The calm before the storm?

[ShawnaLeigh]

So I decided to just start another post as my "Professional Coming Out" thread was getting long and out dated.

Yesterday my upper management walks into my little office for an audit of the hospital I was at that day.  It was a planned audit that I was not to be a part of but was informed of everything.  I knocked it out of the park apparently according to the hospital directors comments.  It was also the day they informed the same person of my transition.

Yikes!

So all in all it went very well with that one person and he has no issues at all as I am one of the best Biomeds he has ever had at his facility.  However it was recommended that I arrange a meeting with him to discuss how I feel the rest of the staff should be told or if they should be told, etc.  Basically "How do you want to do this?"  That did not happen yesterday as I was swept up in a wave of anxiety and needed some time to figure that out on my own.  I assumed when he was informed that he would just be conveyed out to HR and the managers and then the staff.  I did not expect much fall out if any. But again and unknown.

 

Then my director and my supervisor was headed over to my other hospital to inform that director of my transition since they were out this way (on an= 6.5 hours drive to do all this for me).  However I did not get a report on how that went even after trying to ask via a text late last evening.

 

OMG I came in today on egg shells and my anxiety is through the roof.  Curse anxiety and the unknown!  I want to just lock myself away all day and then sneak out later.

Ok so realistically I know that medical facilities and clinics have plenty of policies and guidelines for dealing with and providing for LBGT.  I have not seen nor heard anything negative whatsoever in either hospital and have been treated with the utmost respect.  As Shawn.  So I should feel ok about all this but its the old familiar feeling of the unknown and the anxiety of coming out all over again.  This is like coming out to hundreds of people all at once face to face.  Some I know and many I do not.  Its still scary.

 

Ok I am done whining.  LOL

 

 

[KathyLauren]

Don't worry: you've got this!  You are a valued employee that does good work in a specialized field.  They aren't going to want to lose you.  And there are supportive policies in place.  Plus, the feedback you've been getting so far is positive.

 

I get it that it is scary.  But seriously, you'll be fine!

[Charlize]

Take a deep breath and go on.  By the way....remember to breath out.  The anxiety you're feeling seems to be more or less par for the course.  I remember after i went full time a customer came down the drive of our farm.  I had to fight the urge to run into a barn to greet them.  Confidence and then simply not thinking about it came with time.  

Feeling uncomfortable about gender is rare anymore and if it crops up it fades quickly.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Susan R]

@ShawnaLeigh As the others have stated...you’ll be fine and soon look back at this as one of the many milestone moments.  I know it may feel as though everyone at work is thinking about your transition simultaneously but that is not at all the case. Be proud of who you are and what you’ve already accomplished and have a wonderful day!

 

Susan R?

[ShawnaLeigh]

Thank you ladies. I suppose this is more about me combatting my demons of fear and anxiety when I comes to anything about my transition with a lot of people.  Coming out still with many folks and extended family currently and now this.  It can be a lot to contend with at times.

 

I am blessed to be in a state that is so liberal about the LBGTQ community and it shows in the University I work for and the hospitals I work in.  I truly have not had one negative response from anyone I have told or have been told about me.  Not saying I do not have those that do not understand or even disagree but to date I have had zero conflict.

I feel ashamed to even post about this due to all that and how very easy I do have it all around compared to others.  

Yes its a journey and has its personal ups and downs but over all I feel blessed to be me and have others be accepting of that.

Though it does put a lot of pressure on my being brave at times.  Its scary dang it!  LOL

[Jackie C.]

Of course it's scary. The unknown is always scary. It's kind of awesome too. I admit that I get a bit of a kick out of not knowing what's going to happen next.

 

Of course you're in a health related field in a fairly progressive state. You've got a comparatively easier run than some of us in the Midwest or deep South where it's still OK to discriminate against us legally. Still, accomplishments are accomplishments and I think it helps us all to see how it can be even if that's not how it works out for us.

 

Now as for coming out in front of a lot of people... bikini, feather boa, body glitter... maybe a tiara? I'm not sure, what's the hospital dress code like? You remember that cone bra Madonna used to wear? Do you think you could pull that off? You could just go completely over the top for a week to say, "Here I am!" before you go back to something more practical. I mean I've worked jobs where I spent most of my time creeping around under somebody's desk. Skirts are NOT the way to go.

 

Hugs!

[TommieAnne]

I can understand your concern, since I have quite a phobic reaction to how people might react to me, let alone coming out.

At best, I can point you to the institution's policies on the subject - if they're anything like the VA (and they probably are) any management personnel engaged in any hostile behavior or even misgendering you purposely will find a lengthy statement about it in their performance review, accompanying a much shortened career.

Hope your day goes wonderfully!

TA

[Denisenj]

I haven't officially came out as transgender to any of my friends or family all I know is I like to cross-dress. As with you Shawna, my anxiety hasn't started yet or as bad. You seem like a well-balanced woman and if they respect you before they going to respect you now. Good luck