My Parents Know

[CallMeKai]

Is it okay if this is more of a rant then an actual question? 

So I was not very secretive about some of my transition and my mom is a very nosey and need to know person. So apparently after noticing I didn't shave my legs or was putting my phone in my front pocket and wallet in the back pocket. She started to question things, also the fact that she noticed my binder and that tipped her off the rest of the way. My parents didn't react the way I thought they would and I am still alive living at home but my dad went on and on about how the LGBT community was basically trapping me to be something I wasn't because they made it seem to welcoming. And that Satan was tempting me with my young mind and this was probably just a phase. My mom basically agreed with everything he said but has made more of an effort to understand. She however does not want to see me as anything other then a girl and so she keeps making up excuses about what I think is dysphoria to just be me wanting to be a different type of girl. She says she wants to accept me but everywhere I turn she is just trying to label my actions to one of a confused girl. I told her about wanting to start testosterone sometime down the line and she shut that down fast, saying that she has seen people online hate themselves after transitioning and they cant go all the way back to the way they were. I know this and I tried to tell her that I had looked and thought so much about the subject. That I wanted to be 100% sure that this is what I want before doing it yet she still didn't want to accept that fact. I want to start gender therapy to understand myself but my parents said they need to know the person and their intentions before I went. Why cant I just go and see what they say? When my parents first brought up me being trans to them I was shocked and not ready to talk about it, probably making it seem like I was just confused. I was not ready to be out to my parents and its making me anxious to talk and be around them. My dad doesn't say anything but its my mom. She even said that she was okay with me wearing boy clothes before but now that she knows she doesn't like it. I was not ready to talk to them about it and the fact that I am still questioning it myself means that they are basically trapping me and trying to push me somewhere else. I don't have the answers to all my moms questions and I think that makes her think that I am just confused. She keeps telling me to go to God and pray but I don't think that would do much. I am afraid to be out with my mom and just want to hide in my room or go to school. I haven't talked to anyone about this so I figured I needed to rant to someone. 

[BrandiBri]

It's ok to rant, we are here to listen and offer any support that we can. You didn't mention your age, but if you are 18 you do not need your parents permission nor would they need to be there. It sounds to me that they are very conservative Christians and think that prayer is the answer to "fix" you. I can't tell you how many times I have tried prayer and fought my inner feelings, only to come to the realization that "I am what I am, and that's all that I am". Even if you are not able to go to therapy yet, I suggest taking it easy around your parents. You will get to the age where you can pursue your feelings and find your true self. I hope this makes sense and that it helps somewhat. 

I am glad you found us and look forward to getting to know you better.

 

Good luck,

Brandi

[VickySGV]

Rant away --

 

You are a Trans person if you have any  question about your gender and the only confusion if this much is how far you need to go to become a comfortable and real person, who is going to be a responsible and loving adult, and good friend and neighbor to all around you.  Will a hair cut and more masculine clothing be enough?  Your parents do not know the answer, only you can find it.  Your parents, like all too many are thinking of their own comfort which they transfer to you.  If it makes them uncomfortable, then YOU are doomed to discomfort in their reasoning.  

 

Less than one tiny little percent of Trans people ever regret the steps they have taken although there are those who preach a Zero Tolerance for regret to make us real and happily transitioned in their world.  The <1% are loud and want comfort in their misery, and gain the attention of those who cannot comprehend what it is like to be Trans and fill them with fear.

 

39 minutes ago, CallMeKai said:

my dad went on and on about how the LGBT community was basically trapping me to be something I wasn't because they made it seem to welcoming.

 

We are not trapping you and we encourage our community members to take it slow and only go as far as they personally need to, but we do accept our own.  This is not something any of us wish on an old dead garden slug, much less another human being in today's social climate.  Satan is a highly overrated reason for why people do things, but is a convenient excuse for someone who does things  you do not understand to have done something for their life that in the long run is very positive.

 

It will be frustrating, but as much as possible live by your parent's rules and desires for the time being, and talk to us so you can plan for the future, maybe just stop talking to them about it for a while is a good idea.  Talk to your school counselors though, if you think it is safe (there are things you can tell them that they cannot tell your parents about if you are in a public school) especially if this starts affecting your grades or making you feel like harming yourself.