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Being patronized

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By Bad,
in Coming Out

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Bad Junior Member

Bad

Posted
Posted

So I am thinking about coming out possibly at the end of this year, but one of my biggest obstacles I think will be getting through to everyone about my identity, and being taken seriously about it.

 

A lot of people in my life have controlled many of my decisions, some that should've been personal to me, and I think if I suddenly come out as trans they will sit back, be angry, and tell me "you just don't know what you want right now" or "you just haven't given yourself a chance to be happy yet." Like no, Sharon, I have dysphoria and I'm tired of running from a life that could make me feel 100% more fulfilled than I do now.

 

I'm really not confrontational so this kind of stuff is hard for me to deal with. Does anyone have any experience with asserting yourself with people who have strong personalities? How did you deal with them when coming out?

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tracy_j Palladium Member

tracy_j

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Posted

I have always been a bit like that too, and must admit work has been one of the issues over the years. I am easily led on and accepting. Not being 'macho' male people didn't realise I could react very strongly, to the point of severe agression at times. I admit I had difficulty with the male role. It obviously is not good and didn't help relationships. As I am essentially MtF things got much easier as a more feminine stance works better with me. My relationships with men at work did actually get much better and some of them commented so openly, which, as we worry so much about coming out, surprised me a bit.

 

The ideal thing is probably an assertivenes course, but the main point I would suggest is to divert their agression and suggest ideas in a way that is non-confrontational. Look up such courses / ideas online. I would suspect there is free professional help around.

 

Tracy

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Bad Junior Member

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5 hours ago, tracy_j said:

I have always been a bit like that too, and must admit work has been one of the issues over the years. I am easily led on and accepting. Not being 'macho' male people didn't realise I could react very strongly, to the point of severe agression at times. I admit I had difficulty with the male role. It obviously is not good and didn't help relationships. As I am essentially MtF things got much easier as a more feminine stance works better with me. My relationships with men at work did actually get much better and some of them commented so openly, which, as we worry so much about coming out, surprised me a bit.

 

The ideal thing is probably an assertivenes course, but the main point I would suggest is to divert their agression and suggest ideas in a way that is non-confrontational. Look up such courses / ideas online. I would suspect there is free professional help around.

 

Tracy

 

I didn't think of that! I can probably ask my therapist for any recommendations for courses too. Thanks Tracy.

 

I'm thinking it will be something that evolves over time. And the sooner I can move out, the better off I'll probably be.

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Jani Iridium Member

Jani

Posted
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9 hours ago, Bad said:

...they will sit back, be angry, and tell me "you just don't know what you want right now" or "you just haven't given yourself a chance to be happy yet."

No, you just tell them you are tired of catering to others and you are now thinking of yourself.  Happiness doesn't depend upon their opinions.

 

Jani

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Kirsten Ruthenium Member

Kirsten

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Posted
Just now, Jani said:

No, you just tell them you are tired of catering to others and you are now thinking of yourself.  Happiness doesn't depend upon their opinions.

 

Jani

What she said! Don’t let anyone tell you what to do. Well unless it’s parents that you lived with. Then you may have complications to deal with. But you need to be you. Not them. 

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1 hour ago, Jani said:

No, you just tell them you are tired of catering to others and you are now thinking of yourself.  Happiness doesn't depend upon their opinions.

 

Jani

 

1 hour ago, Kirsten said:

What she said! Don’t let anyone tell you what to do. Well unless it’s parents that you lived with. Then you may have complications to deal with. But you need to be you. Not them. 

 

I completely agree. Taking that stance is definitely needed... so I'll have to work on it. Thank you both ❤️ 

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