Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Halp, I effed up...


Recommended Posts

So I got a 2nd part-time job... At Dominos Pizza! Im their latest and greatest delivery driver during the week. So. Where's the eff up? That kinda stems from my full time job...

During the weekend I work at a warehouse. Its 3 12-hr shifts friday thru sunday and I do not present as female when I'm there and I've more or less made peace with that for the time being. The work environment isn't suitable for wigs n makeup anyways as it is always HOT and sweaty physical labor...  3 days a week as a boy aint that bad right?  Monday thru thursday is my time to let my hair down and be me but I went and did my interview and got hired at Dominos presenting as male. Stupid! Stupid!! There's really no reason I can't look pretty while delivering pizzas but I don't know how to break it to my new employers that I'm actually a woman... Halp! my 4 girly days a week are in jeopardy! Should I just show up for work today presenting female and be like "What?" Or should I be more subtle about it and warn them in advance? Ugh....

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

First things first: find out what the laws are where you live, and whether you have any protection for gender identity.  I know it is a patchwork of laws in the U.S., so find out what your local situation is.  Are you protected in the workplace for gender identity or not?

 

If you have workplace protection, then tell your new employer before changing your presentation.  They might have transition policies in place, or you may have to guide them.

 

If you have no protection, then you are gambling.  You could be fired for transitioning on the job, with nothing you can do about it.  You may want to hold off for a while until you get to know the company and your manager a bit better, to assess what the odds are.

 

Good luck!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

BTW, congratulations on getting the job! ?

Link to comment

 

35 minutes ago, KathyLauren said:

You may want to hold off for a while until you get to know the company and your manager a bit better, to assess what the odds are.

 

Well isn't this just the most reasonable and conservative answer I could have hoped for!?!? Honestly my first instinct was to just throw caution to the wind and fly my pride flag straight into there... I do have protection from the law here for gender identity but having already introduced myself and set precedent as a male with my employers,  I do agree that I owe them the courtesy of talking with them about it before doing that. I just don't know how to bring the subject up in conversation with them... How would you do this if you were in my shoes?

44 minutes ago, KathyLauren said:

BTW, congratulations on getting the job! ?

Thanks!!

❤️ - K

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, QuoraQ said:

I just don't know how to bring the subject up in conversation with them... How would you do this if you were in my shoes?

 

It depends on the company.  If there is an HR department, it might be good to start there.  They would be able to tell you about company policies, and can raise the subject with you manager.  In a smaller company, the initial approach might have to be to your manager.

 

As with any coming-out, there really is no way to do it except to come out and say it.  Make an appointment to discuss a "personal matter", and then just tell them you are transgender and want to transition on the job.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Well, it looks like the official policy is favorable.

 

https://biz.dominos.com/web/media/stories/lgbtq

 

So that's a good thing. With that in mind, I'd explain to my manager what happened and take it from there. After all, that's why he gets paid the big bucks.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
5 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

Well, it looks like the official policy is favorable.

 

This is great! I'm so blown away and impressed that you took the time to go looking for this! Thank you Jackie!

 

Link to comment

Consider this case closed! Talked to management tonight and their understanding/support was enthusiastic and honestly overwhelming! My boss n trainer immediately zapped my legal name off everything they legally could and replaced it with Kora and I'm going to my next shift as myself! I'm so happy I could float away! *insert strangled squealy happy noise here* !!!!

Link to comment

Congrats Kora

that very empowering of you. It show yr strength as individual. most boss i know love that in there work force. Keep being you 

Link to comment

 

8 hours ago, QuoraQ said:

 I'm so happy I could float away! *insert strangled squealy happy noise here* !!!!

*snorts morning coffee out her nose*.    I'm so happy for you Kora, what a huge step and you get to be your authentic self at work.  

Link to comment
5 hours ago, Lexi C said:

Congrats Kora

Thank you so much! Its funny how 3 months ago I was terrified to step outside! 

49 minutes ago, Bri2020 said:

*snorts morning coffee out her nose*

Hope that didn't hurt as much as it sounds like it would! Yeouch! Glad I made u laugh tho! Thanks you! 

20200730_013710.jpg

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Woo-hoo!  Congratulations, Kora!

Link to comment
2 hours ago, QuoraQ said:

Thank you so much! Its funny how 3 months ago I was terrified to step outside! 

Hope that didn't hurt as much as it sounds like it would! Yeouch! Glad I made u laugh tho! Thanks you! 

 

You look great! And Happy!  The price of bringing laughter in the world is sometimes painful ;).  

 

Link to comment

And don’t forget that the recent Supreme Court ruling makes it illegal to discriminate on the basis of gender identity. That would be paramount to firing someone based on gender. 
Landmark LGBTQ+ Supreme Court case

 

Anyone would have big legal issues if they dismissed you based on gender presentation. 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 174 Guests (See full list)

    • Stefi
    • Abigail Genevieve
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • Vidanjali
    • RaineOnYourParade
    • Ivy
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,028
    • Most Online
      8,356

    earthpatch
    Newest Member
    earthpatch
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Anyatimenow
      Anyatimenow
      (23 years old)
    2. Aria00
      Aria00
    3. Ava B.
      Ava B.
      (24 years old)
    4. Claire Heshi
      Claire Heshi
    5. CrystalMatthews0426
      CrystalMatthews0426
      (41 years old)
  • Posts

    • Ivy
      You do you. You seem to be in a safe place if we end up with a 2025 situation.  But a lot of us are not.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, my marriage is different.  I'm actually part of a multi-partner marriage.  Like you see in the Book of Genesis.  My husband has four wives...and me.  I was kind of an accident, as our community sets the "reasonable maximum" at four wives, but that's a long story.  Plural marriage is approved in my faith community, with the exception of spiritual leaders, as described in 1 Timothy 3.  We believe that anything that isn't specifically prohibited is permitted.    The purpose of marriage is for people to work together, demonstrate the love of God, and to have children.  My faith believes in exponential reproduction - big families with lots of kids, both as a blessing and with the intention of using the size of our population for political ends.  Being intersex/trans and unable to bear children, I wouldn't have been a good candidate to be somebody's only spouse (the majority of our community tends toward traditional couple marriage).  Since my husband has other partners, I don't have to worry about the childbearing aspect, and I help out with raising our family's kids.  I'm a "bonus parent."    I'm not 100% open about my intersex/trans nature, although my community's leaders are aware of me.  Being transgender isn't condemned, but it is seen as a health problem derived from an imperfect, fallen world and an environment polluted with chemicals.  Since I'm married, I have a safe place to be, and I can live how I need to live.    I firmly believe the advice given in 1 Corinthians 7.  We don't totally own our bodies.  God gets a say, as I believe He created us to be male or female, not something outside the binary.  I don't think that transition without discussion with partners is OK....again, we don't totally own ourselves.  When I started to figure myself out, that was actually the main thing on my mind - will my partners accept me?  How will my position in the family change?  Since my partners don't really have a problem with the mild version of transition that I wanted to do, it has all been good. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Indeed.  While it seems like the majority of LGBTQ+ folks vote for Democrat candidates, not everybody drinks the Kool-Aid.  I'm a registered Independent, since I vote for individuals rather than party.  One of my trans friends is very pro-Trump - wears her MAGA hat and everything.  I find it interesting to see the reactions she gets... folks aren't always as tolerant as they claim to be.  Even on this forum, you get some real flak from Democrat voters....many will insist that the California way is the only way.    In my opinion, "Project 2025" isn't the real problem.  Check out UN "Agenda 2030."   
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      While Biden may be more friendly to trans folks, I'm not a single-issue voter.  I just can't choose a Democrat candidate, as I believe their actions will destroy my community and way of life.  Biden just announced that he wants to significantly increase capital gains taxes.  Maybe he intends to "tax the rich" but that is going to affect everything from land sales to grocery prices to the cost of electricity and even folks' retirement savings, as most companies make a large amount of their profits through investing in the market.  It is absolute lunacy to think that increased cost or reduced profits won't be passed on to the rest of us.  Things are going to get way worse at this rate.    Mostly, I vote in elections for state and local issues, as the national government is about as pleasant as a Porta-Potty in July.  So, either I'll do a write-in vote for president, or I'll check the box for Trump.  Anything but Biden.     
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Interesting...never knew any of this.  Of course, in my girl form I never got breasts, so I never had to worry about it.  A couple of pieces of tape would have been sufficient...      Sounds like fun   It has been interesting for me since I stopped trying to do sex like a girl.  The real surprise was my relationship with my husband, as he has figured me out pretty well. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Women's jeans, soft t-shirt that could go either way, flip-flops. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      They were sitting on the love seat, looking west out over Kansas.  Below them the busy city ran to and fro.   "They called.  My surgery has been rescheduled for May 8.  I need to be there at 5 AM for pre-op.  I start prescriptions and diet change on May 1."   "Okay."  Bob did his not-thinking-about anything look.  Taylor was always amazed that he could  actually be thinking about absolutely nothing. She was always thinking of at least six things.   "How can they be like that?" "What?"  He startled a little.  Contact with reality was reestablished. "Where does the hate come from?  Mrs. McArthur?  She was always polite, but I think she wasn't really.  Somehow she hated me even though there were no indications whatsoever." "Yeah, well, you know they are starting up that plant.  And my company is going ahead with their work there, down n Milliville.   I will have to go down there sometimes." "Oh, Bob." "Maybe I will stop by and ask her." "No." "No.  Cabaret is closed, I have been told.  Your transgender support group has scattered to other places." "What is wrong with those people?" "Same thing as Roosevelt, I guess.  You know all the racial comments against Blacks?  Like that game where our cheerleaders started this insulting cheer, an the opposite team was mostly Black? Teachers stopped it." "I didn't know.  I was staying away from that, remember?" "Yes." "You know all those kids at our church, the ones you called freaks the other day?" "I shouldn't have called them that." "Pastor tells me they are all from all over the Midwest.  These are kids who have been thrown out of their homes and were found on the street.  Other shelters would not take them, so they wound up here." "Not surprising." "I think we could do some good here." "What do you have in mind?" And she told him.
    • EasyE
      You are spot on here ... but also it seems like such a rigged game for the average person that it's hard to invest energy into the political arena -- too much big money controlling too many people/organizations/narratives for the common person to fee; heard...   In general, why we in America accept either candidate is baffling... for all our innovation as a nation, we can't do better than these two bozos?    The problem is, the political arena is such a sham -- again with large money controlling all aspects of the system -- that a common-sense, love-your-neighbor, make-reasonable-compromises, roll-up-your-sleeves-and-get-to-work candidate will never make it anywhere above the local level (if even there)...    Everything is a reality show, and boring ol' decision makers that try to benefit the most people don't generate enough clicks, views and retweets...  I am not sure it is so much about celebrity as it is about party politics at all costs - "my side must always be viewed as right and your side must always be viewed as wrong!" kind of thinking... there is no consensus building anymore because that will get used against you in campaign ads... When Obama took office and then Hilary ran again, it was like all Republicans want to do was to find someone loud enough to put them in their place. Forget issues, forget character, just win a debate and rally the base.    To get back to your original point, not enough of us care about politics ... and in some ways we've become fat, happy and entitled as a nation. The yearning to achieve the "American dream", which drove my parents and their parents before them to work their tails off and sacrifice and save, is now just "give me the American dream for free while I sit here on my phone and watch tiktok..."
    • Abigail Genevieve
      You are in the right place.
    • EasyE
      I am about 5 weeks ahead of you ... best wishes to you! For me it has been subtle changes at most so far (if any) ... but I am also on the "beginner's" level of patch, lol ...    Easy
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Oh, another comment.   I am a conservative evangelical with strong Republican leanings. So is my wife, my friends, my family. I disagree with a good amount of what the Republicans are doing, but there it is.  I understand the mindset, I think, a lot better than those who are outside it do.   When you insult Republicans you insult me, my friends, my family.   People like me can struggle with trans issues.   Please consider that in posting.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Then you are in despair.
    • MaeBe
      I found this as well. No playacting, they just appear: the finger waggle wave; bracing my elbow on my other arm that's folded across my chest, wrist in the air half-cocked; walking a bit more fiercely... All that. My wife thought I was mocking her at one point!
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I find my lack of time to read the thing frustrating, and I will not really comment until I have read it.  This is a wholly inadequate response.   1.  I think there are some legitimate concern.   2. Thoroughly discussing this will consume many threads.   3. I disagree partially with @MaeBe but there is partial agreement.   4. The context includes what is happening in society that the authors are observing.  It is not an isolated document.   5. Trump, if elected, is as likely to spend his energies going after political opponents as he is to implementing something like this.    6. I reject critical theory, which is based on Marxism.  Marxism has never worked and never will.  Critical theory has problems which would need time to go into, which I do not have.   7. There are groups who have declared war on the nuclear family as problematically patriarchal, and a lot of other terms. They are easy to find on the internet.  This document is reacting to that (see #4 above).   8.  Much of this would have to be legislated, and this is a policy documented.  Implementation would  be most likely different, but that does not mean criticism is unwarranted. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Sort of bracing myself for flipping, because I am wearing f and of course I wear f and it is natural to wear f and what else would I wear?  The  novelty is long gone out on this.  I wore a bra most of yesterday but we had a Zoom call and I took the bra off because I was concerned about the straps showing.  I missed it.    My body is saying "I am female!  Treat me that way!"   In the past it has screamed about this activity that  I have done to it.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...