6' and I notice women my height and taller all the time when I'm out shopping.  It is much more common now to see tall women than in prior generations.   You don't mention how old you are but I assume you are part of the younger set.  Most of my nieces are tall women.  

 

On 11/21/2018 at 1:35 PM, Kirsten said:

Passing is 90% attitude. Be yourself and people respond. 

This is true!  Work at getting comfortable with the "new" you that you show to the world.  

 

When I told my parents they hadn't seen it coming either, but my mother did say in retrospect that there were signs they never considered.  Don't be concerned with this.  Our paths are all different even if we are on a similar journey.  

Cheers, 

Jani