Doin it on my own....

[Shawnster]

I'm new here, male at birth,  50yrs old, I live in the sticks of massachusetts ... I'm married 30yrs, two boys in their 20's. I came out to my wife about two years ago she is still in denial.... doesn't want to discus it .. but honestly I have never been truly comfortable with my gender. I have been in

Therapy for years and I have finally decided I need to go further in my quest.... If all goes well, I will start hrt in a few weeks.... But I will have to do it alone... I'm both happy and sad... I really need a friend or

 Sister to help me on this adventure of discovery....

I feel so isolated....

Thanks for the read.

 

 

 

 

 

[Lee H]

Hi Shawnster

I'd be delighted to be your friend and your Sister in the HRT journey. I'm just starting HRT also, if the Rx I got from the OB/GYN at the VA will ever get here in the mail. "The pharmacy's running slow" they said. Ya think? I've been waiting nearly 3 weeks, and it's only a 60 mile pony gallop toward your side of the world from Reno to Fallon, a hotbed of redneckery out on the edge of the Great Basin.

 

Sorry to hear about your wife's denial. It seems to be a very common situation for us MTF folks. I think a big part of it might be, "But I don't want to become a lesbian." Our gender may be transitioning, but our values do not change, nor our capacity for love. [I think that grows, along with our empathy and capacity for kindness.]. It might be a bittersweet blessing for you, though. My wife passed in '08, and I'm too old even to hope for a mate. [76]. I live alone, strictly quarantining, and in a town and a circle of ... acquaintances ...that I don't believe would accept me at all. This forum and a group called tgAA are my socializing.

 

So let me be the first to say, "Welcome, Girl, I'm very happy to meet you."

~~Here's a great big hello hug with a squeeze, from Lee~~

[Susan R]

@Shawnster

 

Welcome to our little home away from home. It’s nice to have you with us. You're definitely not alone. Our community is everywhere and it is only now in this time that we are finally seeing the just how many of us there are in this world. It’s good that you’re reaching out and fully understanding that you don’t have a problem...society has the problem and they simply aren’t educated enough to see that you are who you are...like all of us here.

It may take some time for your wife to fully understand the situation. Denial only goes so far. Eventually she will have to come to terms with this. You can help her with good communication, patience, and IMHO, a very good therapist to help her work through what this is actually all about. Couples therapy might be an option too. But coming to terms with the changes could be difficult without some professional help. It has helped my wife and I both so I’m not speaking out of ignorance. You’ve taken the first step. This is huge in the journey of us all. I congratulate you and encourage you to accept yourself and this journey as hard as it may become. It is not going to disappear. It is a part of your being and needs attention just like any other part of your life.  I wish you and your wife the best and hope to read more about your journey here soon.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[Shawnster]

so, here's an update.... the va just got an endocrinologist in my area.... hopefully i don't have to start off at ground zero!?!??

hopefully......on march 17, I get prescribed my estrodyl.... i can't handle this dysphoria much longer!!!!

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, Shawnster said:

so, here's an update.... the va just got an endocrinologist in my area.... hopefully i don't have to start off at ground zero!?!??

hopefully......on march 17, I get prescribed my estrodyl.... i can't handle this dysphoria much longer!!!!

 

So, for St. Patrick's day? Nice!

 

Practitioners may vary, but if you have your letter of recommendation and your blood work checks out. there's no reason your new VA endo couldn't get you started on low-dose (most of them start with a low dose then work up) estradiol and maybe a T-blocker.

 

Hugs! 

[Jani]

Hello @Shawnster.  Don't be surprised if you don't come away a prescription.  Some wait until they feel you are healthy enough since estradiol can upset the endocrine system, which they are really keyed into.  All my best to you.  Hang in there. 

Jani

[Lee H]

On 2/19/2021 at 9:30 AM, Shawnster said:

so, here's an update.... the va just got an endocrinologist in my area.... hopefully i don't have to start off at ground zero!?!??

My experience with the Sierra Nevada VA has been very good. I've been on HRT for about 4 mos, and it has all become pretty routine with them. I think the VA in general got a memo from somewhere on high a few years ago, saying, "Trans Vets get treatment, and shall be treated with dignity. This is an order." At least here, they're taking it seriously. They have a LGBT [Q+] unit. They assigned me to an OB/GYN for HRT, and a Gender Therapist. They follow WPATH guidelines, which means they are not "gatekeepers" for transition. HRT requires only informed consent.

 

Good luck.

~~A hug from Lee~~