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I Don't Know...


Cas

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I had wrote out several letters and different ways to actually come out to my parents and other family but I am absolutly terrified now.. I just kinda need to vent a little bit and I don't know where else here that something like this could fit...

In middle school I had started dating a girl from one of my classes, broke up a month later, who wound up outing me to my mother and telling her I was lesbian. That 'news' spread after than a wildfire through family members until I was actually confronted by my older brother who I then told that I was bi.. However, I've always known that there was something else going on even before really knowing there was any difference between sex and gender. 

I had planned on telling my mom the other day that I feel I identify as a male (who also happens to like men and women) but what stopped me was a short conversation we had about my current bf, who's bi, and the fact that she finds bisexual men "weird" and "strange" and "gross" 

I'm 16, turning 17 on 9/12, but I'm holding back because they all say they are accepting of any decision i make as their 'daughter' but don't show it in even the slightest way. And there is no way in Hell I'm telling my grandmother any of this! I was the first girl on her side to be born (60+ years) and she had alredy lectured me on how she doesn't believe in bisexuality (she had told her supposed friend to "pick one or the other" and scared her into living and dying alone after finding out she was bi) and how thats "not what God would want" for me. I want to tell SOMEONE sooner rather than later but I dont know if I ever will... 

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Welcome, Cas! and nice to meet you.
Thank you for taking the time to tell your story ... you are in a safe place, and yes, its OK to "vent" here.  Any time.

Sometimes just finding the time and place to write down and express our feelings is the best way to get started.

 

I cannot give you specific advice, but I know many members of this forum have gone through what you are going through.  Some of us for more than 30, 40, even 50years.  And as in my case, still having issues with coming out.

So, that should tell you that there is no timeline for coming out.  There is actually not even a requirement to "come out" because in the end this is your life to live.  Not somebody else's.  And why do they need to know (now)? and why do you want them to know?

 

I know we all need acceptance from those we love at some point.  But in the end you will find the right time and place as it follows its natural course of life.  If you have counseling available to you (at school?) then it might be good to seek that out also.

 

You do have time and a wonderful future as your advantage.  Your biggest asset is that you already have a solid grasp (at your age) of who you are.  Some people spend a lifetime and never figure it out.

I'm sure others will reply here, so I will leave this at Welcome Again!

 

Kay

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