A friend of mine

[Josie Beth]

I recently started a friendship with a post op transgender woman right before the new year and we met at a coffee shop nearby right before Xmas. I really enjoyed the meeting and we’ve been texting ever since just talking about everything going on in our lives. Yesterday she just texted me randomly expressing that she wanted to hang out more often because she just had a falling out with another acquaintance and she really needs a friend. I’m totally ok with it because it’s something that I really want in my life as well but I’m also very cramped for time because of my schedule. So I’m probably going to meet up with her on Tuesday and do something fun to pass the time and catch up. But I’m guessing that there’s something else going on because I also got a text from her accidentally as she attempted to text someone else who seems to have taken her pets hostage. I’m very concerned about that because I’m worried that things are really getting difficult for her and she’s afraid to admit it. How should I approach it? I tried asking if she’s in trouble but she just deflected. I get it because I’m actually guilty of trying to put up a strong facade at times. I just don’t want to seem unavailable if she really needs a friend. 

[Susan R]

1 hour ago, Josie Beth said:

But I’m guessing that there’s something else going on because I also got a text from her accidentally as she attempted to text someone else who seems to have taken her pets hostage.

Josie Beth, you’re intuition is probably right. It looks like she is needing some support and is putting out the feelers although it doesn’t seem she’s ready quite yet to let you completely into her little bubble.  Give her some time but definitely let her know you will be there for her if she ever needs to talk.  We’ve all been there and it’s nice to know that you have someone that will be a sounding board if needed.

 

My Best,

Susan R?

[Jackie C.]

Seriously, all you can do is be there for her. Once she trusts you a little more, she'll let you in. After all, your friendship is only about a week old. Different people trust at different rates. As my therapist put it, "After a year of talking to you every week, I think I'm past the moat."

 

I hope things work out for your friends though. Nobody should have their fur-babies kidnapped.

 

Hugs!

[Josie Beth]

Well it turns out that she just doesn’t want to drag everyone else into her personal problems which I can understand and there’s some legal aspects to the whole thing that she had to deal with but it’s mostly taken care of now. She has her pets now so disaster averted. We didn’t get a chance to hang out but did have a lengthy text conversation and it went well. There’s no real obstacle to opening up it’s just the timing. I’ve never had the impression that there’s a wall up. Sometimes you make new friends and it’s just really easy and relaxed. That’s kinda what is going on. It’s just this side turmoil is taking focus and I get it completely. Stuff happens. Once everything is settled she is planning on taking a trip out of town to get centered and then we’ll eventually get the chance to hang out. That’s actually a good thing because I’m just getting back into a less crazy routine and catching up with things after the holidays.