Coming out speech at Toastmasters

[Aggie1]

I am giving a speech at Toastmasters in the morning (7am PST) in which I will come out. I shared it with my wife. She loved it. We talked about the subject in detail for the first time, rather than hints and innuendo. She is 100% supportive. I'm over the moon! I also joined a PFLAG meeting tonight and told them what I planned to do. One of the women called me adorable. I absolutely melted! I think there may be an opportunity to start an LGBTQ club with Toastmasters. What a concept!

 

Title: If the rocks could talk. 5-7 minutes. 

Path: Persuasive Influence.

Lesson: Storytelling

Introduction: Bob recently took up a new hobby, rock painting, and he will share with us how this experience is helping him to deal with conflict in his life!

 

 

If the rocks could talk!

Fluff hair. Preen. Touch screen. Is this on? Oh, hello everybody!

Listen (pause). Did you hear what I said? (pause) I said listen. (pause). They say silence is golden. What went through your mind just now while you were listening? Maybe you thought “why did he just mess with his hair?” Maybe you thought about the speech title and thought “when is he getting to the painted rocks?” Silence can help you think.

Unless you’re dumb as a rock, like me. ** Hold up ugly rock

Uh huh! I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday last month. She said “Nothing dear.” Oh oh. My daughters came over and cooked a steak and lobster dinner. She loved it. Me, I went out and I bought a bag of rocks, and I painted them with the theme from Fruit of the Spirit. Love, Joy, Peace, Patience. ** Hold up FOTS rocks. She loved it. If the rocks could talk, right? I loved it too. I kept on painting. I even painted my nails! And my wife loved it. ** Show nails

Silence can also be deafening. It can drown out your thoughts. (pause)

I came home from college after my first semester and I remember the first words out of my mother’s mouth. “You need to go to the barber, tomorrow!” “Mom?” “If you don’t, I will come in your room while you’re asleep and cut it myself.” Shock! Dismay! Dread! I could never earn my mother’s approval. Ever

When I was 7, I sensed I was different. That’s not the way boys talk. And when I was 9? That’s not what boys wear. We didn't have TV or the Internet back then. And when I was 11, every day at recess it seemed I found myself in the middle of a ring of boys egging on a fight. I don’t know if I asked for it. Maybe I did.

I did learn to choose my words carefully, and I was self-conscious about how I moved. I learned how to run and was successful. Athlete of the Year in High School.

I ran track in college. I also asked a hundred girls out and got as many rejections. What is wrong with me?

After college I joined the Air Force. This will fix it. Mandatory haircuts! But it didn’t. The time came for promotions from Captain to Major. One of the guys in the office said “Are you, you know?” I said “Don’t be an idiot.” Except I used a different word. And it was true, I wasn’t a “you know.” But I was different on the inside. You know?

So I did the only thing I knew to do. Hearing echoes of my mother, I got a haircut and got my picture taken for the promotion board. They say the camera never lies. The airman taking the picture frowned. He said “Smile.” Hmmm. “Try a scowl.” Hmmm. They went with the scowl. A few months later the Colonel called me into his office. He said I have bad news and some good news. “Oh oh.” The good news is you get a lump sum of $30K. Plus I’m putting you in for a Meritorious Service Medal. It’s the highest medal you can get short of being shot at in combat.

After I got out, we joined a conservative church. This will fix it. But it didn’t. Confession is good for the soul, right? I admitted to one of the elders that I felt different on the inside. “You have to suppress it,” he said.  I grew a beard.

Later I changed jobs. UPS is a conservative company. No facial hair policy. And haircuts are mandatory. But it didn’t change the inside.

Then came retirement. Freedom! I grew out my sideburns for a year. Then I grew out my beard for a year. But if you’re wired a certain way you can’t run from it. I’ve been running for 65 years. I’ve decided to let my hair down and paint rocks. My mother has been dead for 35 years. I have an appointment with a therapist in a couple of days!

How do you deal with conflict? Sometimes you find yourself in a ring with people egging you to do something that goes against your nature. Sometimes you rub people the wrong way. And sometimes you find yourself at war with yourself and you take it out on others.

Shakespeare once said. “To thine own self be true, and it follows as the night the day, thou canst not be false to any man.”

If the rocks could talk, what would they say. How about “You be you!” ** Hold up rock

 

 

 

 

[Betty K]

2 hours ago, AgnesBardsie said:

I admitted to one of the elders that I felt different on the inside. “You have to suppress it,” he said.

 

Holy cow, what advice! This is how people live, I guess. But I mean, it's one thing to suppress yourself, quite another to advise people who look up to you to do the same.

 

Anyway GREAT SPEECH Agnes. I love it! So courageous. Fantastic!

[Jani]

I hope it went as well as you hoped.  All my best to you!

[Aggie1]

2 hours ago, Jani said:

I hope it went as well as you hoped.  All my best to you!

 

Well, I did it. I could tell that people were processing what I had to say. I guess that means they were “listening,”  I could see the defenses go up. I know, I’ve been on that side myself. However, hopefully, the message will sink in and the next time someone is faced with an evaluation or a decision, they will slow down just a second, and listen, really listen.

 

Part of the defenses I think have to do with, now how do we relate to this person we thought we knew. It’s a process that will take time. I’m not sure exactly how I’m going to “relate” myself. However, now that I got over the massive inertia hurdle, it’s going to get easier.

 

I talked about this subject with my wife last night, I practiced the speech on her, and I was immensely relieved that she understood and is completely accepting. Such a huge burden! We talked a little about a wife-wife relationship. She’s comfortable with the idea.

 

Next step is to meet with a therapist in a couple of days and talk through everything I’m experiencing.

 

One step at a time!

 

 

[Jani]

Congratulations!  

1 hour ago, AgnesBardsie said:

I could see the defenses go up.

I hope there was no negativity at you.

 

1 hour ago, AgnesBardsie said:

Part of the defenses I think have to do with, now how do we relate to this person we thought we knew. It’s a process that will take time. I’m not sure exactly how I’m going to “relate” myself.

This is a great point to make, particularly as we transition after so many years.  I was fearful of this.  I think you will find you are the same person but with a new outlook.  I'm happy your wife is positive about this change.  

[Carolyn Marie]

It was an excellent speech, and you should be proud of it.  I wish I could have been there.  I hope it was well received.  I'm curious if you got any questions or comments afterwards and whether they were positive or negative?

 

Best of luck with your transition and your life, Agnes.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Aggie1]

1 hour ago, Jani said:

think you will find you are the same person but with a new outlook.  I'm happy your wife is positive about this change.  

She did say that she likes the new me much better than the old me. I’m not role playing anymore. I’m just being myself and it feels good

[Aggie1]

1 hour ago, Carolyn Marie said:

I'm curious if you got any questions or comments afterwards and whether they were positive or negative?

The meetings are highly structured. We start out with a round of table topics (1-2 minute responses to the theme of the day which was Valentine’s Day today). This is followed by 3 prepared speeches (typically 5-7 minutes) from a lesson plan. Each speech is evaluated by an evaluator (2-3 minutes). Yesterday my evaluator kiddingly asked me to deliberately throw in some fumbles so he would have something to criticize! LOL. He opened his evaluation by mentioning this and saying I had come through in flying colors in the challenging department. He gave me a fair evaluation and said it appeared a bit disjointed in places. I get that. I was trying to cram 65 years into 7 minutes and didn’t have a lot of time for smooth transitions.

 

the club name is Professionally Speaking and really caters to people trying to improve their business communication skills. However there are a hundred other clubs in the greater Portland Vancouver area and they run a wide gamut for interest and focus. I am sure I will be visiting other clubs in the future. I see this as a new outlet for my new identity.

[Susan R]

@AgnesBardsie This is a very nicely written speech and I’m sure it was delivered brilliantly. I am in awe of you for your moxie. It takes a lot of determination to go up and speak on this topic so personal to yourself. You stood up there knowing the audience is not only listening to your delivery but possibly judging you for it’s content which is so deeply part of you.

 

Your intro was wonderful. I like the way you used timing and delay strategies to get their attention. You set the tone so they knew what you were about to say would be profound. This has got to be a huge help not only in your public speaking abilities but in your overall self confidence about who you are.

 

Good Job, Agnes!

Susan R?

[Aggie1]

3 hours ago, Susan R said:

Your intro was wonderful. I like the way you used timing and delay strategies to get their attention. You set the tone so they knew what you were about to say would be profound. This has got to be a huge help not only in your public speaking abilities but in your overall self confidence about who you are.

You are now officially one of my mentors! Thank you so much! 
 

I read your blog and your personal journey and it had a profound effect on me and my decision making process.

 

thanks for listening! I can’t believe my journey is finally underway. It’s something I only ever dreamed of when I thought no one was listening!

[Susan R]

3 hours ago, AgnesBardsie said:

I can’t believe my journey is finally underway. It’s something I only ever dreamed of when I thought no one was listening!

We are all listening. It’s exciting to see others like yourself grow into their new life. I appreciate you taking the time to share bits and pieces with us here as they unfold. Now that your journey is finally underway, you’ll be experiencing some of the most amazing things along the way and life will be seen from a new perspective. I am so happy for you, Agnes!?

 

*HUGS*

Susan R?

[Confused1]

Hi Agnes,

 

I am happy your wife is supporting you and you wrote and gave an excellent speech.

 

Hugs,

Mike

[KayC]

20 hours ago, AgnesBardsie said:

Part of the defenses I think have to do with, now how do we relate to this person we thought we knew.

Thank you for sharing that, Agnes!  I think I told you before I connect with so much of your story.  Like you, worried about how others who thought they knew me will relate to me afterwards is a major obstacle for me to Come Out. 

 

I believe you will find therapy extremely rewarding and beneficial.  Congratulations on your strength and determination❣️

[Jani]

17 hours ago, AgnesBardsie said:

thanks for listening! I can’t believe my journey is finally underway. It’s something I only ever dreamed of when I thought no one was listening!

@AgnesBardsie We are all listening Dear.  While some folks don't post or reply often we all read and see the messages of others.  

 

It is exciting when we first start out, its almost dreamlike in it's feeling.  Reality sets in soon enough as we get down to the business of moving forward.  Make sure you stay focused and remain happy.  This is life altering and should be enjoyable.  

 

Hugs, Jani