Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Halp, I effed up...


Recommended Posts

So I got a 2nd part-time job... At Dominos Pizza! Im their latest and greatest delivery driver during the week. So. Where's the eff up? That kinda stems from my full time job...

During the weekend I work at a warehouse. Its 3 12-hr shifts friday thru sunday and I do not present as female when I'm there and I've more or less made peace with that for the time being. The work environment isn't suitable for wigs n makeup anyways as it is always HOT and sweaty physical labor...  3 days a week as a boy aint that bad right?  Monday thru thursday is my time to let my hair down and be me but I went and did my interview and got hired at Dominos presenting as male. Stupid! Stupid!! There's really no reason I can't look pretty while delivering pizzas but I don't know how to break it to my new employers that I'm actually a woman... Halp! my 4 girly days a week are in jeopardy! Should I just show up for work today presenting female and be like "What?" Or should I be more subtle about it and warn them in advance? Ugh....

Link to comment

First things first: find out what the laws are where you live, and whether you have any protection for gender identity.  I know it is a patchwork of laws in the U.S., so find out what your local situation is.  Are you protected in the workplace for gender identity or not?

 

If you have workplace protection, then tell your new employer before changing your presentation.  They might have transition policies in place, or you may have to guide them.

 

If you have no protection, then you are gambling.  You could be fired for transitioning on the job, with nothing you can do about it.  You may want to hold off for a while until you get to know the company and your manager a bit better, to assess what the odds are.

 

Good luck!

Link to comment

 

35 minutes ago, KathyLauren said:

You may want to hold off for a while until you get to know the company and your manager a bit better, to assess what the odds are.

 

Well isn't this just the most reasonable and conservative answer I could have hoped for!?!? Honestly my first instinct was to just throw caution to the wind and fly my pride flag straight into there... I do have protection from the law here for gender identity but having already introduced myself and set precedent as a male with my employers,  I do agree that I owe them the courtesy of talking with them about it before doing that. I just don't know how to bring the subject up in conversation with them... How would you do this if you were in my shoes?

44 minutes ago, KathyLauren said:

BTW, congratulations on getting the job! ?

Thanks!!

❤️ - K

Link to comment
1 hour ago, QuoraQ said:

I just don't know how to bring the subject up in conversation with them... How would you do this if you were in my shoes?

 

It depends on the company.  If there is an HR department, it might be good to start there.  They would be able to tell you about company policies, and can raise the subject with you manager.  In a smaller company, the initial approach might have to be to your manager.

 

As with any coming-out, there really is no way to do it except to come out and say it.  Make an appointment to discuss a "personal matter", and then just tell them you are transgender and want to transition on the job.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Well, it looks like the official policy is favorable.

 

https://biz.dominos.com/web/media/stories/lgbtq

 

So that's a good thing. With that in mind, I'd explain to my manager what happened and take it from there. After all, that's why he gets paid the big bucks.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
5 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

Well, it looks like the official policy is favorable.

 

This is great! I'm so blown away and impressed that you took the time to go looking for this! Thank you Jackie!

 

Link to comment

Consider this case closed! Talked to management tonight and their understanding/support was enthusiastic and honestly overwhelming! My boss n trainer immediately zapped my legal name off everything they legally could and replaced it with Kora and I'm going to my next shift as myself! I'm so happy I could float away! *insert strangled squealy happy noise here* !!!!

Link to comment

Congrats Kora

that very empowering of you. It show yr strength as individual. most boss i know love that in there work force. Keep being you 

Link to comment

 

8 hours ago, QuoraQ said:

 I'm so happy I could float away! *insert strangled squealy happy noise here* !!!!

*snorts morning coffee out her nose*.    I'm so happy for you Kora, what a huge step and you get to be your authentic self at work.  

Link to comment
5 hours ago, Lexi C said:

Congrats Kora

Thank you so much! Its funny how 3 months ago I was terrified to step outside! 

49 minutes ago, Bri2020 said:

*snorts morning coffee out her nose*

Hope that didn't hurt as much as it sounds like it would! Yeouch! Glad I made u laugh tho! Thanks you! 

20200730_013710.jpg

Link to comment
2 hours ago, QuoraQ said:

Thank you so much! Its funny how 3 months ago I was terrified to step outside! 

Hope that didn't hurt as much as it sounds like it would! Yeouch! Glad I made u laugh tho! Thanks you! 

 

You look great! And Happy!  The price of bringing laughter in the world is sometimes painful ;).  

 

Link to comment

And don’t forget that the recent Supreme Court ruling makes it illegal to discriminate on the basis of gender identity. That would be paramount to firing someone based on gender. 
Landmark LGBTQ+ Supreme Court case

 

Anyone would have big legal issues if they dismissed you based on gender presentation. 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   7 Members, 0 Anonymous, 46 Guests (See full list)

    • Jackie C.
    • Cyndee
    • Orvo
    • Davie
    • Petra Jane
    • Charlotte Ye Ye
    • Charlize
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      75.6k
    • Total Posts
      705.1k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      9,086
    • Most Online
      8,356

    AlexisParis
    Newest Member
    AlexisParis
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    No users celebrating today
  • Posts

    • Orvo
      So when I first even thought I could be trans, I had a terrible period of time where I kept having thoughts like "do not rush this" and "what if it isn't true and you're lying". And it was Bad. But I managed to get through that and feel like nothing is wrong and I'm pretty happy as myself. However, it was the start of the pandemic, I was stuck at home, not going anywhere and having to introduce myself as my passport name and gender.   Now it's all back and worse than ever. I suddenly realise that used to be much more open-minded, completely okay and welcoming of people's Selves, but now I look at other trans people and something in me thinks "this isn't okay" and other thoughts that are straight up transphobic, like "this is actually a-" and whatever gender a character or a person was assigned at birth. I know it's not nice and I don't want to have those thoughts, which at this point manifest in a very similar manner to my other intrusive thoughts (mental health thing, basically unwanted non-conscious thoughts that i can't stop and that make me disstressed). I keep having random intrusive thoughts about people calling me by my deadname or gender and it makes me furious, yet here I am. I feel guilty and like I don't acutally belong with my own people now, but in my head I know that it isn't how I feel or what I want in this world.   I feel like trying to explain myself to my mom made it significantly worse too, bc she doesn't believe me and tries to low-key infantilisingly push me into being "cis again", and that messes me up so much. I keep trying to share my thoughts with her and that only ends in her insisting she doesn't get and cannot accept the concept (of being trans), but loves Me anyway. Maybe that's where it's coming from? I live and grew up in a very transphobic place so yeah   Does anyone have the same "trans but transphobic" experience? I wanted to share and ask, if anyone has a similar experience and is comfortable sharing it, how do others deal with this problem? I'm not exactly asking for an advice, it's more of a "but if you say what to do, out loud, i won't stop you" situation. I want to know how others face this and not feel like I don't belong with other trans people just because this is something I'm struggling with.   I find great comfort in looking at other people's content (trans-related) and my own art and characters that are trans, and expressing my feelings throught them, but when it comes to real people and myself this stuff happens. Help..?
    • Jackie C.
      Those are both lovely things to have in operational condition. They probably don't mean anything by it, they're most likely up to their eyebrows in COVID cases and they don't SEE you so they don't think to give you updates unless you call to harass them. The obvious solution is to keep harassing them.     Not true, being trans is patently ridiculous. I mean yeah, it causes pain and heartbreak but honestly. The whole thing is like the universe playing a practical joke. Not a funny one, but I rarely find practical jokes funny so that tracks. Humor is a good way to fight back. My favorite was always Femme & M's. My therapist prefers anticisthamines. I mean first you need to embrace the absurdity of the situation then you can grow from that.     Tom Ellis. I would totally be straight for Tom Ellis.     Congratulations! Another friend of mine just had a face lift so I'd imagine similar levels of beat up. Just take your meds, follow your surgeon's instructions and don't be a hero. You'll be able to see the lovely woman the rest of us already see in no time.     OT is incredibly wholesome. I strongly recommend.   Hugs!
    • Cyndee
      just so groovy, ground breaking in '67, sounds great today, famously fantastic guitar, the big bender to end'er    ✌️   C
    • Jamie68
      Thanks. I need it right now. Feeling down. Like I'm dying a slow painful death. Hopefully the day will get better.   Hope everything goes well with you, and speedy recovery. ❤️
    • Charlize
      I'd recommend the general forum or if your post relates more to the transition process in either the MTF or FTM forum.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • christinakristy2021
      I am wanting to know where I can post about me and my journey in gender euphoria.
    • Bri2020
      Hey everyone I will be thinking of you all over the next week or two but probably won't be online after today for a bit. TOMORROW IS FFS DAY!!!!! I'm not expecting to be able to see well enough to read for a little bit with all the swelling. Maybe I will be pleasantly surprised but I've mentally prepared myself for daily life with limited vision while the swelling does it's thing.   Kathy-Lauren, I hope you continue to recover. Congrats on 5 years! I can't wait to be where you are (not hospital bed  ) but am enjoying the journey to get there. Liz, hang in there. I don't know any way to ease your pain and suffering right now but just know that we all care for you and are virtually supporting you. Lean on your community through these tough times. Linda Marie, keep jammin Jamie, and all the others facing relationship issues I am sending my love.   Kisses and Hugs to all Bri      
    • KathyLauren
      Five years ago today, I applied my first estradiol patch and popped my first spiro pills.  I didn’t think that five years later, I’d be in a hospital bed, but the good news is that I am 100% myself here.  My transition is done, and I am accepted as Kathy everywhere I go.  They have been the best five years of my life.   For anyone contemplating taking that first step in transition, it feels like you are stepping out of an airplane without a parachute.  But there are all kinds of lovely people who will catch you and help you.  I am so glad I took those first steps, and I would never in a million years go back.
    • stveee
      I think you were right the first time. It's a trans person Tweeting it, so it's kinda laughing at ourselves. If it was a TERF, it would be different. aaand it's Twitter, the more obnoxious Tweets get more attention.  
    • Jamie68
      Sorry about being a downer first thing this morning. Had a bit of a rough night with my wife last night. I now have 3 subjects that I won't discuss with anyone. Politics, Religion, and now what movie star I'm attracted to. My wife, daughter-in-law and I were talking at the kitchen table when this subject came up. They both said, Jason Momoa (Aquaman). I said, Sean Connery (The actor, not the real person). It was like I dropped a stink bomb. I've told her this years ago before I came out to her as trans. She already knew I was bi-sexual, but this has a whole new meaning to her, especially after her reading about how many transwomen change their sexual preferences during transition. Needless to say, it was a long night.❤️
    • Nimue
      Hi,   I am only 4 months on weekly intramuscular injections of E only, so I am not very far along in this journey. What don't they tell us, that I wish they did?   I think the challenge is more the listening and taking to heart YMMV!    For me, breast budding began within a week. The changes seemed so HUGE from my perspective that I felt like my transition was out of control and scary fast. I thought everyone would notice and talk about me.   In reality? 🦗🦗🦗   I started going out in public female dress, even though I don't come close to passing and, 🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗   Inside has been a rollercoaster of doubts, joy, fear, anticipation, dread, and acceptance. I had all of these feelings before E, but they have overall been more balanced and manageable since starting E.    Is any of this undocumented?   No, but until you experience your journey, you likely will not understand how you will feel about each change until you can observe it in the rearview mirror.   Wishing a joyful journey to all my sisters, brothers, and siblings!   Hugs,   Nimue  
    • DeeDee
      As someone who does it, I get using dark humour as a coping mechanism, though I've only ever seen lists like those in an anti-trans context. There's a YouTuber called "One topic at a time" who looks at things like this in a light hearted and wholesome way. They usually lift my mood by the end of their videos. 🙂
    • Jamie68
      After this sinks in for a little while, I find that it's really not funny. There's really nothing funny about being "trans". Mostly pain for us, and anyone around us. I guess some people make light of this so they don't cry. How many times have I made fun of gays and trans when I was crying about it inside. I don't like to even think about it.
    • Jamie68
      This is just too good. 🤣😂
    • Jamie68
      My wife constantly getting that with her doctors. Are they all afraid that you can't take the bad news? Personally, I would rather know so I can prepare or just maybe come up with a fix.❤️
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...