Aurora's Feeling log

[Aurora]

Feeling very ugly and freak like.  I feel like that no one wants me around or talk to me.  I like like that everyone just hates me.

 

Maybe I should just sell everything and sell my house and just go somewhere else off the grid where no one will ever find me.

[Jackie C.]

6 hours ago, Aurora said:

Maybe I should just sell everything and sell my house and just go somewhere else off the grid where no one will ever find me.

 

Seems like a bad plan. How would you get your HRT?

 

You're on the other side of the country from me, but I don't think you're a freak. I've got friends and I suspect you do too. At the end of the day, people love us for us.

 

Hugs!

[Heather Shay]

@Aurora this it only temporary so hang in there. Remember going to club and being hit on as a CIS girl. Remember waking up with the right body (I still envy you so much on that one). Remember it takes time for others to catch up with you. Just kick back and relax and realize how many of your goals you have achieved. You my dear are a woman and a beautiful one inside and out.

Hugs

Heather

[Aurora]

So I am finding out and I am keeping documentation on when I am looking for a job and even at my current job that I have been discrimaniated against because of my stutter.  Myself being Trans is fine.  Everyone has been way ok with me being Trans.  But places are uncomfortable with me cause of my stutter and they are hinting that they dont want me just cause of my stutter and dealing that I cannot do the job cause of my stutter.  I am really mad at that.  Then to find out that the reason why I am on 3rd shift at my work is cause of my stutter and no one wants to deal with me, so they put me on 3rd shift just to put me in the deepest darkest corner to keep me out of the way cause of my stutter and no one wants to work with me or deal with me cause of my stutter.

[Ivy]

2 hours ago, Aurora said:

Then to find out that the reason why I am on 3rd shift at my work is cause of my stutter and no one wants to deal with me, so they put me on 3rd shift just to put me in the deepest darkest corner to keep me out of the way cause of my stutter and no one wants to work with me or deal with me cause of my stutter.

Wow… is this legal?

[Davie]

9 hours ago, Ellie Jean said:

Totally relate. I usually just try not to think about it though and stuff those feeling deep deep down where they can't hurt anyone lmao, then tell myself everything will be great in the future and that one day after I've finished transitioning I can just move away where no one knows me and start life anew as my authentic self lol.

I don't have time to care what other people may think of me at this point in my life; screw 'em lol; I gots bigger fish to fry. XD

Employers must not discriminate because someone is trans or for a disability. There are laws about that--they can be sued. Ask for help. You do not deserve this at all. It's not your fault. We send you love.

[Aurora]

For myself, I work in IT and I work at a data center,  When the pandemic hit in 2020, I was one of the essential workers that still had to go in cause of everyone moved from being in the office to virtual to online and it put a strain on the internet and all the servers and switches.  So I was a important person.

 

For myself, the only way that I can get off 3rd shift is to look for another job since my co-worker does not want to swap swifts with me.

 

I really hate how business have found ways around with their wording to not make it sound like it is discramation.

 

So when I had a phone interview, the person worded it as we are concerned that you are not able to verbally communicate with the other team members.  At first I did not think about my stuttering and just thought that oh are you concerned that I dont talk to people or something.  The person repeated themselves again and so it hit me and I said oh are you talking about my stuttering and then that is when the person said yes.

 

So pretty much what sucks is the fact on how business get around the discrimantion stuff by watching how they word things.  

[Davie]

2 hours ago, Aurora said:

For myself, I work in IT and I work at a data center,  When the pandemic hit in 2020, I was one of the essential workers that still had to go in cause of everyone moved from being in the office to virtual to online and it put a strain on the internet and all the servers and switches.  So I was a important person.

 

For myself, the only way that I can get off 3rd shift is to look for another job since my co-worker does not want to swap swifts with me.

 

I really hate how business have found ways around with their wording to not make it sound like it is discramation.

 

So when I had a phone interview, the person worded it as we are concerned that you are not able to verbally communicate with the other team members.  At first I did not think about my stuttering and just thought that oh are you concerned that I dont talk to people or something.  The person repeated themselves again and so it hit me and I said oh are you talking about my stuttering and then that is when the person said yes.

 

So pretty much what sucks is the fact on how business get around the discrimantion stuff by watching how they word things.  

So sorry you've had to go though this, Aurora. May the perfect job for you come your way. You certainly don't stutter when you write.

hugs,

Davie

[Aurora]

Guess that dysphoria is back with it's ugly face.  I am really hating myself and feeling really down and feel like that no one likes and no ones wants me around.  I am just some charity case that people take pitty on and yet no one actually knows me or wants me around.

 

I have no friends and no support and no one to really talk to or comfort me.

 

Thinking on just ending it all.  No one will care if I am gone.  No one will miss me.  

 

Been alone all my life.  Never married.  Never had sex.  Never felt the joy of love.

 

Guess no one really loves me and I should just end everything

[Jackie C.]

I know how the dysphoria monster works. Especially when it teams up with it's friend depression and corners you in a dark alleyway.

 

@Aurora, you are a lovely person. The world would be a darker place without your light.

 

I completely get where you're coming from though. I've been through patches where I was only living because I wasn't sure if anybody would look after my cat if I was gone.

 

Here at least we enjoy your company and would very much miss you if you were gone. I'm certain that someone as lovely as you are has people close at hand who feel the same.

 

Hugs!

[Ivy]

I wish there was something I could do for you.

If you weren't so far away you could come over for some coffee or something and a hug.

[Davie]

@Aurora Oh Aurora. My heart goes out to you. I know that depth of loneliness. You certainly deserve better, you certainly deserve happiness. I'm sure you'll find it if you persevere. I pray for that. ?

hugs,

Davie 

[Maddee]

Hi Aurora.

I feel alot of what you experience.

It'd be nice to be invited into "inner circle" things.

Or have a name to put down as emergency contact on medical forms.

Working on accepting myself.  In my case this is a barrier between me and others.

Maybe there is some action yiu can take to fight this and feel better now.

Big hugs.

 

[Kelly2509]

@Aurora I wish there was something I could do, at the very least give you plenty of hugs.  There may not be much i can say or do to help you feel better, but I do know that feeling and I hope you find a way through the fog and back into some sunshine.

 

Love and hugs

Kelly

[Kylie]

Dysphoria is such a devil. 
 

you have support with us, albeit it is online, we still care for your well being. For months after surgery you’ll feel more intense depression sometimes just because you’re having to adjust so much to your new life. I remember for about the first 6 months I would often just cry because I felt I was so alone because it was all about dilation and keeping my physical self in check. It gets better..just keep it in mind. Don’t let the short term depression win. Seek out your counselor and work thru it!

[Kylie]

@Jackie C.Girl I felt you when you said your cat was your purpose. Because my cat is definitely my purpose!

[Aurora]

So as the holiday season is getting closer and closer to us, alot on my mind now is how I am going to be all alone for Christmas.  No family close by, no friends.  Probably only going to get one present mailed to from my mom that is in another state.  But I am not going to have anyone around.  This is going to be the saddest Christmas season ever for me.

[Aggie1]

2 hours ago, Aurora said:

So as the holiday season is getting closer and closer to us, alot on my mind now is how I am going to be all alone for Christmas.  No family close by, no friends.  Probably only going to get one present mailed to from my mom that is in another state.  But I am not going to have anyone around.  This is going to be the saddest Christmas season ever for me.

I wish I could send you a present! All I can do is send you a virtual hug!

 

if you could have any present in the world what would it be?

[Ivy]

16 hours ago, Aurora said:

This is going to be the saddest Christmas season ever for me.

I hope something better will work out for you.  Maybe?

There's still time.