Took another step in coming out

[SaraAW]

I’ve been working with my therapist for some time now on over coming my fears of coming out to more people. This weekend I called up my Aunt to come out. I completely chickened out and ended up just having a great conversation. So on Monday, I spent the day agonizing over the text I was drafting to come out to her. I must have read and edited it about a hundred times. I finally pushed send around 7pm and waited, freaking out. What felt like 4 hours, was really 4 minutes, before I got a reply. She accepted me and so did her wife. They sent me a beautiful loving reply and we texted back and forth a couple of times well I tried to get my happy tears (bawling more like) under control, then I called them. We chatted for a few minutes while her wife and I kept crying happy tears. They are such beautiful and accepting people and welcomed me as their niece. We’ve texted a few times over the week and I am just so lucky to have these two beautiful women in my life. 
 

We also chatted about coming out to my parents and some other relatives. Their guesses on who they think will likely be accepting out of the gates were in line with mine. The bad news is, we all thought that it will likely be a rough coming out to my parents, but they’re pretty sure they’ll come around with a little time. So I know what I’ll be working on with my therapist during my next session. 
 

Below is the text, with only an edit or two for the names, in case any one would like to borrow any part or are looking for inspiration. I also didn’t tell them the name I’ve chosen, as I have not told my wife, we’re still working through a lot and I know she is not ready for that. 

Hugs! Sara

 

Thanks for the chat yesterday, it was nice to catch up. 

 

You have been one of my biggest role models and sources of inspiration for ever, you don't take any crap from people and are proud of who you are. I admire that and many other things. 

 

So I tried to tell you this last night, but chickened out. Absolutely terrified, but here it goes, I'm transgender. I'm a woman. I've been certain for a long time, but only started my transition path at the beginning of this year. 

 

I hope you'll accept me as your niece and not your nephew. I haven't decided on a name, so (birth name) is okay for now, but if you could use my pronouns, she/her, when talking about me, it would mean the world to me. 

 

I haven't told any family other than (my wife) and haven't told any friends either. I am comfortable with you telling Aunt C, but I would appreciate it if you kept this just between the two of you until I'm ready to come out more. I am still very scared of losing people I care about, but I also can't take hiding anymore. 

 

I know this may be a shock and a lot to absorb, so please take as much time as you need to process. I'm okay to talk about this and answer any questions you may have, when you're ready. Phone or chat is ok.

 

If you are okay to do so, I'd also like to ask you at some point how you came out to grandma and grandpa and if you have any tips how I can come out to my parents. 

 

Whenever it's safe to do so, I'd also like to take part in Pride with you and Aunt C, if you still take part in it. 

 

With lots of trepidation and even more love, thanks for reading this and hopefully accepting me for me. 

 

Love, 

 

Your niece

 

[Guest]

waah I'm super happy for you! that's going to get me ina good mood for the rest of the day!! ^^, that's really great congrats (I guess, cause yknow, you worked for it!) I hope you'll  be able o come out to your parents, cause I think they are the most important (of course depends of the parents), but if you really love them and that you know they do I bet everything is going to be fine (even thou I'm chickening over that XD)

lot's of joy in your life (this is a spell) hehe^^

[ShawnaLeigh]

Like I told you I’m our emails. I’m very proud of you.  All that work I’ve done has finally paid out. Lol

jk

its all you girl!!  Keep it going. Use the positive like a big wave and shoot the curl!!!

[KayC]

Wow!  That's really cool, Sara.  Thank you for sharing!

 

I'm sure it is a great feeling to have a solid foundation to stand on and to know you are already accepted and supported by loved ones you care about and respect.  I believe that will be a great launching pad for you. 

All the best and Hugs❣️

[Mmindy]

10 hours ago, SaraAW said:

I’ve been working with my therapist for some time now on over coming my fears of coming out to more people

This is great news to read Sara, I'm very happy for you and wish you the best as you move forward with family notifications.

 

Happy Hugs,

 

Mindy???

[Charlize]

I remember the coming out process was the hardest part of transition.  I was fortunate to have gone through the pain, tears and hope i found before i started HRT.  It somehow got me through the doubts and fears.  Having been through the hardest I was certain i could be myself in the world.

Thank you for sharing your journey.  This is an amazing journey and being with others makes it easier, but not easy.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[SaraAW]

Thank you @Ethan da potato, @ShawnaLeigh, @KayC, @Mmindy & @Charlize. It definitely is not an easy thing to do, but I'm finding each step a little easier than the one before.  The shared life stories, beautiful words of encouragement and support from everyone here is also an immense help to me and always that beacon of light on the tough days. 

 

I have started drafting the letter to my parents. I am hoping to have it ready in the the next 2 weeks, along with the courage to hit send.

 

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! Thank you again. Hugs!

[SaraAW]

Well, I’ve finished the email to my parents. Tomorrow, well technically later today now, I will send it. Hoping it goes well and I am not disowned, but prepared for the worst. Got some really awesome people in my corner these days, so if it does go bad, I’ve got my chosen fam. Wish me luck. 

[KayC]

Sending all my sincere ???   Good luck❣️

[Carrie]

Hi Sara 

Glad to hear of the support from your aunt and her wife.  Hope it goes well with your parents!

Lots of hugs

Carrie

[SaraAW]

Thank you @KayC and @Carrie .
 

I sent the email yesterday afternoon and just heard back less than an hour ago. I was an absolute ball of nerves, but I made it through. 

 

I was hoping they would call me, but my dad replied back in email...

 

They were shocked, but love me and support me. I am so relieved and happy. My eyes won’t stop leaking happy tears.
 

Next is my little sis. I’m hoping she’ll be as accepting too. Also, she’s an aesthetician, so if she does, she’ll probably regret it after I ask her for a million tips on makeup. 
 

Love all of you here for the continued support and love you show me and everyone else here. This forum has some of the most beautiful people on earth. Hugs!

[KayC]

14 hours ago, SaraAW said:

They were shocked, but love me and support me.

That's great news, Sara!  happy to hear that.  Understandable for a parent to be "shocked" at first but the bottom line is what's important.

I assume there will be some growing pains for you and your parents but at least there are no barriers anymore to dialogue with them.

 

And!  ... you're sister is an aesthetician?  You Lucky Girl❣️?❤️

[Susan R]

15 hours ago, SaraAW said:

They were shocked, but love me and support me. I am so relieved and happy. My eyes won’t stop leaking happy tears.

Congratulations Sara!! This took a lot of courage and there’s no more wondering about their initial reactions or what if’s. You’ve begun a new chapter in the relationships with your family. I‘m so happy for you. I hope that the process helps you realize that your family love’s you for you. I wish you the best on coming out to your little sister. I’m sure you’ll do great.

 

Hugs,

Susan R?

[SaraAW]

Thanks @KayC, I am really happy that they took it so well. I definitely expect hiccups, but that they’re willing to accept is what I care most about. 40 years of seeing me and addressing me one way, will definitely take some time to change. I still mess up myself from time to time. I know it’ll be ok though, the only question they had was from my dad. All he wanted to know was if he could still call me the nickname he gave me. It’s gender neutral, so of course. 

5 hours ago, KayC said:

... you're sister is an aesthetician?  You Lucky Girl

Oh, I know. Can’t wait to ask her so many things and see if she’ll do a makeover. First I need to come out and her accept me, then I need the pandemic to end. She lives 4 1/2 hours away in a COVID hotspot and my wife’s high risk, so not risking any travel to see her or my parents. But maybe we can do some video chat tutorials. 
 

@Susan R, thanks! Definitely having an answer either way is a huge relief. Having them accept me, is wonderful. Being in that limbo of not knowing is awful. My mind always likes to create narratives to fill the void  and dwells more on the darker ones. Thanks for the well wishes regarding coming out to my sister. 

[SaraAW]

So I came out to my sister yesterday and it was a smashing success!  She was so excited to have a big sister. She has even said she will help me with all the tips, tricks and advice I could ever want. Now for COVID to go away so we can actually meet up and she can make me over.

 

Have my next therapy session in a few minutes and have so much exciting news to talk to my therapist about.  Also need to address the challenges with my wife's acceptance.  

 

Have a great day! Hugs!

[Carolyn Marie]

That's fantastic news, Sara.  I'm very happy for you.

 

Carolyn Marie

[KayC]

That's great news, Sara!  Hope the therapy session went well too❣️

(I have my FIRST one in 2 days!! ?)

[SaraAW]

@Carolyn Marie, Thanks! Hugs!  

 

@KayC, Thanks! The session went well. I have a great rapport with my therapist and she is super supportive and more importantly, is there to listen to me, ask me good questions that make explore my thoughts and feelings and give me the tools to help myself, which she nails. Hugs!

[Rorelai]

It's always exciting to hear when people have the support of their family. Even if they're not perfect all the time it really goes a long way in making it easier to transition. Good luck if/when you tell others and I can't wait to hear more about your journey!

[SaraAW]

Thanks Rory! Hugs!

[SaraAW]

Well, in 30 minutes, I have my call w/ my HR department. Going to work with them on a coming out at work plan. Having my position recently made a permanent work from home position, this should hopefully be somewhat easy. I do interact with several folks outside of our organization for business, so I expect that is going to be the more challenging part of coming out at work. Thankfully in my country and province, there are lots of workplace protections, so I am not too worried about losing my job. My company also has anti-discrimination policies and a newly formed diversity committee, so that should also help make this an easier workplace transition than some have had.

 

I will let you know how it goes.

 

Hope you all have a wonderful day everyone! Hugs!

[Susan R]

1 hour ago, SaraAW said:

Well, in 30 minutes, I have my call w/ my HR department. Going to work with them on a coming out at work plan.

I wish you the best of luck and I’m sure things will be just fine. Once you get used to things, I bet you’ll wonder why you were ever so concerned. It’s a big milestone though and you’ll gain even more confidence from the experience.

 

Good Luck,

Susan R?

[Jani]

Sounds good.   I hope it goes well.  It is a big milestone but there will be others as you move along.  You'll soon wonder what all the fuss was about!

Jani

[Jacqui]

These are big steps, Sara, and I'm very happy for you that they are going well.  Continued good luck to you!

[Emily michelle]

I’m glad to hear that your coming out at work I hope it all goes well! Sounds like it should go just fine. I could only imagine how nice it will be Sara full time after this.