How likely is it that I’ll lose custody of my 4 kids if I transition, MTF 36

[picklesaregross321]

My probably soon to be super religious (Mormon) ex wife says If I transition, I’m not fit to be around our children. We live in Utah. She says she’ll fight for 100% custody if I try to transition and that it’s going to hurt our kids (10, 8, 5, 0). Her family is rich (Multi-millions), so they would be able to afford a much better lawyer than I will be able to get. How likely is it that she will be awarded 100%custody just based on me being trans? I’m a great parent, have a decent job, no drug or legal issues. Or do I just need to back down from wanting to transition until my kids are older? I've tried contacting a couple lawyers, but haven't yet been able to get in to speak about my situation.

[Jackie C.]

I'm not a lawyer and I don't live in Utah. My first impulse is that it would depend on the laws in Utah regarding LGBTQ+ rights. I see in my quick internet search that you have anti-discrimination protections. That's great!

 

However, you mention that your ex is ready to go nuclear on this and, unfortunately, the law in the US uses the "pay to win" model. There is a very good chance that her money by itself would sink you. She may sink you anyway, just because you came out to her. There's also the judge to consider. They could decide against you just because of personal bias. Conversely, the judge could also be an ally and toss your ex out on her ear no matter how expensive her lawyers are.

 

The hard truth is that being trans is no picnic and sometimes that means we lose people close to us. There's always hope, but from a purely pragmatic view, I'd say your chances of losing access to your kids is pretty high.

 

Hugs!

Edited October 7, 2020 by Jackie C.
Edited for tense because sometimes I hit D when I meant S.

[picklesaregross321]

Yeah, that's what I'm terrified of, actually losing access to my kids. One of the arguments my wife makes is "I don't know any real mom who would choose to leave their kids like you're thinking of doing."

[Jackie C.]

Well, that's true, but you have no intention of leaving your kids (I presume). You seem pretty attached to them. She's basically blackmailing you; "If you do this thing I don't approve of, I'm going to HURT you as badly as I can." I see why she's your ex.

 

Gotta' love a bigot who uses their religion for revenge fantasies.

 

So it comes down to eighteen years of you being tremendously unhappy and hiding who you are versus her little idea of what a family should look like. I know which one I think would be better for the kids but, unfortunately, I don't get a vote.

 

Best of luck with this @picklesaregross321. I wish I had a magic bullet, but I really don't. Have you tried any trans-friendly civil rights groups in your area? We've got some resource links here: https://www.transgenderpulse.com/resource-locator/

 

Hugs!

[Belle]

 

21 hours ago, picklesaregross321 said:

Yeah, that's what I'm terrified of, actually losing access to my kids. One of the arguments my wife makes is "I don't know any real mom who would choose to leave their kids like you're thinking of doing."

 

19 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

Well, that's true, but you have no intention of leaving your kids (I presume). You seem pretty attached to them. She's basically blackmailing you; "If you do this thing I don't approve of, I'm going to HURT you as badly as I can." I see why she's your ex.

Your situation sounds so familiar to mine  It is fear plain and simple. Too bad she's not part of the Jedi religion. You could tell her she is going down the path to the dark side.

 

But seriously, I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. Know that you are not alone.

[Vanessa Michelle]

@picklesaregross321Just seeing this now and it so concerned me I had to tag you to ask how it's going and how are YOU doing? Praying for you sis, this is so not cool. ❤️

[Gretch]

This makes me so sad. I have no great advice but want you to know people are on your side and thinking of you. Wonder if you could call around to lawyers in the area who might offer advice or discounted rates. I wish you the best of luck - this is unfair.