I came out... then went back in.

[My name isn’t Megan]

I’m a biological male who feels the need to become a woman. I’d been holding onto these feelings, only sharing them with choice friends and my therapist. Recently, I hit my breaking point and confided in my parents about my trans feelings. At first, I was hopeful; they were supportive, albeit confused. I tried my best to explain what this meant for me, and what I needed from them. This was okay for a few days, but my mother’s emotional state was decaying; she had crying fits, and found more and more reasons to be afraid of my feelings and desire to transition. She was in an emotional state conperable to that she might enter in the event of a family member dying. I was desperate to keep my family happy, so I lied and said that my feelings were fleeting and ultimatly false. A mere hour after saying this, everything seemingly went back to normal. Now both my parents seem even more skeptical towards transgender and homosexual people. I still have trans feelings. I’ll be living with my parents at least until I’m done going to my acting school of choice, and my options for experimentation are now extremely limited. I’m scared, angry, sad, and I don’t know what to do. 

 

Thanks for reading ❤️

[Susan R]

Just now, My name isn’t Megan said:

my mother’s emotional state was decaying; she had crying fits, and found more and more reasons to be afraid of my feelings and desire to transition. She was in an emotional state conperable to that she might enter in the event of a family member dying. I was desperate to keep my family happy, so I lied and said that my feelings were fleeting and ultimatly false.

I had a very similar situation happen to me when I was 17 and still living at home.  I had a gym bag packed with my clean, folded women's clothes hidden in my closet.  I came home and my mother confronted me about it.  She had apparently stumbled upon my gym bag and decided it needed to be washed....(sure Mom).  She was crying profusely asking me why I wear woman's clothes.  Being young and financially dependent on my parents, I completely denied it and said it was my girlfriend's.  This stopped the crying and soon everything in our home went back to normal.  Did she believe me?...not even close (as it later turns out) but with her head buried into the proverbial sand she could again live normally.

I'm not saying your mom is in denial or saying you should restablish your previous position.  I'm only saying that you have likely only postponed the inevitable.  These feelings will likely persist.  I think if you are financially dependent on your parents, you may have to dial it back for awhile.  It may be that you'll need to wait until you are on your own to again attempt a conversation with your parents for the sake of sanity.  If your parents (or your Mom) aren't comfortable with group therapy, than waiting a few years might be the best course of action.  I wish you the best in whatever decision you make for yourself.

 

Susan R?

[My name isn’t Megan]

Thanks to MaryMary and Susan!

I think my only option is to keep my feelings close to vest. My family is religious (Christian, to be specific), and the Bible has some very choice consequences for making a significant change to one’s body. My family probably won’t budge on their beliefs. It’s going to be a long while before I could experiment or do anything to help myself figure things out (like gender therapy or transgender support groups) without raising concerns from my family. 

35 minutes ago, MaryMary said:

If you are born with male parts and need to be yourself then the path of transition can be a good one for you.

If you are a man and "need to be a woman" then transition will only be trouble and will only make you sad.

I’m honestly curious what you mean by this, MaryMary. To be perfectly honest, I never had severe disphoria growing up. Though despite that, I’ve felt a strong desire to become a girl. My mindset is still another confusing factor in the entire process. Do I need to have a certain mindset to truly be transgender?

 

thanks again!

[Jani]

Megan, Mary's advice to go slow is good.  Just dipping our toes in the water sometimes is enough to tell us if we truly are on the right path.  Even then, go only as far as you need to feel good about yourself.  

 

Jani

[My name isn’t Megan]

Hey everyone!

It’s been awhile since I last posted anything around here ? and in all honesty, I’ve not been doing so great. If you’ve read my previous postings, you’ll know that I’ve essentslly lied to my parents about my transgender feelings to keep them... well, I suppose balanced? Happy? I’m really not sure... but at any rate, they’ve gotten better, and I’ve gotten worse. I’m trying to contend with a lot of things right now, primarily my gender idetniy, my relationship with my parents, and my religious ideology. So much has been put into question right now, and honestly I’m scared. 

 

Gender identity: I think I want to become a girl, but I’m still really confused about it all. And now, my options to explore these questions are limited, as doing anything blatant might tip my parents off to what I’m feeling.

 

Parents: I’m really worried that exploring my gender identity further is going to put myself in a bad position with my family; they’re good people, but I don’t believe that they want me to go anywhere near transitioning anymore. I’m scared that by telling them (again ?) how I feel, that I might ruin some opportunites for myself, or worse yet, ruin our relationship...

 

Religion: I was raised Christian. I believe that a God exists. And I believe that this God is benevolent. What scares me is all the verses in the Bible speaking against people altering themselves, to which my mom made me aware of. If I continue my journey of transition, I’m putting myself at odds with the religion and ideology I’ve had for my whole life... 

 

so yeah, any advice on the following would be awesome ? thanks for reading!

[DeeDee]

Just now, My name isn’t Megan said:

Religion: I was raised Christian. I believe that a God exists. And I believe that this God is benevolent. What scares me is all the verses in the Bible speaking against people altering themselves, to which my mom made me aware of. If I continue my journey of transition, I’m putting myself at odds with the religion and ideology I’ve had for my whole life... 

 

so yeah, any advice on the following would be awesome ? thanks for reading!

Megan I cannot speak to your relationship with your parents as I have only confided in 2 of my sisters, I cannot speak to my mum until I am more certain of my path as I know she will struggle with the concept of gender identity, but as far as religion goes if you would like to discuss this point further please message me or start a discussion in the religion section as I don't want to hijack this post, but I have literally done my honours degree in theology and you are not at odds with your faith, merely your current understanding of it.  The Bible is clear that only the Levitical priests should not emulate the pagan priests around them by copying their cultic practices which is where the levitical rules and 99% of the anti lgbtq+ texts come into play, the other 1% came from Paul who was just a man of his time giving his opinion, Jesus never mentions it once, he always accepted people exactly as they were which is what made him so radical.  As far as Christian faith goes Jesus commanded us to love God with all our heart and all our soul and all our strength and all our mind and to love our neighbour as ourselves.  In order to love others you must wholly accept and love yourself, that is what it means to follow Christ (the literal translation of Christian) and why it can be easy to say and difficult to do.  xxx

[Susan R]

Just now, SeekingSadie said:

The Bible is clear that only the Levitical priests should not emulate the pagan priests around them by copying their cultic practices which is where the levitical rules and 99% of the anti lgbtq+ texts come into play, the other 1% came from Paul who was just a man of his time giving his opinion, Jesus never mentions it once, he always accepted people exactly as they were which is what made him so radical.  As far as Christian faith goes Jesus commanded us to love God with all our heart and all our soul and all our strength and all our mind and to love our neighbour as ourselves. 

This is so interesting.  I'd like to learn more.  I came from same background as Megan. I figured God made us females inside so can we really be surprised we want to express that?  I wouldn't worry about this Megan but I understand your thought process.

 

Susan R?

[My name isn’t Megan]

It’s so hard to find a definitive answer on the matter, isn’t it? With so many denominations and interpretations to sift through, I can’t find a foothold to save my life ? I just want to believe that God doesn’t judge a person by *what* they are, so much as *who* they are... why would God care what bodies we have when our actions define us? Not to mention we’re all just souls in the end, right? Idk, it’s a topic for someone a bit wiser than myself ?

 

But I suppose it loops back to my parents (figures ?) their interpretation and belief is that it goes against the Bible. They’re not, like, *anti* LGBTQA+ or anything, but I guess it’s different when it comes to me? ?

 

I just wish that they’d had taken more time to try and understand me. They immediately thought it was some kind of outside influence afflicting my mind. 

 

It’s so hard to figure this all out when I’m basically pretending to be a 100% cisgender guy ? guess my therapist, these forums, and the cute lesbian/trans books I’m about to buy on the down-low will have to do for... like, defining my entire identity... so that’s neat ? (kidding, of course!)

 

At any rate, thanks for the responses ?❤️

[Jani]

Megan I'll not question your "need" or "want" to be a woman (girl).  That is for you alone to decide.  You've used both these terms and when you eventually can get consistent therapy this is what you should explore.  Maybe you are using the terms interchangeably but they are different.  I "wanted" to be (present as) a woman because I "needed" to as its who I am.  Inside I am a woman and have felt so for a very long time.  Transitioning provided relief from this anguish.  That you are still really confused is certainly normal.  I was deep into transition before my confusion was resolved.  I am at peace, which is what I wanted.  I'm sure that is what you desire as well.

 

Concerning your parents, at some point you must make your own way in the world.  When we strike out on our own we may make choices that confuse, anger or alienate family and friends.  We make these decisions with our own best interest in mind, although we do often consider how they will impact our relationships.  If the relationships are strong, our family and friends will see why we do what we do, and not judge us harshly.   Some people are so fervent in their beliefs and mores that they cannot fathom living outside of them and they have fear when others they are close to try to live outside them.  Lets call them zealots since they are uncompromising.  This is not to say they aren't loving, or don't have your best interest in mind.  Its just your best interest as long as it aligns with theirs.  When living with zealots we must make a choice to make them happy or make ourselves happy; either that or one party must be convinced to change their mind.  So where does that leave you?  Since you are still at home and dependent upon your parents for financial and housing support, you must compromise as they seem unwilling to.  And they would argue why should they change their opinion; they are older and more experienced in life while you are not quite yet.  There will be a time when the balance of power shifts but that is much later.  My advice is for now bide your time as best as you can.  Refer to Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.   It's not a race, and if you remain focused you will succeed.  

 

I don't question the faith (or lack of) of anyone as I believe it is highly personal.  I will say that I was raised in the Christian tradition and was afforded the opportunity to learn about many other religions.   While I did not do any advanced study as Sadie has, I do understand that three of the worlds major religions are Abrahamic (Judaism, Islam, Christianity) and they have roots in the same text (Torah, Quran & Old Testament) which are essentially the same message.  The Torah speaks of six genders and the Quran three, while the Bible speaks of "eunichs" (born and made so by men).  Transgender people have been around forever and in many societies they were and are an accepted people.  Even if a person has a hard time with gender today, the belief that we should care for and love  each other as we do ourselves "should" carry the day (although we know it doesn't always work out that way).  Many of the "rules" to live by written in each document were social constructs based upon culture at the time.  Personally, I believe we have evolved beyond many of these "rules".  As to whether your personal beliefs, desires, needs, etc put you at odds with the religious teachings you were raised with is something you must come to peace with.  As we grow and evolve as people we are often faced with conundrums that shake us to the core.  If we are wise and try to learn as much as possible we can hopefully make peace with the choices, or maybe forge a new path.  But it is your choice; no one else.  I don't think we as transgender people are at odds with any teachings from many thousands of years ago; but that is my belief.  

 

Just now, My name isn’t Megan said:

Not to mention we’re all just souls in the end, right?

If you're a Christian this is it!  Your body is just a vessel, a vehicle your spirit rides in until the end.  

 

I've written much more than I normally would have so I apologize for being long winded.  

 

All my best to you.  Jani  

 

 

[Susan R]

2 hours ago, Jani said:

I've written much more than I normally would have so I apologize for being long winded

And worth every bit of my time to read.  Thank you Jani for taking your time to write that all out.  Outstanding post!

 

Susan R?

[DeeDee]

Agreed Susan, that was very well written and eloquently put Jani. x

[My name isn’t Megan]

Thanks for the responses everyone! 

 

I’m not sure how to describe my feelings in detail when I say ‘want’ vs. ‘need’ when I refere to my desire to become a girl. I never grew up with any severe dysphoria, I didn’t feel any draw to do any traditionally ‘girly’ things (except for this one pink shirt I loved that I couldn’t wear outside... but I digress!) And so on. As recent as these past two or three years, however, I’ve become more drawn to the idea of becoming a girl. I suppose I could say that I’m not *totally* miserable as a guy, but I’ve got this incredibly strong feeling that I’d be happier as a girl. Recently I’ve been feeling less happy with my physical self as well; been avoiding mirrors and shaving off some body hair when I can get away with it. I can’t help but eye the woman’s fashion sections of Target, I always make my characters female in video games I play, and I LOVE it when people refer to me  as she/her and Megan! (Thanks for that, btw ?❤️) So I guess my story isn’t the usual one... I *am* kinda strange in general ? but regardless, this feeling is close to my heart and mind; I think about it every day. Without a gender therapist to talk to, I’m kind of relying on you fine people for advice! 

 

Thanks again for reading!!!

❤️❤️❤️

[Kirsten]

I could have written this exact same post for myself about a year ago Megan. You may not be the “usual” story, but there are plenty of us out there. I was captain of my track team. I was the leading receiver in school history for my high school football team. I was on a stock car racing team. Fishing, rock climbing, etc... You name the guy activity and there’s a good chance I liked it and did it well. I was even a bouncer at nightclubs for years. And overall I was happy in my boy life. But I wasn’t ever really me. I got to do all the stuff I liked to do. Just not as I should have looked. Or felt. Or should have been. 

I always wanted the makeup the hair the clothes and all of that. But because I was able to do the stuff I wanted to do, I thought I was happy. Time changes all that though. Eventually when all that stuff disappears and you aren’t playing sports all day, you can’t play video games but for a few minutes here and there, you start to see that there is a hole. That your life can always be great but your psyche needs something else. 

I knew when I was 8 that I was a girl. But I didn’t know. Not until I was 39. All that time in the middle was me, and people around me, convincing me otherwise. How you get to this point is what makes us all unique.

You are you. Embrace that and do what you want with it! Live your life however makes you happy. 

[My name isn’t Megan]

Thanks for your response, Kirsten!

[My name isn’t Megan]

New development in my story. 

Told my dad I was still having trans feelings. He’s unconvinced. Despite this, he’s okay with me seeing a gender therapist. My main problem is telling my mom again. If you’ve not read the last parts, she had an extream emotional reaction over my first attempt at coming out; she cried and said she wished she was dead. She blames herself for me feeling the way I do. I’m at a loss of how I want to explain this to her, especially since I’m still so confused as well. Any advice would be welcome. 

 

Thanks for reading.

[Susan R]

 

23 minutes ago, My name isn’t Megan said:

Despite this, he’s okay with me seeing a gender therapist.

Megan, this starting up with gender therapy is really good news. I think that is going to be so helpful.

 

24 minutes ago, My name isn’t Megan said:

she had an extream emotional reaction over my first attempt at coming out; she cried and said she wished she was dead. She blames herself for me feeling the way I do.

IMHO...Your mom, in her mind, is starting the grieving process about the future loss of her son.  She may bhave a feeling of powerlessness and the statements she said to you are a last gasp attempt to control the situation.  Time will help a bit as she moves through the grieving process.  Right now, what she really needs, most of all, is your love, compassion and understanding.  She blames herself and Is not empathetic to your internal needs to move forward.  Reassure her that you will be her loving child no matter what.  Just make sure you don't internalize the blame.  This is not anyone's fault ...just as you aren't to blame yourself for having feelings you're experiencing.  You need to continue to take care of yourself.

 

i wish you the best with this situation regarding your mom.

 

Susan R?

[Jani]

4 hours ago, My name isn’t Megan said:

she had an extream emotional reaction over my first attempt at coming out; she cried and said she wished she was dead. She blames herself for me feeling the way I do.

Your mothers reaction was selfish and little out of fear.  It was a mean thing to say to you.  When it comes up (and you know it will), ask her what exactly did she do to cause this feeling in you?   I'm sure she won't have anything good to say because there isn't anything she said or did.  

 

I do agree with Susan's assessment that she grieving in a manner, as she sees you slipping away from her idealized view.  But mostly it seems from the language you've written she is being selfish.  

 

That's good that dad agrees that you should see a counselor.  He doesn't need to be "convinced" and he'll probably never fully understand but it seems like he's moving towards acceptance.  

 

Hugs, Jani

[My name isn’t Megan]

Thanks, Susan.

I’ve told my mom in a vague sense that I’ve been having ‘trans feelings’ again, and that a gender therapist might be helpful. I’m not sure how far this will pan out, and I’m honestly not optimistic at this point. I’m exhausted with managing their feelings above my own. I hate having the responsibility of keeping them happy in the midst of my crisis placed on my shoulders. I barely even want their help or support anymore, but I’m financially dependent on them for the foreseeable future. I understand this isn’t easy for them, but none of this feels fair. 

 

Sorry for the tangent, it’s been a long day. 

Thanks for reading. 

[My name isn’t Megan]

And thanks to Jani as well! Only just saw your post after writing my last reposnse ?

I love my parents, but it’s been so hard to feel the same trust and admiration for them in the midst of this all. They talk about my feelings like some kind of ailment that needs fixing... might play that angle to make sure I get in to see a gender therapist, if it comes to outright deception. I just wish they’d TRY to understand. The day I came out, my mom looked up the side effects of my antidepressants to see if ‘feeling trans’ was a side effect. She tried to find articles about ‘intrusive thoughts’ and other somesuch. Even if they don’t know it, this whole thing has made a divide between us, and I don’t know how to fix it... 

 

Thanks as always ❤️

[Jani]

Just now, My name isn’t Megan said:

Sorry for the tangent, it’s been a long day. 

No need to apologize for anything.  This is why we're here, to listen and offer support as we can. 

 

Just now, My name isn’t Megan said:

I hate having the responsibility of keeping them happy in the midst of my crisis placed on my shoulders.

It's not your job to make them happy.  Just as it's not their job to make you happy.  

 

We get to a point as we age where our relationships with parents (and siblings) evolve.  Some parents have a hard time with letting go as their children grow into their own selves with their own sense of identity.   Your trust and admiration will change (+/-) as you come to understand them better.  They are not perfect.   We hope they did the best they could in raising us.  They do have their own personal biases that will color their opinions and actions.  

 

Your mother seems to have a bias that being transgender (or LGBT) is a bad thing.  You might take the position that its not bad, just a bit different and that's OK.  Especially if it makes you happy.

 

Jani

 

  

[My name isn’t Megan]

So, it’s been awhile since I’ve updated... believe it or not, things feel worse than before.

 

I sort of... came out, went back in, and then sort of half came back out? It’s dumb ?

 

Long story short, my parents still don’t support my trans feelings. At all. As a matter of fact, my mom has (intentionally or not) made her stance *very* clear. 

 

Today I got an undercut. I LOVE this hairstyle, have for months, always wanted one. So, I got one! My dad had came with me to the barber’s shop and sat in as I was getting a bunch of hair sheered off the sides. Not a minute or two later, I got two tests rapid fire:

”We need to talk.”

”Before or after your haircut.”

Not a minute after that, I get a call from my mom, irritation seething from her voice.

”You wanna tell me about your hair?”

”Um, I like the style?”

”Is that all?”

”Yeeeeeees?”

”....Okay.”

”Is that okay?”

”Sure.”

”Okay, cool. Love you!”

”...” *hangs up*

I looked over at my dad, confused as hell, and he seems worried. 

I get my cut done and ask him what the hell is going on.

”She thinks that you’re trying to look like a girl and it’s upsetting her.”

Well, damn. Gotta salvage this. So I patched things up by convincing my mom I was basing the style off of Troy Baker’s (Yay for a gender neutral style!) It was a close save, no doubt.

 

I asked my dad if I could see his text conversation with my mom, and he let me read... and I couldn’t have been more disappointed and saddened.

”He’s doing it to look like a girl.”

”CALL HIM OUT ON IT.”

”OH HELL NO.”

”He’s never pissed me off more than he is right now.”

 

Over a haircut.

 

After bawling my eyes out to my therapist, I got home to find my mom happy and carefree! Totally content that I was shooting for a boy’s haircut. 

 

She hates the idea of me becoming a girl. She resents the idea of me changing my HAIR. She isn’t happy unless I conform to her ideal of who I should be. I’m exhausted dealing with her. 

 

I’m finaincally dependant on them for the next sixteen months until my time spent in acting school is done. Something needs to change, and it has to change DAMN soon. 

 

I have no idea what I can do. My therapist reccomends family therapy; I might try it. Tbh, I’m just exhausted dealing with her. 

 

If somebody has advice, I’d appreciate it. 

 

[Jani]

Hi Megan.  I've been away so I'm just now catching up.  

 

You're 20 years old and I think, whether you live at home or not, that you should be able to wear your hair as you wish.  With your education goals, you're on a specific career path and I don't think you would do anything (hair cut wise) that would hinder you at getting roles.  You've gotten it cut and its done now but your mothers particular "aversion" to this style is perplexing, given you want to be in the entertainment business.  I don't know who Troy Baker is.  

 

As to family counseling, it may work but I think you'd have a difficult time getting your parents there.  But who knows until you try.  

 

On 12/20/2018 at 7:48 PM, My name isn’t Megan said:

Something needs to change, and it has to change DAMN soon. 

This is where you stage a mini intervention with them.  Explain the you appreciate the love, and care and feeding they provide but you are not a "child" anymore.  Now as a parent, I feel my son will always be my child, my baby, but I fully understand he is also his own man and must make his own way in the world.  So do you.  Explain they need to let go a bit so you can "grow".  You don't say if you're an only child or not.  If so, it is harder.  Tell them you love them back but you need to learn who you are and grow.  Plus, its hair!  It grows back.  

 

You can talk about this without broaching the "transgender" word.  At your age this is a great time to experiment and grow inside and out.  I remember when I was that age, I was all over the map... hair, clothes, shoes and I looked feminine too.  My parents rolled with it.    Hopefully yours will too.

 

All my best, Jani 

 

ps:  There is a great song by 38 Special called "Hold on loosely".  The chorus is particularly good. 

"Just hold on loosely
But don't let go
If you cling to tightly
You're gonna lose control"

[Josie Beth]

I know I’m late to this topic and backtracking a bit, but over the years I’ve done a lot of soul searching and reading. Sometimes the information I stumbled into was very interesting and enlightening with regards to possible reasons for ancient Abrahamic beliefs expressing a very strict stance on sexuality and gender. One of those discoveries was the background behind the story of Joseph and the coat of many colors. To understand it we have to time travel back and forth because the Levites successfully eradicated all local traces of this suppressed history. Traveling to the Roman period there was a text written by a Roman historian that chronicled the religious practices of people north of Palestine in those days. Some modern Jewish historians and especially a woman from Israel, admit that the 7 branch candlestick is the only remnant left of Ashera worship and a secret nod to her to placate those who could not adjust to her absence. Two artifacts in the Middle East clearly mentioned Yaweah and his Ashera defining her as his consort and the feminine balance to his masculinity. Her symbols were the 7 branch tree and the sacred cow, both associated with fertility rites. There are several examples of Canaanite altars and statuettes of both symbols being represented and identified as Ashera artifacts. It turns out that they still practiced the worship of Ashera in the days of Roman dominance and transgender women still played a huge role in that. They (like in India) were tasked with blessing fertility rites, for both people and livestock, and were dedicated to the temple by their mothers who were usually matrons having some function in the temple. They were also renowned for being expert weavers whose many colored textiles were coveted by many wealthy ladies of patrician society. The coat of many colors was a symbolic gesture of choosing a new initiate by their mother as was the custom in those days. This could be for any reason, a mother might appreciate a beautiful singing voice or a propensity for dancing, or it could be because their son or daughter had a knack for animal breeding. In this case some modern historians think it was a combination of these qualities that caused Joseph’s mother to give him the coat and mark him in preparation for being an initiate into the temple of Ashera, which would require the change of gender. This was something that Joseph not only accepted but flaunted. However his brothers were not pleased and even though that culture was much like today where there is a mixture of acceptance and revulsion over it, they chose to act out on it and we actually have the first documented case of transgender hate crimes in the Bible. As a result we never learn what Joseph’s female name would have been and the tale is told from a very skewed pro Levitical revisionist perspective. They beat him after stripping him of his garments and left him in a pit to die. But this didn’t change his/her true self and Joseph went to Egypt where androgynous behavior was celebrated instead of persecuted. There is some speculation about who correlates to the biblical Joseph in the Egyptian record but if it is YuYa, a very androgynous name itself, then we find out one of the accolades of YuYa was the best animal breeder in Egypt which earned the promotion to being in charge of the royal livery and the state granaries. So the attempt to eradicate the worship of Ashera and the practice of including transgender women in fertility rites as well as diminishing the role of the feminine in spirituality was partly fueled by this fear of the third sex. Discovering this has caused me to readjust my own spirituality and reconcile some of the things I was brought up to believe, with the truth. I hope this tidbit of information was interesting and comforting. It’s very enlightening to me and I wanted to share it.

[Josie Beth]

Oh, I also forgot to mention that I came out years ago and went back in and only now have I gotten the courage to start peeking out again. It’s never wrong to be who you are. 

[My name isn’t Megan]

Thanks for the responses!

 

Soooooooo I’m getting emotional whiplash xD

 

Had a pretty decent chat with my parents about things. They don’t support my being trans, but they’ll be standing with me through it. They’re open to family therapy, and they’ll be okay with me crosdrsssing and experimenting if it’s not something they have to see. It’s not perfect, but it’s a start. Now I’m wondering how to captialize on this progress ? How can I help them understand my feelings more effectively? And how can I make sure that I’m getting what I need at the same time?