Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Reaching Out


Recommended Posts

Hi lovelies, 

(AFAB) I think I'm non-binary, or maybe gender-fluid.
Ever since I was a little kid, my name (very femme) didn't feel like mine -- there was nothing wrong with it, it just wasn't *mine*. Same goes for being referred to as a "girl" or "woman". I was much happier when my friends referred to me as "dude" or "bro", and while it is sometimes fun to put on dresses and makeup, it always feels like I'm just playing pretend; it doesn't validate femininity for me. I don't mind being referred to as a female, but I don't want to be seen as *only* female. 
Lately, I've been having a lot of issues centered around not feeling at home in my body. I'm not sure if it's dysphoria, or trauma resurfacing, but I've been in therapy for a few months now and we together thought it would be a good idea to explore the non-binary world for me. Ever since talking to my therapist and a couple of my closest friends about it, I've been feeling a lot better. My problems haven't been solved, per se, but they're manageable now, and I feel a little jump of joy when someone refers to me by my chosen name. 
I guess I'm reaching out to say hello, and to hear from people who have had experiences similar to mine, or if anyone has any resources (books, documentaries, etc) that they would recommend to someone just starting out. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
7 hours ago, actuallysage said:

Ever since talking to my therapist and a couple of my closest friends about it, I've been feeling a lot better. My problems haven't been solved, per se, but they're manageable now, and I feel a little jump of joy when someone refers to me by my chosen name.

Hi there @actuallysage. Welcome! Opening up to a few trustworthy friends and a good therapist are both good especially when starting to explore yourself a little deeper as you are. Getting a sense of yourself sometimes helps when you get someone to help you dig deeper than we’d normally feel comfortable on our own. I think examining your life through a set of different eyes and getting different perspectives is good...and a seasoned therapist should in time help you in those areas.

 

Once you’ve continued using your chosen name and are sure it’s yours for the keeping, it might help to formally change it so that you can use it in all aspects in your life. This was so helpful to me. In my case, it made complete sense since I had been living full time as myself and it made life so much more manageable not having to explain the male name on ID while presenting female. But if you’re experiencing gender dysphoria or just very uncomfortable from others using your given name this may be something you want to discuss with your therapist. I think you’ll know when the time is right. It sounds like you may not be ‘out’ completely and that is definitely a major consideration. I think you’re heading in the right direction reaching out and I think you’ll find there are a lot of resources and support right here. I personally don’t have any specific NB resources I would recommend but I am sure others here may.

 

Thanks for joining our little family and sharing a part of yourself. Hope to read more.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

Link to comment

Thank you Susan; I vacillate between wanting to shout to the world what I am, and also keeping it a super close secret that only I know about. Telling my therapist was a huge step for me. 
If my chosen name in the future does fit me better, I think I will change my legally. I am very feminine in appearance and I'm okay with that, but I want to experiment with my hair and clothes a little more. Even tucking my hair up under a hat was like, "Wow, this is what I look like." I'm not sure what my body is trying to tell me most of the time, and I know this will be quite a journey (as it is for everyone), but I'm glad I found this forum. I've been reading other posts and found other insights to be helpful. 

 

Thanks again, Susan. 

- Sage

Link to comment

Hi @actuallysage!  nice to meet you and Welcome! 

Congratulations on seeking and starting Therapy.  Coming to this Forum and then starting therapy have been monumental for me.
You found a great place to help with your self-discovery.  We come in ALL shapes and sizes here, so take you time and don't be shy❣️

 

Deep breaths ... one step at a time

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Welcome Sage.  I'm glad you found us.  This site helped me find a path to self acceptance after years of feeling guilty about not fitting completely into the role assigned me.  You are not alone!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

Hi @actuallysage, and welcome!

 

You've landed in an amazing place. They've helped me so much since I'm here.

 

You asked about resources. I can only recommend the ones that have helped me on my journey. There are a ton more out there I don't know about, but you can have a look at these to see if they can help you

 

http://discoveryourgenderidentity.com/  - amazing book. Includes non-binary identities.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8QNOIOoi63U0arTgU47vEQ  - youtube channel of a gender therapist

https://www.youtube.com/user/darahoffmanfox  - youtube channel of a non-binary gender therpaist

 

I wish you a great journey, and we are here for whatever you need

Link to comment
12 hours ago, Gabriel said:

 

 

You asked about resources. I can only recommend the ones that have helped me on my journey. There are a ton more out there I don't know about, but you can have a look at these to see if they can help you

 

http://discoveryourgenderidentity.com/  - amazing book. Includes non-binary identities.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8QNOIOoi63U0arTgU47vEQ  - youtube channel of a gender therapist

https://www.youtube.com/user/darahoffmanfox  - youtube channel of a non-binary gender therpaist

 

Thank you so much Gabriel! I'll be sure to look into them. 

Link to comment
On 11/13/2020 at 10:38 AM, Gabriel said:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8QNOIOoi63U0arTgU47vEQ  - youtube channel of a gender therapist

 

Oh, yes, Dr. Z is very good. I'm a fan of her channel.

 

There's a book I found at one of my local libraries that I really liked. It's not really a resource per se, though. It's an autobiographical graphic novel about one non-binary person's life. It can get a bit graphic/explicit at parts, but if you don't mind that, I found the book very interesting. Naturally, everyone is different, so undoubtedly there will be differences between this person's feelings and your own, so I think it would be worth trying to keep that in mind and avoid trying to "measure up" (not that that's always easy to avoid!)

 

https://smile.amazon.com/Gender-Queer-Memoir-Maia-Kobabe/dp/1549304003/

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 132 Guests (See full list)

    • Vidanjali
    • VickySGV
    • Timi
    • Ivy
    • Abigail Genevieve
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.5k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,029
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Selkimur
    Newest Member
    Selkimur
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. BraxtonLee
      BraxtonLee
      (26 years old)
    2. Bryanna
      Bryanna
      (45 years old)
    3. Jayde1
      Jayde1
    4. Mireya
      Mireya
      (66 years old)
    5. Shellianne_Kay83
      Shellianne_Kay83
      (41 years old)
  • Posts

    • Abigail Genevieve
      I have read numerous accounts of trans folk no longer being welcome among evangelicals.   I am here for help and fellowship not to rebuke anyone.  I can take a pretty high degree of insult, etc., and you haven't insulted me, to my recollection anyway :) and I usually let it go.  But I thought I would let it all out there.   I am sure I disagree with you on numerous issues.  I appreciate other people's viewpoints, including those who radically disagree with me.  Intellectual challenge is good. One thing I appreciate about @MaeBe.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Congrats!
    • Sally Stone
      Post 8 “The Ohio Years” We moved to Pittsburgh because of the job with US Airways.  The job involved classroom instruction and simulator training, but no actual flying, so I kept looking for an actual pilot position.  A year after signing on with US Airways I got hired to fly business jets.  The company was located in Cleveland, Ohio, but I was flown commercially from my home in Pittsburgh to where my aircraft was located, making it unnecessary to live near company headquarters.    My flight scheduled consisted of eight days on duty with seven days off.  Having seven days off in a row was great but being gone from home eight days in a row was difficult.  For the first few years the flying was fun, but after a while the eight flying days in a row, were taking their toll on me.  Those days were brutal, consisting of very long hours and a lot of flying time.  Usually, I came home exhausted and need three days just to recover from the work week.  Flying for a living is glamorous until you actually do it.  Quickly, it became just a job.    After five years as a line captain, I became a flight department manager, which required we live near company headquarters.  That meant a move to Cleveland.  Working in the office meant I was home every night but as a manager, the schedule was still challenging.  I would work in the office all week and then be expected to go out and fly the line on weekends.  I referred to it as my “5 on 2 on” schedule, because it felt as though I had no time off at all.   About the same time, we moved to Cleveland, my wife and I became “empty nesters,” with one son in the military and the other away at college.  Sadly, my work schedule didn’t leave much time for Sally.  Add to the fact that while Cleveland is an awesome city, I just never felt comfortable expressing my feminine side.  Most of my outings, and believe me there weren’t enough, occurred while I was on vacation and away from home.   One of the most memorable outings occurred over a long weekend.  I had stumbled across an online notice for a spring formal being held in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, hosted by a local trans group there.  I reached out to Willa to see if she was up for an excellent adventure.  She was, so I picked her up and we drove to Harrisburg together.    The formal was held on Saturday evening and we had the absolute best time.  It turned out that organizers were a group named TransCentralPA.  Everyone was wonderful and I made a lot of new friends that evening.  We learned the spring formal was one of the group’s annual events but for the following year, instead of a spring formal, the group wanted to do a local transgender conference.  That local conference would become the Keystone Conference, and I would attend every year for the next 12.  My move to the west coast was the only reason I stopped attending annually.  I went to the first annual Keystone Conference as an attendee, but in subsequent years I served as a volunteer and as a workshop presenter; more about those in the next installment.   For my Cleveland years, the Keystone Conference would be my major outlet for feminine self-expression.  Yes, I did get out on other occasions, but they were too infrequent.  The managerial job just didn’t allow me the freedom I needed to adequately live my feminine life, and my frustration level was slowly, but steadily on the rise.  It amazed me how adversely not being able to express the feminine half of my personality was affecting my happiness.   However, a major life change was upcoming, and while it would prove to be a significant challenge in many ways, the events would ultimately benefit my female persona.  First, my mom and dad got sick.  They were in and out of the hospital and required personal care.  My wife and I did our best but living in Cleveland, we were too far from them to give them the support they both needed.  Second, I was experiencing serious job burn out.  I decided I need to find another job and I needed to be closer to my parents.    Things changed for the better when I got hired by an aviation training company as a flight simulator instructor.  I would be training business jet pilots.  The training facility was located in New Jersey, which put us much closer to my parents, and the work schedule was much better for quality of life.  Most importantly, this life change would help Sally re-emerge and once again flower.    Hugs,   Sally       
    • Mmindy
      I made a living talking about bulk liquids in cargo tanks transportation as a driver and mechanic. Safe loading/unloading, cleaning and inspecting, as well as emergency response scenarios.   Hazmat and fire behavior in the fire service as well as emergency vehicle operations and safe driving. "It was on fire when they called you. It will be on fire when you get there." Arrive ready to work. I could also talk about firefighter behavioral  heath and the grieving process.   The real fun thing is I can do this for people who are not Truck Drivers or Fire Fighters. Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, Citizen Tax payers about Public Safety Education.   I love public speaking,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Congratulations to the mom and family @Ivy on the addition of another child.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • MaeBe
      Congrats to you and yours!
    • Ashley0616
      YAY! Congratulations on a granddaughter!
    • Ashley0616
      I recommend CarComplaints.com | Car Problems, Car Complaints, & Repair/Recall Information. A lot of good information
    • LucyF
      I've got Spironolactone ___mg and Evorel ___mcg Patches (2 a week) going up to ___mg after 4 weeks 
    • Ivy
      Got a new Granddaughter this morning.  Mother and child (and father) are doing fine. This makes 7 granddaughters and one grandson.  I have 2 sons and 6 daughters myself.  And then I  switched teams.  I think this stuff runs in the family. Another hard day for the patriarchy.
    • Ivy
      Like @MaeBe pointed out, Trump won't do these things personally.  I doubt that he actually gives a rat's a$$ himself.  But he is the foot in the door for the others.   I don't really see this.  Personally, I am all in favor of "traditional" families.  I raised my own kids this way and it can work fine.  But I think we need to allow for other variations as well.   One thing working against this now is how hard it is for a single breadwinner to support a family.  Many people (I know some) would prefer "traditional" if they could actually afford it.  Like I mentioned, we raised our family with this model, but we were always right at the poverty level.   I was a "conservative evangelical" for most of my life, actually.  So I do understand this.  Admittedly, I no longer consider myself one. I have family members still in this camp.  Some tolerate me, one actually rejects me.  I assure you the rejection is on her side, not mine.  But, I understand she believes what she is doing is right - 'sa pity though. I mean no insult toward anyone on this forum.  You're free to disagree with me.  Many people do.   This is a pretty complex one.  Socialism takes many forms, many of which we accept without even realizing it.  "Classism" does exist, for what it's worth.  Always has, probably always will.  But I don't feel like that is a subject for this forum.   As for the election, it's shaping up to be another one of those "hold your nose" deals.
    • Ivy
      Just some exerts regarding subjects of interest to me.
    • Ivy
      Yeah.  In my early teens I trained myself out of a few things that I now wish I hadn't.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I was thinking in particular of BLM, who years ago had a 'What We Believe' section that sounded like they were at war with the nuclear family.   I tried to find it. Nope.  Of interest https://www.politifact.com/article/2020/aug/28/ask-politifact-does-black-lives-matter-aim-destroy/   My time is limited and I will try to answer as I can.
    • Ivy
      Well, I suppose it is possible that they don't actually plan on doing what they say.  I'm not too sure I want to take that chance.  But I kinda expect to find out.  Yet, perhaps you're right and it's all just talk.  And anyway, my state GOP is giving me enough to worry about anyway. I remember a time when being "woke" just meant you were paying attention.  Now it means you are the antichrist. I just don't want the government "protecting" me from my personal "delusions."
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...